Everybody loves to complain about the cheap, crappy alcohol at college parties. But just think, it could be worse. At least you’re not downing a glass of donkey semen and washing it down with a glass of urine. Surprise! That’s exactly what Fear Factor contestants will be doing on the new season of the show. According to TMZ, the episode involves teams of twins who have to down a huge glass of donkey semen and then a huge glass of urine to move on to the next round.
Apparently, NBC execs found the challenge so disturbing that they considered cancelling the episode. But fear not, they gave it the go-ahead and it will be airing this Monday. You’re excited, right? I just have one question – how did they get all that donkey semen and whose job was it to do what needed to be done? That poor, poor NBC intern…
Cookbooks are a staple for anyone who’s branching out and living on their own or with a few roommates. When I lived with two of my favorite college girls, we were constantly shopping around for new recipes to try that would satisfy our culinary delights.
It’s hard, though, to find a cookbook that has exactly what you’re looking for. That’s why, when I came across Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes, I just had to share it. Talk about tempting your culinary taste buds!
The book is reasonably priced, only $24.95 on Lulu and showcases several different ways cooking with semen in the kitchen is a genius idea. Not only is semen good for the body, it also has an amazing, complex taste, like that of fine wines and cheeses.
Another reason to try cooking with semen.. if you’ve got a man, hooray! You’ve got a absolutely inexpensive and cost effective protein supply on hand. Restaurants should also look into semen production as penises are commonly found in most restaurant kitchens. Other locations penises can be found include: men’s bathrooms, office environments, gyms (although no word on how sweat affects taste quality) sporting events and nightlife scenes.
I can only assume that with it’s sometimes tart-like flavor, salty and sweet undertones, semen would be a great ingredient to bring to the table when you’re putting together your next apple pie or Christmas custard!
The book is available until supplies run out! And while many of you might be milking male genitals for extra semen to add to tonight’s alfredo cream sauce, I’ll be in the bathroom puking up my lunch.
I’m slightly ashamed to admit that while asking for opinions on what to write about this week, this topic was suggested by my best friend’s “little” (17-year old) brother. He brought to my attention the plethora of lies that men tell their partners to get them to swallow and/or do a multitude of other things with their manly fluids. While we’re all aware of some of the more commonly used fibs used to get women to do such things (I know a guy who likes to tell people it will help them lose weight) how many of these things are actually true?
Well, never fear ladies, I’m off to Google the real facts on jizz, so you don’t have to have “myths and facts about semen” come up in your Google history. I’m a giver, what can I say?
1. Semen may lower blood pressure.According to MSNBC, ”some studies” show that ingested semen may help lower blood pressure and significantly decrease the risk for pregnant women to develop preeclampsia. Don’t ask me how this works, but I’ll take MSNBC’s word for it.
2. Swallowing semen will not get you pregnant. I’m not even posting a link to this one because it’s just common sense. Your stomach and your uterus are not connected in a way that you can get pregnant. There, now you know. Read More »
This month, Cosmo was especially recession conscious (there were, like, 6 whole articles!), featured a slightly disappointing interview with Leighton Meester (she’s just not as bitchy as Blair Waldorf) and their first ever scratch-n-sniff! But, by far the most…interesting article I read was “The Sex Detective is in!”
Now, the woman-in-trench-coat-peeping-through-blinds picture that accompanied the headline immediately got me excited for the juicy confessions of some private investigator. Boy was I wrong. Instead, Dr. Harry Fisch, author of Size Matters, decoded what size, shape, texture and taste (!!) mean when it comes to a guy’s libido. So, read on to find out what it means if…
…He’s Trim Around the Middle.
Cosmo Says: If the guy’s got a spare tire, all that extra fat will break down testosterone much faster than lean muscle, and “testosterone is the gas that drives the car. If it’s low…he’ll be tired, he’s not going to be able to exercise very much, he’s less likely to be in the mood, and his fertility will be lower.”
Kari Says: Interesting. I didn’t know a little extra padding could be so detrimental to a guy’s sex life. I mean, a huge potbelly is definitely going to lower a guy’s chances of getting laid, but I had no clue it would affect his performance/ potency when he eventually does bed someone. Testosterone must be pretty damn important.
…He’s Got Guns.
Cosmo Says: Yes, Kari, testosterone is pretty damn important. If you want to have great sex, find a guy who’s “trim and jacked” because all those muscles mean more testosterone. Also, tall, thin guys with bodies like noodles don’t produce as much, and some guys won’t produce a lot no matter how much they workout, those hopeless wimps.
