As I wrote this post, I was taken back to a moment on The Hills (judge me) when Kristin Cavallari commented that sex with Brody Jenner was “very vanilla”. She and a friend were in a sex toy shop when this conversation arose. Sex toys were invented to make the act of getting it on a little more spice and a little less vanilla, but some toys are just way too disturbing and make me want to lock up my vagina forever and throw away the key. I wouldn’t consider myself a very “vanilla” person, but this stuff is just way too out there.

I told my CC editor, Alex, that I am going to have to delete my Google history after writing this post because people are going to think I’m a huge weirdo S&M freaky sex addict. This stuff is way past whips and chains and all that stuff Rihanna likes–this stuff is just plain weird. Some of these toys are just for a party of one which is also super creepy and depressing. But hey, I’m not one to judge. Although I think this is super weird, if this is your cup of tea and makes you happy, go for it. More power to you.

Check out the gallery below of some of the weirdest sex toys around!

[Lead image via NinaMalyna/Shutterstock]

Valentine’s Day has a truly obnoxious reputation. In its most popular form, I find it a totally worthless and empty affair. Couples are expected to fall over themselves to celebrate this totally arbitrary day in February because that’s what’s expected. There’s all of this make-or-break pressure that is usually put on the guys to make it the most romantic day ever, and us ladies are supposed to be shrieking, superficial harpies desperate for blood diamonds, overpriced chocolate, flowers that will die in two seconds and a dinner that breaks the bank. Heaven forbid you’re single, then you are expected to be utterly miserable because your life obviously has no meaning. It’s a mess.

Therefore, I’m totally up for reclaiming this day and making it about sexy self-indulgence. That’s definitely something our society doesn’t value nearly as much as it should; and I mean, who isn’t in love with feeling sexy and sensual, whether it’s for a partner or for yourself?  I was given the incredible opportunity to review an array of sexy products. While a few of them are couple-centric, the vast majority are totally appropriate if you’re riding solo.

initiating the gallery...

In accordance with FTC guidelines, I must disclose that I was given these products free exchange in exchange for my honest assessment. 

[Lead image via Zametalov/Shutterstock]

• American Idol: all drama but no music?

• Check out 17 WTF Valentine’s Day themed sex toys!

• Glee star Mark Salling once a bird-loving hippie

• Ryan Reynolds vs Ryan Gosling: who’s hotter?

• Giuseppe Maggio photographed by Bruce Weber- HOT!

See the Red Dress Collection 2012 fashion show!

Orgasmless sex isn’t just a female thing!

A new kind of Valentine’s Day

Think you know it all when it comes to sexy time?

The war in Iraq has been officially declared over, which is great news. But America still has lots of soldiers abroad in Afghanistan and other countries all over the world. Chances are you have a friend or family member who is overseas serving in the military. Ever wonder what you can do for that military member and their family? Here are a few tips.

1. Send care packages to deployed soldiers. Baked goods that remind soldiers of home are a great idea, but simple, useful things like soap and razors are also handy.

2. Offer to babysit or help around the house. Families who have a parent or sibling overseas might need help with household tasks that their deployed family member would usually take care of.

3. Write lots of letters. The US military recommends writing short, frequent letters to keep your friend or family member in the loop. New letters will give them something to look forward to.

4. Use technology to your advantage. Many soldiers have access to email and skype now, so set aside time for a skype call or send off a quick email.

5. Buy them sex toys. RealTouch, a sex toy company, wants to donate toys to military families to help them keep their sex lives active while loved ones are abroad.

Looking through many women’s magazines and reading their sex tips and what all they tell you to buy to have great sex, I get overwhelmed. How am I supposed to afford lacy this and flavored that when I can barley afford items from the dollar menu at McDonald’s? Just because I can’t afford that stuff doesn’t mean I can’t have great sex. It’s easy to get similar items to make sex an awesome experience for cheap, but there are also still some things you should splurge on.

Take a look at our guide about what it’s okay to skimp and when you really need to pony up your pennies.

