Dear Celebrities who Haven’t Released a Sex Tape,

Thank you very much for not doing that. I know some of you have probably made one or several sex tapes with your husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends and wives, and I respect the fact that you have chosen not to release these tapes and make money off of them. Maybe you want to keep your private live private, or maybe you don’t want people saying you’re “that actress with a sex tape.” Whatever the reason, you will always be able to say your movies are available on Netflix instead of in a porn store.

If you’re a celeb that isn’t as famous as you used to be, and you have a sex tape you haven’t released, I (and the rest of the world) respect and admire that decision. Taking a look a popular culture, you’ll find that many not famous/somewhat famous people became REALLY famous after releasing a sex tape. One of them has a WHOLE FAMILY that’s famous just because the middle sister chose to film and sell a sex tape with someone whose name rhymes with Ray J.

And now I would like to thank one certain celeb who was famous for about two seconds, and isn’t famous at all anymore. People have uncovered a sex tape or two of hers, and she is trying hard to make sure they aren’t released. You should thank this lady too. 

Love,

Jessica

Jessica Zaleski is a senior at the University of Florida, and she has never made a sex tape. 

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Wow. This is a big fact.

I am sure a little part of all of us wanted to be famous at one point in our lives.  A little piece of my heart wants to sing on ‘American Idol,’ design a dress for an Olympian figure skater (kudos, Vera Wang), or get insulted by Kanye West on live television.  Whichever way you put it, being famous does not seem that bad…but the getting there is tough.  Unless you are Justin Bieber whose ‘getting there’ involved a YouTube video and a cute haircut. Needless to say, I am impressed.

But besides YouTube, there are other ways you can become famous in lightning bolt fashion. If you long to walk red carpets, get chased by paparazzi and rub elbows with Hollywood’s A-listers, take a little advice from these fameballs on how to get real famous, real fast.

Get Fat (Kirsti Alley, Kevin Federline)
It’s been a long time since the woman who found fame on Cheers and later stole my heart in Look Who’s Talking (one of my favorite adolescent movies out there) was the topic of pop culture conversation. That is until she got fat. Then skinny. Then graced the tabloid covers once again grasping a donut and looking into the camera lens with 10 double chins. And now Kirstie’s showing up on Oprah, starting her own weight loss line (??) and starring in, Kirstie Alley’s Big Life, a reality show about her quest to lose weight. Again.

Sex Tape (Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, etc.)
If I have learned anything about Hollywood it is that a sex tape is worth more than a little extra passion with your boy toy. It’s the easiest, fastest and most fun way to rise to the top of the fame scale. Just look at Kim Kardashian. One day she’s getting down and dirty with Ray J and now she’s on the cover of nearly every magazine, has a TV show, a perfume, a clothing line, millions of dollars in endorsement deals and even gets paid to Tweet.

Sleep with the biggest d-bag in America (Heidi Montag, 15 Tiger Woods Mistresses, Jessica Simpson)
…Or marrying the biggest D-bag in America works too (in Kate Gosselin and Heidi Montag’s case). Regardless, sleeping with super big douche bags has clearly secured many a spot in US Weekly week after week after week. In addition to TV deals (Rachel Uchitel scored a reporting gig on “Extra!”), book deals (do we even have to mention that “book” Speidi wrote?), and an advice column (Ashley Dupre).

Have 100 kids (Kate Gosselin, OctoMom)
If you want to be famous, pop out a small litter. These women did, and now we can’t turn on the TV or read a magazine without seeing their post-baby bodies. Kate Gosselin had her own reality show on TLC, wrote multiple books, and even Danced with the Stars, which, obviously, means she is one. And Octomom? Nadya Suleman has been on the cover of People, appeared on NBC with Ann Curry and Dr. Phil, and even had her own two-hour special on Fox. Thankfully she turned down the offers to star in porn.

Be a good singer…who happens to be really ugly (Susan Boyle)
There are millions of good singers out there, so if you really want to make it you gotta set yourself apart. The easiest way? Look like Mrs. Doubtfire. It worked for Susan Boyle, who went from homely old British lady to having the best selling album in the world in 2009.

Two words: fist pump (Cast of Jersey Shore)
Want to go to the Grammys and get paid to party? All you gotta do is play up some stereotypes, spend your days tanning/doing your hair and you’ll be a millionaire in no time.

Say something REALLY stupid (Caitlin Upton)
“Uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should…” Yeah, we laughed (and cried a little bit) then, but Caitlin Upton is laughing all the way to the bank now. Since that infamous day, Caitlin has appeared at MTV’s VMAs, been on TLC’s King of the Crown, and competed with her boyfriend on The Amazing Race. [Editor's Note: She even got an interview with our hero, Chelsea Handler. Sigh.]

