CollegeCandy » sarcasm

Must Watch: How To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Really Good Looking [VIDEO]

CC Staff — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:00:22 +0000

It’s funny cuz it’s true.

Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: September Edition

Kari- Florida State — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:00:17 +0000

[Yes, I realize this month's Cosmo breakdown is a little bit late. Sorry 'bout that. But better late than never, right? Especially with the poop Cosmo was throwing at the wall this month.]

This month, Cosmo’s Guy Report includes some of the usual brilliant suggestions from staffers, as well as expert opinion (read: random dudes interns found on the street) on everything from tatted up ladies to the little signals he’s allegedly sending us.

3 Things He Says That Seem Innocent But Aren’t…

Cosmo Says: “I still love you” translates into “I love you a lot less now that we just had this fight.” “Whatever” is no longer a fun word to abbreviate, but rather a sign that your guy is about to tune you out, and “Oh, Great” is not a demonstration of his sarcastic side, but an omen that your relationship will end.

Kari Says: I guess my boyfriend should have broken up with me years ago, because these non-innocent quips pop up from time to time. Maybe it’s just me, but if I screw up royally and we get into a shouting match, I want nothing more than reassurance that my boyfriend still loves me. And as for “whatever”-ing, it’s usually more of a response to my daily “What should I make for dinner?” text. And the sarcasm? I def would prefer sincerity but I don’t think a few eye rolls are grounds for an impending break up…

Guypinion: Chicks With Lots of Tats

Cosmo(‘s poll guys) says: Back tattoos would screw up Jon’s “rhythm” during doggie style. Chris, 35, would prefer no ink—however “great boobs and a great butt” might make up for it, and Matt, 27, thinks all tattoos are stupid unless they are an exact replica of your dog’s paw print.

Kari Says: Ink-free is the way to be for me, but I personally think that all my girls with body art are bangin’. They all put a lot of thought and time planning out their tattoos, and none of the guys they’ve hooked up with had ever had a problem with…distractions (sorry, Jon). Where are all the guys who think tattoos are sexy? They had to be out there somewhere, Cosmo; more diversity on the polls please!

Why You Should Check His E-Mail

Cosmo Says: It’s totes not OK to read his e-mail, but every Cosmo Girl should obviously read over his shoulder to check out his inbox maintenance. Someone with a “tidy inbox probably manages his life well,” someone with a ton of e-mail can’t get their sh*t together and someone who saves every e-mail they’ve ever gotten is sentimental.

Kari Says: Perfect! I needed a quick, creepy way to categorize my boyfriend’s personality type based on something totally random. Way better than the article I was planning on writing about “What his eyebrow shape says about his financial future.” Seriously, Cosmo? I guess I can understand the tidy inbox/ Type A example, but someone who gets a ton of e-mail might just be really popular (or friends with too many promoters on FB). And someone who saves every e-mail they’ve ever gotten is effing weird, not sentimental.

How To Cure A Football Addict

Cosmo Says: “Whenever possible, convince him to DVR games for later.” Also, give him an ultimatum and make sure he always at least gets to watch the 4^th quarter. Tell him how much you LOVE football so he knows it’s important when you tell him he can’t watch. If all else fails, threaten to go out with your crazy single ladies any given Sunday.

Kari Says: Once you can convince him to give up his pesky football habit, you’ll have a much easier time persuading him to let you keep his balls in a jar on your desk. Football can be really special to guys, and if he loves it that much, who am I to force him to give it up? I mean, homeboy will never understand my sick obsession with the Real Housewives of New Jersey, but he doesn’t demand I give up my Danielle fix. A better way to deal with a football freak is to learn the basic rules, and a few impressive stats to impress him with in casual conversation (I like to name the positions. “Left Defensive End” is my favorite one to throw around.) Then, put on his favorite team’s jersey and watch a game with him. You might actually enjoy it, and if you don’t, guys usually watch football while drinking copious amounts of beer and eating great fattening food, so you really can’t go wrong.

What do you guys think about this particular Man Manual? Did you ever feel the need to stalk your guy’s inbox or cure a football addict? Gentlemen who LIKE body art, I know you’re out there—what do you think about a girl with tats?

Weekly Wrap-Up, November 14-20

CC Staff — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:30:01 +0000

This week’s Best of College Candy!

Thursday, November 20th

Hottest Cover Guys…yum

People Magazine just came out with their Sexiest Man Alive issue. Here’s our list of the top 10 hottest cover guys.

Sexy Time: All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From A Porn Star

Nina Hartley is an extremely successful adult film star with 650 different video appearances under her belt. I asked her to give me some of her wise wisdom about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

Wednesday, November 19th

He Said/She Said: Do Guys Like Sarcasm?

Do guys find women who are sarcastic unattractive? Is sarcasm the unibrow of a woman’s personality (hence the photo)? I asked a guy to give it to me straight.

Autumn Drink Recipes That You’ll Fall For

My bartending style tends to run more towards the “What’s in my fridge right now?” trial-and-error method. But I have a few favorite drinks that do really well in cold weather.

Tuesday, November 18th

Gossip Girl Recap: Thanksgiving Dinner- Enough Time For Pie, Coffee, and Surveying the Damage

This week’s Gossip Girl episode was more like a slice of pumpkin pie than a carving station.

