My roommate recently told me a story. It was a bit graphic in nature, so I won’t share the dirty details here, but it involved her, her boyfriend, and an orgasm so intense she actually experienced female ejaculation.  Yeah, maybe we share a little too much information.

I was intrigued. (And slightly interested in borrowing that BF for myself…)

Female ejaculation is an elusive experience held by many men to be the epitome of female orgasm.  Why? Because it’s viewed as proof of an orgasm, a job well done. Women don’t have to worry about whether our partner enjoyed himself or not – there’s something sticky to prove it. But men aren’t as lucky; most of us can convincingly fake an orgasm if need be, and men realize this.

Squirting, or female ejaculation, however, can’t be faked. It is also something new and exciting and who doesn’t want to experience a new level of physical pleasure?

As enticing as it may be, female ejaculation is still an experience most us only hear stories about or see in porn…or Sex and The City. There’s debate about whether it even exists. I don’t doubt it exists, but my question is how, how often, and for whom? In my entire internet search, I couldn’t find one trustworthy medical site with an article on female ejaculation. The best I could do was livestrong.org (weird, I know), which says:

“Female ejaculation is thought to be a release of fluid from the Skene’s glands…  The Skene’s gland is similar to the prostate gland in guys. It produces a fluid that is similar to the chemical composition of prostatic fluid, the fluid that makes up the majority of semen. Some women may produce greater amounts of fluid from these glands than others, which explains why some women release a large amount of fluid during an orgasm while others do not… Not all women have the capability of ejaculating and those who do cannot each time they have intercourse. It is also not something that takes place every time a female experiences an orgasm.”

Great. So not only is the information hard to find, but the news isn’t so great, either. Some of us can do it and some of us cannot? Those of us who can do it can’t do it every time?  And there is no way of knowing how to make it happen?!

Despite the lack of scientific information, however, there are an abundance of first-hand accounts (like this one).  There are also guides like this one, claiming that any woman can learn how to ejaculate. But I’m skeptical; I’ve had plenty of g-spot stimulation in my life and never felt like I might explode. I have, however, had plenty of insanely intense orgasms. And that’s gonna have to be good enough for now.

You learn things from your teachers, parents, friends and peers that shape who you are as a person. People tell you to do this, to do that, that this is right, this is wrong, etc. But ultimately, when it comes down to it, what you do is your personal decision and you are going to do whatever you want, regardless of what other people are telling you. Right?

Right. And that’s the way it should be.

Sex is one of those things. If you want to have to sex, you’re going to have sex even if you are taught that abstinence is just, like, the best thing ever.

That’s why it only makes sense that federal funding for abstinence-only education was cut from the budget in the House subcommittee. The study ordered by Congress from two years ago proving that “students who participated in sexual abstinence programs were just as likely to have sex as those who did not” has FINALLY been acknowledged and acted upon. Seriously, its about time.

We could have saved over a billion dollars if we had realized this before Bristol Palin got knocked up and started telling the world how terrible being a teen mother is, but what’s done is done. At least she’s helping to populate Alaska. Let’s just be happy that the decision has been made and kids in many parts of this country will not be exposed to “Keep it in your pants” lectures. Instead, these current funds once devoted to abstinence-only programs will be directed to “a new teenage pregnancy prevention initiative, with an emphasis on comprehensive sex education.” (Editor’s Note: Just show those kids an episode of 16 and Pregnant. That’ll teach them to wrap it up.)

But despite the vote on Capital Hill, some people still need a little convincing. Leslee Unruh, President of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse (sounds like a really fun place), is not so happy about the cuts. “We’ve got news for the condom worshippers, abstinence education is not going away any time soon. Taxpayers will not tolerate their money being used for ideological latex-only programs and the molestation of their children’s minds and future.”

Wow, looks like someone needs to get laid.

Abstinence and sex education was a hot-button issue in our recent election.  It was also a funny and ironic topic, considering the events that played out.  The Republican party was making grand speeches about abstinence-only education and the virtues of waiting until marriage (a la The Jonas Brothers) while Bristol Palin was out getting knocked up.  Hah.  Apparently she doesn’t watch Jon & Katie Plus 8 (or do any babysitting), ’cause that pretty much closes up shop downtown for me.

