[There comes a time in every girl’s life, (usually after a third or fourth martini), when she realizes “Damn, I need to do something… travel to Europe, take up Chinese, get married…someeeething! I need to change my life.” Finding myself in one such rut and without the cash-flow for a capricious jet-set to France, I decided to live by the book, take the plunge, and tackle the Benrik challenge. If you have never heard of Benrik’s This Book Will Change Your Life, crawl out from under the rock you have been living under, wipe the tired crust from your eyes, and listen up.]

Week 4 – Task 1

Day 29- Dial a Phone Number at Random and Read this Script with a Deep South accent

The Script (or at least the part I got to read before people hung up):

You know, without Christ, without Jesus, we have no hope. Why? Well, because we know that the standard of God’s righteousness is Law, a law of the Ten Commandments, a law of Moses on Sinai, saying that this righteousness, O Israel. But you know, God also gave another law. A law revolving around a system of shedding a poor and innocent lambs blood…

The Reactions:

1) I have a lot to do right now. I don’t have time for God or Jesus!

2) Is this a recorder? Is this the voice of God? Who are you?

3) Click*

4) Click*

5) Click*

6) Click*

Week 4- Task 2

Day 161- Leave a Poem in a Public Place to Brighten up Someone’s Day

As a writer, I have always beaten myself up about perhaps not being able to make it in such a difficult field. Who am I? Who would want to read my work? However, all of this changed the day that I was asked to analyzed the poem known as an “American Masterpiece” by William Carlos Williams. This poem gave me hope that absolutely anyone could become a writer. Hell, if this counts as poetry, my grocery list does too! And so, to inspire this sense of creativity in others, I decided to share The Red Wheelbarrow in a public space.

So much depends
upon
A red wheel
barrow
Glazed with rain
water
Besides the white
chickens

I hope the poem gave confidence to some other aspiring artist as well. If William Carlos Williams can make it, anyone can!

Week 4- Task 3

Day 33- Be on the Lookout for the Paranormal

There’s an App for that! Seriously! There is an application for iPhones, Blackberrys, and Droids called Ghost Radar Classic. This app supposedly mimics traditional paranormal detectors in that it uses sensors to measure electromagnetic fields, vibrations and sounds. After detecting something “paranormal,” Ghost Radar displays colored circles on a radar screen to alert its user of abnormal activity.

Whether or not you believe in the paranormal (or a phone’s ability to detect it), know that I went into this challenge with the utmost seriousness. My boyfriend lives in an old mansion on the outskirts of town. Given the fact that the place always gave me the heebee-jeebees, I figured this would be the perfect location for the experiment. I was right. I walked around the entire house for twenty minutes with little to no activity on the radar. I was just about to give up and delete the application when I walked down the upstairs hallway. Suddenly colored circles popped up all over my screen and my phone began to make noises. It really freaked me out! I threw the phone down, ran downstairs and made my boyfriend go get it in the morning.

Needless to say, we stayed at my apartment that night.

Week 4- Task 4

Day 251- Read Your Own Palm

Information found here.

Take the Palm Reading Quiz & let us know how your future looks!

Basic Hand Type – You have good taste and you enjoy excessive indulgences. You like expensive clothes and an elegant lifestyle, but there are times when you seriously risk spending more than you earn. You have good instincts and are self-confident. You are never at a lack for affection and companionship. Try to correct minor health problems as soon as possible.

Life Line (The Quality of your Life) – You are a healthy person with a bright personality. You will have a long and wonderfully smooth lifespan, but you will put great effort into your work.

Head Line (How You Think About Life)– You’re thinking is clear and focused. You have a sense for creativity.

Head Line-Life Line Connection – Sometimes you are sensible and cautious, while other times you are foolhardy. Try to control your impulses and your changeable attitude.

Heart Line (Emotions and Situations related to Love)- You’ll never give up on your search for the perfect partner. You are a very sincere person, so its important that you find a sincere and faithful partner. You are a passionate lover. You are capable of much affection, but you switch partners often. You will have a happy marriage.

Destiny Line (Purpose in Life)- You have a special talent in an unusual field. This type of line occurs mostly among artists and scholars.

Week 4- Task 5

Day 148:  Leave a Note on Someone’s Car Windshield

 Note 1 : “I left someone in your trunk. I’ll pick him up next week if that’s okay”

Note 2: “I am the engineer who made this vehicle. The brakes aren’t very good cos I was hungover that day. Watch out.”