Be an incredible actress plucked from obscurity (Gabby Sidibe)
Obviously not as easy as the others, but there is still a little integrity left in finding fame and if anyone proves that it’s Gabby Sidibe. This incredibly talented woman made her debut on 2009′s Precious and was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress. My hat is off to you, Gabby.

[This story was originally posted by Brittany - University of Saint Thomas]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

I never had a cell phone in high school. I guess I just wasn’t interested in being constantly plugged into the social web that was teenagerdom. It worked out pretty well for me, except for the fact that I missed out on all the juicy high school gossip as it happened. What I also managed to miss out on, though, was sexting – and I’m awfully glad I did.

It makes sense that in the age of information, fast internet, and viral videos, that eventually we horny humans would find a way to make all of these things sexual. I mean, why not text someone a picture of your boobs? Or record yourself having sex with your boyfriend? It’s not like there’s anything wrong with it if ­it stays between two people who love each other… right?

Well, turns out it’s not that simple, especially if you’re underage. I know, I know, it’s “College” Candy, but I’m sure there’s some high schoolers that stumbled up in here looking for some raunchy sex information, and this is a pretty important thing to be aware of. Sending pornographic pictures of yourself when you are still classified as a “child” (ie. Under 16 or 18, depending on where you live), means you could be charged with distributing child pornography and put on the sex offender list, even if it’s consensual. Doesn’t seem so worth it, does it?

Look, I get it. It’s exciting to take sexy pictures, or make sexy videos, but here’s something to think about: no one (underage or of age!) wants to think that the people the pictures have been sent to are so untrustworthy that they would share them – but what if by a fluke the pictures get out? What if someone finds their phone, and spreads the pictures around without even knowing who you are? Doesn’t sound like a very good situation.

And if those pictures/videos get out? Well, expect to be the talk of your school/community for a while. Yes, eventually the talk will die down – but it’s going to take a long time to get your reputation back.

I realize these things are tempting, and it’s not my job to talk you out of it, but hear me out for a second – if you are going to do this, don’t text and don’t e-mail. Virtual things last forever. If this is something you really want to do – something you really want to go through with – do it all live. Make the video, watch the video, delete. Or take the pictures, look at the pictures, delete. It’s just not worth it to have these things out there forever – as right or wrong as society’s perception of these things are, it is what it is. Be cautious.

Do you have any experience with raunchy pictures/videos? Have you or someone you know ever faced consequences from sexting, or making videos?

Want more Sexy Time? (Who doesn’t?) Get some. Right here.

Meet Taylor Momsen, hooker assassin/charming sixteen-year-old who recently shared this insightful tidbit of information about herself:

“If it’s a good sex tape, I’ll watch it … I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites. But I will say this: That Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson video wasn’t very good. I wouldn’t f**k Tommy Lee.”

I blame Britney Spears.

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But bad relationships exist, and bad mistakes abound.

I think the worst element of a bad relationship can come from the man or woman doing something atrocious for their significant other.  Now, this goes beyond making a scrapbook of the future babies you’re going to have, sending him a love furn, or naming his pee-pee Princess Sophia.  Those are ridonkulous, sure, but there are some things that can’t be tossed out when the relationship inevitably fails. The real offenders – the majorest of major mistakes – will stick around for the long haul to haunt you in the later life. You want to date smart? Avoid these three massive mistakes.

1. Get His Name Tattooed On Your Body
I’ve seen this happen numerous times before and I want to sincerely know what that crazy bitch was thinking as a sharp needle embroidered her boyfriend’s name into her precious skin.  Maybe I’m just jealous  (I just don’t understand how truly in love I have to be to want my boyf’s name in a heart on my chest), but seeing my ex boyfriend’s name spelled backwards in the mirror every morning? Horrific.  Get a tattoo of your favorite food on your ass cheeks. Now that is worth the ink.

2. Sacrifice Your Future for Him
This one saddens me the most, because it seems like a perfectly innocent move, until you realize you’ve taken a crap job or put down a deposit on a crap school to be near your significant other. Even worse when your friends and family are miles and miles away.  It seems like such an adventurous and romantic thing to do! You and your boyfriend on your own in the real world; every day is like your honeymoon!

No. Stop writing out your own Nicholas Sparks novel and do what you want to do. No one is worth sacrificing your own personal success. And who knows? If you follow your head instead of your heart, you may even end up as next season’s Bachelorette.

3. Make a Sex Tape

Unless you’re Kimmy Kardashian, a tape with you rolling around in bed naked is not going to get you posted all over the pages of US Weekly and a reality show with your sisters in Miami any time soon end well. Especially now that we know how guys feel when they’re scorned, bitter and broken hearted. In the real world where we all aren’t BFFs with Ryan Seacrest, that intimate moment caught on tape is much more likely to end up in the hands of the wrong people….and lots of them.

Follow my lead and just do not do these things.  Do you really want to end up  jobless, with an ugly tat and a sex tape floating around?

