Yes, you read that right – Booty Parlor. Who doesn’t love a cute play on words? Booty Parlor is a line of products that were created with women’s sexuality in mind, whether she’s single or in a relationship. It is a brand that encourages women to indulge in their sexiness, free of shame or self-consciousness. I had the opportunity to speak with the creator, Dana B. Myers, who is inspirational as both a female entrepreneur and a sex-positive role model.

What inspired you start Booty Parlor?

I was inspired by my mom – she was a makeup artist. I watched her transform women. While she was doing makeup, she would chat with her clients about everything women talk about. They felt so much better about themselves after – it was a big influence on me, where women were helping women and inspiring each other. Also, I was very interested in all things related to sex. I was lucky enough that it was never a taboo subject in the house. I felt confident, open and excited to explore and experience sex. It made me the go-to sexpert for my girlfriends. Fast forward after being in the music industry, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to combine beauty and sexiness and create a beauty parlor for your love life. I wanted to do products from the beauty world that you could use in your bedroom. I wanted fun and sassy, not sleazy and trashy. I told my boyfriend, and he said “sounds great, let’s do this together!” A month later we lost our jobs and we started working on our business plan. Read More »

Hey Dude,

I’m not ugly. Not by a long shot. I mean, I’m only a 32B and lack curves, but I’m pretty, and I’ve had plenty of guys tell me this. The problem is: nobody wants me. Ever. I attempt flirting, but guys always go for my curvy friends.

Even though I don’t understand sports, I’m able to talk to guys fairly easily. I’ve had guy friends since I was 10 years old, when most of my female friends didn’t have them until they were 13. I can talk about Star Wars, roller coasters, whatever. I’m very good at being able to talk about pretty much anything, even if I don’t know about the topic.

But why do guys always go for my friends? Why am I always the one left completely alone? I’m as virginal as they come because no guy wants me. When my friends and I go into the city, it’s impossible for someone not to stare at my friends. Guys completely ignore me.

It also seems like the rare guys I do attract are either sweet but socially inept geeks or total douches that just want my body. Why is it so impossible for me to find someone moderately attractive and sweet? Read More »

So, in between endless reruns of A-List and RuPaul’s Drag Race, LOGO airs a gem called Bad Sex. Ten people with varying levels of sexual dysfunction all seek help, but unlike most other “tough love” type reality shows, the person from whom they’re receiving therapy is a) sex positive and b) a certified sex therapist. Last week, I had the opportunity to interview Chris Donaghue, star of Bad Sex, and ask him about some of the sexual dysfunctions featured on the show.

CC: What is the premise of Bad Sex?
CD: It’s an exploration of the sex lives of 10 different participants, ranging from every gender, every sexual orientation, every age group. Bi, gay, straight, questioning. From sex addiction to sexual anorexia, love addiction and coming out stories. It’s not a gay show. There are only 2-3 people who are gay. It’s the kind of show that can tap into the heterosexual.

CC: How do you approach your patients?
CD: I’m not gentle, but I’m not penalizing.  You have to oscillate. It’s important to hold these people accountable to some of their bad behavior, but then you have to show up with empathy, and be loving and care-taking around more vulnerable patients.

CC: How do you identify a sex addiction?
CD: We’re at a time — culturally, socially, psychologically — where everyone is wanting to identify out of the norm and classify hypersexual behavior as a sex addiction. It’s kind of shaming some people’s sexuality. You can be hypersexual without it being addiction. Addiction is not about quantity. There’s no magic number. Everyone has an individual comfort level. It’s about the outcome. If your sex life is creating problems in your daily life, it’s a problem. If your sex life is creating shame and guilt, it’s a problem. If it’s impairing, it’s a problem. If you’re feeling confident and there are no negative consequences, it’s great. But, especially for women who enjoy sex, they may be labeled a slut. If you acknowledge that you love sex, and know you’ll be called a slut, you’re not going to carry around protection for fear of being labeled and you’re setting yourself up for negative consequences. The word “slut” needs to be eradicated.

CC: On the flip side, what is sexual anorexia? 
CD: Instead of acting out sexually, it’s a fear and avoidance and discomfort and rejection of sex.  It mirrors food anorexia. Sex anorexics don’t want to consume or talk about sex. There is a difference between a sexual anorexic and a late bloomer. A late bloomer is someone who holds off on sex, but they’re confident in their choice and they can own it and talk about it. Sexual anorexics have anxiety — they don’t want to think about it. It is usually born out of trauma.

CC: What is the most common sexual dysfunction?
CD: If I’m working with couples, disparate sexual desire — one partner wants sex way more than the other. Also, love and sex addiction, which is usually encouraged by the internet in that it is always accessible and confidential. Women and men are cheating online via webcams and sexting. It’s becoming compulsive and impulsive. They get caught up in it to the detriment of a healthy sex life.

