Yeah, that’s a true story.

Madonna does dishes? In D&G??

Why don’t women have sex scandals?

Paris Hilton doesn’t do much good. Duh.

It may be the end of Conan O’Brien.

More babies for Brangelina?

"Bring that camera over here, mistress. Rarrr."

We’ve long known that celebrities do stupid stuff.  Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton (does she count as a celebrity?) and countless others entertain us with their amusing and slightly horrifying behavior.  However, they’re not the only ones who like to get drunk and go a little crazy.  No, no my friends – the political arena is where all the craziest stuff happens.

This worries me slightly.  Why are our elected officials giving Pamela Anderson a run for her money?  Perhaps if you are in public office, you should learn to keep your partying on the D-L (and maybe your dick in your pants).  Of course, just because you’re an elected official doesn’t mean that you have to live the life of a monk, but maybe not signing up for that prostitution club would be a good idea.

Here’s a list of some of the stupidest politicians in recent years. Let’s hope the public humiliation provided by the 24-hour news cycle of the obsessed American press will deter them from making any more stupid choices. (Editor’s Note: You are not invincible, leaders of America!) And if not, maybe it’s time we, the American people, start choosing our leaders more wisely (i.e. more women).

John Edwards -  Fresh from admitting he had an affair, the former presidential candidate has now leaked a sex tape.  Unlike the Leighton Meester sex tape, I have no interest in watching this guy bump uglies with anyone.  I can only imagine the pale floppiness…and then my brain commits suicide.

Mark Sanford – Not only did Mark Sanford have an extramarital affair, he had an Argentinian extramarital affair.  The man flew all the way down to Argentina to have (presumably hot and steamy) sex with his Argentinian mistress.  I mean, that’s pretty baller, but I think Mark may have forgotten that he is not 007, but the Governor of South Carolina.  They are not the same thing.

John Ensign – Senator Ensign lambasted President Clinton when he was on trial for his affair with Monica Lewinsky.  Fast forward a few years and we find John Ensign in an extramarital affair with the wife of a close friend (both of whom were working on his campaign).  You stay classy, John Ensign.

Sam Adams, aside from having a sweet name (connections to beer and politics – can’t beat that), Mayor Adams also lied about having sex with an 18-year-old male intern.  I feel like if you’re going to use your office as a place to pick up potential lovers, you might wanna keep out of politics.  It doesn’t really ever seem to work out.

Kwame Kilpatrick had a big reputation to live up to as Mayor of Detroit.  What Kwame ended up doing was having an affair with his Chief of Staff (and possibly another woman), lying about it, and subsequently being proven a liar by evidence of racy text messages between the two.  Nice.  At least Detroit’s still got it.

Vito Fossella, a politician from New York, was caught driving under the influence.  He then confessed to having a long-term mistress with whom he had a three-year-old love child.  At least he wasn’t talking on his cell phone while driving, right?  He got somethin’ right.

Robert Allen was caught soliciting an undercover officer in a public restroom.  Apparently, the Florida State Rep. offered to perform oral sex and pay $20.  Seems like a deal, no?  Apparently, this is Robert Allen’s way of responding to black guys.  He’s now claiming that he only acted that way out of “racial panic.”  Um…what?

Robert Packwood missed his true calling in life.  Since 29 women came forward to accuse of him of everything from sexual harassment to abuse and assaults, I’m thinking he should have been a pimp.  Apparently Senator Packwood thinks so, too, because although he initially denied any wrongdoing, he was proven wrong by his own, boastful diary.  Bravo, sir.  Bravo.

But I think this is taking dedication too far.

A 37-year-old Alabama middle-school teacher is being accused of sleeping with 8 members of her middle school’s baseball team. 8 members. All under the age of 17 years old.

Julie Pritchett was apparently already having an affair with one 15 year old boy on the team when she woke up and decided that one little boy wasn’t enough. She wanted 7 more! Because who isn’t into having their own little coven of teenage boys? It’s like Snow White! Except instead of dwarfs and singing animals, you get a possible 20 year jail sentence for being a sexual predator! Yay!

As someone who finds men her own age alarmingly immature, I will never understand the issue of grown women boinking teenage boys. Obviously, there’s some mental problems there, but doesn’t she have a memory? Aren’t her own awkward high school experiences still bouncing around somewhere, begging her to remember what teenage boys are like? But perhaps that’s the problem. Maybe she never got any in high school. Maybe she’s trying to relive her teenage days 20 years too late. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. It’s still so. very. WRONG.

Oh hells to the no!

Not sure if you have heard or seen, but Gene Simmons is the next in a long line of celebrity sex-tape stars. The video, which I watched segments of, could be THE most awkward piece of video I have seen since Zack Efron started kissing girls on film.

I will set the scene for you (why? Because I’m evil like that):

Imagine some aspiring 20 year old blonde model wearing a bustier. Now, give her big sloppy boobs and have her wear the bustier incorrectly – ok…done. As for Gene, have him wear a t-shirt and jeans. Now, make his d**k shorter than his tongue, put his pants around his ankles and leave the t-shirt on. Alrighty, the characters are in place.

