Oh, Scarlett Johansson, you look like you climbed out of a classy strip club that only gave you clothes from the clearance rack in Wet Seal. WHAT happened? I’ll give it to Cosmo and their ability to take a modest and bangin’ starlet and turn her into a slutty hybrid of herself — yeesh.

Moving on from that bad purple lace dress and nappy hair job, I flew across some interesting factoids about how to boost his ego after sex. How does Cosmo want you to do it? Say, “That thing you do with your tongue is unbelievable!” Whew, I’m getting exhausted just thinking about this. But maybe it’s just been too long since I’ve had a popsicle. Later, Cosmo dug into Google to see what men want to know most about women. The top search? “Why does my girlfriend’s vag smell.”  Great, looks like men STILL don’t care about anything but sex.

In a touchy-feely article called ‘Touches That Lock Down His Love,’ Cosmo taught us that stroking his earlobe between your thumb and index finger calms him when he’s stressed. And when he’s telling you a story you’re suppose to reach toward him with your palm up. Finally, an article jam packed of quirky things I can do with my hands to make him fall in love with me!

In one of the more disgusting articles of the month, Cosmo listed some whacked-out one liners of men talking about “that time of the month.” Let’s just say the first line I read was, “Does the blood come out of your sex hole or one of the other two?” Then, I threw up in my mouth and moved on due the expense of man-ignorance and disgust.

But the best article of the month was the kinkiest one, of course; called ‘Kinky-Lite Sex Moves Guys Love.’ Meanwhile, I’ll try to decide if Cosmo knows the difference between the ‘O’ face and the ‘OMG WTF’ face.

Cosmo Says: Hand him your vibrator, and tell him to use it on himself while you watch.

Brittany Says: Well, that’s awkward. And not natural. You don’t eat a banana and then hand it to your boyfriend. “Hey, I want you to eat this so I can watch.” See? Not natural.

Cosmo Says: At a crowded bar, pull him into a dark corner, pin him up against a wall with your body, and stealthily slip your hands down his pants.

Brittany Says: I want to know what kind of bars people are hanging out at. Where there aren’t many people and enough dark corners to pull something like this off. I know any bar I went to would see more than they bargained for if this went down.

Cosmo Says: Order him to not get an erection when you go down on him. Once he does, punish him by throwing him on the bed.

Brittany Says: Ugh, how confusing! “You feel GREAT right now because I’m touching you? YOU NEED TO STOP.” If anything, do something like this if your boyfriend is all up in your tree when you’re not feeling it. He will get thoroughly confused and pipe right down.

Cosmo Says: Use a nontoxic, washable marker to write numbers on your body parts that indicate what order he should lick them.

Brittany Says: Do you guys remember those scented black licorice markers you used in third grade? Suddenly I have that taste in my mouth when I used to try and eat them. Weird.

Kate Middleton is named the queen of British fashion

Should we stop keeping up with the Kardashians?

Social media’s somewhat negative effect on relationships

Scarlett Johansson opens up about about the nude photo scandal

Lilo gets her teeth fixed!

Superman is looking mighty fine

Can your f-buddy become your boyfriend?

Pairing ankle boots with a black jacket

Breaking up with your bffle

Our favorite young at heart films

Scarlett Johansson gets her justice

There’s such a thing as a couture lollipop….and it’s made by The Situation

Makeup mistakes happen to even the pretties of celebs

Flattering ways to wear bright makeup

You can survive midterms!

Urkel is that you??

Does cheating actually help a relationship?

What to eat before a big test

Scarlett Johansson confronts those naked pictures

Great movie boyfriends that would be terrible in real life

80s and 90s kids really had it the best

Those crazy celebs and their outrageous demand

The next comedian to get their own show….Dane Cook

Are all guys douchebags?

•Getting fashion inspiration from our favorite musical, ‘Wicked’

The top paid ladies of TV

It’s not too early to think about holiday gifts...right?

While we’re all busy staying up until ridiculous hours of the night studying for finals and attempting to get some holiday shopping done at the same time, Hollywood has been… breaking up some of it’s cutest couples? At least it’s reassuring to know that while we’re stressing, celebs are always there to keep us entertained.

An A+ on Your 20-Page Research Paper

1. Zac and Vanessa call it quits. This might possibly be the most devastating breakup since Brad and Jen. Who didn’t love this adorable Disney couple? They stayed together for 4 years, survived Vanessa’s naked pics, the gay rumors surrounding Zac, and Megan Fox’s flirting – we thought they’d be together forever! And now I’m just confused… should I be upset that they’re over, or excited that Zac is single again? Because as much as I loved this couple, I mean… look at him.

