Never mind a day….I’m having a bad hair week. I took out my full head of weave during spring break. One of the reasons I decided to weave last year was so that my hair would grow. Due to stress and a crappy diet (I blame you, Chipotle!), my real hair was starting to break off in an obvious way. I was only going to use the fake hair for the summertime since it was easy and low maintenance. I’m not saying I had 18-inches-all-the-way-down-my-back tracks, but it did make my hair look longer, fuller and healthier. Little did I know, I became a track addict.

My weave became more than a supplement. I felt like it changed everything about me. My eyes looked bigger, my lashes were more lush, my cheekbones were more pronounced and my lips were smoochable. My weave made me feel like powerful – I’d toss it ‘round and ‘round like Willow Smith on steroids. Since I felt prettier on the outside, I felt prettier on the inside as well. With that weave in my hair, I was more confident then I had been in a while. I didn’t realize how much I relied on it, how much I felt I needed it.

Similar to the skin complex problem, hair is an issue that’s debated globally as well. Long, luxurious locks have been a consistent standard of beauty throughout the years. I’m glad that’s changing, though. Many black women are going “natural”…cutting off their chemically relaxed hair in lieu of short dos that will bloom into crazy, sexy curly fros in due time. I’ve been amazed at the “transitioning” process that I’ve witnessed in friends and classmates, but tossing out my preconceived Rapunzel logic is tough! When I was in the land of the permed people, I was afraid to let go of my split ends because my hair had a little bit of length to it, albeit was damaged length. Actually, my hair has been a security blanket of sorts. I hid behind it when I had my shy days, I showed it off when I had my sexy days.

Some girls refuse to leave their homes without their faces made up with foundation, concealer and mascara. Others might feel empty without earrings in their ears or a bracelet dangling from their wrists. And how many of us pretend to text or email on our phones during awkward social situations?

Relying on “extras” for an added boost of confidence is on the growing list of personal changes that I’d like to make. As fourth grade ABC special as it may sound, beautiful is skin deep. I can’t say that I won’t get a weave again, but while it’s out I’m committed, to embracing the girl behind the indi remi.

CollegeCandy, do you have a “security blanket?”

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Andresr/Shutterstock]

To quote an icon, Brandon Graeber of the @Hipstermaid twitter account, “I’m not going to believe that Generation Y (myself included) is ‘addicted to praise’ until I get a trophy for doing so.” So maybe our generation is a little bit compliment-crazy (don’t forget to comment about how irreverent and humorous my writing is at the end of this post), but accepting a compliment is always just a tad bit awkward. Why can’t we just say thank you? Is it because we don’t want to come off cocky? Or is it because we all secretly enjoy the social awkwardness of trying to respond?

There are several common approaches to accepting a compliment and all of them are pretty uncomfortable. There’s the blunt “no” as in: “Oh my god, no, I do not, I’m a million pounds.” So not only have you not said thank you (rude), but you’ve called the compliment-er wrong (rude, again). Read More »

How many times a day do I see commercials, billboards, magazine ads, internet sidebar ads that tell me that there are ways I could improve my own appearance? I’ll admit it: this isn’t something I ever thought to count before.

I knew a lot of ads aimed at women suggested that we aren’t good enough — but could be with whatever product that they have to offer! — but I never really realized how many times a day I see those kind of ads. I mean, I never noticed the ads on blogs or Facebook beyond the times where I would post a status on Facebook proclaiming my love for pizza and within seconds, all the Facebook ads would morph into weight loss and dating websites. (Thanks, Facebook!)

I spent one day writing down every single ad, from billboards to the internet,  that are aimed at making women and girls feels like they need to change. What did I find? Everyday, we are bombarded with ads instructing us — in a million and one ways — not only that we aren’t good enough, but their product alone can make us better. Can we talk about how that’s complete bull for a second? Just so you know — it is complete crap.

If nothing else, spending a day (I chose September 7 — a day with no big media events) paying attention to ads really opened my eyes to what I’m being told. Over the years, I’ve gotten very good at overlooking ads. But when I sit down and really look at a lot of them, it’s easy to see how absurd they are. Let’s look at some highlights.

Deodorant commercials. Ad and commercial count: 6. Your armpits are inadequate. Dove (or Secret or…) deodorant will turn you into a magnificent armpit goddess. You don’t smell good enough. You need to be “fresh…” If you already are “fresh,” you need to be “fresher” with Dove Body Mist. Read More »

This may sound a little crazy but I just had an epiphany the other day. And it has to do with slippers.

Stay with me here, I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep lately.

Before I get into the slipper business, I want to share my feelings with you. Since I’m a girl, I tend to have a big barrel of sparkly emotions in my closet. For a while I’ve been feeling…lost. That sounded super sad and lame in my head, but I can’t think of any other way to explain it. After graduating and working on “finding myself” in the real world, all of my answers have been toss ups.

All of those wistful questions run through my mind (in a soft, meek and quiet voice — just to be extra dramatic). “Who am I? What am I suppose to be doing in this world? Is what I’m doing the right thing?” All of these questions run through my mind every day, constantly making sure I’m in the right place at the right time — even though I have full control of knowing what is “right.” Read More »

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month Tiffany spent a month at Outward Bound and challenged her physical limits. This month, Ashley's going to try to stop hating on her body so much. Can she do it!? Could you?]

