Single. Free. Blissfully happy.

[Alright ladies, let's give a big CollegeCandy welcome (Read: raise those shot glasses!) to our new single lady! Her name is Emmy and she's a single gal living it up in Chi-town. She's hot, smart...and nowhere near ready to put a ring on it.]

Back in August, my mother and I were standing in Target debating exactly which organizational bins I would need for college when she turned to me and said, “Emmy, please don’t date anyone seriously at the beginning of college. I really don’t want you to get tied down too early.”

Alright, so this was a random topic of discussion for the Home Organization aisle of Target, but I still found myself taking my mom’s opinion seriously. After all, the woman knew her stuff when it came to under-bed storage, so surely she was a wise sage in all things relationship. The truth is, staying single for the beginning of college had been my plan anyway. I dated the same boy for the last three years of high school and being single is a relatively new experience for me. One that I am figuring out and not yet ready to give up. The breakup process was beyond painful, but now I am learning to really enjoy being a single girl.

Yes, sometimes I miss having that male shoulder perpetually there to cry on, and a standing date if there is nothing better to do on a Friday night. For the most part though, I just feel free. I am not always glued to my phone texting or talking to him. I have no one else’s opinion or schedule to take into account. I am not someone’s girlfriend, but rather a person in my own right. I don’t feel guilty when other guys ask me out. I can genuinely enjoy getting to know all the new people, boys included, that I am meeting with no qualms. Plus, it’s a lot more fun to go to parties when you are free to flirt and dance all you want. Then leave and share a large pizza with your girls.

I finally gained back the control over my own life that I didn’t even realize I’d given up. I just finished mapping out my four-year plan for college. It was so exciting, and I realized that at this point in my life, my academic ambitions are trumping my need to find a boy worth dating.  Silly as it might sound, I was reminded that I am an individual, with goals of my own.

At this point, I am not in any rush to be in a relationship. This is my time to focus on me. It might sound selfish, but I am excited! When else am I going to have the opportunity to study in a different country for a year and not feel guilty for leaving everyone behind? I know that the experiences I have on my own will help me define myself more clearly and make whatever relationships I do have in the future that much healthier.

I am having a great time in college thus far; I have a great group of friends and a perpetually full calendar. It seems like I am always meeting new boys and not immediately looking at them as potential dates makes getting to know them as actual people easier.

So for maybe the first time in my life, I am actually following my mom’s advice. I understand the importance of taking time to be single for awhile and the benefits it will have for me in the long run.

Just don’t let my mom know that I was actually listening!

One of the primary lessons of preschool and Kindergarten education is about sharing with others.  Share your milk and cookies, share your toys, share your nap mat, etc.  Growing up with a younger sister, I had these lessons pounded into my head both at school and at home.  That Easy-Bake-Oven cake that I worked so hard on (c’mon, I was six)?  I had to share it with my sister, who did nothing but play with MY Barbies while I slaved over my one-bulb oven.

Well, maybe I’m done with sharing and sacrificing my efforts for others.  Maybe it’s time to be more selfish.  After Googling around for some articles to back up my selfish ambitions, I found that it’s a good thing to be selfish (sometimes).  I think everyone should try it!  Here are the reasons why you should be more selfish:

Less Stress – As college women, we have a million things going on: if we’re not writing three papers for tomorrow, we’re helping our friend move out of their dorm and into their new summer apartment.  What would happen if we (selfishly) decided not to do some of those things? Of course, you do need to do all your schoolwork and whatnot, but maybe you don’t have to plan your friend’s wedding for her.  You also don’t have to go shopping with your sister or watch your boyfriend play community soccer when you could be relaxing in the bath.

More Strength – No, I’m not talking about physical strength.  Just think about all the times you’ve stretched yourself thin by not being able to say “no” to a friend (or acquaintance or classmate or rando person on the street…).  Once you start saying “no”, you can say it more often and with more confidence.  People will respect you more (or, at least, walk all over you less) and you’ll have more strength to decide what requests merit your time and energy.

More Stuff - Back to that thing about sharing milk in Kindergarten…don’t share your milk.  Or any food.  It is very selfish to hoard food, but if you went all the way over to Whole Foods to get that particular kind of avocado dip that you like, then keep it to yourself, sister!  Those chocolates your aunt sent you from France? Hide ‘em.  Same goes for clothes, shoes, test answers, etc.  You don’t have to share.  Sharing is NOT caring – sharing is annoying and can lead to my best friend spilling a margerita ALL OVER MY NEW PUMPS.  Just saying.

