This week, while college students everywhere bum out before classes begin, some celebs broke up, some got together, some were just plain crazy, and Snooki made books a joke. In other words, after a few weeks of relatively little gossip, a lot of marriages and proposals, and a lot of break-ups, it looks like celebrities have finally gotten back into their old random ways. Yay!

Winter Break Spent Drinking With Friends

1. Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez were spotted kissing – and the crazy death threats began. You would never think that an innocent relationship between two of young Hollywood’s cutest stars would cause 12-year-old girls all over the world pronouncing death threats – but then I guess you can if that relationship involves the Biebs. After weeks of rumors over whether or not Selena & Justin were dating, the two were photographed kissing and snuggling in little bathing suits (Sigh… it pains me that a 16 and 18-year-old have more a more fabulous life than me). Crazy fans immediately went crazier, tweeting all kinds of death threats to Selena. Girls… did you really think one of you would end up with Justin? Really?

2. David Arquette checked himself into rehab. Apparently, he just couldn’t handle his split from Courteney Cox. Seriously – during an interview on the Howard Stern show, he said that according to his psychologist, he was having a “nervous breakdown”. He also admitted, “I’ve been drinking a lot because I’m heartbroken.” Aw – I actually feel sorry for him. Sources say rehab was much needed. Who knows, maybe this divorce won’t go through after all.

3. Lindsay Lohan is a stalker? Lindsay Lohan got out of rehab only to do more insane things – honestly, is anyone even a little bit surprised? I mean, really, get it together, girl. Her latest crazy act? Buying a beach house RIGHT NEXT to her ex, Samantha Ronson – yes, the same Sam Ronson who has threatened her with restraining orders in the past. And then, in typical Lindsay fashion, Lindsay denied the whole thing, claiming that she had no idea she was moving next to Sam. Um… no words.

4. Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal are over. So soon? I had a feeling that this was just a little too weird to last. Taylor and Jake ended their super-short relationship, supposedly because of the age difference. Cue the rumors that Taylor’s already writing a song about him, Jake is gay, and they did it for publicity. I actually can’t wait to see which random guy she ends up with next. Oh, and Popeater.com actually imagined that song for Taylor.

5. Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin broke up. I feel like a terrible celebrity gossip blogger for even saying this but, um – did anyone else not have a clue that these two were dating? Apparently they were, for seven long years. According to Kunis’ rep, the two are remaining friends. I guess this breakup couldn’t have come at a worse time – Mila is finally getting noticed by everyone for how awesome she is, thanks to Black Swan. No offense to Macaulay, but… I’m pretty sure she could do a little bit better.

Winter Break Spent Taking a Class

1. Jamie Pressley was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. On Wednesday night, Jamie was pulled over for a traffic violation and hit with a sobriety test – then arrested. Ouch. I’m sure more details will come out about this soon, but for now…I can’t wait to see her mug shot.

2. LeAnn Rimes probably got a boob job. LeAnn was photographed looking amazing in a bikini, and her boobs were obviously bigger. She hasn’t really confirmed or denied it, but, come on, let’s be serious. Take a look at the before and after pictures, and it’s pretty clear that she had work done. A source claims she did, and LeAnn has been making sly little comments on her Twitter, like, “The rumors are true… Eddie got chest implants.”

3. Excerpts from Snooki’s book were released, and the entire literary world cringed. Don’t get me wrong – I love me some Jersey Shore. I mean, I have a seriously unhealthy addiction to that ridiculous show. But just thinking about Snooki having a book published makes me irrationally angry. And once I read the excerpts, all that anger was justified. One line reads, “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.” Snooki: please stick to tanning and drinking on the Shore, and never do this to us again.

4. Are Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds dating?! Those are the rumors. The two were spotted hanging out on New Years Eve, and of course, everyone’s been talking about it. They’re both newly single, they’re both beautiful, and they were so totally adorable together in The Proposal – I can’t help but hope it’s true.

5. Three people died in Hollywood this week. Sigh. I hate deaths. Gerry Rafferty, the founder of the Stealers Wheel, died at the age of 63 on Jan. 4 after a battle with a long illness. Actor Pete Postlethwaite , who Steven Spielberg called “the best actor in the world”, died from cancer at age 64. And Bill Erwin, an actor from Seinfeld, died at age 96 from old age. Rest in peace.

Is it just me or does it just feel wrong when Kanye smiles?

