In case you haven’t heard, tonight is the biggest, baddest and most important VP debate EVER.

And nothing goes better with big, bad and important events quite like drinking games. We at CC have created a drinking game worthy of the event, so grab your friends (bonus if they are on the other team…it just makes everything more fun), all the essentials, and get your political game on!

What you will need:

Beer: 2 kinds are necessary: a quality brew of your choice, and a blue-collar variety (we prefer PBR).

Vodka: Stoli, straight from Palin’s neighbor, Russia, is best

A stack of dollar bills: You know you’ve been storing your money under the mattress lately, anyway.

A cheap bottle of wine

A tube of lipstick

The Rules:

Every time Sarah Palin:

- Mentions Russia: take a shot of Vodka

- Dances around an answer/rambles on about nonsense: chug your beer

- Mentions her children: take a drink

- Mentions hockey moms/being a hockey mom: put on some lipstick and drink

- Makes reference to the inexperience of Barack Obama: chug your beer

- Mentions doing everything we have to do to protect Democracy in the Middle East: punch your neighbor and drink their beer

- Changes the subject from something politically relevant and important to something about the Middle East or Oil: drink while chanting, “AMERICA IS #1!”

- Mentions the Bridge to Nowhere: scream, “Thanks but no thanks,” and take a shot of vodka. Then tell everyone you didn’t take a shot of vodka.

Every time Joe Biden:

- Mentions Scranton, PA: chug your beer

- Mentions taking the train home every night: drink

- Offers reasons why he can identify with the middle class: chug a PBR

- Says something really dumb that could potentially ruin his career: drink

- Backs off out of fear of looking like a villain who hates women: call him a pussy and sip a glass of red wine (with your pinky up).

- Mentions Sarah Palin’s lack of experience: drink

- Looks visibly pained by the sound of Palin’s voice: take 2 shots of Vodka (and consider a few Advil, too)

Every time either candidate:

- Mentions the current economic crisis/bailout plan: make it rain and chug some beer

- Mentions “Wall Street and Main Street”: chug a beer (PBR preferred)

- Cuts the other one off: drink twice

- Bashes George W. Bush: put on some music and dance

The debate is on at 9pm tonight, so pack up the books and gather round the tele. This is gonna be good.

For more political/drinking fun, join CollegeCandy’s Facebook group!

-The New Russia

Does Russia actually have the national cojones to start a second Cold War? Honestly, it seems unlikely; as a nation, we’re not as fresh around nukes as we used to be, and I’d hope there have been enough near misses since then that’d we’d be leery of another round of brinkmanship. But it’s clear that the Motherland is tired of playing second fiddle to emerging powerhouses like China, and with all the god-knows-what they’ve been getting into recently, we’ll definitely want a Prez who can play both hardball and group hugs with the Russians. Of course, this probably won’t affect the average college student much, though you might want to bug your facilities management about getting some sturdier desks.

- Social Services

Even if you’re neither part of the LGBT community nor the unfortunate bearer of an unwanted pregnancy, issues of gay marriage and abortion rights probably won’t be far from your mind this election – especially with newly veep’d Palin’s tough pro-life position. These issues might not radically alter the course of the average college student’s life – though in some cases, they will – but they function as convenient barometers of our moral position as a country. They’re good banners to wave, and it’s been a while since some of us have been proud of our country’s moral philosophy. And if you think they’re silly, irrelevant issues, without the substance of “the economy” or “war”, there are plenty of voters who don’t: the moral majority is coming, and they have pitchforks.

- The Race and Sex Cards

Both parties are now set to rock the history textbooks: come January, when the new president is sworn in, we’ll have either a black man or a white woman holding a higher American political office than ever before. And we’re going to have to turn from our television sets and ask ourselves: are we a fundamentally different country? Have we turned a corner in the history of equality and diversity? When we look out at our campuses, do we still see all the white students and black students grouping together, and do we still see the same amount of violence against women? The molasses of change runs slowly, but it starts at the top; whoever we put in the White House will probably echo their way into social life for a while.

