If you just started seeing someone new, chances are your relationship is going to go through some stages. These stages happen in almost every relationship (I don’t have a PhD in relationships or anything, I’m just going by my own experiences). So here are some stages that you and your new bf or gf will probably go through. And if you don’t, your relationship will probably end in a terrible break-up that has you eating a gallon of ice cream every day for a week (just kidding…you’ll only eat a gallon the first break-up night).

1. Butterflies and rainbows

So you two just started dating, and obviously everything is perfect. You want to spend every minute with each other and you can’t keep your hands off each other. You’ve forgotten who your friends are because you haven’t seen them in a week; you’re too busy being complimented on how perfect you are. Read More »

"Let's all play with our hair and brush our eyebrows for awhile. GIRL TIME!"

Was I watching an episode of Jersey Shore or “Antiques Roadshow” last night? It was hard to tell due to the fact that the show was so dull I almost felt like checking to see what was on PBS. No offense to you PBS, but you’re not exactly bringing in the fist pumps every week.

We’re all so very glad that Angelina has moved out and on but to be quite honest, the show was just not as entertaining. It was like she was the Herb Brooks or, for a more relateable reference, the Heidi Montag. She provided an outlet for everyone to hate on, and without her in the house, they start directing their hate towards each other… and the show plunged into mundane drama. The Situation was revealed as an ultimate scumbucket, Sammi got more airtime playing with her eyebrow and avoiding eye contact with Jenni, and Vinny’s Miami Love Story was the main plot point.

Of course, we were all relieved when Pauly D would burst out in his deranged Kool-Aid man voice, “OH YEAH, CHAMPAGNE, YEAH!!!” but that still didn’t quite cut it.

I’m not saying I miss Angelina, but I wasn’t impressed with this episode and her lack of presence definitely showed the negative traits of our beloved J.Shore cast. Below, please follow along as I detail the reasons why this episode was a warzone epic fail. Read More »

Okay, when did the Jersey Shore become about heartfelt “feelings” and “emotions” instead of bar fights, beating the beat and smushing? SERIOUSLY. Thank goodness we had MVP running a very serious game plan last night about how they were going to maneuver three girls and a grenade to get us through the hour. The Situation stepping up to the role as commander and directing his men to deal with the “hippopotamus” was disgusting, yes, but also the heart of why we love the Jersey Shore.

Let’s step it up a bit, though; even the Real Housewives of NJ have more fire in their bellies than the J. Shore kids these days. We need more excitement. More humor. Come on! Don’t make me put JWoww and Teresa Giudice in the same room.

Not that there wasn’t a lot going on last night. There was that (connived?) drama caused by Sam and Ron and a little type-written note by JWoww and Snookie. (Or, as Ron likes to refer to her, Shnookie. How does he still not know her name?) The girls wanted to tell Sam that Ron’s being a dirtbag but they don’t want to upset the house dynamic so, you know, they decided sneaking around and lying was the way to go. Because Sam will never turn on the TV find out, right? Of course, when the bomb (read: Scary Sammi and Roid Rage Ronnie) blew up, the only one who owned up to Ron doing everything listed on the note was The Situation, imparting the great wisdom, “It’s funny because it’s true.”

Which pretty much sums up why we all watch this terrible, trainwreck of humanity. And we just can’t look away. every. single. week. Read More »

You can take the girl outta Jersey, but you can’t take the Jersey outta the girl.

Unless you’re Harper’s Bazaar, that is.

Yup, these Guidettes have come a long way from Seaside Heights and have been everywhere from The View to YouTube, always donning Ed Hardy’s finest. Now they’re hitting the newstands.

No, not in Playboy (…yet). A very bold (and, based on the above photo, talented) team at Harper’s Bazaar, the highest of high fashion magazines, has stripped Sammi of her shredded tanks, jorts and scoul; J-Woww of her boob-baring excuses for shirts; and Snooki of her fuzzy slippers; and put these Jersey girls in some serious haute couture. Read More »

Looks like MTV has got themselves a Situation.

The fist-pumping “guidos” and “guidettes” of the overnight sensation Jersey Shore are demanding more money for a second season of GTL and hair-poufing.  But wait a sec! Is MTV actually threatening to replace them with new overly muscular guys and shiny orange girls?

The answer is yes. According to TMZ, the network has offered each star $10,000 per episode for the second season and it’s not enough for our favorite juice-heads. I can totally see why; not only are gym memberships and tanning packages expensive, but these kids made a lot of money for MTV and they know it. Now that they’re so big (even Leo DiCaprio knows what GTL is!), they are in a position of power and can demand a whole lot more.

Or so they think.
Rumor has it, if our little Guidos don’t agree to the deal MTV will be replacing them. Read More »

Tonight is the season finale of the Jersey Shore.

Let’s all take a moment of silence.

In preparation for this tragic ending I am beginning to practice the coping skills I learned from my therapist to use when dealing with a break-up.  Because this is a break-up. A really painful one.

You see my relationship with The Jersey Shore began like any other meaningful relationship.  I saw a preview and was interested.  I didn’t know exactly what it would offer me, but it seemed attractive enough for me to find out.  I committed to the first episode and was anxious to see how things would go, just like any first date.  By the end…I was hooked.

I am the first to admit my own psychosis…I became a stage five clinger.  I stalked The Jersey Shore by watching YouTube clips, looking for trailers, anything I could.  Our relationship blossomed as I became more and more intrigued with each character and I felt as if I actually lived in the house and could call the Duck Phone my own.  I found myself referring to the characters and constantly contributing my input to their lives.  “Did you SEE that girl The Situation brought home? Even he could do better than that!”

Read More »