Let’s be serious, this year’s VMA’s were quite lackluster. And not just because I didn’t report on the red carpet this year. I expected to tune in for the lolz, dramz and maybe a few interruptions or two. All I got was into a freaking Delorean and rocketed back to 1999 where I saw the likes of Usher, Eminem and Linkin Park performing with lasers everywhere, a la J.Lo’s “Waiting for Tonight” music video. Oh, those 5th grade memories.

Somehow, between two hours of commercials and a mediocre-at-best pre-show episode of Jersey Shore (which I’m also recapping in this post, because I believe in synergy and cohesion… as does MTV), MTV managed to make a lovely Lady Gaga hour for everyone. And Cher was there too. And some chick that looked like a low-budget version of Pink. Seriously, who was that? What a waste. I should’ve watched Entourage. Thank God for DVR. However, there were a few highlights in last night’s show, so let’s review: the highs and the lows.

10. DeadMau5
As I expressed in the liveblog, I’m very concerned for DeadMau5. Can he breathe in that hat thing? What about his neck snapping? Is he really just Samantha Ronson in a mouse hat? I guess the special effects looked cool and it’s true, I really just couldn’t stop the fistpump all night.

9. Nikki Minaj’s Booty
It’s big, people. And possibly the biggest star of the show.

8. Justin Bieber
Seriously, could he be more perfect? All I want to do is have him narrate my life to me in his beautiful singing voice all day. Except, what was with the little kids in the performance? Were they solely there to make him look slightly older than the tender age of 16? I also worry about him hitting puberty. Will he grow ugly like the youngest brother on Home Improvement or, worse, will his voice change? I do have to give the boy props, though; homeboy did beat that beat on the drums. Word.

7. Chelsea Handler’s Hosting
Let’s face it, she was bombed. Grenaded, if you will. She is much funnier on her own show and clearly was a bit nervous (on top of being high as a kite. Her words, not mine). The in-between sketches didn’t rock and only about three of her lines were hits. However, I did appreciate her getting up in that hot tub with the J.Shore cast.

6. Lady Gaga’s Meat Market
Was she really wearing an uncooked filet mignon on her head?

5. Linkin Park
I had no idea this band was even still around, nor did I care. The fact that they were the second to last performance was embarrassing. Clean it up, MTV.

4. LocaLohan
Seems Lindsay Lohan isn’t even good at acting when she’s playing herself.

3. Jersey Shore
Jersey Shore, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I’m very glad that MTV is milking this show for all that it’s worth and we got a lovely sneak peek during the VMAs of the new cast member, helloooo cig voice. On top of all that, there was some mention/shot of Jersey Shore cast members approximately every 10 mintues of the VMAs. Not to mention, we were graced with an extra-special episode of the Jersey Shore at 7:00 that frankly doesn’t even warrant a full post.

Here were the highlights:

• Vinny got ditched by a club dancer (single tear) and wasted a perfectly good haircut and bouquet on her, even though he pathetically begged her for a date. You can do better, Vin.
• Angelina is playing Jose, and still remains unattractive and annoying.
• The Situation got owned… and it kinda ruled.
• Sammi sucks.
• Ronnie sucks.
• Not enough JWoww and Snooki.

Good enough? Expect a more cohesive recap on Friday morning regarding this Thursday’s upcoming episode.

2. Taylor Swift’s Tearjerker
What a miserable, miserable performance. Did anyone notice she was barefoot the whole time? I am so sick of this girl and our recap put it best saying, “I was really hoping this new song would be called ‘Thank you for making my career, Kanye West.’” Instead, we got some victim-playing boo-hoo crybaby nonsense that wasn’t interrupted. With red lipstick. Wah wah wah wah. Boring.

1. Aziz Ansari and Kanye West
The only things that saved the show was Aziz’s brilliant, hysterical introduction of Mr. West (welcome back to the throne) and Kanye’s Grade A performance (in that sick suit). The downside? No duet with Ms. Swift. Oh no, we all know that she is far too “classy” to perform with him. Let’s have a toast for the douchebags. I think we all know who came out on top.

While this whole reduced sentence thing is totally great for Linds, it still completely sucks for us.  She was so inconsiderate to be incarcerated during the summer.  Seriously!  Most of our fave TV shows are on hiatus, the celebs have shipped out to various luxury islands, and the three-year-old sitting next to me just bit a chunk out of my Us Weekly (ugh, babysitting).

