I recently came across an interesting blog post providing some insight into society’s portrayals of sex. The cultural dialogue on sex isn’t terribly nuanced. There is aggressive, brash, unapologetic sexuality promoted by porn and pop music, and then there’s the less prominent demure, lovemaking more likely to be seen on TV and in movies. This post kind of struck a chord with me.

When we start having sex, we’re pretty likely to start emulating what we see portrayed in the media. How many of us have open, uncensored, honest conversations about our sex lives with our friends? In my experience, it’s only been very recent that I have encountered friends (and everyone who reads this column) who can talk about sex, without being coy or shrouding reality in coyness and exaggerations. So the only frame of reference we truly have is what we see in the media.

I only like rough sex. I can only orgasm from extremely intense penetration. I’ve tried “regular” sex and “making love” and I can never stick with it for long. I crave animalistic, aggressive, primal, unapologetically hardcore nookie. And I wonder how much of that is influenced by my  viewing of porn and my (almost excessive) consumption of what some  have referred to as “slutwave” pop (Ke$ha, anyone?) I know that my preferences are my own to have, but at the same time, I don’t exist in a vacuum. My body is connected to my brain, and my brain is constantly bombarded with certain images of sexuality. What if I was someone who only watched demure Hollywood classics and listened strictly to down-tempo classical music? Would I still be begging for it harder and faster in the bedroom? Would I take “you f*ck like a porn star” as a compliment?

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We all know the movies don’t necessarily contain the most accurate depictions of actual life. Or do we?

Whether we realize it or not, we all pick up subtle things from movies that we expect to find in our actual lives. And while I’m willing to overlook some of the media’s follies (like the fact that people in any foreign country all speak English), some of their depictions of sex are just. so. wrong.

Sex requires a soundtrack.
Sure, some people like to have sex to music and watching couples do it to some big, romantic song in the movies makes us all think music will enhance our orgasms, too. But how many times have you set your iTunes to random and had the Spongebob theme song come on in the middle of your session? Awkward! Sometimes it’s best to leave the music off while you’re getting frisky (unless you’re trying to drown out the noise so your roommates don’t hear). It will still be just as good.

Couples always finish together.
Not only do women orgasm every time they have sex in movies, but they always do it at the exact same time as their partner. Anyone who’s ever had sex in the real world knows this couldn’t be further from the truth for most sexual encounters.

Read More »

We all know the movies don’t necessarily contain the most accurate depictions of actual life. Or do we?

Whether we realize it or not, we all pick up subtle things from movies that we expect to find in our actual lives. And while I’m willing to overlook some of the media’s follies (like the fact that people in any foreign country all speak English), some of their depictions of sex are just. so. wrong.

Sex requires a soundtrack.
Sure, some people like to have sex to music and watching couples do it to some big, romantic song in the movies makes us all think music will enhance our orgasms, too. But how many times have you set your iTunes to random and had the Spongebob theme song come on in the middle of your session? Awkward! Sometimes it’s best to leave the music off while you’re getting frisky (unless you’re trying to drown out the noise so your roommates don’t hear). It will still be just as good.

Couples always finish together.
Not only do women orgasm every time they have sex in movies, but they always do it at the exact same time as their partner. Anyone who’s ever had sex in the real world knows this couldn’t be further from the truth for most sexual encounters.

Women never walk around naked after sex.
I don’t know about you girls, but I have never, ever ripped a sheet off of a bed to cover myself when I need to walk around the morning after sex. Nor do I immediately dress myself in my boyfriend’s oversized, button-up shirt. Read More »