• Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: April Edition

    Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: April Edition

    In Megan Fox’s piece, she gushes about how wonderful it is to be married. I can’t help but wonder – how did that happen? I thought she was going to be a single vixen forever – a la Angelina Jolie (because her and Brad aren’t technically married). But she does call herself out in the Cosmo Quiz by saying, “I’m not as vapid/bitchy or fit as I look.” Well, that’s good.

  • Glamour Says The Darndest Things: October Edition

    Glamour Says The Darndest Things: October Edition

    This month, Glamour’s resident gentleman has decided to enlighten us with four fashion choices that totally turn guys off.

  • Glamour Says The Darndest Things: July Edition

    Glamour Says The Darndest Things: July Edition

    As you can tell by the headlines of this month’s issue, Glamour is reveling in summer superficiality – tips on battling humidity hair, finding the best shorts for your body and a little bit of unnecessary warm-weather specific slut shaming are all present in this issue. Of course, the best part of the issue is the insight into how males feel when they’re naked.

  • Seventeen Says The Darnest Things: Flirting Edition

    Seventeen Says The Darnest Things: Flirting Edition

    This month’s Seventeen is extra bright and peppy and I find myself unable to turn away. Maybe it’s the presence of the word “FREE” on the cover, or maybe it has more to do with the promise of perfect hair all summer. Hell, maybe the cover is such an assault on my eyeballs because its cover girl, Lucy Hale (who is actually totally cute and cool and has amazing style!) is decked out in some seriously neon colors, complete with an attention-grabbing feather earring.

  • Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: June Edition

    Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: June Edition

    Man, after a long day at work, it sure is nice to curl up on my couch with a lusty and luscious Cosmo and some Cameron Diaz sideboob! Which, by the way, I stared at for 10 minutes, wondering what would happen to dear Cameron if a gust of wind (or just some heavy breathing) blew through. I mean, can that even qualify as a shirt?

  • Glamour Says The Darndest Things: June Edition

    Glamour Says The Darndest Things: June Edition

    Why was I pretty much bawling my eyes out while perusing this month’s issue of Glamour? Maybe it’s because I’m totes going to be surfing the crimson wave soon, but everything was breaking my heart. From the realization that I’ll never look as amazing in a red swimsuit as Olivia Wilde does, to reading the article about how four women are killed every day by abusive partners, to the story about a man who is living with HIV after both his mother and sister died from AIDS…ugh.

  • Maxim Says the Darndest Things: May Edition

    Maxim Says the Darndest Things: May Edition

    Whenever I go to buy my Maxim magazine every month, I always end up purchasing random manly things to go along with it. No, I don’t lift my Maxim from the rack and rush to buy some Gold Bond and a wax cloth for my… car, but I’m almost there. Today, I bought Maxim, skin-on hot dogs and five dollar parachute man-elastic ankle sweatpants. Here’s to expressing your male strengths, ladies!

  • Glamour Says The Darndest Things: May Edition

    Glamour Says The Darndest Things: May Edition

    This issue of Glamour was made for summer. It featured three separate cover girls – Frieda Pinto, Emma Stone, and Ashley Greene – all rocking gorgeous beach-inspired looks. The pages were filled with beautiful bathing suits, feminine pastels, and an obscene (but totally acceptable) amount of floral prints.

  • Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: May Edition

    Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: May Edition

    When it comes to Cosmo, there are two things I believe in wholeheartedly: 1. It is best read in the privacy of your own bedroom (or bathroom). 2. Every celebrity that agrees to be on the cover signs an ‘airbrush the shiz outta my titties’ waver the moment they waltz in to the photoshoot with their bag of grapes and that teacup puppy in their purse.

  • Maxim Says the Darndest Things: April Edition

    Maxim Says the Darndest Things: April Edition

    April showers at Maxim bring 8,000 women in one bed! That’s right, the annual sex survey is here! Maxim is gracing us with thousands of women and their deepest sexual secrets. It’s slutty and I like it.

  • Glamour Says the Darndest Things: April Edition

    Glamour Says the Darndest Things: April Edition

    Wow. Kate Winslet looks absolutely stunning on this month’s cover of Glamour. Her hair, her pose, her Top Model fierce expression (insert three Tyra snaps here…) I thought she she was the pinnacle of perfection when she was in Titanic, but she keep reaching new heights of gorgeousness.