After week one of this challenge there’s only one thing I know for sure, this is definitely a learning process. I spent the entire first week getting to know just how bad my bad habit is. Not only did I learn about how much this bad habit consumes me (yes, it consumes me, YIKES!), I got to see all the different ways in which it manifests. I realized that in order to change my mindset I’d have to first do a few important things:

1. Take a long hard look in the mirror and pick out all of the things I like about my body- Being the hater I am, I imagined not having much to say, but I did it and I had a fair amount to share with myself. Actually doing it felt silly and embarrassing (I had that ”What I like about you” song playing over and over in my head) even though there was no one around, but it felt good in the end. I am happy to say, “I like what I’m working with.”

2. Get my boo on my side- Although my boyfriend is already my biggest fan who loves and supports me no matter what, I needed to fill him in on the situation. After giving him the 411 on my bad habit and letting him in on my challenge, he said he’d help call me out on my negative behavior. I know this may sound risky to have someone else help correct me when I’m drinking haterade, but I think it can only help. I trust him to be honest and helpful and to not give me a break- sometimes tough love is what we need.

3. Pamper my body and make it feel good- Yes, I did this. I gave myself a nice, long, and hot bath and it felt GREAT! Every body needs a little lovin’.

Completing those three tasks had me more motivated than ever before (okay, more motivated than last week). Now that week two has come and gone, I can truly say I have taken significant steps in the right direction. This week I… Read More »

I’m honest. That being said, I’m insecure.

To me, saying I’m insecure sounds a little harsh. It sounds a little wobbly and flaky. It sounds dishonest and awkward. Sometimes, it seems like I’m a little too big for it, kind of like Alice in Wonderland after she ate that piece of crack bread and grew her arms out of a cottage. But I’m willing to believe actually admitting an insecurity of any sort is the first step to fixing it. And I’m very willing to believe that I’m not the only one out there feeling a little bit…emotional and unsure.

Of course there are a lot of things I’m positive and confident about. In relationships, the future, my friends, where my life is going…I am confident and positive that I love to write. I am confident and positive that I am treating my body like a temple (aside from the occasional Sunday morning after a night out at the bars). I am confident and positive that the Lady Gaga’s song called ‘Hair’ makes me feel THIS close to climbing a mountain wearing an 80′s outfit.  I am confident and positive that I deeply love my family, friends, horses, Jesus and Minnesota. I am confident.

But sh*t, I’m insecure too. I never know what I want with relationships. Do I want to make out with this guy at the bar, sleep over at his house and wake up like Sex in the City Samantha and walk out feeling like a million dollars? Do I follow a strict pattern of going on countless dates, letting the guy buy the first meal, wait for a second date, begin intensely dating and wake up for an early special and do it every morning to Maroon 5? Do I have a type? Am I not good enough for him/anyone just because one guy didn’t call me back? Read More »

Ordinarily when we think about sex we instantly flash back to our most recent lovefest with our boyfriends. Chances are it was a hot, steamy session filled with excitement and overflowing with passion. There are those few times, though, that we have our hesitations when we’re about to take it to that next level, especially with a new guy. So what are we so afraid of? We all have our fears when it comes to sex, and more times than not, those fears aren’t without merit. I’ll share with you a few of my own fears, counting down from the not-so-bad to the absolute scariest.

7. My self confidence is low today: what if he can tell?

6. What if we share an awkward moment (like queefing!) that kills the mood?

5. What if I don’t climax?

4. What if he doesn’t reach the big O?

3. What if the condom breaks?

2. What if I get pregnant?

1. What if this happens? Seriously — gah! — I don’t even know what I’d do.

We’ve all got ‘em, so what are your own fears? Share them with me in the comments below!

Dear Dude,

I want a boyfriend. I have been single for the last four years, and although there have been opportunities for love to kindle, things just never seem to work out. I think a part of it is my fault. I am very conscious about my weight (I am full-figured). I think I am a very intelligent, funny and generous person, and I have a great circle of friends. But I don’t know how to show a guy that I have all these qualities because, frankly, most guys seem more interested in the way women look. Dude, how can I make a guy see past my weight to the person that I am inside, when looks play such a huge role in a guy’s opinion of a girl?

Sincerely,
Single and Not Loving It

P.S. I want to add that I am not ugly, just a little overweight. Read More »

Unlike many of my friends, I didn’t spend my summer working my butt off at some incredible internship, or traveling around the globe checking out exotic places. I put my seven years of competitive swimming to use and decided to teach people how to swim at a nearby university. Not only did I get to enjoy the gorgeous Miami weather on a daily basis (when we weren’t having torrential downpours) and get to look at the even more gorgeous guys, I learned some very interesting things.

For example, even the cutest little girl’s vomit will be vile when you are covered with it. And, even though the adorable boy you teach can’t be more than 40 pounds, his “accidental” kicks to your lady parts will make you see stars. Every. single. time.

Since I don’t plan on teaching swimming or working with kids in the future, I didn’t anticipate learning anything super important through this job. I figured I’d be in the sun, make some money, and get really pruney fingers now and then. But while I was teaching these little kids how to stay afloat in a large body of water, they were teaching me a much bigger lesson. Read More »

Like most people out there, I love and thoroughly enjoy a good orgasm. Honestly, who doesn’t?

Apparently, a lot of people. Cuz they’re not having ‘em.

I’ve had countless friends tell me that despite all the sex they’re having, they’ve yet to show their O face. And statistics show that around 43% of women have not experienced the pleasure of the big O.

How can this be?! There is an orgasm epidemic out there and I feel like I must do my part to put an end to this madness! I know I’m no doctor with a fancy PH.D, but I am a twenty-something woman who has (thankfully) gotten off enough to say a thing or two about the female orgasm. So here are a few steps that will lead you to pleasuretown (population: you!). Read More »