Fear not, because in a moment of absolute panic I devised a brilliant schedule to keep us entertained while Lindsay knits leggings in jail.  After all, what do they say to do after a loved one departs?  Gotta keep busy!

Day 1: Today is a day for reflection.  We, as a society, need to look at what we have done to drive the Queen of Spandex into a bottomless downward spiral.  I encourage everyone to watch The Parent Trap and shed a tear for the good ol’ days.  Rice crispy treats and juice boxes optional.

Day 2: You probably ended up sobbing yesterday as you enjoyed your double dose of drug-free Lindsay.  Do you look like hell today?  Puffy eyes, tissues stuffed in your pockets…maybe just a little?  Well good news, it’s detox day!  Go for a run, eat some blueberries, throw on a face mask. Here’s your chance to do everything our favorite girl didn’t.

Day 3: July 23^rd is National Ice Cream day.  Yum!  Call the girlfriends over and turn your kitchen into a Sundae Buffet.  In honor of Lindsay’s once-curvier figure, go all out by splurging on toppings.  Oreo crumbles, gummy worms, hot fudge…LiLo was never afraid of mixing substances, so you shouldn’t be either.

Day 4: If we know one thing about Ms. Lohan, it’s that she liked to live in extremes.  Do you have a Rocky Road baby after a night of frozen excess?  Go to the gym ASAP.  No joke, you’re going to look so fat in your leggings.  Hop on the elliptical for six hours and put a Samantha Ronson playlist on repeat.  Should do the trick.

Day 5: Mad Men premiers tonight on AMC.  Here’s the perfect opportunity to watch some high-brow television and think of all the projects Linds could have scored had she not been scoring so many drugs instead.  Plus Jon Hamm has a really nice ass.  Just sayin’.

Day 6: Today is All or Nothing Day (a genuine national holiday).  You have to watch every movie Lindsay Lohan ever did.  Yes, that includes I Know Who Killed Me.  Don’t feel up to the challenge?  Then you can never utter her name again.  Ever.

Day 7: We’ve made it an entire week behind bars, guys!  Time to celebrate, so invite over Vanessa Minnillo and play with knives.  What, like you had a better idea?

Day 8: Ohmigod so tired from last night.  Vanessa is one crazy bia.  Call your mini-me little sister (who looks 40, btw) and just go shopping with money you don’t have.  So bored with life, someone find me a job I can not-show-up for.

Day 9: Jersey Shore premiers tonight on MTV.  It would be a travesty not to watch.  JWOWW is from Long Island…Lindsay is from Long Island, too!  Snooki is orange…Lindsay invented orange!  Angelina wants to be famous…Lindsay totally wants to be famous!  Let’s remember what’s important in life today.  Cook up some meatballs, pour a glass of vodka, and tune in.

Day 10: Too many juiceheads, too much vodka.  Hungover and jaded with our culture.  Don’t even both waking up today.

Day 11: It’s Parent’s Day!  Go hug yours and thank them for being nothing like Dina and Michael (I hope).  Additionally, yell at them for never helping you become a child star.  Your life would have been so much better with a few Oscar Mayer commercials under your belt.

Day 12: Freedom!  We’ve made it through an entire jail sentence.  We’ve laughed and cried and blacked out together.  I really feel so close to each and every one of you.  To prepare for Lindsay’s re-entry into society, we need to be looking our best.  Today you need to go get a spray tan and a blowout.  Don your tightest, best leggings and a pair of obscenely impractical shoes.  Time to welcome our girl home!

Phew. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it 90 days without her shenans.

Wait, are Sam and Lilo BFFs again?

Uh, what happened to J-WOWW’s belly button in Maxim?

8 tried and true ways to shed the pounds fast.

Tiffany’s 2010 collection makes me weak in the knees.

Usher’s ex tells all.

Guess who decided to up and pull a diva move?  No, Mariah Carey isn’t castrating an intern for bringing her flat water instead of sparking (though, probably she is).  It’s those darn Jersey Shore kids!  Rumor has it that before the second season has even premiered, they’re fighting for salary raises, refusing to do a third season unless their demands are met.  That name brand hair gel must really cost a lot.

Well you know what?  I don’t think MTV should give in to the whims of these petulant guidos and guidettes.  I mean, why are they even famous in the first place?  It’s time to get the real stars “down the shore”.  Bring in the spray tan guns, I’ve got some replacements!