Note 3: “We’ve discovered your car is the one responsible for all the damage to the ozone layer; please bike to work in the future.”

Note 4: “I’m a traffic warden but today I feel lenient. Don’t do it again though.”

"A razor? What are you trying to say, honey?

Christmas is fast approaching. (Five days, but hey, who’s counting?) While I’m sure you’ve already picked out the perfect gift for everyone on your list, I bet you haven’t given much thought to what you’re getting this holiday season.

Well…I have.

I’ve taken my favorite Gleek’s (Brittany S. Pierce!) advice and made my Christmas list early and sent it on its way to the North Pole. But I know that even someone as prepared and as considerate as me (making it easy for my parents by adding what I wanted for Christmas to their Amazon shopping carts) will more than likely get stuck with a few bad Christmas gifts. It’s okay though, it’s a burden we all have to bear, so I’ll brave the post holiday madness and head to the return lines.

I just hope I don’t get anything quite as bad as these gifts.

10. Scented Candles. Not only do they more often than not smell like nothing more than a cheap imitation of what they’re supposed to smell like (Birthday cake? Sand castles? Ginger tea and honey?), but they’re also a bit of a fire hazard.

9. Useless gadgets. I’m sorry but I never have and I never will have any use for your vibrating slippers, your Bumpits, your BeDazzler or anything else that has AS SEEN ON TV stamped across the front of the box.

8. Socks. I don’t care if they are Christmas themed, personalized, or striped. I don’t care if they are toe socks, or fuzzy socks, or just plain, regular, everyday socks. They are not appropriate Christmas gifts. And I’m sick of people passing them off as though they are. Just because they come in lots of funky patterns doesn’t mean they make a good gift. End of discussion.

7. Anything from Bath and Body Works. I’m not even going to touch on the whole scented thing because that was already covered. But really, let’s think about this, when was the last time you used cucumber melon body splash? When was the last time you wanted to? Scented soaps and creams and antibacterial soaps that smell like a garden? My allergies act up just thinking about them. No, I won’t use the bath salts or those cute little themed baskets that just seem so perfect either.

6. Picture frames with a photo of the gift giver in them. First of all, the picture frame is almost always something ridiculous that you would never use and doesn’t match anything in your dorm. Second of all, you are not going to place a picture of this person next to your nightstand like you two are finally going steady or something. Moving on.

5. Anything that looks like you got it as a free sample. I’ve gotten these gifts before, and believe me I’ve been able to tell. Oddly enough, when you give someone who hardly ever wears makeup Clinique cover up it’s kind of a clue that you didn’t buy the gift for that person. Oh, hey, is that a complimentary tote you’ve got there on your arm?

4. Fruit cake. Yes, people still give these. And yes, the cliché is still very, very true. No one wants a fruit cake, even if it is homemade, because chances are, it’s not very good. As for a peanut butter cup cheesecake….that’s a dessert I can get behind.

3. Themed gifts. You know, it’s Christmas, so obviously any gift you give or get has to, in some way, be Christmas related.  Your Aunt Mary is going to get you a Santa sweater. And, oh wait, Aunt Sue got you candy cane socks to match. Now all you need is one of those headbands with the reindeer antlers and you’re all set. Thanks Dad!

2.  Homemade coupons. No, I don’t want your free hugs. Or your promise to do my homework. Because I don’t want to hug you and I wouldn’t trust you to do my homework for me. Ever. So if you’re going to get me a coupon, that coupon better be a gift card. And by gift card I mean one of those things that look like a credit card and works in a real establishment. (Like Starbucks.) That means you can’t use crayon to fill this one out either. Pity.

1. Self-help books. We have issues. We know. The holidays are not the time to remind us of them. So just buy us a drink and leave it at that, okay?

What are the worst gifts you’ve ever gotten?!

It’s time to man up, ladies, and empower yourselves to live life without the aid of Prince Charming. Not only does this make our lives a whole lot easier (hello, do you really want to wait around for someone to jump-start your car?), but sometimes it’s safer to take matters into our own hands (instead of asking some rando to do it for us).

Here’s a rundown of the 10 things every woman must know how to do. Watch, learn and take pride in the fact that you are in total control of your destiny.

1. Change a tire: Being your own mechanic isn’t necessarily a manly thing. Whipping out that wrench and jack can save yourself some time, money and can even keep you safer. Sure, when I was forced to fix a flat I looked ridiculous – kneeling on the side of I-295 in my skirt-suit and patent stilettos – but it took me 20 minutes, saved me some big-time embarrassment and allowed me to still be on time to my interview. Don’t forget those hand wipes though; grease could be an outfit-ender.

