Dear Celebrities who Haven’t Released a Sex Tape,

Thank you very much for not doing that. I know some of you have probably made one or several sex tapes with your husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends and wives, and I respect the fact that you have chosen not to release these tapes and make money off of them. Maybe you want to keep your private live private, or maybe you don’t want people saying you’re “that actress with a sex tape.” Whatever the reason, you will always be able to say your movies are available on Netflix instead of in a porn store.

If you’re a celeb that isn’t as famous as you used to be, and you have a sex tape you haven’t released, I (and the rest of the world) respect and admire that decision. Taking a look a popular culture, you’ll find that many not famous/somewhat famous people became REALLY famous after releasing a sex tape. One of them has a WHOLE FAMILY that’s famous just because the middle sister chose to film and sell a sex tape with someone whose name rhymes with Ray J.

And now I would like to thank one certain celeb who was famous for about two seconds, and isn’t famous at all anymore. People have uncovered a sex tape or two of hers, and she is trying hard to make sure they aren’t released. You should thank this lady too. 

Love,

Jessica

Jessica Zaleski is a senior at the University of Florida, and she has never made a sex tape. 

Looks like guys shouldn’t drunk dial either

Aren’t we over sex tapes by now?

To send…or not to send

Share your awkward sex story and win a prize!

Is this shoe too intense to call a sandal?

Meet some stars with high IQs

Guess the celeb tattoo

11 characters who are bringing their show down

Wow. This is a big fact.

I am sure a little part of all of us wanted to be famous at one point in our lives.  A little piece of my heart wants to sing on ‘American Idol,’ design a dress for an Olympian figure skater (kudos, Vera Wang), or get insulted by Kanye West on live television.  Whichever way you put it, being famous does not seem that bad…but the getting there is tough.  Unless you are Justin Bieber whose ‘getting there’ involved a YouTube video and a cute haircut. Needless to say, I am impressed.

But besides YouTube, there are other ways you can become famous in lightning bolt fashion. If you long to walk red carpets, get chased by paparazzi and rub elbows with Hollywood’s A-listers, take a little advice from these fameballs on how to get real famous, real fast.

Get Fat (Kirsti Alley, Kevin Federline)
It’s been a long time since the woman who found fame on Cheers and later stole my heart in Look Who’s Talking (one of my favorite adolescent movies out there) was the topic of pop culture conversation. That is until she got fat. Then skinny. Then graced the tabloid covers once again grasping a donut and looking into the camera lens with 10 double chins. And now Kirstie’s showing up on Oprah, starting her own weight loss line (??) and starring in, Kirstie Alley’s Big Life, a reality show about her quest to lose weight. Again. Read More »

I never had a cell phone in high school. I guess I just wasn’t interested in being constantly plugged into the social web that was teenagerdom. It worked out pretty well for me, except for the fact that I missed out on all the juicy high school gossip as it happened. What I also managed to miss out on, though, was sexting – and I’m awfully glad I did.

It makes sense that in the age of information, fast internet, and viral videos, that eventually we horny humans would find a way to make all of these things sexual. I mean, why not text someone a picture of your boobs? Or record yourself having sex with your boyfriend? It’s not like there’s anything wrong with it if ­it stays between two people who love each other… right?

Read More »

Meet Taylor Momsen, hooker assassin/charming sixteen-year-old who recently shared this insightful tidbit of information about herself:

“If it’s a good sex tape, I’ll watch it … I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites. But I will say this: That Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson video wasn’t very good. I wouldn’t f**k Tommy Lee.”

I blame Britney Spears.

He’s ready to bring the troops home.

Conan gears up for his new show.

What is Paris Hilton’s excuse now?

The Kardashians invade QVC.

Apparently everyone wants to make a sex tape.

Wait, that’s a real competition?

Speidi still in the running for grossest couple ever

Does pulling out work?

Why does Sean Penn look like my grandma?

Totally practical shopping shoes! Pysch

The must have fall boot for cheap

When was the last time you cried?

How people know a trend is dead

Chanel bags are sorta on sale

You would think in the day and age of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, there wouldn’t be a bad relationship in America.  Couples around the world would look at them together, cringe, go to church and never repeat their relationship foes.  Seriously Heidi, you go right ahead and trick Spencer Pratt into thinking you’re still on birth control over a candlelit dinner? No wonder he’s carrying around ‘good ju-ju’ stones and growing his hair out like an Ewok so you don’t have sex with him anymore.

But bad relationships exist, and bad mistakes abound.

I think the worst element of a bad relationship can come from the man or woman doing something atrocious for their significant other.  Now, this goes beyond making a scrapbook of the future babies you’re going to have, sending him a love furn, or naming his pee-pee Princess Sophia.  Those are ridonkulous, sure, but there are some things that can’t be tossed out when the relationship inevitably fails. The real offenders – the majorest of major mistakes – will stick around for the long haul to haunt you in the later life. You want to date smart? Avoid these three massive mistakes.

1. Get His Name Tattooed On Your Body
I’ve seen this happen numerous times before and I want to sincerely know what that crazy bitch was thinking as a sharp needle embroidered her boyfriend’s name into her precious skin.  Maybe I’m just jealous  (I just don’t understand how truly in love I have to be to want my boyf’s name in a heart on my chest), but seeing my ex boyfriend’s name spelled backwards in the mirror every morning? Horrific.  Get a tattoo of your favorite food on your ass cheeks. Now that is worth the ink. Read More »

Does it bother anyone else that whenever any celebrity has obtained a sense of stardom and/or a relationship, they feel the sudden urge to become a published author (with their own signature clothing line/scent)?  An author who gives their oh-so-valuable advice to the general public?  It was bad enough when Jennifer Love Hewitt decided to write her own book as if she was some kind of cupid messenger,   but now the Kardashian sisters are jumping on the bandwagon?

As embarrassing as this is to admit (but I have to in order to prove my point), I watch the show. I read the tabloids. I know these girls, so the thought of taking their advice in my personal life shakes me to the core. Combined, these three women have made a sex tape, married a boyfriend in a time span of a couple months, and birthed a child from the biggest douche-lord on the planet. Do you really want to take relationship advice from these chicas?!

I can see it now, “Chapter One: Sex Tapes 101 and Other Ways to Get Famous.“

I have no idea what sort of sound advice these women can give (besides tips on keeping your hair luxurious and shiny/making 12 pounds of eye makeup look super sultry) but I think I can predict what the outline of this book will look like: Read More »

I am sure a little part of all of us wanted to be famous at one point in our lives.  A little piece of my heart wants to sing on American Idol, design a dress for an Olympian figure skater (kudos, Vera Wang), or get insulted by Kanye West on live television.  Whichever way you put it, being famous does not seem that bad…but the getting there is tough.  Unless you are Justin Bieber whose ‘getting there’ involved a YouTube video and a cute haircut. Needless to say I am impressed.

But besides YouTube, there are other ways you can become famous in lightning bolt fashion. If you long to walk red carpets, get chased by paparazzi and rub elbows with Hollywood’s A-listers, take a little advice from these fameballs on how to get real famous, real fast.

Get Fat (Kirsti Alley, Kevin Federline)
It’s been a long time since the woman who found fame on Cheers and later stole my heart in Look Who’s Talking (one of my favorite adolescent movies out there) was the topic of pop culture conversation. That is until she got fat. Then skinny. Then graced the tabloid covers once again grasping a donut and looking into the camera lens with 10 double chins. And now Kirstie’s showing up on Oprah, starting her own weight loss line (??) and starring in, Kirstie Alley’s Big Life, a reality show about her quest to lose weight. Again.

Read More »