Pam Anderson as JWOWW

This would work for two really big reasons.  No, not those reasons.  First, both Pam and J are tough as nails.  Would you want to run into either of them in a dark alley or under the boardwalk?  These biatches would grab you by the extensions like your head was the last sparkle tee at a Bebe sale.  Second, I’m pretty sure they’re the only two women on the planet who think they’d make good fashion designers.  Yes, Pammy and Ms.Woww both have clothing lines.

Brody Jenner as Vinny

“Ma, my chicken parm needs cuttin’!  And bring me a little more ziti!”  Switching from one mama’s boy to another, Brody wouldn’t skip a beat subbing in for Vinny.  They’re both funny, charismatic, and popular with the ladies.  Plus, maybe it’s just me, but I think the Bro is a significant visual upgrade.

Foxy Cleopatra as Snooki

Yes, that’s right.  Nicole Richie’s beloved Pomeranian, Foxy Cleopatra, would make the absolute perfect Snooki replacement.  Not only could MTV get her in on a lower pay grade, but I bet she’d be loyal as a dog to the show.  It would be remiss to hire someone who wasn’t equally as orange-tinted and poof-y as the original star.

Lou Ferrigno as Ronnie

They’re both huge.  The similarities really stop there, but there’s not much else to work with.

Danielle Staub as Angelina

Okay, tell me Danielle wouldn’t give her left boob implant to be a twenty-something again living it up down the shore with an entourage of juiceheads.  And Angelina, who goes by “Jolie”, lives in an alternate reality, much like the most-loathed Housewife of NJ.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re the same home-wrecking, fame-whoring person.

Kristen Stewart as Sammi

Aww, but Sammi’s just a sweetheart, right?  Wrong!  She’s a mean, unsmiling little brat just like K-Stew.  The only time you’ll notice the switch is when Kristen’s on the beach slathered in SPF 150 hiding under an umbrella in long sleeves.  Don’t want to lose that deathly pallor.

Doug Reinhardt as Mike “The Situation”

They both really, really like themselves.  Seriously, why else would they each need their own “official” website?  Ooh, look: Doug describes himself as an “athlete and entrepreneur” while the Situation prefers to operate as someone who “knows what he wants from his summer at the Jersey Shore and is not going to let anything stop him from getting it”.  Well now!

Samantha Ronson as Pauly D

They both have mad DJing skills and horrific hair.  Not to mention the ladies love ‘em!

There are a few rumors and secrets floating around….

8 tips to feel a little sexier in the bedroom.

Can someone please take Twitter away from Lilo?

Do promiscuous women cause earthquakes?

8 fun ways to incorporate linen this Spring.

Kelly Clarkson’s hawking cigarettes…sorta.

Word on the street is that they’re trying to make you go to rehab and you say no, no, no. While Amy Winehouse turned that jam into a monster hit, do you really want it to be the theme song to your E! True Hollywood Story? I have to be brutally honest with you, Linds; you’re not looking good. We all see that damaged, over-processed hair and all that chain smoking as if your life depends on it.

Remember when you used to look like this? Now, you’ll be lucky if you don’t crack that orange, leathery face of yours.

And here’s an FYI: just because pills are “prescribed” doesn’t mean you can down them like Tic-Tacs. Have we learned nothing from the loss of Heath Ledger last year? Granted Heath was a sexier blond than you will ever strive to be, you don’t have to drown your sorrows in a water bottle filled with vodka. Yes, we’ve caught on to you.

So what’s next for you, LiLo? We are all waiting with bated breath. Do you honestly want to say you hit your peak as a Mean Girl? That your last stab at acting not only didn’t make it to theaters, but went straight to ABC Family!?

Can’t you see that you’ve hit rock bottom? I thought it was blatantly obvious when you accepted the role in I Know Who Killed Me. Perhaps you were trying to relive the twin glory that you received from The Parent Trap, but playing the part of a strip club amputee and her equally mutilated twin sister was not your finest hour. And from I’ve seen of your pole-dancing skills, I’d urge you not to quit your day job. Oh wait – you’ve already done that.

Your father has told us that you’re not acting right now because you can’t. “Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs.” Yeah, that’s right. You heard the man. He’s telling the world you’ve got fungus. Herpes we expected, but fungus?  Are you going to let him get away with that or are you gonna put down the pills, dust off those leggings and show the world what you’ve got?

