Cosmo + Guys Giving Sex Tips = Hilarious

Cosmo, the magazine I just love to hate, recently ran an article creatively called “Sex Tips From Guys.” The tips weren’t so much “tips” as they were things a few random guys constituted as “hot”, and the descriptions were so laughably romance novel that I had to repeat them here—with a few additions.

• “Wet your lips and moan that you can’t wait to taste me” – Sam, 22 – Hey Sam, your “tip” makes me think you’ve been watching a lot of porn lately. That’s cool and everything, but I think it’s time you realized that being so specific is one of the fastest ways to piss off your partner. Do you want me to move my head 90 degrees to the left as well?

• “This chick leaned against a dresser and stuck her butt out for doggie style. I definitely obliged” – Glenn, 23 – I’m sure this “chick” is super thrilled that you remember her sexual positions better than her name, Glenn. Also, three points for using the words “butt” and “obliged” in the same two sentences. How colloquially poetic of you.

• “My ex would splash her tee shirt with water while washing dishes. As soon as I saw her nipples through the fabric, I’d have to touch them” – Bart, 22 – Are you sure she was splashing her boobs on purpose, Bart? Maybe she just accidentally got water on herself from all those dirty plates you left in the sink for her to clean. Read More »