Here are the ten worst summer jobs… which might just make bankruptcy look like the better option.

1.  Amusement Park Attendant
You make minimum wage to stand in the blazing heat all summer, get lobster-red sunburns, and keep little kids in check as they anxiously await their turn on the water slide you’d sell your soul to go down.  You deal with cranky parents demanding that you speed up the line (which you can’t, for everyone’s safety), and clean up puke when the little brats get sick off of the giant ice cream cone they inhaled right before getting in your line.  Oh, and you have to wear a doofy polo with the theme park’s logo.  PASS.

2.  Landscaping and Construction.
These jobs are grueling no matter what time of year.  But when it’s 90 degrees and there’s no shade in sight, you can really do some damage to your body.  Sure, it pays well, but you’re going to constantly battle UV rays, dehydration, and straight up muscle exhaustion.  If you’ve been relatively inactive sitting at your desk and studying all summer, taking on such a physically exhausting job will be brutal.

3.  Flyering.
I wouldn’t include this if I hadn’t done it before, since most of you probably have no clue what “flyering” is.  One summer, I took a one-day job hanging 1,000 door hangers advertising a new ice cream shop on residential doorknobs.  It paid $250 for the day, so I thought it would be cool.  However, that day was spent walking around on concrete for 9 hours (even in sneakers this gets painful), and being paranoid that residents would come out with a shotgun after I left shit on their doorknobs.  Oh, I tried to wear sunscreen, but missed two strips of skin and wore a racer-back tank top.  My sunburns left scars, which look like wings on my back.  No lie.

4.  Flyering- Part 2.
If you live in a big city, there are plenty of companies looking for promoters to hand out fliers advertising their product.  Again, one of the sh*ttier jobs I’ve done in my life.  You stand for hours in the blazing heat, trying to give people a deal… and they get MAD at you for it.  They could just walk away and say “No thank you,” but these people feel like you’re targeting them.  As a flyer-er, I’ve seen everything from people saying the product I’m promoting sucks (not my problem, just trying to make a deal), to strangers thinking that my handing them a piece of paper means they should immediately tell me their life story.

5.  Ice Cream Scooper.
One of two things will inevitably happen.  One – you build huge forearm muscles scooping ice cream for obnoxious tourists in plaid shorts and fanny packs.  It’s crazy hot and the ice cream melts down your arms, so you retreat in a sticky mess every night.  Plus, you can’t even eat any of the goods.  Two – you CAN eat as much ice cream as you like, but you’re sedentary for the whole summer and can’t fit into your bathing suit two weeks after starting the gig.  Oh, and after a shower, you have SPRINKLES clogging the drain.

6.  Theme Park Mascot.
We’ve all heard the Disney horror stories, right? About the theme park characters who aren’t allowed to take their “heads” off, even if they get so overheated they puke on themselves? Need I say more…

7.  Any office work that is totally unrelated to your future career plan.
Let’s face it: you need the money so you do secretarial work all summer and miss all of the beautiful summer pool parties and beach outings, yet get no career experience out of it.  Settling for a desk job simply blows.

8.  Babysitting.
Like the office gig, you’re going to miss out on a lot of fun outings this summer.  Babysitting as a part-time job isn’t so bad, but if you’ve somehow committed to wrangling the neighborhood brats every day for the summer, when you say “NO” to your BFF’s beach party road trip, it will feel like a dagger through the heart.

9.  Housekeeping.
You live in a summer tourist mecca where jobs just sprout over the summer.  EVERYONE’S taking their holiday there, and the restaurant and hotel jobs are flourishing.  Yet, you get stuck as a housekeeper.  Remember that scene from Blue Crush when the surfer girl freaks out over cleaning some drunk football player’s shit out of the bathroom? Yeah, picture that before you agree to be a housekeeper.

10.  Lifeguarding at a Senior’s Center.
You’re not going to have the opp to do mouth-to-mouth on anyone remotely attractive.  And you’re going to get depressed about the inevitable future when you see the wrinkled doing “water sports” in the pool each day.  Yeah… need I even explain that one?

Hey, CC’ers, what jobs are you looking forward to (or NOT looking forward to) this summer? And what are the gigs you passed up on because all the money in the world couldn’t persuade you to punch in every day for three months?