- Climate Change

The way we’re going now, it doesn’t really matter how the Iraq war, or any other war, turns out. It doesn’t matter how the loan crisis ends. You see, some smart science folks have a clock, and when the clock reaches midnight, we all blow up. We are all dead. Complete nuclear holocaust – or, as of the last time they moved the hand closer to the big 12, climate catastrophe. Climate change has become as scary as The Bomb. Sea levels rising, sudden increase in severe storms, mass extinctions, eruption of regional conflicts over energy sources – Hurricane Katrina was only the beginning. Sure, it’s not a definite thing; the IPCC report lists the probability of humans screwing up the weather, for example as merely “more likely than not”. But is a category 5 hurricane all up in your business something you want to leave to “likely” chance? How about total Armageddon?

Vote, people.

If you haven’t heard, Russia decided to go wave their giant international schlong around in the Georgian region of South Ossetia last week. And then, since Georgia’s military consists of two tanks and a three-legged dog, they decided to just run all over the damn place – go for the gold, perhaps. Oh, hey, how topical.

Russia, what gives? Were you thinking that everyone was too enthralled with the Olympics to notice? We’re not blind, Russia. We see you over there. Mr. “I’m only the Prime Minister” Putin, wipe that snide smile off your face, you’re not fooling anyone. We are ready for swift, decisive action. It’s not like we’re too busy chumming it up with the women’s volleyball team or anything.

Russia, really, we’re sorry you haven’t had a bona fide invasion in sixty-odd years. We know your country is huge and hard to invade. We know you just want to sit in your snow palaces and chortle heartily as the fascist armies starve to death on the tundra. But could you at least have waited until the world-wide quadrennial moment of community was over? Man, we really had some spirit going on.

Couldn’t the one-sided massacre of civillians in a thinly veiled land grab along with grotesque human rights violations have waited at least until after the BMX competition? Maybe?

Not like anyone’s surprised, of course. Government people have a pretty terrible record of ruining the fun of decent, normal human beings. Let’s have a look back at some of their more belligerent moments:

- The upcoming Democratic convention

I love politics: the back-and-forth verbal fencing, the earnest campaign volunteers with bake sales, the YouTube dance remixes of embarassing gaffes. It’s all so invigorating! And I love huge mobs of people all standing around in the same place — that’s just a fun thing, right? So the Democratic convention should really be a nonstop festival of fun and games.

Except that someone couldn’t keep it in his pants for five minutee, and so now we’ll all have to worry about these domestic issues. Can’t we just have a stress-free convention for once? Last time, it was “damnit! why did we choose such a creepy, bland old man to run for the White House”; now it’s “damnit! I just can’t concentrate on the forces of change that are sweeping the country — I need to know where else Edwards’ dick has been!”

- The 1936 Summer Olympics

These aren’t the only Olympics that stupid jerks have managed to screw up. You know who opened the 1936 Summer Olympics? Adolf Hitler, better known as the worst guy ever. I don’t know who thought it’d be a good idea to invite that cranky douchebag, especially when we had so many awesome people like Jesse Owens showing up (giving racism the “knock-out punch” All right!) Like, can you imagine being there, watching the Olympics on your hand-crank TV, and going “Wait, what? Who? Is that…?” Yeah. I know. It is.

- The Cold War

This is really inexcusable. While most of us were trying to have the Sixties (and Seventies, and Eighties…), a bunch of old guys who like making up acronyms thought it would be funny if we all just trembled in fear of apocalyptic firestorms that would explode out of our toilets. It wasn’t funny, old guys, though I understand how frustrating it must be not to be getting any in the age of Free Love. Big props to the folks at NORAD, though, for keeping tabs on Santa Claus; if only we’d spent the rest of our national defense budget on jolly fat toymakers, maybe we could have played Scrabble with the Viet Cong instead of shooting at them. Oh, well.

- The Dinosaurs

Damnit! Dinosaurs make the worst decisions. You know what I bet? I bet the mass extinction of the coolest creatures ever to tread this earth had nothing to do with a meteor or climate change or volcanic eruptions. I bet the Dinosaur Council of Dinosaurs ended up passing some bill that was like “Hey, let’s all go stop eating food and see what happens”. I bet that’s exactly what they did, because the Dinosaur Council had no foresight, and then they went extinct and now we will never see a Tyrannosaurus Rex in downtown NYC during rush hour. I hate the stupid Dinosaur Council!