As long as people continue having sex before marriage, there will be people trying to stop them.  The best part about this (well, the only good part, actually) is the advertising.  Here are the Top 5 Funniest Abstinence Ads Ever. If these don’t make you want to change your sexy ways, I’m not sure what will:

I always knew deep down that engineers could never get laid, and now I know it’s true:

Do you think you get a thank-you note for that? (You know, besides the inability to sit for three days…)

Pretty sure abstinence isn’t a choice for the guy in the middle:

Old school, yet effective. Nothing like a little fear (and a cartoon dictator) to keep people’s legs closed.

Iowa’s abstinence mission tries so hard to be hip and with it. They get us, they really get us!

Americans are well known for their affection for, and addiction to, theme parks.  We have Disney Land, Disney World, Lego Land, Sea World, and a plethora of other immensely entertaining places.  What we don’t have is a theme park about sex.  Guess who else doesn’t have one?  China.

While that may sound like a no-brainer, China was recently set to open a theme park called Love Land.  It was meant to promote open sexual discussion in a society where tradition and conservatism still reign with an iron fist.  The park was to feature huge reproductions of male and female genitalia, how-to workshops and other fun activities and displays.  However, all of that was razed today after a weekend inspection by government officials deemed the park vulgar and sensational.  Well, duh, but how awesome is that?

The question is: where’s ours?  Don’t we as Americans, especially young and virile Americans, deserve a theme park dedicated to our favorite pastime?  Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Mickey Mouse and friends, but I would much rather spend a hot summer day sweating it up on sex toys and whatnot than random cartoon characters (because that’s just creepy).

Just think of all the possibilities: roller coasters based on the Kama Sutra (“It’s a wild ride!”), water slides that really get you wet (tee hee), and a nightly fireworks display that heats things up.

Now that China has put its foot down and stomped out the sexy times, is an erotic theme park fated to be only a delicious pipe dream for those long summer days?  For those lucky enough to be in the general area of South Korea, the answer is no!  Love Land actually exists on Jeju Island and visitors can experience many of the same exhibitions and activities that were set to open in China: giant statues of genitalia, how-to masturbation and sex position exhibits, and lots of yummy works of erotic art.

Masturbation? Art? Penis? Sex? Hot Asian men? How much is a plane ticket to South Korea again? Oh yeah….  Well, until the day comes where I can get a flight to South Korea for less than the price of an entire semester, I’ll have to settle for the American Love Land.

As in, the Love Land that exists in all of our bedrooms and can’t be torn down. Take that, China!

Bristol Palin sat down to for her first interview since having her son in December and, true to Palin form, it was a little hard to sit through. I realize that it’s hard being a teenager. It’s hard to balance school, work, friends, family, and, um, baby daddies, but really, Bristol didn’t do a great job of convincing us she is mature enough to be a mother. She seemed very, very young, peppering the conversation with lots of “likes” (I counted 25).

I was really interested to hear what she had to say about teenage pregnancy and sex education and interviewer, Van Susteren, delivered. Bristol was forced to answer questions such as how has her life changed, how she feels about being a mother and what was it like to tell her parents she was pregnant (to which Bristol replied, “It was, like, harder than labor”).

Bristol Palin seemed really intent on people learning from her story, which I found really admirable. Unfortunately she hasn’t really come up with a game plan on how to make that happen. Throughout the interview she seemed to be telling us to “wait, like, ten years,”  but I’m not really sure what we’re waiting for. Waiting to have sex? Waiting for sex education? Waiting for marriage? The whole thing seemed a little murky.

Especially when Susternen hit her with the big question: to abstain or not to abstain?

Bristol struggled with this question but ultimately said “everyone should be abstinent, or whatever, but its not realistic at all.” I was thrilled that in her own way she finally admitted that abstinence-only education is unrealistic, but I was still confused as to why she spent the rest of the interview stressing that teens should wait (“like, 10 years”) to have babies.

The thing that bothered me most about this interview is that she has so much power and influence to effect change, having experienced teen pregnancy in the public eye, but can’t manage to speak to the public to enforce these ideas (something that bothered me about her mother as well). For example, Bristol ends the interview by saying she hopes to be an example to learn from and an advocate to teen pregnancy. Yet, Bristol barely touches on the hardships of being a teen mother and explains how awesome it is when her son smiles back at her and how much she loves being a mom. I’m sure it is life changing and emotional to become a new mother, but I just really wish she had maybe talked about contraception and education instead of refusing to go into those details.