You’ll Get Yours – Ohai, Day-At-The-Spa! How nice to see you! Oh, and massively unnecessary shopping trip! You came, too!  Getting yours goes beyond just saying “no” to people.  When you have free time, you should spend a little on yourself…or all of it.  You tired? Take a nap.  Worry about the laundry/dishes/homework/AIM conversations later.  Seriously…do exactly what you want once in a while.  It’ll be good for you (and your deliciously manicured nails).

Better Sex – I guess you can say this is “getting yours” more literally.  Make sex about you and you’ll reap the benefits.  Your partner?  Maybe it won’t be his best time in the sack, but he’ll live.  You’ve made it through a fair few awkward sessions in your life (omg – so. many.), so you deserve to make the fireworks happen in your pants.  Just make sure to warn your pal before you get all nakkie – he might want to know why you’ve suddenly become Drill Sargeant Jill.

It was a feeling that started with the Ocean’s 11 movie franchise, and then Judd Apatow came along and just knocked it into next week: sometimes I just wish I was part of the boy’s club. I want to drink martinis or beer and talk about chicks and make dirty jokes with my friends all day!

Okay, I’m kidding. Well, half kidding, anyway. It does sound like fun.  But more to the point, it got me thinking about gender roles in a broader sense (because why don’t I like girl’s club movies, a la SATC and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, in the same way?) and I reached the same conclusion: “damn, sometimes I wish I was a guy!”

Women’s roles have changed a lot in recent generations, and for that we can all be very, very grateful.  But there are certain things that get me all hot and bothered in the penis envy department. Let’s start with the simple ones:

1. Gotta pee? Pick a street corner!

2. Too hot out? Take your shirt off!

3. Not in the mood for foreplay? It’s optional!

4. Need a haircut? That’ll be $10, please!

5. Your friend is leaving early, so you’ll be walking home alone? No problem!

Okay, those are the easy ones. And now things get a little more complicated:

The Good

Sex! I. Love. Sex. Yet the player/slut conundrum still plagues us, and that, for me, is one of the most grating. And now that men are getting carte blanche left and right to cheat, with studies and authors validating the long held notion that men have a primal need to sow their oats and create as many offspring as humanly possible for the survival of the species, they’re practically expected to bang everything in sight! Women who do that are either a wee bit slutty or defined as “having sex like a man.” I guess that’s supposed to be a form of reclaiming the sexual standard, but as long as it’s still defined in terms of one gender or another, I don’t think we’ve gotten that far.

Also good: Sex without fear of pregnancy (because I’m sorry, you will never convince me that men worry about this as much as women) would be awesome! How many panicked “I think I might be pregnant” phonecalls/IMs etc have we all gotten from friends in our lifetimes? So, fellas, you had some not-my-best-decision unprotected sex?  No morning after pills for you!

The Bad

Women are programmed to care about others more and think about themselves less, and sometimes it sounds so good to just be totally selfish. Taking other people’s thoughts and feelings into consideration can be exhausting, but at the same time we would be wracked with guilt were we to ignore them! What’s a girl to do?

Also bad: This whole “gender pay gap” issue, still unresolved. The Lilly Ledbetter Act gives us hope, but really? It’s 2009. I understand that we may make less in our lifetimes if we choose to have children and work less, but if we are working the same amount in the same job, we damn well better be getting paid the same amount!

The Ugly

Men can carry a little extra weight, age a little faster, and no one seems to mind. I know these are only things we care about because we live in a society that tells us our physical appearance is a priority, and it is within my power to ignore that if I choose. But the fact that I have to choose is what I’m really addressing. I’m not saying it’s SOOO hard to be a woman because we have to be thin/pretty/ young/smart/successful: we don’t have to be anything. But you cannot go through life being unaware of what these expectations are, and deciding to heed them or not is a choice we all have to make. Men don’t seem to have to make that same decision.

Also ugly: Guys, are you 40 and single? Nobody notices!

Any guys out there want to weigh in? Are there downsides to being a guy that I’m not seeing? There are definitely things I dig about being a lady, but I’d love to get an outsider’s perspective.