Pillow Talk with Diana: My Boyfriend is Bi!

I’ve been dating a great guy for a couple of months. When we started dating, he told me that he is “sort of” bisexual, and that he’s hooked up with guys before.

Monday, November 17th

BeautifulStranger.tv Saves My Poor Fashion Sense

You’re walking down the street and you see some girl who looks perfectly put together: Cute outfit, matching accessories, perfect hair and make-up. And you think to yourself…why can’t I be that put together?

Amy Poehler is the “Smart Girl at the Party”

Smart Girls at the Party is a new online series about young girls doing great things. The show is meant for kids (I mean, it’s sponsored by Barbie, duh), but it’s host is SNL’s very own baby mama, Amy Poehler.

Sunday, November 16th

Battle of the Teen Queens: Miley and Taylor

Miley Cyrus seems to be at the crest of the fame wave, but can Taylor Swift be far behind?

A Yummy Fall/Holiday Treat: Oatmeal Cranberry Cookies

I have made these cookies for my annual Christmas baskets numerous times and they are always a big hit.

Saturday, November 15th

The Love List: Stuff White People Like And Stuff I Like

Wall Decals- The best way to make your dorm room or apartment look more legit. It looks like it’s hand painted or wallpaper, but- surprise! – it’s a removable decal…

You Got Game: Picking Up The Hottie

Look through my phonebook. The list is never-ending. Dan. Paul. Rick. Mike. Javier. Alex. Nicolas. Nicolas #2. Cedric. Brandon. And so on. Not to brag, but I’m something of a certified P-I-M-P.

Friday November 14th

James Bond, We Love You

To celebrate the opening of Quantum of Solace, College Candy wanted to recap on the hot men who made us lust after Bond, James Bond.

The CC Weekly Weigh-In: Drinking Makes Us Wanna Sing

You throw your hands in the air (and wave ‘em like you just don’t care) and sing whatever song is on as loud as you possibly can.

He Said/She Said: Do Guys Like Sarcasm?

Mandy - Hofstra — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 20:30:32 +0000

A friend sent me this post last week and asked me what I thought about it. Being a very sarcastic (and witty, if I do say so myself) person, I got scared. And embarassed. An angry. “Yeah, cuz this loser knows what he’s talking about.”

Woops; that was just more unfeminine sarcasm.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the strong opinions the author held and wondered if they were his alone, or if all the men I have ever liked (and not dated) felt the same. Do guys find women who are sarcastic unattractive? Is sarcasm the unibrow of a woman’s personality (hence the photo)? I asked a guy:

Taking it Seriously: College Depression (Part I)

CC Staff — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:30:58 +0000

“College, now those are the best years or your life,” says a fella-wearing-a-tux-from-the-squeaky-clean-1950s. Uh-huh, sure, fella.

Before paralyzing you, my dear reader, with my cheekiness, I’ll check my sarcasm at the door. While the experience of college is truly a gift, i.e. if one is open to education, willing to forge new friendships, and eager to learn something from their lovers, it is also a tumultuous period in one’s young adult life. Suffice to say, depression is common, and most college students experience varying degrees of this mental illness.

To be sure, the term is overly-used and problematic, just as the term melancholy was exhausted during the 19th century. Nevertheless, that’s not to say depression isn’t real – it most certainly is, and I know a handful of people who thought its symptoms so real, they are no longer alive (incidentally three of them were in college, and one of them shot himself in the library’s bathroom at my school, while I wrote a final paper at my carrel).

There are a lot complicated reasons why college students are susceptible to depression. In order to clarify the complexity of this issue, my first few discussions address environmental forms of depression, which are just as serious as chemical ones.

For starters, if you’re a competitive student and an outgoing person, college can be overwhelmingly demanding. I’m not just talking about your coursework or – if you’re a dork like me – worrying abut your professor, wondering if s/he is enjoying your term paper as you read this blog (but trust me, don’t fret about it – you’re off their radar, unless you’re standing in front of them (impossible since you’re reading my blog, right?)0 Let’s get beyond the mundane, and delve into the meaty stuff.

Let’s face it, you are being pushed hard, challenged to think in new ways, and, therefore, intellectually burdened (that’s not a bad thing). You find yourself reevaluating many beliefs that you’d been raised to think were just plain true. (Unless you were born into an academic family – and that’s not a guarantee either – you’ll most certainly experience these emotional and intellectual tensions). Moreover, if you’ve ventured off into “deconstructionist land,” your head is churning like a Dairy Queen malt-maker, and you find yourself up at night “realizing” that truth does not exist, I have words for you, à la Tony Soprano: “a’ take it eas-eee!.”

Step back from your Derridean texts for a moment, or just your plain ol’ science book, and understand that these sorts of brainy somersaults are a good thing. Sure, it’s scary, uncomfortable, and just weird to push your thoughts in different directions when reading. Plus, it’s also hard to consider someone else’s point of view during a classroom discussion, particularly when you think that the person, who espousing such contrary views, is an idiot, stinky, odd, or simply annoying. But listening to your classmates, regardless of what you think about how they look, how offensive you find their aroma, or whatever, well . . . that’s the “stuff” that makes college worth it.

There are, however, other factors that aren’t directly related to your academics. We’ll investigate those next.

In the meantime, do any of you relate? If so, please share!