I am not a tiger in the sack by any stretch of the imagination, but if I were video taping it – I would put on a show. Gene and his little gene have come up with the most boring sexual escapade imaginable.

At certain points, I thought the dude was going to pass out from the minimal exertion he was doing. There are a couple of points where the young lady “performer” is on top, maneuvering herself so she is putting no weight on him at all. Look Gene, if a girl is going to give you the ego boost to jump in bed with you, the least you can do is let her rest some weight on your tired ass! I mean really, this poor chick was working at making this happen, and Grandpa Kiss was just there to watch.

The whole thing made me wonder – when will this whole sex tape fad end? At the very least, when can we get some A-listers to start joining in? When Brad and Angelina decide to make a tape, I will buy a ticket, popcorn and some sour patch kids because that will be a show. Two of the most beautiful people on the planet getting it on; I am in.

If you want to watch two no-names have sex, that’s easy enough to find on almost any website or porn shop, but if you are a D-list actor/actress grasping onto your obscurity – why in the hell would you go through the sex tape process?

(If you are still morbidly curious, you can check out the Gene Simmons Sex Tape here- Caution NSFW)

Well I say, once again, it depends on each individual situation. Being an RA, I was always lucky enough to have a very large single dorm room all to myself; however, I did date guys that had roommates and you know, sometimes you just want to be somewhere different! Anyway, here are a few questions to ask yourself before committing this somewhat scandalous act.

1. Will you be loud enough to wake the roommate? I mean, I’m all for free expression but no one wants to be an extra in a porno. If you think you won’t be able to control your moans, then maybe you should take the party elsewhere. It’s just plain awkward if someone gets up and goes “uhhh…do you mind” while you’re in the middle of doing the nasty.

2. Is the roommate uptight enough to get pissed off (even if you aren’t loud)? The beauty of college is that you’re surrounded by people from different places and different backgrounds. So it’s important to remember that not everyone is entirely comfortable with sex, not everyone grew up with liberal parents from a city, and not everyone can even express their discomfort with this type of situation.

It’s been my experience that this is the most closeted reason for roommate problems because no one wants to admit that they are “the loser” who has a problem with their roommate hooking-up in their own room. I say that you should feel out what kind of person you’re living with, get a sense of their background and then make the decision whether or not to do the deed while they’re two feet away.

3. Is it in bad taste or just plain exciting? We all like a little excitement and yes, having someone else sleeping a few feet away makes the whole thing even more fun than it already is…however, no one wants to be known as the slut who bangs with other people right there. Be aware that word could spread (faster than your legs) and that it could have repercussions in the end.

Right. He’s just some old, white dude who used to have a long title. But his reasons for resigning are more interesting than you might think. The State Department claimed that Tobias resigned for “personal reasons”. Personal as in, whoops I paid for prostitutes!

Yup. Tobias himself revealed to ABC News last week that he had been a client of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the alleged “D.C Madam” who supposedly ran an escort service that catered to some pretty high profile Washington D.C clients.

Palfrey herself is currently in court, fighting a federal racketeering and money-laundering indictment, and pages and pages of personal client information are being inspected in the process.

While Tobias claims that he hired “gals come over to the condo to give me a massage”, he denies any sexual contact. Palfrey also denies sex as being a component to her girls’ work, although any person with half a brain knows that escort service is basically synonymous with “high class prostitute”.

While I really don’t care what old white dudes do in the bedroom, I’ve always found it strange that these high powered men continually stoop to such stupid levels. Remember Ted Haggard? He was also a fan of “massages”, he just preferred his with a side order of Meth.

These men spend three fourths of their lives moving up in the ranks, reach the pinnacle of their careers, and then blow everything for sex? For sex?! (oh. excuse me. I mean, for massages?!) Is it just a case of I’m-So-Important-I-Forget-Rules- Apply-To-Me? Or pure stupidity? Is sex really that important, that vital, to these men? So crucial that they’re willing to get it illegally while risking their entire careers? I mean, I love me some good coital action, but jeopardizing everything else in my life for it seems a little redonkulous.

…Who knows? Maybe Tobias and Haggard were just confused. Maybe they just got the words escort service and professional masseuse mixed up. I mean…they both have S’s in them.

Seriously, court cases are unbelievably drawn out in this country.

Anyway, this morning it was announced that the infamous Duke Lacrosse sex case has been dropped. The three players, Collin Finnerty, Reade Selligmann and David Evans, will no longer face the charges of “first degree kidnapping and first degree forcible sexual offense” — to be precise.  

Honestly, I’m totally over this whole fiasco and it’s kind of tiring to still be hearing about it. However, I’ll always look at the Duke Lax team with a little disdain — how things went down was very shady.

I guess we’ll really never know what happened that night. Do we really want to?

Are you totally sick of hearing about “the Duke Lacrosse rape case” or what?!