I am the queen of terrible dates. Good or bad, I’ve always been the girl that “gives him a chance (or two)” often to a fault. After losing some blood, skin, and half of a tooth on my last date (no lie, I can’t make up stuff this good), I decided that enough is enough. No other girl should have to go through the pain of being toothless for two weeks during finals – it’s just wrong.

As a result, I’ve put together a survival guide to navigate you through the three most painful date scenarios you may ever encounter.

1. He wants to pregame with you – before your date.

There is nothing wrong with having a little somethin’ somethin’ before a date, but a trashed date should be a red flag. There are three things that go really well with heavy intoxication: vomit, awkward hook-ups, and injury. Ironically, these are three things clash with dates like Crocs with…anything. So what do you do if your date downs three long islands by the time you order your appetizers? First and foremost, I hope you didn’t wear heels since you will be walking all night thanks to Drunky Danny. If you made the fatal mistake of wearing heels, do not under any circumstances accept any sort of offer from your date to carry you home. Believe me, there is more than one muscle that gets weaker upon intoxication, which may cause him to severely overestimate his strength. Other than that, you can’t really do anything other than put his drunk ass to bed, run home as fast as you can, and never go out with that guy ever again.

2. He’s great at conversation (with himself).

There is nothing worse than listening to the epic tales of a guy that will not shut the hell up. You know how it goes: he’ll start off with the story about the time he took Salvia and thought everybody was a different type of bread. Pretty funny, right? Then that story runs into the touching story of his longest keg stand. Which starts to run into the tale of every single bar fight he’s ever “almost been in.” Yeah, he’s not so funny anymore. When this happens, you should first of all feel flattered that he likes you enough to go to such lengths to impress you. After soaking up that flattery for about five minutes, it starts to get annoying and you need to do something about it. My advice? Say something! He may just be talking because he’s nervous and is waiting for you to take the reins. Once you’ve got those reins, be sure to steer the conversation away from the brag sesh and into something that you may even remotely be interested in. Now if he keeps interrupting you to go back to the self-flattery, then you know that he just loves himself too much for him to have any room in his heart for you. So sit back, listen to the stories, then go home and crack up with your friends about the tool.

3. He is a firm believer in the phrase “Chivalry is dead.”

I know that it’s the 21st century and men don’t need to order our meals for us or anything, but a little special treatment is kinda nice once in a while. There is really no other time that we can enjoy the luxury of chivalry and profuse kiss-assedness like we can on dates. Once in a while, however, you will encounter the anti-gentleman: he walks in front of you, lets doors slam in your face, and expects you to cover your own bus and subway ticket to the restaurant. It could be that he doesn’t care, or that he is completely oblivious. In this situation, however, you need to decide exactly how important gentlemanliness is for you. If you are little Miss Independent (thanks, Kelly Clarkson) and you prefer to do your own dirty work, then this guy may be perfect for you. However, if you’re the kinda girl that likes roses and love letters, then I don’t think this is the Casanova you’re seeking. I find that most girls fall somewhere in the middle, which may force you to (gasp!) evaluate the guy as a whole, not just on the presence of his smooth moves. A mild warning, however – this chilvary-is-dead attitude may indicate a lack of romanticism that may actually become a problem in the future, regardless of your stance on the issue.

Unfortunately, the thing about dates is that there are a really million and a half things that could go wrong. You really can’t know the perfect response to every situation at the exact moment it occurs. But that’s why dating is so fun – it’s completely unpredictable. And hey, if it’s a total disaster, at least you’ll have a good story to tell at next Sunday’s hungover brunch.

Suddenly, you and your roommate are juggling class schedules, study time, piles of laundry, the remote control, and trying to throw intimate time with a guy into the mix. It can be rough, but it can be done. You just need to remain respectful of your roommate, and follow some simple steps to sexile (and be sexiled) without spitefully poking pinholes in each other’s condoms.

1. Have “The Talk.”

Tell your roommate what’s going on. If you move in, and you’re already in a relationship, be honest. Tell her your boyfriend will be coming up one weekend a month, and ask if you can arrange some private time in the room. If you’re single but have a prospect, tell your roommate that you have a date on Friday and ask if she has plans, just in case.

Do not get separated at a party and call your roommate at 3 a.m. to tell her you’re already stumbling home with a boy in tow.