Taking 20 credits, working two jobs, and writing your thesis doesn’t leave for a whole lot of free time, and that’s a pretty hard thing to adjust to. I usually like to procrastinate – I work better with a gun to my head, it seems. But now I have to work in advance, because I don’t have time to do things the way I normally do.

This weekend, I don’t even have time to drink. What is my world coming to?

As for lessons learned these past two weeks or so, I realized the value of backing your sh*t up like your life depends on it. My thesis chapter was due on Monday. I didn’t finish it until Tuesday. Now, because I have an older version of OpenOffice (a free version of Microsoft Office, essentially), when my computer decided to spazz out, I lost 11 out of 12 pages.

Cue comfort food binging.

I binge eat when I’m upset. It’s a problem I’ve been working on for a while now, but I’m worried that this year might drive me back to it – especially when I’m this upset at the very beginning of the semester.

I started work this week essentially calling old alumni and asking them to donate to the college. Some of them ask me what I’m doing when I get out of school, and my uncertain answer usually consists of some variation of “I don’t know.” I’ve always want to work with animals, but I want to continue writing. There doesn’t seem to middle choice that I can find right now…and I don’t really feel like entirely looking for it. I don’t like thinking about the future as it is – planning the next couple years of my life nearly on my own has be a little upset.

Okay, who am I kidding? I’m flipping out.

For now, though, I’m just going to plow through the next couple of days. And maybe on Monday – because I don’t have time to do it on Sunday – I’ll get my drink on. God knows I need it.

I think my senior year might turn me into an alcoholic, you guys.

[Picture courtesy gettyimages.com]

Right about now you are probably rolling a keg back to your house and getting ready to celebrate your last last final. How exciting! Drink up, friend. Drink until the sun (or your lunch) comes up. Take shots, do keg stands, play a long and telling game of Never Have I Ever. Enjoy it.

You are going to need it. Once finals are over and you have tossed that over-priced cap into the air, the real work begins. Unless you, like everyone else, decide to take that 6 week trip to Europe, in which case the real work doesn’t begin until you’ve smuggled your Absinthe back into the country and unpack that over-sized backpack.

This work I speak of is not the job you will be getting post graduation; it is the apartment. The New York Times recently ran a story talking all about the infamous apartment hunt. The article is long and sort of eh, so I will recap it for you here:Finding an apartment in a big city is really f*cking hard.

The prices are ridiculous, the square footage is non-existent and the competition is fierce. Like, Christian Siriano fierce. If you are not ready to sign on the dotted line at that moment, you will lose your dream place. Even if you are prepared, there is no guarantee the owner will agree.

I am sure you have dreams of moving to New York/Chicago/L.A./Washington D.C./Miami/Anywhere that is not your parents’ basement and living the high life: sick apartment, raging parties on your private roof deck and a doorman that hand delivers your packages from mom. Ha.

The reality, as much as it hurts for me to tell you, looks a little more like this: you will go see dozens of apartments, you will cry, your back will start to hurt from the love-seat you are sleeping on until you find your own place, you will cry, you will find an apartment you love that isn’t way too expensive and you will find someone else signed on it before you could get to the rental office, you will weep and call your mom and then go get a brownie, you will eventually sign on a place that doesn’t even come close to what you had imagined. Oh, and you will pay a lot of money for it.

I am not telling you this to make you sad. I am telling you this because when I moved to New York, no one had told me. Sure, I knew NYC was expensive, but I didn’t realize that all I could afford in Manhattan was a room where I could touch all 4 walls at once or that it would take me months to find it.

I just want you, my friend, to be prepared for what is to come and to truly appreciate your life right now until it must come to an end.

Drink it up. And good luck.

Sincerely,

Lauren

As graduation time for many college seniors is looming in the distance, it’s important to remember the wise words of those that have gone before us. The most entertaining and witty of those was a 1997 column in the Chicago Tribune that was published as the author’s own version of a commencement address. It skips all of the b.s. of typical speeches and details why we should simply enjoy our lives right now! The column became famous and I always read it when I need a little boost. Just a little taste…

“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s…

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.”

Read the full column here