Uh, back to my point. Choosing P. Hilton as your leading lady is NOT the way to an Oscar nom, people.  And don’t even get me started on the Saw films (what are we on, Saw XLIV now? Give it up already!). Scary flicks are supposed to be, uh, SCARY, not laughable, and they fail every. single. time. And the trailer for Shutter Island looks to be heading down the same path…only…wait, what?

A horror film directed by Martin Scorcese and starring….LEO!?

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, a U.S. Marshall sent to investigate the disappearance of a patient from Shutter Island’s Ashecliff Hospital (for the criminally insane, obvi). While on assignment, he begins to suspect that he is in danger at the hands of the sick and twisted hospital staff.

A desolate island, an insane asylum, creepy balding old people…it sounds like something I’ve seen (and fell asleep during) a million times, covered with some big names.  Why is Scorcese directing something like this. Why does it star DiCaprio, who is arguably the most talented actor our generation has seen? Why does the movie poster look eerily similar to the Haunted Mansion at Disney World?

So many questions.

Although it hasn’t come out yet (and I won’t be waiting in line to see it tonight), it seems to me that this plotline is way beneath it’s star director and A-list leading hottie actor. I wish these two Hollywood rock stars would leave the unrealistic horror flicks to the amateurs (Audrina Patridge), and keep bringing us gems like The Aviator and The Departed.

Because, take away the big names, I have a feeling Shutter Island would go straight to DVD-island.

So hook up your laptop speakers, bust out your 40’s & get ready to pre-game harder than those other kids party.]

The time has finally come, my friends! Finally, you get to don your fabulous, expensive and inevitably sl*tty costumes, go out and have a damn good time. In the spirit of the season, I obviously had to create a pregame playlist dedicated specifically to the crazy, ridiculous holiday. So, starting with the King of Pop MJ’s, Thriller, I’ve created a playlist with a variety of spooky, creepy and hilarious Halloween songs from over the last, you know, half a century or so to help you get your um, freak, on. Happy (almost) Halloween!

Get the party started right here.

[If you have suggestions for future playlist themes or have a track you really think should be included in a future installment, let us know in the comments!]

Earlier this week, officials invaded the New Jersey mansion of Philip Tamis, 66, and wife Cynthia Stewart, 49, finding over 100 “malnourished and neglected dogs and cats”.

ASPCA workers were horrified to find the old, decrepit mansion full of feces and decaying animals. Many of the dead cats and dogs had been deceased for over a year.

Apparently, Tamis was a Merrill Lynch securities broker, a man who went to work every day and came back every night to a house more disgusting than any one of those Saw movies. His wife…evidently spent all day milling around shit-strewn floors.

As rescuers carried out the animals that were still living on Tuesday, Cynthia Stewart reportedly ran to the door shouting, “they’re my babies!”

After the New York Post ran this story, people everywhere simultaneously decided their neighbors really weren’t so bad after all.

Unless there’s a mischievous intern over at People.com.

The online portion of the magazine is reporting that Paris Hilton is giving acting another try—this time with Saw II, III, (and the upcoming) IV director Darren Lynn Bousman.

The Twisted Pictures director is beginning a new movie called Repo! The Genetic Opera, (here’s where things start to sound unreal) a “musical thriller” where a “villainous organ-transplant magnate” deals with a “mysterious plague that threatens the survival of the human race”.

So, in this equation, we have: the director of Saw, “musical thriller”, an evil organ transplant tycoon, a futuristic society dying from a plague, and Paris Hilton.

…’Tis the stuff nightmares and gigantic flops are made of, lovelies.