Almost as good as latkes. Mmmmm.

Put on your yarmulke, it’s time for Hanukkah! (Chanukkah? Hhannuukkka? I’ve heard there might be a silent “j” in there somewhere…)

Everyone’s favorite Maccabee-inspired, latke-flavored, menorah-lit, better-than-Christmas—yeah, I said it—holiday starts tonight at sundown. And even though I’m hoping to get a few specific gifts this year, there’s only one thing I really want to find wrapped in a giant box on Day Eight: a nice, Jewish boy. I don’t think it’s too much to ask; I go to school in New York City, for Moses’s sake.

But I’m not the only one who should be angling for some Semitic lovin’ this holiday season. Dating Jewish boys is the best, and everyone should do it. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked:

-  They’re funny. If you need proof, Wikipedia has 228 pages in its “Jewish comedians” category. Sure, a lot of them—Woody Allen, Al Franken, Howard Stern—aren’t exactly dreamboats. But Seth Rogen, Michael Showalter, Jon Stewart (real name: Jon Stuart Leibowitz), and plenty of other dudes are the whole package: Jewish, funny, and cute.

- Even if your Jewish guy doesn’t have a quick wit, he might have a Jew fro, which is probably hilarious enough to compensate.

-  Jewish dudes have so many neuroses that your quirks will seem tame and adorable by comparison.

-  They know how to treat a lady. Between the guilt and the daily dealings with a Jewish mother, these boys have learned the rights and wrongs when it comes to interacting with the lady folk.

-  They’re also used to dealing with a big, dramatic, sometimes-embarrassing family, so they won’t freak out when they meet your folks.

-  And speaking of family: if a Jewish guy’s mom likes you, you’re set for the rest of the relationship (and I’m not just talkin’ about all the good cookin’ coming out of her kitchen). My mom still asks my 25-year-old brother why he isn’t married to the girl he dated his sophomore year of college. I think she might even still have weekly phone dates with her.

-  When they get older and start to lose a little hair up top, they can just cover it up with a yarmulke and no one (especially all your girl friends) will be the wiser.

-  Jewish guys come with Jewish holidays (lots of them), which come with Jewish food: kugel, blintzes, bagels and lox, brisket, challah…

-  Maybe best of all, according to the Torah, it’s a mitzvah (good deed) to have sex on Shabbat, a.k.a. Friday night and all day Saturday. Sure, this is only technically true for married couples, but I doubt your Jewish beau will care.

“Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.” –  Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

And that is exactly what I plan to do on this day, National Sandwich Day. Sit in peace and eat my go-to sandwich: the T.B.M sandwich from Cosi. With only a mere three ingredients, this sandwich somehow speaks to my soul and brightens even the darkest of days (no thanks to you, Daylight Savings Time.) If this sandwich was a man, I’d be rolling around in bed with it right now. Hell, maybe I’ll do it anyway.

My love of sandwiches and my love of men run almost parallel to each other on the mathematical graph of my life, intersecting only at the moment someone lets me eat a sandwich and have sex at the same time. That’s the stuff dreams are made of. And until that time comes, I’ve thought up a few sandwich ideas that bring my two weaknesses together.

The “I Love You, Sandwich” Sandwich: A piece of Paul Rudd in between two slices of Jason Segel with a side of honey mustard. Paul is the tried-and-true turkey to Jason’s hesitant-at-first-but-turns-out-to-be-a-party-in-my-mouth avocado. Unstoppable.

Ocean’s 11-Grain Sandwich: George Clooney and Brad Pitt lying neatly between two pieces of multi-grain bread. Let’s face it. George is getting old, bound to be a little gritty. But Brad balances out the sandwich with his smooth and creamy loins texture. Add a little Matt Damon on top for a little extra pop of flavor.

The Knocked-Up Fat Cat: A large submarine sandwich filled with ingredients such as, but not limited to: French fries, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Because who doesn’t get the munchies from time to time? Maybe you can cut it with the Samurai sword you keep in your room.

The Guilty Pleasure Open-Face Melt: Because there’s nothing I like more than Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick and whole wheel of cheese.  As much as you would like to just say no in the face of temptation, I’d like to see anyone deny these Gossip Girl stars…. especially if they’re covered in gooey, melted, cheesy goodness.