CC: How does that happen?
CC: Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder. Sex became more attractive as a way to cope or check out. Their sex isn’t wholesome, healing or pleasure based. They have shame and guilt. They’re not having happy relationships. It happens when people get into a relationship, and they can’t handle another level of intimacy, so they get it taken care of out of the relationship. More men are sex addicts, more women are love addicts — obsessively reading romance novels, watching certain tv shows, starting online relationships, their whole life shrinks to one addiction.

CC: What role does self-esteem play in sexual dysfunction?
CD: Self-esteem is the basis of everything. It’s at the core. Getting more self-esteem is how you start to raise the bar and demand better, and don’t allow unhealthy behaviors or addictions.

CC: How do you start re-building self-esteem?
CD: Isolating problematic behaviors. Take a break and recover. Restructure life. Building a nurturing social circle. Engaging in romantic relationships that feel wholesome or nurturing. Finding a purpose in life.

CC: What is the neurology of sex?
CD: Everything that happens has a neurological aspect. Every change in our behavior creates a change in our brain. Love addiction or sexual anorexia reshapes your brain and you set up your brain to not welcome a relationship or it wants constant stimulation. You have to rewire your brain through changing your behavior.

CC: Why is our culture so sex-negative.
CD: We use words that show/imply embarrassment. We don’t say vagina, we say “down there.” I’m a fan of correct language. It’s okay to talk about sex and sexuality. Get the words out there so people don’t shudder. There’s so much shame in our bodies and our sexuality. Our culture, religion and education dump our issues on us and they teach us which words to use. Using “slut” and “down there,” I have to stop and say “do you mean…?” and don’t shame them.

CC: How do you communicate effectively?
CD: A lot of couples operate from a place of mind-reading. If sex isn’t feeling good or you’re interested in trying other things, tell them. It’s about getting comfortable having a conversation. At first your partner might be awkward, but you have to do it. Coming out is scary and it isn’t just for gay people. You come out over and over again, because your sex life might change. You have to work to express the range of your sexuality. Vocalizing how you feel.  Relax and allow yourself to receive. It’s okay to be self-absorbed. Sex challenges our body esteem. Get comfortable with your body and what it looks like and feels like.

Are you totally obsessed with him yet? A guy on TV promoting healthy, positive, non slut-shamey attitudes toward sex? I am! Catch Bad Sex on LOGO Fridays at 9:00pm. You can also stream the episodes at logotv.com!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m going back to college in the fall and I wanted to re-invent myself, still stay the same but have a total new outlook on life and a new attitude. Back as a freshman guys would make fun of me and torture me, and it was horrible. I wanted to go back in the fall as a new person, and have those guys who made fun of me not know what hit them. Also, I had a friends with benefits situation with one of my guy friends, and when I had asked him why he hooked up with me, he said along the lines of, ‘We’ll I was bored and I knew that you’d hookup with me.’ It was something much worse along those lines but it’s too embarrassing to disclose. SO, I wanted to know how do I show my ex-hookup buddy and those other guys that I’m tougher than ever and started a brand-new attitude?

Thanks for your help in advance,
Looking to find a new me

Read More »

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month Tiffany spent a month at Outward Bound and challenged her physical limits. This month, Ashley's going to try to stop hating on her body so much. Can she do it!? Could you?]

So here’s another thing this challenge has taught me about myself — It’s REALLY hard for me to keep my promises. But only when it comes to me, I always follow through with promises I make to other people. This is probably because when the person on the other end of the promise is me, there’s no one to hold me accountable for that promise. To be perfectly honest, I’ve fallen off a little this week. Here are the actions and comments that were not very “I love my body” friendly:

Read More »

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month Tiffany spent a month at Outward Bound and challenged her physical limits. This month, Ashley's going to try to stop hating on her body so much. Can she do it!? Could you?]

As everyone knows, college is the time that most of our bodies go through changes. Some of us develop our feminine curves because that puberty thing didn’t happen when they said it would (hooray for boobs and hips!), some of us gain the “freshman fifteen”,  and those special others get active and involved and get the best bods they’ve ever had. Of course there are those who remain more or less the same, but that wasn’t the case for me. I fell into all three categories — my hips widened, my boobs got bigger, I gained the sophomore sixteen, and I eventually got motivated to get to the gym and get in the best shape I’ve ever been in. Somehow I went through all of these changes and I still find myself hatin’ on my body. It recently dawned on me that all the negative comments I have to say about my body don’t reflect the way I really feel about it. I do love my body, now more than ever, I’ve just developed a really bad habit of putting myself down when it comes to my figure.