Kari Says: Ugh, it’s nice to look at all those fake baked guidos glistening while they spot each other at the gym, but it’s another thing entirely to want to sleep with them. Even if they are producing mucho testosterone (and I’m not sure how black market steroids affect that hormone post-cycle), I think I might rather sleep with noodle boy and have mediocre sex than get my bump and grind on while jamming to house music. Just sayin’. Read More »
Question for the Tuffster?! Email her at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com to be featured in her column every Tuesday! Ask anything, get a Tuffisized answer.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m just curious – what are some sex myths that aren’t true? I keep hearing stuff (like that you can you have sex under water with out a condom and you can’t get pregnant) that I don’t know if it’s true.
Thnx!
Curious
Dear Curious,
Thanks for your question–Tuffy luvs this shiz. Sex myths? Hysterical. But also dangerous. Okay, here’s a list of ones that are just that: myths. Read More »
We all love to sex because, frankly, it’s fun and it feels good. But what if there was another benefit of gettin’ down? What if I told you that engaging in various sexual activities is actually good for you? As in it makes you healthier. Might just make you feel a little better about snuggling in bed instead of hitting the gym the morning after…
It reduces stress – According to an article on msnbc.com, having sex releases endorphins and oxytocin, increasing relaxation, easing anger, and thus improving your relationship. Sex may also cause you to heal faster, get sick less frequently, and even live longer. However, the beneficial effects start to fade when there are problems in the bedroom. According to the article, the situation is a “catch-69, the cruel irony that a proven cure for stress — a hot sex life — is exactly what stress destroys.” That’s definitely enough reason for me to get goin’.
Sex burns calories – Okay, so you can’t exactly skip the gym (every day, at least) to have sex. However, according to webmd.com, a half hour of sex burns about 80 calories or so, depending on your weight. Foreplay can also torch calories – 50 per half hour for a 150 lb. person. Go to this site and enter your own weight and time and see how much you’re burning off during your hook up sesh. Read More »
A new cookbook just came out called…*ahem* Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.
Go ahead, do a doubletake. You will find that the title does indeed include the word semen…and yes, it is about concockting (teeheehee) recipes using bodily fluids.
I’m all about the whole “Don’t knock it ’til you try it” thing, but I might have to reconsider that notion in this case.
Lulu.com is selling the book for a mere $24.95 if you are interested in adding a little twist to this years Thanksgiving dinner, and I think their description of the book is absolutely disturbing…and borderline hysterical:
“Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!”
What do you think CCers…Would you take the plunge and try a Strawberry Splasharita with one heaping tablespoon of fresh semen?
File this under: Fun Things to Bring Up During a Party.
Although it’s not 100% provable, there’s a big movement that claims drinking a glass of pineapple juice a day may sweeten semen.
Since what comes out of us can only be made up of what goes into us, our “secretions” (horrible word) tend to change slightly depending on what we eat.
Dairy and certain types of meat are supposed to make things not-so-nice, while pineapple juice and “high grade alcoholic drinks” are said to make things sweeter.
Illustrating the history behind this news, Jezebel recently found a Del Monte pineapple juice ad from the 1930’s with italics in all the right places:
“Cater to his fondness for flavor” the ad urges homemakers, “…men like the rich, ripe taste of this juice…the bracing refreshment it always brings…and so will you.”
I may not know much, but I know vague references to cunnilingus when I see it.
I’m slightly ashamed to admit that while asking for opinions on what to write about this week, this topic was suggested by my best friend’s “little” (17-year old) brother. He brought to my attention the plethora of lies that men tell their partners to get them to swallow and/or do a multitude of other things with their manly fluids. While we’re all aware of some of the more commonly used fibs used to get women to do such things (I know a guy who likes to tell people it will help them lose weight) how many of these things are actually true?
Question for the Tuffster?! Email her at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com to be featured in her column every Tuesday! Ask anything, get a Tuffisized answer.
We all love to sex because, frankly, it’s fun and it feels good. But what if there was another benefit of gettin’ down? What if I told you that engaging in various sexual activities is actually good for you? As in it makes you healthier. Might just make you feel a little better about snuggling in bed instead of hitting the gym the morning after…
A new 
File this under: Fun Things to Bring Up During a Party.
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