2. Make a Roast: I’m not trying to say you have to become Suzie Homemaker, but learning some basic cooking techniques can’t do anything but help you out in the long run. You don’t want to end up like my good friend who cooked a knife right with the chicken (even if, according to her, plastic peels off of pans easily). Being able to feed yourself, no matter how rudimentary it may seem, is certainly a skill that’s worth it to perfect.

3. Rock a pair of killer heels: Maybe its one of my personal pet peeves, but I cannot STAND to see those girls who insist on wearing Spice Girl era platform heels and can’t even walk into a party without looking trashy/twisting their ankle/sighing and taking them off. A hot pair of heels is a must-have for any college wardrobe, but they’re worthless if you don’t know how to walk in them. So here’s the deal: first, buy good heels. Not only will they last you, but they will make a difference on your feet. Secondly, watch this. (And if you live on a giant campus like me, bring flip flops or some roll-up flats for the walk home.)

4. Use a power-drill: I ran into a huge predicament at the beginning of this school year. New apartment + newly framed pictures + stubborn drywall = failure. I needed some major electronic help, and it happened to come in the way a rugby player armed with a power drill. I’m a stubborn person who never likes to admit I need help, so in my embarrassment, I watched and learned intently and vowed to be able to be a little more DIY in the future. Whether it’s fixing that wobbly chair in the kitchen or mounting a corkboard above your desk, it’ll always come in handy.

5. Have an effective workout: Everybody wants the perfect body: slim legs, flat abs, great butt; the whole package. No matter how much you run or ellipticize, there are only a few things that will actually be effective. Make every minute of that painful gym experience count!

6. Basic self-defense: Channel your inner ninja. I’m not saying you have to carry a concealed machete with you everywhere you go (because that would never fit in your clutch), but making sure that you’re ready in case something ever happens is the best thing you can do.  When it comes to your safety, you can never be too prepared.

7. Create a great first impression: There’s only one first time and for most of us, this isn’t a good thing. Thankfully, somebody has got it down to a science and is here to help the rest of us mortals out.

8. Remove a hard stain: There’s nothing that ruins a good day more than knocking your sushi on the floor. Except knocking the soy sauce, too. On to your shirt… and all over your pants. Not only is it embarrassing to have a giant brown spill down the front of you, it could quickly become a permanent fixture on your favorite shirt. I’m all about the dry cleaning, but for when you can’t afford some professional help just take a quick gander at this and save yourself some green (and some embarrassment) down the road.

9. Jump start a car: We’ve all been to the epic tailgate where someone’s pickup is blaring Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” and everyone’s having a great time. Truth is, the entire time everyone’s jamming to their favorite pre-game tunes, the battery of the car is quickly draining. It’s easy for a battery to drain, and even easier for it to leave you stranded. Here are some quick pointers on how to avoid this unwanted situation and deal if it comes up.

10. Tap a Keg: A untapped keg is borderline sacrilegious. The only good thing about a kicked keg is that I can lift it with one hand, so having a quick backup plan is a must. Everyone makes tapping a keg into a huge deal, but it’s much easier than you’d expect. And when the keg stands return, you’ll be the party savior that’ll go down in history (assuming people remember…).

And there you have it. Take some time to learn these things and you won’t need a man for anything. Well, almost anything.

Everybody’s trying out this “positive psychology” thing. Basically, positive psychology is the attempt to change self-defeating, negative thoughts, like, “I hate myself because my thighs touch and hers don’t” into more positive ones like, “My thighs might touch, but my calves sure do look hot in heels…and I bet she’s anorexic anyway.” Or whatever.

Well, somebody thinks we’re doin ‘ it all wrong.

According to Canadian researchers, “just thinking positive” can actually have the opposite effect. It can make people realize just how miserable they truly are.

The study started by highlighting old research that if people get feedback they believe is overly positive, they just feel like more sh*t than they did originally. Like when my boyf grabs at my tummy fat and a minute later tries to tell me that I have “such a nice stomach.” You better believe that as soon as that boy is out the door, I’m gorging my face with Peanut Butter Passion ice cream in shame.

The article in TIME, which reported this research, states that, “If you tell your dim friend he has the potential of an Einstein, you’re just underlying his faults.” And no matter how dumb that person is, he knows it, you jerk.

