College Candy » Sarah Palin

Have you always aspired to be a politician, but didn’t know how to break into the political arena? Want to perfect that resume before you make the big move to Washington, D.C.? Looking to gain the experience needed to be one of our country’s fearless leaders?

Well, these days, getting into politics is easy. Real easy. All you have to do is follow these simple steps, and you’ll be on your way to public office in no time!

- Get a group of your friends together and start up a massive money-laundering scheme on campus. It’ll look great on your resume, especially if you want to run for office in New Jersey!

- Head to Argentina on your spring break and find yourself a local to hook up with. Oh, but be sure not to tell your current BF that you’re heading outta town. Mark Sanford did it; it seems voters like a sensitive person who isn’t afraid to show emotion.

- Resign from your position as secretary of your school’s student government before your term is up in order to pursue a presidential bid. Hey, it’s working for Sarah Palin; the (gotcha) media circus around her is just what every politician wants. If you can get the campus paper on your tail, you’re golden!

- Got a single room? That’ll come in handy for a career-boosting sex scandal. Set up a tripod or offer your RA money for booty. It worked like a charm for President Bill Clinton, former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, and former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, so it should be a shoe-in for your future political career.

- Speaking of McGreevey, come out of the closet! In our progressive era, fab politicians are a logical next step.

- When you do eventually get to be president of the student government, dabble in unethical political practices. A good place to start? Try to auction off a vacant council seat, get caught in a corruption scandal, then use the campus paper as a platform to defend yourself (and soak up the spotlight while you’re at it). If you can master this in two months or less, you could become the next Governor of Illinois!

Please note: Whatever you do, DON’T pull a Mark Foley. Everything else is fair game, though. And the more media attention you get as you rise to political stardom, the better. After all, in politics, there’s no such thing as bad press….or wrong doing.

Candy Dish: Jon Gosselin is Over Kate Plus 8

CC Staff — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:00:32 +0000

Jon Gosselin’s got a new girlfriend!

Vegetarians make better lovers.

Was Michael Jackson murdered?!

Are you a suntan addict?

Vanessa Hudgens is growing up. Awww.

Boost that Wi-Fi signal yourself.

Sarah Palin really screws Alaska.

Candy Dish: Sarah Palin Surprises The World

CC Staff — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:00:08 +0000

Did Sarah Palin tell anyone of her plans?

Is this recession going to be a depression?

Miley Cyrus is single, y’all.

What not to say on date numero uno.

Did Chris Brown steal Kanye’s lady?

A final tribute to Billy Mays.

Weekly Ten: I Wish Sarah Palin Was My Mommy

Melanie - Northeastern University — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:00:16 +0000

Letterman and Palin’s tiff over his hilarious and, okay, slightly horrible and sexist comments, had the media’s focus back on our favorite Alaskan governor: Mrs. Sarah Palin. Finally – after a lot of back, forth and all around – the two kissed and made up and all is right with the late night funnyman and ex-candidate for VP, who, shocker, has a sense of humor?

Inspired by the feud and by Letterman’s classic “Top Ten” format, I’ve decided to do a Weekly Ten on whatever the presses and our readers are buzzing about. Late Night, CollegeCandy style. Now even though Palin jokes are so last fall, as a tribute to both Dave and Ms. Palin, I’m going to kick off the “Weekly Ten” with the Top Ten reasons I wish Sarah Palin was my Mommy. Apologies to my own mommy, the cougar version of Barack Girl. Still love you, mom!

10. Never ending shades of lipstick to borrow!
Warning: even with perfect application, these cosmetics may still make you a pig.

9. MILF!
And GILF! Maybe she can give pointers on how to age gracefully. Provided you don’t care about anything other than looking fly in glasses and a red skirt suit.

8. Exotic digs.
I mean, this is just a gimme: she can see Russia from her house.

7. Homegirl can bust a rhyme
Oh wait, that’s Amy Poehler. Another point for cool SNL moms.

6. Never ending supply of skirt suits!
Also a bonus if you want to be a flight attendant. Notice how I didn’t say slutty. Take note, David.

5. You’d get to hang out with the McCains.
Screw the Republican party – try the McCain party. You betcha that family just knows how to party, even if John McCain can’t exactly put his hands in the air and wave them around like he just don’t care anymore.

4. People might mistake her for Tina Fey.
Who’d actually be a cool mom. Plus, maybe a connection to Jimmy Fallon? Yum.

3. She’s an expert on the “bump-it”
Really, she’s only second to Winehouse. Does anyone actually own one of these things?

2. Totally relaxed about birth control methods.
Thanks Bristol, but I’ll be making the boyf squeeze into Trojans.

1. Fresh Moose Stew!
Sure beats meatloaf.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie