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Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase and a million others about how different men and women are. There are so many differences that we rely on our favorite dudes to help us analyze boy situations and constantly debate the difference between the sexes in terms of love, sex and relationships. But the differences don’t just stop there. According to new research, men and women also differ in how they indulge their sexual curiosity.

Ogi Ogas and Sam Gaddam have been analyzing billions of web searches and found that women are more likely to seek out character-driven stories rather than explicitly visual scenes of sexual activity. Unlike men who need nothing more than a short porn clip (or a hot girl modeling a bra in a Victoria’s Secret catalog) to get aroused, women require more of a story – and an emotional connection – to be stimulated. Proof: women account for 90 percent of sales for the romance novel industry but only two percent of porn site subscriptions.

But why?

Based on the results of this study, it seems that our sexual feelings are closely associated with the idea of the happily ever after demonstrated in all of our favorite Disney movies and chick flicks. Sex is pleasurable on its own, yes, but even our adult fantasies require something more. We need a story, context, and the idea that there is something behind the physical act to really feel aroused. Pictures and videos don’t often provide that, so women seek it out in the written word.

Do these findings translate into the real world? In my mind, yes. If women, on their own, are seeking out more than just the physical images of sex to get turned on, maybe this is just another study that proves that sex really is more fulfilling for women when it’s with someone we know and love.

Another interesting thing to note: while men primarily watch porn alone (no surprises there!), there is a large community of women discussing and dissecting online stories, especially on fan fiction websites. Yes, even something as personal as erotica is a bonding experience for women. Although the fact that women discuss the stuff they’re reading should come as no surprise judging by the tradition of weekend gossip over Sunday brunch.

The thing with sex is that you can’t always tell when it’s just a rut or when you’re sexually incompatible. I mean, at first glance they both look similar — lack of sex, frustration, etc. — but there are a few differences. So before you make any rash decisions, ask yourself:  is the sex just getting boring (but fixable!) or are you and your partner sexually incompatible?

You might be incompatible if…

It’s never been great.
Pain and a lack of chemistry are a couple of good indicators that it’s more than just boring. It’s nearly impossible to enjoy sex if it’s painful (unless you’re into that), and sometimes an off-kilter penis-to-vagina ratio can cause more than a little discomfort. If you never went through a “honeymoon period” where the sex was incredible but eventually died off — or if that period was disappointingly short (I’m talking a week), then perhaps incompatibility is the issue, not a lack of excitement.

You’re fighting about frequency.
It’s normal for one partner to have a higher or lower sex drive than the other, but if that difference is so great that it’s causing nightly arguments, it’s probably not something that can easily be fixed. The problem with hugely different sex drives is that it leaves one partner feeling constantly rejected and the other constantly annoyed. There are other ways to solve this — offer a “loving assist” during masturbation, for instance — but if the biggest issue in your relationship is the infrequency of your sexy time, it might be a sign that you’re just not sexually compatible.

On the contrary, you might just be in a rut if…

It used to be great, but now it’s becoming a little lackluster.
I have some good news — this is completely normal. Remember that chemistry analogy I used before? It’s the same thing. After doing the same thing consistently (even if it’s super fun) it can still get a little boring and predictable. Even more good news is that this problem is completely fixable; all you need is a little excitement. Get out there and have sex in places you haven’t, try new positions, or introduce some toys. Sometimes a change of scenery is nice — but a change of sexy routine is even nicer.

It might be a little boring, but it’s still great.
If you’re compatible with your partner and legitimately enjoy having sex with them, the fact that it’s boring will become a bump in the road rather than a huge problem. If all parties involved are GGG and willing to try new things, your sexual rut will most likely pass — sometimes we just need a reminder of how much we enjoy having sex with our partners to really appreciate it.

There are few things more frustrating than wanting to have sex and not being able to. While this sometimes can be self-inflicted (still not getting any, btw), this week we’re going to talk about low libido and the reasons that sometimes women just can’t get in the mood – no matter how hard they or their partners try.

This problem is much more common in women than it is in men (although it does happen in both sexes). While initially this might seem like a slight inconvenience but NBD, ladies that deal with this often feel alone and frustrated. We all think that we’re supposed to be sex machines, and when that just doesn’t happen, it results in a feeling of failure, and even depression. The inability to sustain a healthy sexual relationship can be a real downer if not handled by two people that have an understanding of what’s actually going on.

Of course, sometimes a person just doesn’t have a high sex drive, and that’s okay. Lack of libido only becomes a problem if it’s affecting you negatively or causing problems in your relationship. So are you supposed to grit your teeth and bare it, for the sake of being GGG and to make your partner happy? While this might work for a little while, eventually resentments can kick in and the whole “grin and bare it” thing won’t work anymore.