2. Golden Globe nominations were announced! Awards season is upon us, and I can’t wait to bum out on the couch with some popcorn to see who wins what and who wears what! As predicted, the nominations were full of Inception, The Social Network, The Fighter, and Black Swan. I, of course, was ecstatic to see James Franco nominated for Best Actor. If you haven’t seen all of these, get ready to do some serious movie-watching so you’re not behind.

Read More »

The MTV Movie Awards have come and gone and it was quite a show. From the Les Grossman opening to Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell hanging from the ceiling (“My testicles are numb….”) to the awkwardness-as-they-tried-to-be-funny-without-actually-admitting-to-being-together when Kristen and Rob won Best Kiss, there was a whole lot going on. And who can forget Betty White’s tribute to Sandra Bullock? Or Ken Jeong channeling Lady Gaga in his leopard leotard?

Or how about the 3 times someone said “f**k” and the sensors missed it?

All in all, it was a great show, but like any award show, what really mattered at the end of the night was what everyone was wearing. And like any MTV event, there was a whole lot of good and a whole lotta OMG, WTF is that!? Read More »

Every day we’re bombarded with a million different messages about what we are supposed to look like. And tell you what, our not-so-scientific-yet-totally-accurate visual research proves that 99% of girls out there don’t fit the mold. So instead of telling you how to wear your hair, or how much weight to lose, or which one of Heidi Montag’s many surgeries to get (because, really, look where that got her), we’re going to celebrate these so-called beauty flaws with beautiful women every single week.

Last week we celebrated the natural nose. Today, let’s talk about curves.

It’s no secret that Hollywood likes their actresses to look anorexic-chic. But that doesn’t mean that all the women in Hollywood are conforming to that reasonable ridiculous standard. This week we’re putting on a spotlight on the curvy and voluptuous celebrities who haven’t let their bigger bodies stop them from having even bigger careers. Read More »

Shizz went down this week: Biebs has a tat, Miley is still a bird, and George Lopez cheated on his wife (the same wife who GAVE HIM HER KIDNEY) with some hookers. You know, just another week.  Anyway, while it pains me that I know so much about the lives of these people, I’m happy to report the deets for all of you. I really am a martyr. You’re welcome.

Golden Nuggets of Information

1. Lindsay Lohan has a warrant out for her arrest with a bail set for $100,000! Lindsay was supposed to appear in court this week, but instead she went to Cannes to promote her new film Deep Throat, which hasn’t even been approved yet. When it was time for her to fly home, her passport was “stolen” but the police have no record of her reporting it stolen! Lindsay sent out an email asking friends for a private jet to get her back to L.A. so she wouldn’t miss her court date, but there was no such luck. (She shoulda called Doug Reinhardt, right?) So when she gets back to the States, she’ll be in the slammer. So….that’s 1 Lohan in jail, 3 to go?

2. Bret Michaels is back in the hospital! Boo, this is bad news! Bret was experiencing numbness in the left side of his body, and doctors found a hole in his heart. The condition is treatable, but he needs to take it easy. Bret is trying to get back to his career and wants to appear on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, however especially after his recent brain hemorrhage, homeboy needs to rest. Get on that Rock of Love bus better soon, Bret! Read More »

This makes me feel better about myself.

The hottest mamas in Hollywood.

Everyone needs a pair of espadrilles.

5 reasons to love The Gap.

College cafs want their stuff back, thankyouverymuch.

Nice moves, Kevin Jonas.

Finally, we’ve made it through a week without a cheating scandal! Hollywood’s finest has managed to keep it in their pants for a whole seven days. Good job, celebutards!

Crucial Information

1. Bret Michaels suffered a brain hemorrhage this week, landing him in the ICU in a Phoenix hospital. Doctors think the cause may be from his diabetes. He is doing a lot better and is now speaking, which is a big improvement. His team is hoping he’ll be well enough to resume his tour at the end of May. Get well soon, we need another season of Rock of Love!

2. Sandra Bullock is a mom! I can’t believe she kept this secret under wraps for so long. Sandra and Jesse have been in the adoption process for four years and brought the 3 1/2 month old baby home before the Oscars. Since the news of Jesse’s infidelity broke, Sandra has confirmed she has filed for divorce and is adopting as a single parent. Good for her! It’s nice to see her getting back on her feet.

3. It’s the Biebonic plague! Justin Bieber has caused massive insanity in Australia and New Zealand this week. Bieber Fever hit and about ten girls fainted and a few went to the hospital. I love me some Biebs, but this is out of control. Someone even pushed his mom! Read More »