Ladies of the world: stop your farting. Also, stop burping, spitting, sweating, and digesting food. Details writer John Sellers has spoken, and it’s bad news: we are not getting him off.

I know! I know! Everything that I do is intended to give John Sellers – and, by extension, all men – raging boners. I think of him all day long, from selecting my outfit in the morning until the moment that I slip between the covers to dream of his sweet, manly embrace. I imagine that it’s much the same for you. He is Details writer John Sellers, for God’s sake. The female half of the world hangs on his every byline.

Yet, in his recent piece, “The Hollywood Gross-Out Girls,” it’s clear that we have failed him greatly. It’s ostensibly about women who make fart jokes (or burp jokes, or poop jokes, etc.) and how horrible they are. (I know, right? Having a functional set of organs is totally grody. It’s even worse when women aren’t ashamed of their own bodies! Yuck.) Yet its underlying theme is far simpler: J.S. wants women – all women – to know that their purpose in life is to turn him on.

“It would be one thing if these female Shreks were cut from the same cloth as Roseanne Barr or Rosie O’Donnell,” he writes. “But the trouble is they’re all smoking hot. It’s their job to primp and preen and push stuff up to look sexy.” Read More »

Tina Fey is far funnier than Sarah Silverman. While I applaud both women, Ms. Fey’s comedy is more polished, snarkier, and smarter. I like Sarah Silverman and was disappointed when Comedy Central stopped playing her show. I think if they’d given it some more time, I might think differently about Ms. Silverman’s abilities.

Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s funny. Trust me, I’m all about crude. If you’re a lover of Cervantes, Rabelais, Boccaccio, etc., you gotta be crude to appreciate those dudes. And that’s just a short, short list of the classics that abound with ribaldry – I’ll spare you the list of contemporaries (and for me, an index of “contemporaries” begin in the nineteenth century).

To be sure, I like that both these comediennes are crude. Again, I think it’s clear that I appreciate and relish vulgar forms of humor, but Ms. Silverman’s whole shtick is simply too unrefined, and that bothers me. Again, I’m not blaming her for being “less” funny than Ms. Fey, as I blame the fact that her show wasn’t allowed to blossom. I hope she’ll find another niche, say HBO, and she’ll have a similar show, and her weirdness and crudity will be put to the test, and for more than just a few seasons. Read More »

The votes are in, and it’s clear: Sarah Silverman is, indeed, living out all of our dreams.

For those of you who haven’t checked YouTube or read gossip blogs or engaged in casual conversation, or, I don’t know, LEFT THE ISOLATED LOG CABINS YOU’VE APPARENTLY BEEN LIVING IN for the past several weeks, the story is as follows: Sarah Silverman gifted her boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel, with a lovely music video entitled “I’m F*&king Matt Damon.”

It’s pretty much what you’d expect, although I think the sexually charged dance-off in the middle took us all by surprise. (Another surprise: brilliant, hot-as-hell Sarah Silverman is dating Jimmy Kimmel. Never has there been such a clear visual demonstration of the term “settling.”) Jimmy, not too shy to ride on his lady’s coattails, responded with “I’m F*&king Ben Affleck,” which may be the crowning achievement of his life to date, if only for the fact that it features a singing Don Cheadle.

Yet, singing Don Cheadle aside, most of you seem to feel that Jimmy has come out on the losing end of this deal. A recent CollegeCandy poll shows that, if given the choice, most of our readers would rather be making out with Matt.

Never have I felt such confidence in our readers. Read More »

Usually, I feel like Jimmy Kimmel could be funnier than he is. Sometimes I think it has to do with the fact that he’s dating Sara Silverman, who’s ratio of funny/not funny is about 40/60, other times, I just think it has to do with the fact that he’s on late night TV…and anything can make us laugh after 12:05.

Last night, however, Kimmel went above and beyond. He wasn’t only funny, he was awesome.

Why? Because he aired a video in response to Silverman’s “I’m f&*cking Matt Damon” Youtube phenomenon. And in this video response…well, let’s just say he got some of the best cameos ever (BRAD PITT, people!!), and was able to reaffirm Ben Affleck’s hotness.