Note to readers: The above paragraph has not been approved by CC staff and at no time is The Dude’s identity going to ever be revealed in any way *wink wink*

Rosh Hashana is the beginning of the New Year according to the Jewish calendar. That’s right, Jews have their own calendar. Because we’re more than 3,000 years older as a civilization than Christians. Y’all came along and created your own calendar and stamped your own 1 AD on it. So, while it’s the year 2011 for you, the chosen folks are starting year 5772. Rosh Hashana is also the start of the High Holidays for practitioners of the Jewish faith that culminates with the most sacred day of the year, Yom Kippur (that day all of you goys get a day off from classes for but can’t pronounce). Yom Kippur is known as the Day of Atonement. For the entire last month of the Jewish calendar leading up to Rosh Hashana you’re required to begin mulling over all the crap you’ve done in the past year that you should feel the need to atone for. It’s like baking a lasagna comprised of 12 different kinds of guilt. (Editor’s note: that sounds awfully Catholic to us…)

Now, I’m not from an Orthodox family. Mildly conservative might be stretching it even. With each successive generation the devotion to practicing every ritual and attending services every Saturday has diminished. Maybe it’s a sign of the times, maybe we’re just bad Jews, and maybe both. I don’t know. This is just how it is with my family history. But when it comes to the High Holidays, we get our yarmulkes on our heads and our talit on our shoulders. We dig deep and we dig into the spirit of the holiday: getting together with a lot of relatives, eating a lot of food, partaking of the holy sacrament and gossiping!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my family’s nothing but gossip-mongers. I admit it freely. If there’s a secret, there isn’t.

Now my favorite Rosh Hashana story deals with my sophomore year of college in ____. Not a great time for my family. My sister’s father wasn’t on speaking terms with my sister but he’s best friends with my Pop Pop, so he was invited. My brother in-law’s mother had some kind of a thing between my sister and her husband, my parents were dealing with fallout over my grandpa’s declining health — basically half of the room was pissed at the other half. If it were to be properly written, one would describe the atmosphere as: “a room wrought with tension.” (If I give off the impression that my family tree has many boughs, it’s because we do. Our family motto is: “Cats only get nine lives but you can have as many divorces as you want!”

Coming home from ______, I’d had full privy to all the skinny. Like I said, my family likes to talk about each other behind their backs (and really, what family doesn’t, right?). Now, granted, I was a little worse for wear when I entered the festivities that my parents had “volunteered” to throw. After all, I was back in ______ and had reconnected with some of my high school pals. Hey, being hungover to a family gathering isn’t really a sin (right?). Or at least not a rarity so *shrugs shoulders.* My headache was expecting the worse: tantrums, battery and possibly an awkward physical exchange (I’d use the term “fight” except I don’t think anyone in my family has purposefully made contact with another human being with the intent to injure).

As I watched and waited for the powder keg to erupt I…kept waiting…and waiting…and then I noticed something: no one was yelling at each other (more than usual). Everyone who wasn’t on speaking terms was actually conversing. Those who’d sworn revenge against each other were telling old stories and laughing. LAUGHING! And that’s when it hit me. What was remarkable about my family, and I think is indicative of a lot of Jewish families, hopefully yours too, was that we found a way to cherish one another despite all the bull*hit going on.

When it comes to family there’ll always be major disagreements and shameful acts (we’ve had dognappers, embezzlers, mafia ties, murder rumors and girlfriend beaters). But no matter the personal grudge, no matter the fact that tomorrow the blood feud will be as fiery as yesterday, on this day of celebration, we unite and love each other. For better or worse. We embrace denial and revel in nostalgia. That’s my favorite Rosh Hashana story: Discovering how insurmountable our power to love each other is. I’ll never forget it. Because we’re family. We have to try. At least try. As long as we put in the effort, there’s a spark of encouragement that everything can be atoned for.

A new year brings hope for reconciliation. A new year brings hope for new love. There’s a new chance to make amends with others and with ourselves. May this New Year bring you more blessings than curses.

Shana Tova,

The Dude

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (or even how to pronounce that mumbo jumbo), allow me to explain.

Wednesday at sundown is the start of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. It’s one of the happiest and holiest days of the year, filled with fun (and a few…er….interesting) traditions. And a lot of praying. For those of you who’ve never celebrated before or are wondering why all your Jewish friends get excused absences from class during the first week (how unfair!), allow me to guide you through some of the finer points of our celebration (and show you that we’re not just playing hookie for no reason here).

And for all you non-Jews out there: if you can swing it, secure yourself an invite to Rosh Hashanah dinner. The food is good, the wine is plentiful, and there’s bound to be an interesting character (or 2) at the table. Here is everything you need to know:

The Deal: Rosh Hashanah, which starts at sundown and lasts for two days, is the start of the Jewish calendar. It’s not as big or booze-filled as the New Years you’ll celebrate in December/January (actually, it’s more family and prayer filled), but it’s a celebration nonetheless. We dress up, go to temple, sing, dance, and eat. It’s a time to celebrate the end of one year and look forward to another, complete with resolutions, making amends, and family gatherings. It’s also filled with symbolism, which we love. And food. Did I mention we’re big on food?

Apples and Honey: Apples and honey are a traditional part of the Rosh Hashanah celebration. They symbolize our hope for a sweet new year, the round shape of the apple symbolizes the circle of life, and honey was traditionally a reward for those who excelled in their studies during the previous year (sorta how we college students think of beer). Not to mention the fact that apples and honey are just plain tasty. Nom.

Fish Heads: Okay, so this one kinda grosses me out but, yes, traditionally, people do in fact consume the head of a fish. This is to symbolize that this is the “head” of the new year. Don’t worry, you can pass on this one and stick to the challah. Go dip it in some honey to cleanse your pallet.