So, what do the Canadians suggest we do? Accept our shortcomings, obvi. Embrace that extra pudge! Celebrate your low IQ! Know your faults and live with them. Fighting off those negative feelings will lead to failure and make things worse. But knowing what you’re dealing with – and being realistic – will make you feel a whole lot better.

Um, so we should be HONEST with ourselves and others? Who woulda thunk?

But hey, I’ll take any excuse to be a cynic.

[Photo source: craigharper.com ]

Not to say I’m a total self-help junkie now, but I am pretty shameless about the fact that I read – and believe in – the healing power of self-help books. (Okay, that sounded unnecessarily cheesy, but you catch my drift.)

So, even if you’ve never snuck a peak at the Self Help section in Barnes & Nobles (or are just too embarrassed to admit it),  here’s some of my faves & some others whose street cred is pretty great, as far as self-help books goes:

1. You Can Heal Your Life – Louise L. Hay. I just recently started reading this one myself and I’m in love. It’s intense and has caused quite a few life-changing epiphanies, and Hay will seriously stop at nothing to help you create your perfect life.

2. The Secret – Rhonda Byrne. The now uber-famous Law of Attraction is explained in this simple, visually appealing, tiny book. And when you don’t exactly have time to sit down & waft through an intense self-help workshop like you’d get from something like You Can Heal Your Life, The Secret will totally suffice. You can easily soak up a chapter between classes or use it as a study distraction. It’s more exciting than King Lear, I promise.

3. Succulent Wild Woman by SARK. Or anything by SARK, actually. Her books are super colorful, easy to read and inspiring. She’s been through it all and has the battle wounds to prove it, but has basically turned out absolutely wonderful, if you ask me.

4. Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert. Although personally I’m not so sure how I feel about a book with ‘Pray’ in the title, I’ve heard oodles of good things about this one. This book was basically a third appendage when my old roommate was chillin’ in our apartment between lectures.

5. The Red Book – Sera Beak. Recommended by one of my favorite bloggers, Miss Gala Darling over at iCiNG, this book is all about creating your own brand of spirituality.

6. He’s Just Not That Into You – Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Okay, this isn’t exactly a “self-help” book, per se, but it’s a pretty practical reminder for women out there that some men really actually do just suck (and there are NO excuses for them!).

7. Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself – Sabrina Ward Harrison. More of a journal than a self-help book, it’s filled with inspiring collages and scrawled messages from Harrison’s own mind alongside space to spill your own deep thoughts. Ch’yeah.

Know a good self help book you want to share with other CC readers? Talk about it in the comments.

“Why Men Love Bitches” is as sassy as the title suggests, and that is precisely what I love about it! Sherry is hard-hitting, honest and, most importantly, RIGHT.

Now the word “bitch” comes with all sorts of negative connotations: rude, stuck-up, conceited and all sorts of other nasty adjectives. But that’s not the kind of bitch Sherry is writing about. In “Why Men Love Bitches,” the bitch is confident, not cocky, knows her worth and is not willing to settle for any schmuck.

Sherry empowers women and made me realize that I should not being chasing desperately after any man. That strips me of my dignity and I am better than that; in fact, every women is! If a man is making you run after him, you should turn your heels and bolt in the other direction. This is a clear signal that you will never feel good enough for him. There is a fine line between effort and desperation and Sherry definitely helped me clarify that and all my expectations when pursuing a man.

Seriously, this book HELPS. It sounds silly, but right after reading it I started seeing a guy that I had crushed on all of high school without him even taking a second glance. I didn’t have to apply any methods or use any cheesy lines to snag him; I respected myself and realized the prize that I am. And that made him see it too!

Any girl who finds herself constantly chasing after boys will benefit from reading this one. Sherry works on building your self-esteem more than your techniques with the fellas and in the end you will be able to find somone who respects and worships you as the goddess you are. With so much domestic violence in the media (hello Rihanna!) it’s important for women to realize that they are important, worthy and equal to men and deserve someone who makes them feel that way ALL the time.

[Just don't tell 'em we told you...we hear they send snipers out after all dissenters]

One might make a case that my own writing frequently belongs on that list. But that is because “one” has probably never seen this one.

As if to highlight how utterly retarded it is, the name of the blog (or the blog user? or both?) is Text in the City. WOW. Lame times ten.