Before chalking mismatched libidos up to a lack of sexual compatibility, it’s important to keep in mind that sometimes a low sex-drive can be caused by a serious illness or hormonal imbalance that can be corrected with the help of a doctor. So, ladies, here’s a list of possible causes for low libido. Sadly I’m not a doctor and I can’t e-mail treatment to you, so if this is a problem get in to see your doctor pronto – then get back in the game!

Birth control – Yep. While pumping your body full of hormones is great for keeping it without child, sometimes those same hormones can mess with your sex drive too. This will most likely be the first thing your doctor will try to change, giving you a pill with a different hormonal cocktail can help get those sexy juices flowing again. (That sounded wrong….)

Stress, depression, and/or lack of sleep – College life can take a pretty serious toll on our bodies and minds. With so much going on, it’s no wonder that sometimes we don’t feel like doin’ it. Wait it out, eat right, give yourself a good hunk of “me time,” and see if that straightens it out. If not, it’s probably a good idea to see your doc.

Relationship Problems – Whether they are conscious or subconscious, the body knows when something is just not right. Did something happen to turn you off of sex? Is there something you need to talk to your partner about regarding your sex life? Is there something deep-down telling you that maybe the relationship is over?

Drugs/alcohol — Abusing drugs and/or alcohol screws up your system and can often affect your sex drive. Don’t believe me? Quit the drinking/drugs and see if it helps with the sex drive. It’s worth a shot, right?

Genetics – This study found that there may be a genetic link that affects how often we want to get busy. That means, if our parents have a happy, healthy, and frequent sex life, we’re genetically predisposed to having the same. As much as we don’t want to think about our parents all naked and sweaty, this is one time we should hope our parents have a lot of sex.

Other health problems – Like I said, I’m not a doctor. But you can find a whole list of illnesses that can lead to a decreased sex drive. Liver issues, diabetes, and thyroid problems are among the most common, but like I said – see a doctor.

While frustrating and disappointing, often a sex-drive so low that it’s causing you concern is also a symptom of something more serious. Go see your doctor. It’s better safe than sorry, right?

Oh, and while you’re there, why not go for a PAP smear and STI check too?

Better start having babies, ladies!

Looks like women 27 and older are deemed “low fertility” by docs.  The professionals also link this sudden decline to why late-twenty-somethings have an increased sex drive, frequent risqué dreams, and a higher willingness to partake in casual sex.  Geez, and here I thought it was because of post-work Happy Hour.

Would you trade your successful career to have the family you want?  If you answered yes, you’ve got a lot in common with one blogger.  Luckily, our favorite celebs have found a way to balance kids and careers.  Here are the pics to prove nannies don’t do all the work!

Q: So,  I’ve had a boyfriend for over 6 months now. I really love him and find him sexy, but for some reason I have zero sex drive right now. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I think he’s getting a little mad that I never want to do anything. I will sometimes hook up with him because I feel that I should want to and that maybe I’ll get more in the mood, but it’s never good. I’ve been on the same pill for 2 years, so I don’t think it’s that. Is there a reason why I have this change or any ideas on how to fix it?!

A: Sex drive in women is a complex beast. While men may need little more than a pretty smile to get them in the mood, most women require more.  Factors that can contribute to decreased libido include  (among others):

- Feeling tired or stressed
- Side effects from medications such as birth control pills/patch/ring or anti-depressants
- Feeling unsafe or unloved in your relationship
- Hormonal imbalance
- History of sexual abuse or trauma
- Chronic medical conditions, such as diabetes

Unlike men, who may pop a Viagra or put on a porn video to get in the mood, a woman’s libido is fussy.  Do you masturbate? Does that still feel sexy to you? Are you able to orgasm, either by yourself or with a partner? If masturbation is still fun and you’re able to orgasm, chances are that it’s more psychological than physical.

If decreased sexual arousal distresses you, talk to your doctor, who can investigate whether there’s a medical reason for your low libido. Ask your doctor whether switching the brand of your birth control pill or trying another form of contraception might help. If your doctor gives you the clean bill of health, here are a few tips you might try to give your libido a boost.