Then again, her mother has always been an advocate for abstinence, so maybe Bristol isn’t sure what she can or cannot believe.

In case Bristol was too shy to say it, I’ll say it for her: “Abstinence doesn’t work. Use Condoms!”

How did Santa know I wanted a “Full House” reunion for Chirstmas?! He’s good.

100% natural cheek and lip stain…if someone licks your face it’ll taste yummy!

For your entertainment pleasure: a breakdown of why Sean Avery is a D-bag.

Make your eyes sparkle this winter!

Eco-friendly jewelry…a green girl’s best friend!

Need a study break? 20 hotties in less than a minutes…just a quick fix.

Does Gossip Girl’s Jenny get her own show!?

Seriously, Heidi? Get over yourself!

There ARE such things as stupid questions…

Great gifts for your co-workers under $25! They don’t pay you enough anyway…

When sex ed fails…

Spencer and Heidi keep talking. Burn hole in my brain.

Tom and Katie are still married…and happy.

Rhode Island mandates domestic violence education in schools.

Sarah Palin damns us all to hell. See ya there!

Lakisha Jones (from American Idol) got married…and everyone is really excited.

Leo can’t be anything but sexy.

No more sexy time for Brad and Angelina.

God, we wish we worked at airport security right about now.

Women don’t let this recession get in our way of beauty!

Justin Bobby and LC? NO WAY!

Happy (sorta) Birthday, Miley Cyrus!

Do you experience drunk-o-vision?

Amy Winehouse’s nose says, “I QUIT!”

Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz (fashion) emergency.

Did Joe Biden have a little work done? (We knew it!)

This is not a new story, but CNN recently did a report on it and I feel the need to once again air my consternation over Purity Balls. Never heard of a Purity Ball? Well, it’s when fathers and daughters dress up and dance together and pledge to a giant cross that they will forever be linked when it comes to the daughters’ virginity.

If it sounds just a little creepy, that’s because it is. There’s nothing wrong with fathers taking an active role in their daughters lives, and I don’t even see anything wrong with fathers talking frankly to their daughters about sex and the consequences — but there’s just something inherently weird about a daughter pledging to her father that she will remain a virgin until marriage for him.

“Kylie Miraldi has come from California to celebrate her 18th birthday tonight. She’ll be going to San Jose State on a volleyball scholarship next year. Her father, who looks a little like Superman, is on the dance floor with one of her sisters; he turns out to be Dean Miraldi, a former offensive lineman with the Philadelphia Eagles.

When Kylie was 13, her parents took her on a hike in Lake Tahoe, Calif. “We discussed what it means to be a teenager in today’s world,” she says. They gave her a charm for her bracelet–a lock in the shape of a heart. Her father has the key. “On my wedding day, he’ll give it to my husband,” she explains. “It’s a symbol of my father giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector. He becomes like the shield to my heart, to love me as I’m supposed to be loved.”

Okay, on one hand — how sweet, her dad is pledging to protect her until her husband takes up that role, but on the other hand — this girl, and girls engaging in Purity Balls with her, are basically telling themselves and the world that men are the determining factors in their lives. Daddy will “control” my virginity until my husband comes along and takes that “control”.

I’m not here to bash anyone’s religion, and even though Purity Balls are a Christian thing, it’s not the praying and the whole “I’m doing it for God” that rubs me the wrong way; it’s the complete lack of feminist thought. If girls were simply promising themselves to wait until marriage to lose their v-card, then why make their fathers part of the pact? Why not make a promise to their mothers that they’ll stay strong women together? I know that Conservative Christianity usually allows the man more power than the woman, but if these fathers really love their daughters the way they say they do, why not pledge to allow them to become their own woman on their own time?

The CNN article doesn’t really touch on the heavy-handed patriarchal thought process that goes into Purity Balls, but that’s the exact part of the ritual that frustrates me. People can believe what they want and pray to whom they choose and promise to stay virgins until the cows come home — but when women sign away control of their own bodies to the men in their lives, that’s when I want to call bullsh*t.

Warning: This post contains spoilers!

Recently USA Today ran an article questioning Juno’s portrayal of teen pregnancy. It seems that some people worry the movie glorified the whole thing.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think they missed the point of Juno. One of the quotes in the article suggests that teens won’t see that Juno faced any consequences, because the baby was “handed off.” Juno ended up with her boyfriend and was able, presumably, to go on with life as usual.