The Shofar: Students at the University of Miami may recall a crazy guy standing in the breezeway in past years blowing into some kind of animal horn. Yeah, reading that sentence over, I do realize how ridiculous it all sounds. But it’s not. In fact, that was our program director, and more recently our rabbi, advertising for services by blowing the shofar, a ram’s horn that is treated and used to call people together to celebrate the holiday. The sound is supposed to awaken our souls to God, and the ram’s horn itself is reminiscent of Abraham’s sacrifice (when his faith was tested by God, who told him to sacrifice his son, Isaac, God sent an angel to stop Abraham when his faith was proven pure, and Abraham sacrificed the ram instead as a thank-you for being allowed to keep the son his wife Sarah had waited decades for. Gotta love bible stories.)

Tashlich: (Come on, there had to be something hard to pronounce here!) Tashlich is the Jewish tradition of casting one’s sins into the sea. On the second day of Rosh Hashanah, we gather at the ocean, river, or some other body of water (technically it’s supposed to be a moving body of water if you can find one) and empty our pockets of the crumbs that have accumulated over the course of the year. If you don’t have any (because how many of us really store food in our pockets anymore?), or just want to make it easier on yourself, you can also just take pieces of bread and throw them into the water instead. The idea is that these crumbs represent your sins, and by casting them into the water, you’re cleaning out and starting fresh for the new year. (Note: for us college students, you might wanna grab a full loaf….)

Despite all the crazy traditions and such, Rosh Hashanah is mostly about togetherness and about celebrating a new beginning (with fish heads). Whether or not you’re Jewish, observant, or anything else, it’s a time to spend with those you love and to make a new start. So grab some honey, find some friends and have a happy new year, everybody!

Let the God Squad show you how.

The “Divas” rocked it out last night.

The Real Housewives to get their own clothing line.

Community Service does Chris Brown’s body goooood.

Can you spot a liar?

Mama Jackson just got paid. A lot.

This series is meant to provide advice for getting the most out of college, rather than just getting through it. So far we've already discussed having a professor as a BFF, checking out what's going on in your college town, and now we're going to talk about extracurriculars - the ones you never thought you'd join!]

This generation of college gals are smart, savvy, and driven. Do you want to be a CEO of your own company one day? You’re probably already president of your college’s Business Leaders of Tomorrow club. Are you an up-and-coming style maven? No doubt you’re involved with your school’s Passion for Fashion group.

Yeah, being involved in career-minded clubs are definitely a must these days if you want to make connections, but what about joining a club…just for fun? It may seem difficult, especially when it’s so hard to manage school, friends, guys, a job, and elusive “me” time. However, if you take the plunge and join a club you never thought you would, a lot of things could happen.

First of all, joining a club for fun might lead you onto a completely different career path. Not that everything you do in college has to be future-oriented, but there are plenty of roads to success that don’t follow a “traditional” educational route. Have you seen Tina Fey’s awesome impersonations of Sarah Palin on SNL lately? She didn’t get a degree in Hilarity Studies to snag that gig. If you’re the “funny one” of your group of friends, or just a big comedy fan, why not stop in on a meeting of your campus’ improv group? You may discover you’re just as good at scoring laughs as Ms. Fey.

By the same token, f you’re always the one busting a move at mixers, or glue yourself to the couch whenever So You Think You Can Dance comes on, look into joining the dance troupe. And if you were always good at Spanish in high school but chose to devote your undergrad years to chem labs, maybe drop in on Foreign Language Club meetings to rediscover an old passion.

Furthermore, joining a new club will get you out of your dorm and into a new social circle. Sure, we all have our core group of friends, but do you ever feel like you’re doing the same old things all the time? If you’re looking for excitement, joining a new club just might jumpstart your social life. Most clubs will not only meet on campus but host or sponsor events in the community. Poetry or literary clubs will often hold open mics throughout the year–something to look into if you’re an inner poet or rapper who wants some exposure. Cultural clubs like Hillel or the Asian Student Union will certainly throw parties on holidays like Rosh Hashanah and Chinese New Year (plus, who doesn’t love free food?). And the pals you make from joining a new club can connect you to other fun things going on around campus you may never have heard about.

And joining a club for fun means there’s no “political” pressure to run for treasurer or president just so it looks good on your resume. You can attend meetings when you like, socialize with who you like, and get involved at your own leisure. Best of all, college is a time when you have an enormous amount of opportunities to try new things at very little cost and without expectations of following up. If you want to take a dance class after graduation it’ll cost you at least $15 a pop. So what do you have to lose? Get out there and break a leg!

[Come back to find out the next must-do on my list: Live With Strangers!]

Today is the first full day of Rosh Hashanah, which means that I just spent 4 hours thanking God for everything he has given me in the past year (followed, of course, by a large and delicious meal). While in synogogue, I thanked the Big Guy upstairs for my family, my friends, my education and the fact that my money is still safe in a bank somewhere.

I also thanked him for my wonderful job, my great hair and the awesome deal I got on that green pashmina I wore to services.

I thought I covered it all until I got home and realized I left a major “Thank You, GOD” out: a hearty thank you for all the super hot Jews in Hollywood. And for the DVR that allows me to record them, the iPod that allows me to hear them and the vivid dreams that allow me to…er…interact with them.

It doesn’t matter if you are Jewish, Christian, Hindu, or Agnostic; I think we all owe someone a giant thank you for these boys. (Click on the pic for more delicious pics!)

So yeah.  At the moment, the world is stuck on “panic”.

But here’s a funny video that involves a baby.  Whenever we want to panic, we sit back and think about cute babies and things usually go back to normal.  Maybe the government should start watching more YouTube videos that involve cute little chubby baby cheeks?

PS: We're slightly concered about what was done to this kid to make him cry on cue...

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