The actual blog, however, is far lamer yet. Judging from the title and the subject matter, one is to assume this blog considers itself a takeoff of that popular and influential show, Sex and the City… except they did it with an “in” instead of an “an” (amateurs). While I myself am not a fan of said show, I do recognize the attempt to say things in a way that have never been said before on TV. Text in the City, on the other hand, is a bland regurgitation of womens’ self-help guides from the 50′s updated with the idioms of the new millennium (at least, sort of updated).

At Text in the City, you will learn the “10 Secret Things Every Man Wants.” Wow, really? Great! I have an idea, Text in the City; why don’t you write the blandest, most annoying possible things (for instance, booking a spa day for yourself so you can leave him alone at #1 on the list) in the most mediocre way possible (“We love excitement, and we are not just talking about in the bedroom.”)? That would be cool. Wow, Text in the City, you’re the most awesome thing ever!

But that’s not all! Text in the City goes from bland to downright insulting. In “Wanna Spring Fling?” (which is already retarded), we are reminded that, and I quote:

Giving up your individual identity, and not continuing to be the person who attracted the other party in the first place, is the quickest path to breakup city! Stay that same amazing person you were the first time you both met.

Wow. Insightful! I always thought changing for a man was the way to go!

And then we have “Spicing It Up in the Bedroom,” perhaps the worst one of all. In this little gem, Text in the City breaks down all the types of guys (for instance, “the Bad Boy” and “the Artist”) and tells you what kind of pajamas to wear. I’m not even kidding. For instance, and I shiz you not:

The Prep:

An Ivy League look will graduate you to the top of the class. Your man loves the wrapping on the present almost as much as the gift itself. Conservative, cute and sexy, that’s what will sail his yacht. The top must match the bottom in this case. So, slip into some cotton pajamas that highlight your curves, a t-shirt and boxer combo for hot summer nights, or if he is really in the mood, make him crazy with a classic lace bra and panty set.

Hot and brilliant advice. Because only a preppy boy would like a girl in lacy undies.

The thing that really gets me about this blog is its blatant immaturity in matters of love. Women don’t all want the same thing. Men can’t be broken down into quadrants and satisfied by type.

I am an independent woman and seeing content like this just makes me so. effing. angry. It makes women look pathetic for writing this stuff and for sending the message that women want to read this stuff. Fortunately, Text in the City seems to have stopped being written in 2007, but its irritating legacy of crap lives on.

What’s the worst blog you’ve ever read? Is it crappier than Text in the City?!

And then there are those of us who receive those crap gifts. Opening a package and instantly realizing A) this person doesn’t know us at all or B) this is the stupidest thing someone has ever wasted tape on is always a hard emotion to conceal, but because our mothers taught us to be polite, we do our best. We smile through the pain and secretly hope the receipt is still in the box.

Not quite sure if what you’re about to seal with a bow is a crap gift? Let CollegeCandy give you a few hints.

• Scented Candles: You’re not in junior high anymore, so this gift is no longer acceptable. Confused 12-year-old boys give the girls they think might be their girlfriends scented candles because they’re cheap and noncommittal. If you’re an adult, presenting someone with scented candles is the perfect way to start letting them know you don’t care.

• Clothes That Are Way Too Big: Look, when in doubt, buy a size smaller. No one likes opening a gift box and pulling out a sweater that looks like it could house a moose. Holding up a giant article of clothing not only makes us immediately feel fat, but decide everyone else thinks we’re fat too. Total. Depression.

• Giving the Woman in Your Life Appliances: If your mom loves to cook and asks for that new high-powered mixer, or your girlfriend really desires a fancy vacuum, then by all means, fulfill their wishes. But buying these things because you want more cookies and cleaner floors? Douchebaggery.

• Gift Cards to a Crappy Store: Gift cards can be fun, but running out to your nearest CVS or no name clothing store is totally insulting. First, it shows you didn’t think about the person till the last minute, and second, it illustrates unadulterated cheapness. What am I going to do with $25 worth of crap? NOTHING.

• Socks: Even if we desperately need them (because the Laundromat continues to return our laundry with all the left ones inexplicably missing), no one likes to pull out a bunch of socks when they were really hoping for something awesome. Opening up a package of socks on a Christmas or Hanukkah morning is like opening up the front door to greet a blind date and finding out they have a weird, squinty eye. Total fun fake-out.

• Self-Help Books: What, are you saying I have some kind of PROBLEM?!

Have any crap gift experiences of your own? CC wants to hear ‘em!