Now I’m not going to lie, I’m a fairly picky and particular person who more or less has something to say about everything (yeah, I’m that girl…but I swear I don’t ACTUALLY comment on everything), but this habit goes beyond that part of my personality. As unhealthy as it is, I put myself through some sort of mean-girl-high-school-hell  for absolutely no reason! I could blame this habit on “the media” or the socialization of girls but pointing the finger at society when I’m well aware of what I’ve been doing to myself won’t get me anywhere. I’m all for critically analyzing why we do the things we do and what influences us to be the way we are (GWS major here), but I’m more for personal responsibility. Now that I’ve noticed just how unhealthy and negative the comments I make about my body are, it is up to me to change them. I am determined to shake this awful habit!

Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been in a long distance (400 miles) relationship for almost 3 years, as you can imagine, everthing started off all pretty and perfect but a lot has changed over these years.

My boyfriend is the ‘Mummy’s boy’ type – the type that will start an argument if he doesn’t get his own way. It all started in Fall 2009 – things hadn’t been great between us, he broke up with me when I was on an important placement, then a week later started a relationship with a girl from his school (I had always suspected he was starting to like her.)

I tried to cut him out of my life – delete number, email, Facebook, blah blah blah. But he kept contacting me saying that he still loved me and regretted breaking up with me. In November 2009 we got back together, and everything was blissful again… or so I thought. He had told me that he regretted breaking up with me/didn’t know why he done it and that it was a rebound. The girl he broke up with me for told me that my boyfriend was sneaky and a liar (at first I didn’t believe it, but now I am starting to wonder whether she was right.) Read More »

Sex can breed a lot of things – familiarity, contempt, intimacy, orgasms, babies, hysterically awful stories to tell your friends… but the association with sex I want to address this week is insecurity. That crippling insecurity that a fellow CC writer detailed struck a nerve with me, and I’m sure many of you as well. I completely relate to those crippling fears that totally take me out of the moment. I’ve seriously stopped guys from taking off my skirt because, oh my god, it’s been over a month since my last wax (yes, my insecurity over a little hair outweighed my love of oral). I’ve almost had meltdowns while giving head because I was so worried about my technique.

Eventually, I realized I had to rectify this situation. Sexy time doesn’t have to leave you drowning in self-doubt. There are a few little things you can do to increase your confidence and feel great and sexy. Read More »

“What was it about Natasha that always made me feel like a charity case?”

Whoa. Carrie Bradshaw, the most svelte and stylish fictional character around, seemed like she had it all: a cool apartment in New York City, her own column in a newspaper and more Manolo Blahniks than a local Neiman Marcus store. She had everything! So why did Natasha, the infamous Mr. Big’s wife, make her feel like nothing?

In today’s society, it’s hard to be perfect when outlandish images of flawlessness are everywhere. Singers, actresses and even our favorite bloggers conveniently have everything that we don’t. So do our cousins, classmates and the girls in our innermost circles. Instead of embracing our flaws and appreciating the redeeming qualities we have, we compare and contrast ourselves with anyone who’s “better.” (Just ask Rachel Berry.)Sure, we’re smart and beautiful. We land great internships during the summer and bang out 10-page essays after a long night of partying. But seeing someone score a better grade or watching a classmate date the guy you had a crush on easily erases those accomplishments.

Why? Why is it so hard to believe that we’re as talented and fabulous as the next person? And why should we let someone else deter our own progress? There’s nothing wrong with competition because it heightens our self-motivation. But when the comparison eats you up on the inside, it becomes a problem.

Read More »

Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I love him. That is something that must be understood first and foremost.

However, over the past couple of months I keep thinking about breaking up with him. He is immature, selfish, and inconsiderate. He has never bought me anything for my birthday, Valentines Day, Christmas, Sweetest Day, or our anniversary. I buy him presents every time I’m supposed to, and when I’m out shopping and see something I know he would like, I get it. I always keep him in mind and do nice things for him but he NEVER does anything for me. I understand that he doesn’t have a lot of money, but whenever he does have extra money he won’t even buy me a flower or a card or ANYTHING! I’m always expected to pay for when we go out to eat or to the movies.

I don’t complain since I know he doesn’t have a job, neither do I but I always find a way to get him SOMETHING. I’m not the type of girl who needs to be showered with presents but it would be nice if he would do something for me when he’s able. For my birthday he worked with a friend and got a little bit of money he told me was for my birthday. He expected me to kiss his a** and be so proud of him, and I was because I thought it was sweet. But when he got paid he bought himself new movies, and even had me drive him to buy them. He told me he’d still get me something, and never did.

Read More »