As embarrassing as this is to admit (but I have to in order to prove my point), I watch the show. I read the tabloids. I know these girls, so the thought of taking their advice in my personal life shakes me to the core. Combined, these three women have made a sex tape, married a boyfriend in a time span of a couple months, and birthed a child from the biggest douche-lord on the planet. Do you really want to take relationship advice from these chicas?!

I can see it now, “Chapter One: Sex Tapes 101 and Other Ways to Get Famous.“

I have no idea what sort of sound advice these women can give (besides tips on keeping your hair luxurious and shiny/making 12 pounds of eye makeup look super sultry) but I think I can predict what the outline of this book will look like:

Chapter 1: Dealing With a Douche Bag in a Suit

Chapter 2: Getting Preggers to Change Your Man

Chapter 3: Marry Him as Fast as You Possibly Can

Chapter 4: Angry Siblings and Your Douchey Dude

Chapter 5: Viagra in His Coffee and Other Ideas To Spice Up Your Sex Life

Chapter 6: How to Convince Your Baby Daddy to Build a Crib

Chapter 7: Skimpy Bikinis and Other Ways To Make Your Ex Jealous

Being perpetually single, I’ve got a whole stack of relationship advice books on my bedside table (which could explain why I’m still single), but a Kardashian guide to relationships? I think I’ll stick to Steve Ward and Patti Stanger, thankyouverymuch.

But besides YouTube, there are other ways you can become famous in lightning bolt fashion. If you long to walk red carpets, get chased by paparazzi and rub elbows with Hollywood’s A-listers, take a little advice from these fameballs on how to get real famous, real fast.

Get Fat (Kirsti Alley, Kevin Federline)
It’s been a long time since the woman who found fame on Cheers and later stole my heart in Look Who’s Talking (one of my favorite adolescent movies out there) was the topic of pop culture conversation. That is until she got fat. Then skinny. Then graced the tabloid covers once again grasping a donut and looking into the camera lens with 10 double chins. And now Kirstie’s showing up on Oprah, starting her own weight loss line (??) and starring in, Kirstie Alley’s Big Life, a reality show about her quest to lose weight. Again.

Sex Tape (Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, etc.)
If I have learned anything about Hollywood it is that a sex tape is worth more than a little extra passion with your boy toy. It’s the easiest, fastest and most fun way to rise to the top of the fame scale. Just look at Kim Kardashian. One day she’s getting down and dirty with Ray J and now she’s on the cover of nearly every magazine, has a TV show, a perfume, a clothing line, millions of dollars in endorsement deals and even gets paid to Tweet.

Sleep with the biggest d-bag in America (Heidi Montag, 15 Tiger Woods Mistresses, Jessica Simpson)
…Or marrying the biggest D-bag in America works too (in Kate Gosselin and Heidi Montag’s case). Regardless, sleeping with super big douche bags has clearly secured many a spot in US Weekly week after week after week. In addition to TV deals (Rachel Uchitel scored a reporting gig on “Extra!”), book deals (do we even have to mention that “book” Speidi wrote?), and an advice column (Ashley Dupre).

Have 100 kids (Kate Gosselin, OctoMom)
If you want to be famous, pop out a small litter. These women did, and now we can’t turn on the TV or read a magazine without seeing their post-baby bodies. Kate Gosselin had her own reality show on TLC, wrote multiple books and is now set to Dance with the Stars, which, obviously, means she is one. And Octomom? Nadya Suleman has been on the cover of People, appeared on NBC with Ann Curry and Dr. Phil, and even had her own two-hour special on Fox. Thankfully she turned down the offers to star in porn.

Be a good singer…who happens to be really ugly (Susan Boyle)
There are millions of good singers out there, so if you really want to make it you gotta set yourself apart. The easiest way? Look like Mrs. Doubtfire. It worked for Susan Boyle, who went from homely old British lady to having the best selling album in the world in 2009.

Two words: fist pump (Cast of Jersey Shore)
Want to go to the Grammys and get paid to party? All you gotta do is play up some stereotypes, spend your days tanning/doing your hair and you’ll be on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar in no time.

Say something REALLY stupid (Caitlin Upton)
“Uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should…” Yeah, we laughed (and cried a little bit) then, but Caitlin Upton is laughing all the way to the bank now. Since that infamous day, Caitlin has appeared at MTV’s VMAs, been on TLC’s King of the Crown, and is currently competing with her boyfriend on The Amazing Race. [Editor's Note: She even got an interview with our hero, Chelsea Handler. Sigh.]

Be an incredible actress plucked from obscurity (Gabby Sidibe)
Obviously not as easy as the others, but there is still a little integrity left in finding fame and if anyone proves that it’s Gabby Sidibe. This incredibly talented woman made her debut on 2009′s Precious and is now up for an Academy Award for Best Actress. My hat is off to you, Gabby.