So today is Sadie Hawkins Day, and if you’re like me and were raised in a town where this meant us girls finally got a chance to take the power into our own hands and ask the guy of their choice on a date, you are sadly mistaken.

Yes, this is a holiday where the roles are reversed.
Yes, the girl does get to ask the guy of her choice.
No, this is not an act of empowerment; it is an act of desperation.

The day (and, later, the dance) was actually invented by Sadie Hawkins’ father, who could not get Sadie married off due to her “homely appearance.” AKA: she was hog ass ugly. He declared a foot race in which Sadie would chase (literally) all the men in the town until she caught one, and that slow but lucky fella’ would become her husband, if not willingly, then at gunpoint. For some god-awful reason, the town loved this idea so much that they made it a mandatory yearly event.

Sounds like some awful form of fraternity hazing, am I right?

In actuality, Sadie Hawkins day is not about empowering women to make the first move. It’s about women who are so ass ugly that no man would ever consider dating them, making a desperate final attempt to not end up alone.

How Romantic.