And here I thought the discount Absolut was the best part of my Costco membership...

Chanel at Costco? STFU.

I thought the only thing of value they had there was the 40-pack of Trojans for a mere $10. Who knew that between the 80 rolls of Angel Soft toilet paper and the caskets, a myriad of designer brand names could be found at your local Costco warehouse?

New York City residents celebrated the opening of its first Costco by rushing the doors and buying out their stock of Louis Vuitton and Chanel handbags. Oh, did I forget to mention they had Burberry and Coach available for purchase as well? Shock me, shock me, shock me, Costco, with your fabulous merchandise. As if the Costco brand wasn’t designer enough already.

And it doesn’t stop there. 7 For All Mankind jeans? You got it. Michele watches?  No big deal. Paris Hilton’s latest perfume… well I’ll pass on that, but if I ever get the urge to smell like a Can Can dancer, I’ll know where to go.

Costco people are a special brand of human. We live life large. Extra large, if possible. Our carts are always filled to the brim with giant boxes of whatever we can get our hands on. And just when we thought life couldn’t get any better, Costco delivers us the crème de la crème of a shopper’s paradise.

These goodies aren’t available at all Costco’s nationwide (…yet), but I’m just happy to live in a world where it’s OK to purchase a discount case of hot dogs and a Chanel purse at the same time.

I love the fantasy version of dating where everything’s shrouded in a pink mist and it rains sunshine and daisies on you and your perfect mate. Music plays when you kiss, you’re wined and dined, showered with gift boxes from Tiffany’s… and everything’s fantastic because, duh, you’re in love. Or what Dane Cook refers to in many a sketch as “lerve.”

Clearly in Fantasyland there is no concept of money, which is the primary reason I would LOVE to move there and live happily ever after with Christian Bale.

Let’s face it, ladies, the dating game has gotten out of control with expenditures. If you’re doing distance, travel just to see the other person will cost you a small fortune. Between that, the upcoming holiday season, birthdays, anniversaries, Hallmark holidays and oh, remember the generic DATES you’re going on? Yeah those. They’re all costing you.

I admit, there’s nothing more fun than splurging a little on a date-night outfit, heading to a fancy schmancy dinner, going away for a weekend, or getting tickets to a concert or sporting event your new fling would die to see; it makes you happy to make other people happy, I get it. But frankly, unless you’re one of the those lucky bitches who have Mommy and Daddy as your personal piggy bank, odds are you’re young and broke. And more than likely – unless you’re dating up – so is the other person. (Note: Dating up would be the ideal way to do it if money is your concern… I don’t attract these guys, but if you have advice on how to do so, please comment away below. PLEASE.) Read More »

It is impossible for me to find jeans that fit me well. If they are long enough (I stand a tall 5’10), then the rise is too low. If the rise is high enough, the pants are too short. And if I am lucky enough to get those trendy little jeans over my larger-than-average thighs, they rarely make it past my larger-than-average ass (thanks mom!).

Jean shopping for me is like bathing suit shopping for most girls. I absolutely dread it. I wait until the last possible second (like yesterday when my favorite pair ripped in the crotch for the fourth time) before making my way to the store. Once there, I bring armloads of jeans into the dressing room and try on every last one. There are often tears. And there is rarely a purchase.

Recently, though, I have come across a few brands of jeans that truly are made for every body. They are longer than the standard 32” that most designer jeans (Sevens, Citizens, True Religions) run and cut a little more generously for the real female body. Some are somewhat pricey, but when you have problems finding pants like me, the price becomes an afterthought: Read More »