Sorry, but I think that’s BS. First of all — and I don’t know how many times we have to stress this before the right-wingers get it — pregnancy is NOT about punishment. Yes, the movie ended happily, but it wasn’t because Juno didn’t face any consequences. It was because she made a big, and really tough, decision. I don’t think that even a self-involved teen is going to miss that.

Furthermore, let’s not forget the outcome of that decision: By giving her baby up for adoption, Juno made another woman’s dreams come true. Honestly, you’d think the conservatives would be happy about a movie that promotes adoption as an alternative to abortion!

Okay, so Juno doesn’t portray teen pregnancy as one of Dante’s nine circles of hell. So what? To be perfectly honest, I think it portrays it realistically. Choosing between abortion, adoption, and keeping the child is a difficult decision, no matter how self-involved the teen is. And contrary to what many adults would apparently like teens to believe, getting pregnant does not mean the end of the world. Girls survive teen pregnancy every day — maybe a little worse for wear (like Juno), but they get through it.

I know what Juno opponents are afraid of. They think that if they praise Juno’s decision-making abilities after she becomes pregnant, then teens will interpret that to mean that getting pregnant is okay. Personally, I think Juno’s struggles speak for themselves — the viewer knows that even if everything turns out all right, it was a difficult road that got her to that point.

While so many parents out there seem to be overwhelmingly concerned with keeping their teens’ Myspace pages private and making sure their Walmart-bought CD’s are equipped with “Parental Advisory” stickers; their teens are still getting into trouble.

We know this because we were teens not too long ago. The more you are protected by your parents, the sneakier you learn to be. It’s no accident that some of the worst kids you knew in high school came from some of the “best” families. Teen girls rebelling is about as natural as shopping or gossiping. If all of their parents only knew what they were doing at all those “sleepovers”….

Well, what it seems like they’ve been DOING…are the boys from school.

At least one in four girls out there between the ages of 14-19 has a sexually transmitted disease. This alarming study has brought a lot of attention to the fact that teens ARE, regardless of what we want to believe, having sex.

Some have jumped to the conclusion that this STD rate is a direct effect of all of the abstinence talk promoted throughout schools. This particular argument is an easy one for me to get on board with. After all, my own parents taught me nothing about SAFE sex…I was only taught about NO sex. Did that stop me from having sex? Absolutely not. It just made me a lot less smarter about sex at first than I had to be.

While I do think that these numbers are at least partially a result of teens not using proper protection…I’m not sure that’s all there is to it. The virus that can cause cervical cancer, HPV, was by far the most common STD found in the teens who participated in the study. But was it so common because teens weren’t being safe with their sex? Well, see, that’s what I’m not sure about.

The more research I do on HPV, the more unavoidable it honestly seems. If you catch the strand that causes genital warts, well, then you can see it. However, the kind of HPV that causes cancer does not have any symptoms at all. Girls can get tested for the virus and they can also get the relatively expensive vaccine. However, it seems as though HPV can be spread in almost every way possible. It’s not just through vaginal, anal, and oral sex. It’s through any sort of genital contact. How can condoms help this?

It seems as though the only REAL way to avoid HPV is to find a partner who you can confirm doesn’t have it after making sure that you don’t have it yourself. AND somehow knowing for a FACT that your partner is not cheating. How many teens are going to do this? In fact, how many single people, in general, are going to do this?

So the only other option is apparently this: Oral sex can only be performed with a condom on or dental dam. And sex of course is with a condom. Touching and groping and even cuddling naked, though? OUT OF THE PICTURE.

I DO think that teens need to be taught safe sex to a much higher degree than they are being taught at the moment. My only concern with this study is the fact that most girls had HPV and this virus is starting to seem more and more unavoidable to me each day. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not a big deal, but every consequence of HPV can be amended early on enough that girls can actually stay healthy.

Abnormal cell changes that could indicate cervical cancer can be frozen or removed. Genital warts aren’t pretty, but there is medicine for them. What do you guys think? Are we all blowing HPV out of proportion? Has anything ACTUALLY changed when it comes down to teen girls? Would this study have been exactly the same if it had been conducted in light of HPV ten years ago?