2. Likewise, Keep Score

If you make a habit of bringing home a random guy every weekend and kicking out your roomie, it won’t take long before she’s requesting a housing swap. It’s okay to have a one-night stand, but don’t make your roommate suffer for your own promiscuous needs. She’s more apt to be understanding if she knows she’s giving up the living space so you can spend some QT with your boyfriend, or so you can finally have some alone time with the guy you’ve been crushing on all semester. This goes with rule #1, but she’s probably going to get annoyed if you point out a frat boy at a party and slur, “Can I have the room for a couple of hours?”

Also, if you are sexiling her several times a week, but have never been sexiled yourself, you are being selfish. If this is the case, you may want to read the next rule…

3. Explore All Options

Does it always have to be in your room? Can you steal away to a different hotspot, e.g. his room/apartment/house, the football field, the backseat of his Volvo, whatever? Changing locations will not only make things better for you and the roomie, but it might also spice things up for you and your mate.

If it does have to be in your room, ask if there’s a place she can go so she’s not totally out in the cold. After all, you’re already following rule #1 and having “The Talk.” Maybe she’s cool with crashing on a friend’s futon. Maybe she has her own plans. While it’s not her responsibility to find alternative living arrangements (for the time being), there might be a comparable solution.

4. Try to be Convenient

Kicking her out on a Monday? Maybe not the most considerate thing. Asking her for a few hours when she’s elbows deep in midterms? Pretty selfish. Telling her you’ll be doing the no-pants dance the weekend her parents are coming up to visit? Seriously, get a hold of your libido.

One year, I was told that I had to vacate my room for the duration of Valentine’s Day weekend. That may have seemed reasonable to my roommate and her boyfriend, but I was single and had some single girlfriends coming up to get rip-roaring sloshed. So, my girls and I were homeless while my roommate and her boyfriend had a “romantic” weekend of bunk bed boning. That really irked me. If he was a real Romeo, couldn’t he have sprung for a hotel room? But I digress.

5. Mind the Noise Level

If you have a suite with a common area that is separate from your bedroom and you’ve banished your roommate to the couch for a few hours, make sure she can’t hear you. She knows what’s going in there, but she doesn’t need an audio reminder while she’s being kind enough to catch up on “A Shot of Love” reruns until you’re spent.

6. Don’t Invade ANY Personal Bubbles

This includes the two biggest no-no’s of hooking up in a shared space:

NEVER hook up while she’s in the room and NEVER, EVER do it in her bed. This should go without saying, but come on, we all do stupid stuff when we’re drunk, and throwing hormones into a sh*tshow can equal some VERY bad decisions. It’s also a good idea to shy away from fooling around in shared spaces (read: no BJ’s on the common room sofa). If she catches wind of how you’ve left your scarlet letter on the desk she writes her papers on, she will resent you long after you’ve both moved out and moved on.

When in doubt, use your best judgment and remember what your teachers told you in kindergarten: treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Just remember: a quickie only lasts a few minutes, but you have to live with your roommate 24/7.

Maybe she was so pissed off at getting dumped she just went black with rage and couldn’t think of any other way of getting the attention she needed. Maybe she thought the best revenge was one served to millions of Internet users all around the world. Who knows what made Smith share her very dirty laundry with the general populace. People get irrational when they’re kicked to the curb. The thing that’s important about this weird story?

She’s not the only one.

According to this NYT article, it’s becoming more and more acceptable to spill your guts to the world via blogging, and more and more acceptable to include really intimate details about your relationship (or current lack thereof).

What do you think of this kind of self-involved self-expression? When we whine into a webcam or tear someone apart through a ranty blog, does it come from a need to connect, or just a need for the world to revolve around us? What about people using real names and faces?

Have we become so obsessed with splashing ourselves across the airwaves that we’ve lost sight of what the words “private life” actually mean?

Spill. We want your opinion.

I knew it. My reasoning, initially, was that there is NO WAY that she wouldn’t be the most selfish mother on the planet earth. I figured, she’ll pop out two super demons and quickly drop them off with some nanny named Maria that she can holler at in Spanish on how to raise her children, while she exercises her famous ass off on the Stairstepper and gets back to taking over the world… one floppy umbrella hat at a time.

Oh no, instead she has decided to breed a new set of materialistic, cashmere wrapped, $169 dollar onesie wearing, BABIES. I understand that money is all “perspective” but for Gods sake, what happens when they spit up on their cashmere blankie? Does it become a dish towel, or toilet paper??