I won’t lie to you Lindsay; sometimes I too see the beauty in dying young like Marilyn Monroe. Who doesn’t want to be glamorous, even in death? But I think you’re taking it a little too far. If you won’t go back to rehab for me, and you won’t do it for your dad, at least do it for Samantha.

She would be lost and fame-less without you.

Thanks, bitch.

Sincerely,
Brittany
(On behalf of all of the Mean Girls fans out there.)

Last week, AOL’s Parent Dish blog posted an interview with Jon Gosselin in which the revolting reality star revealed that he’s flirting with Judaism. His current girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, is a Member of the Tribe herself, and she’s apparently turned him on to the wonders of Jewish holidays and munchies: “I just went through Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur and learned about the new year and every Friday is the Shabbat dinner. I love challah bread. I’m learning about Jewish food, going to Zabar’s. I love that place. I’m learning about kosher and when not to order a bacon, egg and cheese and make an ass of myself,” he said.

The interviewer then asked Jon if he can see himself converting, and he replied by saying that he’s already spoken to Rabbi Shmuley, star of TLC’s Shalom in the Home and Michael Jackson’s former BFF.

Jon’s only the latest in a long line of public figures who have made headlines by dabbling in Judaism—Britney Spears was spotted wearing a Star of David this summer, fueling rumors that she was switching religious teams to get closer to once and current boyfriend Jason Trawick. Lindsay Lohan reportedly announced on Facebook that she was converting for Samantha Ronson, although it’s unclear whether she went through with it since she and Sam split up last spring. And don’t forget about Madonna, whose uber-Christian name makes her devotion to Kabbalah insanely ironic.

I totally understand why stars would want to become Chosen People themselves. Our holidays are fun (we’ve got at least two that instruct those celebrating to get hammered), our food is incredible, and we’ve got pretty deep ties to the entertainment industry. Plus, I’m sure they think that doing anything that makes them more like Marilyn Monroe couldn’t hurt.

But here’s the thing: we Jews aren’t exactly excited about the prospect of welcoming idiot celebrities into our culture. Britney, Jewish girls get a bad enough reputation for being crazy—we don’t need you to make things worse. That goes double for Lindsay, who should also know that Jewish girls generally are sensible enough to wear a pair of pants once in awhile. And I think I speak for everyone I went to Hebrew School with when I say that I never, ever want to be in a position where I have anything in common with Jon Gosselin.

Okay, so Jon, Britney, and Lindsay wouldn’t exactly ruin the religion—especially since we’ve had bigger crises to deal with recently—but they wouldn’t be doing us any favors, either. Like any minority group, Jews love feeling a sense of pride when they see prominent fellow Jews succeeding. Likewise, we can’t help but feel disappointed when a Jew does something stupid. I think I’d be feeling a whole lot of disappointment if Jon Gosselin started regularly noshing on bagels and lighting candles on Friday nights.

Hailey Glassman, you’re breaking your mother’s heart. I hope you’re happy.

Doesn't get much cheaper than a ghost. Just cut out a hole for easy drinking.

In these hard economic times, I simply cannot justify buying a $115 mermaid costume, no matter how magical I would look come Halloween night. Especially when I have a plethora of items lying around my house, that when properly utilized can be the ultimate Halloween costume.  Here are some cheap and easy homemade costumes that will come in handy during my time of monetary despair.

Static Cling – I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked out of the house with a sock attached to my back. Static cling is the worst, but it’s also the best costume idea when you’re out of ideas and money. Wear an all-white or black outfit and pin socks and other loose articles of clothing to yourself. No muss, no fuss, you’re static cling and you like it.

Be a Real Housewife: The women of Bravo’s hit series “The Real Housewives of ….” have become icons, for better or worse. You may love to hate them, but you’re also going to love dressing up as them. It’s as easy as throwing on a sassy dress and decking yourself out in some serious bling. Top it off with over-sized sunglasses and a super-stuffed bra and you can have your pick of housewife.

Beer Pong: Just grab a red garbage can, cut out the bottom, slap the SOLO label on the side and you’re everyone’s favorite drinking cup. Grab 9 friends and you’ve got yourself a mobile drinking game.

“Cereal Killer” – You can predict that there will be a great deal of Jason’s and Freddy’s running around this Halloween, but put the comedy into serial killers with this original idea. Hot glue miniature cereal boxes to your shirt and stab them with plastic knives. Add some fake blood running from the boxes for the extra effect.