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Every Christmas we find ourselves assaulted with uncomfortable gifts. Some gifts really can take the merry out of “Merry Christmas,” and these christmas-themed sex toys are no exception.  Looking for a way to break up with your boyfriend? Buy him a reindeer musical g-string. Or maybe you want to upset a family member by purchasing them a “I Rub My Duckie” Christmas-themed vibrator.

So many offensive options, what will you choose?

Check them out right here and let us know!

Katy Perry previews her new music video.

Emma Stone has found the most f**king perfect guy.

Kim K returns to LA, chaos ensures.

3 signs you need to walk away from him.

Can’t get enough Parks and Rec? Watch spinoff episodes here!

Mariah Yeater revealed.

This new sex toy for men looks horrifying.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley covers German Vogue.

Katherine Heigl rocks some budget fashion.

Who should be in ‘The Kids are Alright’ TV show?

Celebs do the slutty costume thing too

We need to see this movie, just for the eye candy alone

How Ryan Gosling went from creepy to leading man

13 places to hide your sex toys

The greatest female movie villains

Haven’t you always wanted to see a live birth?!

Pairing a sweater dress with ankle boots

What to do when you STILL don’t have a costume yet

Do sex toys make you wilder?

Why abstinence-only education is terrifying

Being comfortable in your birthday suit

Making your packing list for back to school

Has Kate Middleton become a role model for pro-anorexia websites?

Dear Hollywood, here’s how you can stop sucking the fun out of movies

When tanning looks like this, you may want to stop

Jim Carrey has a super creepy crush on Emma Stone

Is being ‘sexy’ costing Miley?

What’s a political campaign without sex? A McCain campaign ad once accused Obama of trying to pass a bill incorporating sex ed into kindergarten classrooms. Of course, Obama doesn’t even need to utter the “s” word when McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin, has the poster family for the need for sex education.

Maybe Palin’s daughter should’ve been given a sex ed lecture in kindergarten. Maybe, in the wake of the Gloucester school girls and celebrity teen momdom, we should consider revamping our sex ed policies, rather than letting Ellen Paige serve as an instructor when Juno comes out on DVD. I took sex ed. And now, I have sex. Sometimes quite freely.

There’s still a lot that I don’t know, and some stuff I know now that I wish I’d learned in sixth grade sex ed class:

-Sex is NOT synonymous with love. It can be, but it isn’t always. Sex is synonymous with physical attraction, hormones, and judgment (note that I didn’t specify “good” or “bad” judgment).

-Sex changes everything. It can burn bridges, create awkward situations, and ruin friendships. However, it can also take a relationship to the next level, or allow you to see your partner in a completely different light. It can be good, it can be bad, but either way, once you’ve crossed that line… there’s no going back.

-Sex can be fun. Why don’t they talk about Kama Sutra, tantra, sex toys, or kinky fantasies in sex ed? It’s all “have sex and get pregnant,” or “have sex and get herpes” talk. But if you’re safe and consenting, sex can turn into an amusement park with all of the different rides it has to offer.

-Sex doesn’t always work. There’s sloppy sex. There’s the sex that just isn’t going to end in mutual orgasms. There’s sex that you thought you wanted to have, until it happens. Shake it off — we can’t all be stars in a Brad Pitt love scene.

-Sex can be good for your health. The endorphins released when a female orgasms acts as a powerful painkiller*. Cramping from killer PMS? Mild exercise (like sex) can help ease the pain as well.

-Sexually active does NOT mean slutty (or stupid!). Did you know that women with college degrees are more likely to enjoy giving and receiving oral sex than high school drop outs*? How about that women with PhD’s are twice as likely to seek a one-night-stand than those who stopped at the Bachelors*?

I still feel like I’m coming up short here, ladies. All of our sex ed regimes were different– what did your teachers neglect to inform you during 5th period Health Class?

*Facts courtesy of The Sex E-Zine. Learn all you wanted to know (and a lot you didn’t want to know) about knocking boots here!

[This story was originally posted by Kathryn S.]

Get it? Got it? Good. Want some more? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.