Oddly, these two news stories are more Orwellian than Orwell.First we have this little ditty. It’s an article about how the Russian government dropped cement from sky-high heights through the roof of an unsuspecting citizen.

What’s odd about this (besides the obvious falling-cement thing) is that this happened because, in preparation for Russia Day (?!), the government was “seeding the clouds:” inserting liquid nitrogen, cement powder, and silver iodide into the clouds so that it won’t rain. And what’s more, they’ve been doing it for the past 20 years.

That’s right, friends. On Russia Day, all skies must be clear, by order of the government. Do the citizens know this? Or do they think that it’s a miracle that it never rains on national holidays?

On to the next creepy government story.

In Romania, citizens so despised the living candidates that they reelected a dead mayor. For realz.

Yeah, they knew he was dead. So what? As one profound villager says, “I know he died, but I don’t want a change.”

Gosh, if we knew it was that easy, we could have all just voted for JFK every year.

Oddly, neither of these two tales is from the good ol’ USA. Is our government slacking off in its world-renowned Big Brother ways? Is the news just tired of reporting it? Or have we, finally and just in time for the new election, just become complacent?

[Image courtesy of http://capefeare.com/]

I am sad to announce that legendary fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent passed away in Paris on Sunday at the age of 71. He is best known for redesigning “men’s clothes” for women through creations such as his infamous tux of 1966 and trademark elegant pantsuit. As one commentator put it, “Chanel gave women freedom” in the first half of the 20th century, and Saint Laurent “gave them power”.

In Other News,

Hilary Clinton emerged triumphant from Sunday’s primary in Puerto Rico yet it is doubtful that this will be enough to stop her downhill spiral. On Tuesday, the remaining 31 delegates will be decided as voters in Montana and South Dakota go to the polls for the Democratic Party’s final two primaries. Obama is approximately 50 delegates away from the 2,118 needed to secure the party’s nomination.

A massive fire raged through Universal Studios in Los Angeles for nearly 10 hours on Sunday. The fire damaged a sound stage, movie sets, and attractions including a famous alley from “The Sting” and a set from “Back to the Future”. The cause of the fire is still unknown.

International Wrap-up:

Election day violence in Macedonia left one dead and nine wounded.

Twenty Russian gay rights activists held a protest in Moscow today in spite of city officials continued refusal to allow parades or demonstrations. Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov has in the past called homosexuality “santanic”. Russia decriminalized homosexuality in 1993.

South Africa has said it will set up seven camps throughout the country to receive the 70,000 migrant workers displaced by the past weeks’ violent rampages. Aid agencies protest that the South African government lacks the expertise necessary for such an endeavor. According to officials, 56 people have been killed and over 650 injured.

Meanwhile in Zimbabwe, tensions are mounting leading up to the June 27th presidential run-off between incumbent dictator Robert Mugabe and Morgan Tsvangirai. On Saturday, the BBC reported that Major General Martin Chedondo told troops that they must leave the army unless they plan to vote for Mugabe. Such admonishment echoes the stance of Zimbabwe’s Generals who have vowed never to support a Tsvangirai government.

And Now For Something Complete Different…

I’m sure by now you’ve heard all about Japan’s coffin-like businessman hotel rooms, sandwiched subways, and traffic nightmares… but what about phantom closet dwellers? According to Reuters, on Friday a 57-year old man in Japan found a 58-year old woman living in his closet. Seriously. Apparently the man had become suspicious when food kept disappearing from his kitchen and decided to set up a hidden camera. He sent the images to the local police who found the woman hiding in a closet along with a mattress and several plastic drinking bottles.

It’s time for your daily dose of news with Kandy Korrespondent!

The Myanmar death toll from Saturday’s Cyclone Nargis is now estimated at 22,500 with 41,000 still missing. Despite such a large body count, Myanmar’s government has thus far only given a few aid organizations access. According to the New York Times, UN disaster assessment officials were still waiting for visas as of Tuesday night.

