Last week I gave some pointers about how we girls can kick ass in the bedroom. This week, it’s the boys’ turn. My boyfriend is, by far, the best sex/oral I’ve ever had, and for a while I was actually freaked out that he would spoil me for life. To solve that issue, I had him write a guide on how to please to a woman (that I could assign as homework to any future boyfriends).

Since I don’t see myself dating anyone else any time soon (this Natasha Bedingfield song is totally my life right now), I’ve decided to share it with all of you so that someone will benefit from all this hard work.. So here it is, courtesy of Mr. Amazing himself, and edited with some careful consideration by yours truly.

Lesson One: Oral Stimulation

Kelly Says: Oral stimulation is ALL about the clitoris. Know it, love it, lavish it.

The Boy’s Guide:

1. Stimulate the area with your tongue, but do not apply direct contact to the magic spot until the end. Most women are too sensitive for direct contact right away, and the longer you tease her, the better she will feel in the end.

2. IMPORTANT: feel out what she likes. Pay attention to her bodily responses to various types of strokes and methods. It’s really not that difficult if you focus on her pleasure, rather than waiting for your own. Read More »

[I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is - in a word - whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

This month: 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves. Inevitably, variations of the same “ingenious” sex moves, tips tricks, “advice from real guys” (oddly enough, 19-24 year old males speak in the exact manner of Cosmo’s writers) are published every other month. November’s issue does not disappoint, but there were a few gems that even a die-hard Cosmo Girl just ain’t down for.

#2. “Intensify his orgasm by placing two fingers an inch behind his balls and feeling for a dent…For the last 30 seconds before he comes, massage the spot in a circular motion.”

Ok, I’m all for orgasm intensification, but not at the stake of my man’s butthole. Even Cosmo shows a little uncertainty about anal relations (“It’s totally cool…but make sure it’s ok with him first.”—they don’t include a disclaimer about permish before any of their other moves…), so I’m not so ready to venture that close while my target is rapidly thrusting and moving every which way. Additionally, there are tell tale signs that a guy is about to orgasm, but I don’t know if I’m skilled enough to identify them half a minute in advance. Cosmo has this very odd way of giving hyperprecise timing instructions for many of their moves… Read More »