Kate Gosselin – If you can dig up eight baby dolls and somehow fashion your hair into the spiky coif Kate is famous for, you’ll be set to hit the party scene in the hopes of finding a new and improved Jon to help you tend to your Cabbage Patch dolls.

Swine Flu – Sure it’s a health risk, but you have to admit it’s a little comical. Get yourself a pig snout and a hazmat mask and you’re ready to go. People may avoid you, but that’s the price you pay for a kick-ass and cheap Halloween costume.

Samantha Ronson – Skinny jeans, an big 80′s tshirt, a dude wig and some oversized earphones will do the trick. And if you’ve got a super skinny friend who doesn’t mind sporting leggings and showing off some side boob, you’ve got your Lindsay Lohan.

Serena or Venus Williams – Get thee to Target for a cheap tennis skirt, stuff that badunk and grunt your way from party to party.

Were you a cheerleader in high school? Dress up as Claire from Heroes. Or throw on a tie-dyed shirt and some faded jeans and you’ll look like you’ve walked straight out of Woodstock. If you prefer a more pop culture-oriented costume this year, feather your hair, don a 70s-inspired outfit and channel the late, great Farrah Faucet. You can hang out with all the Michael Jackson and Patrick Swayze look-a-likes all night.

There’s a million different costumes ideas out there that don’t have you spending your last nickel and dime to pay for them. All it takes is a little creativity. Besides, there’s probably going to be 13 other mermaids at the party anyway. At least as Kate Gosselin, my hair will stand out in a crowd.

Of course, before we got to meet the new designers in the main event, we had a little taste of some of our favorite designers from previous seasons in the Project Runway All-Star Challenge. I was more than happy to spend two hours with Chris March, Santino Rice, Daniel Vosovic, among others, but after seeing the snooze-fest of a cast that is season six, I wish I hadn’t been teased with such greatness.

Yeah, I said it. I think this season’s cast is bo-to-the-ring. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

The All-Star challenge was star studded (Nicole Kidman, what?!), suspenseful (“Project Runway on steroids,” according to Uli), and fun to watch (except for Jeffrey’s new ‘stache – what the eff was up with that?). And it had a fantastic ending for my favorite designer in PR history, which I won’t share here in case some of you missed it. (It was Daniel! Sorry, I can’t keep it to myself. I just love him so much and he should have one the first time around!!)

Once King Daniel was crowned, it was time for the real deal: the Project Runway Season 6 premiere. I ran to the bathroom quickly (turning the TV up loud enough so I wouldn’t miss a moment), then grabbed a snack and settled in for amazingness.

And I waited.
And waited.

Yup. A full 60 mins went by and I got nothing. Sure, some of the new designers proved they had the talent to be on the show, and some of them brought the weird, but did any of them have a Christian/Santino/Jay McCaroll personality? One word: nopers.

Granted, I did enjoy watching the challenge. In fact, I was quite relieved when I heard it was to design an outfit that showcased who these people were as designers and innovators, because in the past the crazy-weird challenges sometimes led to early dismissals of people that could’ve stayed longer. This was an open challenge and really let us see what each of these designers were about. And what did we learn?

Apparently Johnny is all about crying.
Ari is all about being a super-freak.
And Mitchell is all about showing off his model’s lady parts.

And who got to judge all this madness coming down the runway? None other than Lindsay Freaking Lohan. As in repeat-rehab, fire-crotch, tanorexic Lohan. I couldn’t believe it! Lindsay Lohan…was working! And she looked good! And she spoke eloquently! And I seriously had issues wrapping my mind around the fact that this girl – the queen of the crotch shot – was judging other people’s designs. But she did a great job and gave some pretty good feedback.

Even to freakaleak, Ari.

For a moment I thought she was going to love that spacey soccer ball design because:
1) It’s super short, which is perfect for vajayjay flashing, and
2) Ari looks JUST. LIKE. SAMANTHA RONSON. Did anyone else see that? OMG, it was eery.

Anyways, Christopher ended up winning the challenge because of his cute black ruffle dress (which was one of the only memorable ones, right?), but I also LOVED Ra’mon’s (love his name too) navy asymmetrical gown. It just screamed Red Carpet.

And while I’m sad the biggest freak of all got sent home (seriously, that girl wanted to make clothes that could turn into tents with water filtration systems??), I’m not sure I could handle her spandex onesies for another episode. Auf….er…See ya later, Ari!