You can help! The following aid organizations are working to send aid to Myanmar, World Vision, Save the Children, Foundation Burma, and Direct Relief International.

In yesterday’s presidential primary, Obama secured North Carolina with a 14% margin, and Clinton barely squeaked by with a 2% margin. Indiana proved to be a tougher battle ground than most expected. It was after 1am before CNN and other TV networks called the state decisively for Senator Clinton.

Check out my real time continuing coverage from last night to find out more.

Dmitry Medvedev takes office today as Russian President with ex-president Vladimir Putin as his Prime Minister. Many believe that Medvedev will simply be a puppet of the Prime Minister, thereby allowing Putin to retain the outward appearance of constitutionality even as he continues to control Russia.

In related news, on Tuesday, a Georgian State Minister told reports in Brussels that the situation between his country and Russia was “very close” to war. Russia began sending extra troops to the Georgian breakaway province of Abkhazia last week to counter supposed Georgian plans to attack the province.

Seventy-five San Diego State University students have been arrested during a drug bust. Apparently undercover narcotics officers infiltrated SDSU frat houses and allegedly uncovered an extensive drug-dealing network.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

On Saturday, the Austrian national rugby suffered a humiliating loss to Lithuania 48-0. To sooth their wounded male egos, the team staged a massive striptease in the Lithuanian capital of Vilnus. The spectacle was caught on video and uploaded to the net and then to a Lithuanian news agency. The Lithuanian rugby federation President Aleksandras Makarenka told Reuters,

“Yes, these were the men we played against on Saturday … I guess the defeat could have prompted them to do that.”

Thats the News. See you tomorrow!

As the price at the pump soars beyond $4 in some parts of the country, President Bush attempted to distance himself from the crisis, stating during Tuesday’s news conferences,

“I firmly believe that, you know, if there was a magic wand to wave, I’d be waving it, of course […] I’ve repeatedly submitted proposals to help address these problems, yet time after time Congress chose to block them.”

These proposals for the most part have to do with allowing the construction of more coal and nuclear plants and opening of an Alaska wildlife refuge to oil drilling.

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer then responded to the President’s criticism of Congress by stating,

“The president has proclaimed that he is ‘the decider,’ but this morning all he tried to do is pass the buck to someone else rather than accept responsibility for his administration’s failed economic policies and escalating gas prices.”

In related news, on Tuesday Federal Judge Claudia Wilken ordered the Bush administration to decide on whether to place the polar bear on the endangered species list by May 15th. The inclusion of the polar bear on the list will hamper the future of oil and gas development in the Artic circle.

On Tuesday, Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama denounced Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s comments made on Monday at the National Press Club as hatemongering and “divisive”. He told reporters in Winston Salem, North Carolina, that “Whatever relationship I had with Reverend Wright has changed as a consequence of this.”

Family members of the 81 victims linked to tainted Herapin, a blood thinner used during kidney dialysis, called upon Congress to take measures to protect patients from unsafe drugs. The drug was recalled in February following the FDA’s discovery of a contaminant in several batches of the drug. There is some thought that the contamination was deliberate.

A Story to Keep an Eye on:

Tensions are building up to a dangerous level between Russia and Georgia over the breakaway province of Azbhazia. An unmanned Georgian drone was shot down last week while flying over Azbhazia. Georgia claims a Russian jet shot it down, Russia of course denies this, and Azbkhaz rebels meanwhile claim that they actually they shot it down—so who knows what really happened. On Tuesday, Georgia retaliated by warning it will block Russia’s entry into the World Trade Organization.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

(…and rather disgusting)

Seven German artists along with their lice, yes lice, are being hosted at the Museum of Bat Yam in Israel as part of the gallery’s exhibit around the theme of “hosting”. In addition to stirring controversy in the art world, the exhibit indirectly touches upon the tainted relations between Germans and Jews–Nazi propaganda characterized Jews as parasites. But so far the exhibit seems to be going well; one of the artists, Stefan Reuter, said “People ask about it – we had one woman who came and thanked us for making such a great statement against the fascist rhetoric of German history.”

Ick. I’m sorry… as moving as this all is given the history of these two groups, they have head lice!

That’s it for today. See you tomorrow!