- Schedule intimate dates. If you’re waiting until 11pm to think about hooking up, your body might have other ideas. Plan morning dates or early evening dates to give your body the chance to feel stimulated.
- Try Laura Corn’s 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex (or Grrreat Romance, if you’re not as daring).  This book includes tear-out pages of fun seductions For Him or For Her. Some are pretty risqué, but all are sexy. Just the simple act of planning a seduction can be a turn on.
- Experiment with erotic film, books, or magazines. Keep an open mind and check out whether anything turns you on.
- Have a hey day at a sex toy store. You never know what might get you in the mood.
- Try erotic role-playing. Maybe you’ve always wanted to hook up with a cop. Perhaps your boyfriend would play along.
- Try sexual arousal aids, such as Zestra, a sexy botanical oil that may be just the trick for you.

Keep in mind that every woman in unique, so no one thing works for every individual. But the more you set the intention to spice up your sex life, the more likely you are to succeed. Do you want your sex drive to improve? Say so. Talk to your girlfriends. Write in your journal. Commit to it. Then, with an open mind, set forth. You just might be surprised.

You got a question for Dr. Lissa? She’ll answer anything – yes, even that – so leave your question in the comments or email it to us!

I’ve always known caffeine isn’t the best method to induce an energy boost, but I think it’s usually the easiest and most available choice. (Plus it’s an appetite suppressant, which satisfies the slightly calorie obsessed voice in my head.)

In an effort to make myself more nutritionally savvy and less lethargic, moody, or bitchy, I’ve uncovered which foods mend any state of mind and body. These foods are better for your bod and much more effective than the sugar/caffeine you usually turn to in your times of need.

Lacking Energy
Grab a handful of trail mix, and I’m not talking about the fattening, full-of-disgusting-preservatives kind. I mean, nuts and raisins. Nuts, like almonds, peanuts, and cashews stock the body with protein and magnesium which is important in metabolism, nerve function, and muscle function. All things we need to stay alert.

Feeling Fat
Ugh, I hate these moments and the last thing I’d ever want to do is eat. But research suggests you eat some lean meat. The protein fills you up and speeds your metabolism, which ultimately cuts cravings. High-protein diets have been proven to help build muscle and attack extra belly fat. Although I’m not sure I totally believe this one, I’m willing to give it a go.

Hanging Over
Usually when I get home from a long evening of binge drinking, I’ll eat multiple slices of pizza and chug glasses upon glasses of water. Apparently we can do more to ward off feeling like poo the next day: Drink O.J. Fructose, a sugar found in orange juice, can speed the body’s metabolism of alcohol by as much as 25%, so by morning you’ll feel almost normal. The Vitamin C also helps combat cell damage that results from excessive drinking.

Getting Laid
Unfortunately there isn’t a food out there that will ensure you get action whenever you want. However, if you need a little help getting in the “mood,” dark chocolate is the best way to go. The cocoa in chocolate contains stimulants that increase your body’s sensitivity, as well as a chemical that can give you a slight natural high. A study found that women who ate chocolate (with at lease 60% cacao), had a higher sex drive than those who didn’t. Um, any excuse to eat chocolate sounds good to me.

Working Out
In the past, I’ve been unsure about what to eat post-workout. I know it should include protein, but it’s been proven that carbs are very important too: 20-30 grams of protein along with 50-65 grams of carbohydrates help build new muscle and repair old muscle. So grab a slice of toast with peanut butter or some brown rice with chicken.

It’s kind of incredible how certain foods affect the body. Eating the right thing at the right time can make all the difference!

Maintaining a healthy diet and working out obviously has beneficial effects for our body and well-being. But need another reason to trade in the fries for some fruits and vegetables? Need extra motivation to get yourself to the gym?

Well, here you go:  These things may also have an effect on our sex life.

And not in a “eating carrots means a hotter bod” sorta way. There are tons of  healthy foods out there that actually pump up that libido of yours.  And although most of us probably are at that age where we don’t exactly need an extra boost, we might as well take one anyways! Can’t have too much of a good thing, right?

Asparagus: Sure this stuff makes your pee smell, but as long as you’re not partaking in a golden shower, this veg is wonderful for your sex life. This long green stringy aphrodisiac happens to be very high in Vitamin E, which is also known as ‘the sex vitamin.’ Who knew there was such a thing? And why doesn’t it come in pill form? Anyways, just munch on this veggie for an instant libido booster.

Yoga: Yoga helps you become stronger and more flexible, meaning you can bend yourself into more fun positions and use that newfound strength to stay there a little longer.

Basil: Basil increases circulation, stimulating the sex drive. In fact, it was once used by Mediterranean prostitutes as a perfume to attract costumers. Put down the perfume and start working basil into your diet.

Bananas: Despite the suggestive shape of these fruits, the real libido boosting aspect is the fact that they are rich in potassium and B vitamins, which are vital for sex-hormone production.