The Sloppy Jack: Grade-A man meat Jack Black is a hot mess. But we love him anyway. It’s obviously going to splatter all over the crotch of your pants, but no one ever cries over spilt Jack Black. I want my Manwich, please!

Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I am over them.

Okay, so I’ll always have a weakness for super hot abs (I’m looking at you, RPatz), but I would much rather spend my time with the new class of men out there. I call them the Hunky Beefy Boys and they are redefining what it means for men to be sexy. And I like it.

Thanks to the new comedians out there in Hollywood, charming is in and hot is out. Comedians like Jason Segel, Vince Vaughn, Seth Rogen, and Will Ferrell are now considered Hollywood’s sexiest. Whereas women wouldn’t give guys like them a fighting chance before, these guys are now making the girls swoon.

So maybe they don’t have washboard stomachs or chiseled cheek bones but they have charm, wit, and a sense of humor that make them completely irresistible. And they are all perfectly hunky beefy: tall with a little more cushion for the pushin’, but still fit and mouth-watering.

Traditional hotties of the past like George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt are still sexy, obvs, but they are starting to fall by the wayside for these new guys who have something more than an Abercrombie smile.

So what is it exactly that has us melting like a pat of butter into their husky hands?

Their Humor/Wit/Pure Awesomeness: Honestly, who wouldn’t want to spend time with someone that can literally make your sides hurt with laughter? Any guy can be sweet, but not all guys can be funny. Plus, laughing contracts your ab muscles, so keeping these men around means a much more toned and defined mid-section (legit).

Their Effort in Bed: Most of these non-traditional sexy men don’t have the perfect face and body of the traditional hot men of women’s fantasies. Unlike someone like George Clooney, who just has to look at a woman to get her in bed, these guys have to work for a girl’s attention. And work hard. And what does that mean? It means they’re all about the giving in bed. Which works out well for all of the takers out there. Mainly, me.

Their Charm: Every girl wants a guy that her friends and family can love. A pretty face can only last so long, but a great personality and charm will last forever. Work function, a friend’s party, or a relative’s wedding? These men will not only be fine on their own when you beeline to the bathroom, but will probably be the hit of whatever crowd they’re a part of. Their confidence (and dance moves…thank you, Wedding Crashers) is utterly irresistible to anyone and everyone.

Their Bear Hugs: Nothing feels better than a guy who can wrap his arms around you and make you feel warm and safe. Well, nothing besides a guy who can pick you up and hold you against a wall during sexy time. And, let’s be real, those tall, hunky frames are perfect for snuggle-time too.

So guys, if you’re reading this, don’t worry if you’re no James Dean. Just charm us and make us giggle; you’ll be on your way to sex symbol in no time.

[Photo courtesy of JustJared.com]

We’re on team Rogen. What about you?

Madonna’s got a new song. And it sucks.

Well, that’s a scary statistic.

Honestly, what doesn’t Vera Wang design these days?

The iPhone can rate your sex life.

Do we still need fashion week?

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Middle-aged couple in a diner.)

Man: I can’t do this sudoku.

Woman: You’re looking at it upside down. And that’s the crossword.

(Girls, in a video store.)

Girl 1: We should just take every women’s studies class and replace the curriculum with “Tank Girl.”

(Girl, shouting from a kitchen)

Girl: Who wants some kitten pie?

(Girl and guy, talking in a restaurant.)

Girl: You remind me of Seth Rogen. Like, it’s kinda weird.

Guy: How so?

Girl: Well, like, I feel like you’re probably both into the same weird fetishes. You know?

(Two guys, sitting in a class.)

Guy: Dude, this is so sad. My friend just texted me asking what “IDK” meant. I texted him “I don’t know” and he texted back “MAN NOBODY KNOWS!”

(Girls, reading at a sign hanging in a goth club.)

Girl: “Beach night?” So what’s beach plus goth?

Girl 2: Pirates who weep openly into their lattes?

Girl 3: Pirates who live in their parents’ basement?

(Girl, talking to her friend in class.)

Girl: So, do we have to, like, pay to get on the Dean’s List, or what?

(People on a couch, somewhere behind a crowd.)

Guy: Our grain is gone! The peasants have stolen our grain!

Girl: They need it for their decadent orgies!

Other guy: What the f**k are you guys talking about?