The babies don’t know the difference, the parents do. Therefore, J.Lo’s ridiculous spending is just validation that she has an irrational case of diva behavior. Even Beyonce would be impressed by this.

Let’s give you the run down:

-Changing table $1,780….for something that will have shit on it. every. single. day.

-Cashmere cardigan, hat and booties $279

-Two Chelsea Sleigh Cribs $1,390

and a $1,290…..DIAPER BAG. WHAT?! For diapers? That I’m sure J.Lo won’t even tote (but her assistant will).

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if caviar was the first “solid” Jenny From The Block gives her kids.

…Welcome to the world you lucky little shits.

Yet, for some reason, it seems like one evening made me forget everything I have grown to appreciate over the past few months.

While out on a seemingly normal Saturday night last weekend, I met someone when I least expected it. He was intelligent, attractive and attracted to me. (Score!) We spent the evening talking and laughing and having a great time. I genuinely enjoyed the time I spent with him, which was something I haven’t had in a long time. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.

I went home happy and excited. I wasn’t really looking for anything right now, but that is what made my night so thrilling. Still, I didn’t want to make anything more out of the situation than it was: two people hanging out with a side of blatant flirtation. Despite all of my internal dialogue, though, I couldn’t get the kid out of my head. No matter how many times I told myself to stop thinking about it, stop checking my phone and stop daydreaming about what would happen if I saw him again, I just couldn’t.

And it pissed me off.

Twenty four hours before this I was laying on my couch enjoying the time I had to catch up on my reading. I was making a list of gifts to buy for a local shelter. And I was announcing to the world how happy I was to be a single woman. Yet now, against all my better judgment and constant self-talk, I couldn’t get this guy out of my head.

I feel completely pathetic; like I have become one of those crazy girls all the guys talk about. And the worst part is, I can’t stop it. How is it possible that a few hours can change what took months to create? What more can I do to make myself do what I keep telling myself to?

I know that my current situation is taking me down a path of pain and disappointment, but I can’t seem to go in another direction. And no matter how many times I tell myself that 1) I barely know anything about this kid and 2) I really love going to bed early and getting up to go to the gym, nothing is working.

I don’t want to be that girl. I hate that girl.

And I fear that I am becoming that girl.

What can I do!?

And then there are those of us who receive those crap gifts. Opening a package and instantly realizing A) this person doesn’t know us at all or B) this is the stupidest thing someone has ever wasted tape on is always a hard emotion to conceal, but because our mothers taught us to be polite, we do our best. We smile through the pain and secretly hope the receipt is still in the box.

Not quite sure if what you’re about to seal with a bow is a crap gift? Let CollegeCandy give you a few hints.

• Scented Candles: You’re not in junior high anymore, so this gift is no longer acceptable. Confused 12-year-old boys give the girls they think might be their girlfriends scented candles because they’re cheap and noncommittal. If you’re an adult, presenting someone with scented candles is the perfect way to start letting them know you don’t care.

• Clothes That Are Way Too Big: Look, when in doubt, buy a size smaller. No one likes opening a gift box and pulling out a sweater that looks like it could house a moose. Holding up a giant article of clothing not only makes us immediately feel fat, but decide everyone else thinks we’re fat too. Total. Depression.

• Giving the Woman in Your Life Appliances: If your mom loves to cook and asks for that new high-powered mixer, or your girlfriend really desires a fancy vacuum, then by all means, fulfill their wishes. But buying these things because you want more cookies and cleaner floors? Douchebaggery.

• Gift Cards to a Crappy Store: Gift cards can be fun, but running out to your nearest CVS or no name clothing store is totally insulting. First, it shows you didn’t think about the person till the last minute, and second, it illustrates unadulterated cheapness. What am I going to do with $25 worth of crap? NOTHING.

• Socks: Even if we desperately need them (because the Laundromat continues to return our laundry with all the left ones inexplicably missing), no one likes to pull out a bunch of socks when they were really hoping for something awesome. Opening up a package of socks on a Christmas or Hanukkah morning is like opening up the front door to greet a blind date and finding out they have a weird, squinty eye. Total fun fake-out.

• Self-Help Books: What, are you saying I have some kind of PROBLEM?!

Have any crap gift experiences of your own? CC wants to hear ‘em!