Cardio: Cardio exercise releases endorphins, those feel-good neuro-chemicals that make you all warm, tingly and ready for a romp. It also builds your endurance, meaning you are good to go for a long time when the “opportunity” arises.

Garlic: This one is tricky, because although it does contain high levels of allicin, a compound that improves blood flow to the sexual organs, your partner may want to gag every time you breathe. I’d save this one if all else fails.

The sun: Spend more time outdoors! Natural sunlight suppresses the production of melatonin, which produces hormones that stop your body’s natural appetite for sex.  No wonder everyone’s more frisky in the summertime.

Maca: This cruciferous vegetable has been used in Peru for thousands of years. In fact, during the height of the Incan empire, legend has it that Incan soldiers were forbidden from using Maca….to protect the conquered women from their powerful sexual impulses. It contains a high level of minerals, enzymes and essential amino acids, all of which are essential for libido. Looks like we can thank the Incas for this one.

Pilates: Strengthening exercises that work your core and the deep lying pelvic floor muscles are well-known to be related to better orgasms.

The stereotype is that it’s always the guy who initiates sex and the girl who turns him down. Well, contrary to popular belief, not every college guy is looking for some sexy time. [Yes, these mythical beings do exist and, as luck would have it, I got stuck with one.] Seriously, my boyfriend has the nerve to call me a “hornball” for all my honest efforts to get him laid.

Case and point: Everyone knows that home movie nights are the best times to get a little groping action going on, but my attempts at playful fondling always end with a humiliating, “Why don’t you ever just want to cuddle and watch the movie?”

I do want to watch the movie, you idiot. It’s called multi-tasking.

I just don’t get it, it’s not like he’s gay. He’s not a prude either. We’ve done it in a public park, for goodness sakes (a story for another time). And he definitely isn’t saving himself – a little too late for that one, bucko. So I’m forced to chalk it up to a lower sex drive, which seriously sucks for me and my libido.

Plus, do you know how seriously damaging it is to your ego when you’re scantily clad in lingerie and your man turns you down? Talk about humiliating. I love him but, dammit, a girl’s got needs.

What about you? Would you date a guy with a lower sex drive? Is love (not the physical kind) enough to satisfy you?

[Photo courtesy of parduephotos.com]

If you’re in college, chances are you’ve run across those infamous peach pills at some point. I’m talking about Adderall. These little orange suckers are everywhere, from the library to the lecture hall…to your local sketchy party.

Adderall is designed to be used as study tool for students diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but you don’t need to have either diagnosis to feel the desired effects of this drug. It’s an amphetamine, so it enhances your attention span and wakes you up, thus helping you pull all-nighters during finals week and just have more stamina for academia in general.

Basically, it’s like Red Bull. On cocaine. With five iced lattes.

But, Adderall is not always used for it’s intended medical purpose (shocker!). These pills can also aid in weight loss, making it popular with girls looking for an easy way to shed the pounds. Not only that, but it’s used to help people party more effectively. Adderall keeps you awake and sharpens your mind, both allowing you to keep that party goin’ a little longer.

As a prescribed user of Adderall, I have used the drug for all of the above reasons. I’ve taken Adderall to help me write twenty pagers, to drop some of my winter weight, and to party.

My Adderall partying usage has ranged from popping half a pill to invigorate bar-hopping to snorting mass quantities of the stuff with a small group of friends. (The latter is not so fun. Putting anything up your nose is foolish, and Adderall is no exception.) At first it was exciting; your heart beats a million miles a minute and you can’t stop talking. Anyone you’re having a conversation with instantly becomes your best friend. You get them; they get you. Best of all: it doesn’t give you the munchies, and due to the sharpening of the mind, you can drink like a sailor and still keep your composure.

However, four hours later, you start to become sick to your stomach. The happy high wears off and all you want to do is hide for days. After a particularly intense binge I remember my crash more distinctly than the high because it was that terrible. Not to mention, this binge did some serious damage on my immune system and didn’t help my mono. Even worse, the people I did it with that time just talked about Seinfeld. All night. At a lightning fast pace. Then we ended up watching Fight Club, and I couldn’t even appreciate Brad Pitt’s hotness because you know what else Adderall does? Takes all the blood away from your downtown area and rushes it to your brain.

No sex drive, yippee!

Even after the lame experiences of partying with it, I still take Adderall for classes and my studies. I’ve learned to use it in moderation and only when necessary. Most importantly, I refuse to give it to people, especially friends. When people know you have it, it’s difficult to know whether they want to see you for you, or for your orange bottle.

What are your thoughts? Any experiences with the peach stuff, good or bad?