Other girl: That’s how they have sex.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: My boyfriend’s mom came in at 8 a.m., shrieking “where’s my little princess?” Then she sat on me. I don’t think we’re breaking up yet, but it’s close.

(Girl and a guy, getting into separate cars.)

Guy: Call me first, I don’t want to be indisposed when you come over.

Girl: So, f***in’?

Guy: No, I mean, like, taking a shower or walking the dog. I don’t even have a dog.

(Guys, sitting on the patio of a restaurant.)

Guy 1: Yo, so who all’s coming tonight?

Guy 2: Um, buncha folks. You know.

Guy 1: I don’t think I can make it.

Guy 2: S***. Well, now nobody’s coming.

If all the nerdy guys looked like that, you’d be hard pressed to find a dork without a leading lady.

Although the “unlikely” character always gets the girl in the movies, its usually not so in real life. And it’s these unlikely Hollywood celebs that have made an unlikely impression on the general public: people think they’re sexy.

Seth Rogen is the one on the list that is really a no-brainer. He was the chubby awkward pothead in Knocked Up that made Katherine Heigl, and America, love him. So of course he would make the Most Unlikely to Be Sexy list.

And if you saw him in Judd Apatow’s two other films, 40 year Old Virgin and Superbad, then you loved him before Knocked Up and you certainly love him after.

The other on the list is Tina Fey—smart, funny and HOT. Come to think of it, shouldn’t she be on the most likely sex symbol list??

Anyways, as much as Seth Rogen is obvious, the others on the list are not. I have taken it upon myself to list them in my own order (since MSNBC didn’t give them one). And honestly, who doesn’t like a countdown or a list from a list?

In order of “Really? People think they’re sexy?” value:

5. Paul Giamatti

4. Dame Judy Dench

3. Tilda Swinton

2. Peter Dinklage

1. Wanda Sykes

Not that I’m dumping on these celebs. They are all wonderful actors and actresses and I respect them all in their own right. In fact, I think it’s pretty awesome that when some Americans think of sexy, they think of the whole package—personality, talent and wisdom—before just conventional looks.

It’s not I don’t think these stars are hot—it’s more that I’m surprised about the answer these people gave. Because, for once, the real perspective of the American people has been shown.

For a while I was beginning to think we were all just a bunch of superficial assholes. I guess sometimes, people can surprise you.

But I sucked it up the other day, and went to see Knocked Up. I must say, that’s like the funniest movie I’ve seen since, well… 40 Year Old Virgin. I don’t think I stopped laughing— nor did the rest of the theatre—for the entire movie. I could have sat there and watched Seth Rogen for another hour. By the end of it, I was slightly in love with him, and his stoner, weirdo friends. I now also want Leslie Mann (the drunk, vomiter in 40 Year Old Virgin with a much bigger and funnier part in this) to be my best friend. She’s freaking hilarious!

So I was a little upset to read last week that writer Judd Apatow is being sued for ripping the whole thing off. Turns out Canadian writer Rebecca Eckler wrote a startlingly similar book a few years back. In Eckler’s 2004 book titled Knocked Up, an up-and-coming journalist gets pregnant after getting drunk at her engagement party. OK, Katie Heigl is a journalist too, but she’s not engaged….

Eckler even claims that when she started to shop the book around Hollywood, she learned of Apatow’s script— whose cover was identical to her book jacket (a martini glass with a pacifier on the rim). Hmm, this is a little fishy.

I haven’t read the book, nor will I ever probably. The movie is just too damn funny, and I would like to believe that Apatow isn’t capable of such blatant thievery. He released a statement to TMZ (everyone goes straight to TMZ now, don’t they? Goodbye news networks!) which read, “Anyone who reads the book and sees the movie will instantly know that they are two very different stories about a common experience.” I wonder…. Anyone read the book?

I guess we’ll see what the outcome of this fiasco is. Regardless, Apatow is an insanely talented, hysterical writer. From his short-lived wonderful show Freaks and Geeks (does anyone remember that—Rogen was in it too), to the career-making vehicle for Steve Carell 40 Year Old Virgin, he has proved that he’s original, and just plain awesome. I hope it all works out in the end.

I’m also stoked to see Superbad—written by my new favorite, bumbling cutie Rogen, and starring some of the losers from Knocked Up! Though there’s already another pissed off writer claiming they stole the title from him….