Like Katy Perry, and probably many of you, I kissed a girl. And I liked it. More than once.

Most times it was the result of inebriation and the desperate urging of one of my horny guy friends at a party. But regardless how I got there, I’m always surprised by how pleasantly different it feels to kiss a girl than a guy. I guess the whole thing just feels softer and slower, and usually tastes better (like cherry chapstick?). You get smooth, pillowy lips as compared to thin, chapped ones. There’s no stubble. And with girls, tongue action is more equal, as opposed to some guys’ tendency to overpower your mouth.

Lately I’ve been wondering if kissing a girl is so different, what would having sex with a girl be like? The thought has left me awake at night with lots of questions, confusion and curiosity. When it comes to trying out the other team, there’s just so much to consider…

First of all, what does that make me?
I’m very, totally and extremely certain that I’m not gay (just ask one of the guys I’m dating). But I’m definitely not 100% straight if I’m thinking about girls this way, right? Bi-curious would probably be the best term to describe me and that’s totally fine. Actually, I think I read somewhere that most people fall in the middle on the Kinsey Scale of sexuality. There are definitely more bi-sexuals sitting among us in lecture than we think there are and, in my opinion, they’re get the best of both worlds!

How would this work?
And what am I getting myself into, exactly? What constitutes sex with a girl? Is it just oral sex? Are there tools required? Which one of us would make the moves? I wouldn’t really know what to do if I found myself in bed with another girl (although I’m sure Captain Morgan would help me out a bit). I’m not up to speed on lesbian sexual politics, and I’m not sure how I can learn. One piece of wisdom I have acquired (from my gay male friends) is that oftentimes, lesbians don’t like to mess around with girls who are bi-curious, on the fence, experimenting, etc., because they assume that when things start to migrate down south, they’ll just chicken out, reject them, and run away to the safe familiarity of a peen. I totally get that. But if gay girls don’t want to get involved with me, how am I supposed to DO this?! Which leads me to…

Where am I supposed to find a lady?
It might be easy to find sexually open-minded people at smaller, liberal arts colleges where there is a higher population of gay students. But at my school, I don’t really know where to start looking among the thousands of undergrads. Where are all the bi-curious girls? I should probably start going to Rainbow Alliance/LGBT meetings more often and try to make friends. And I guess I’ll just have to be extra alert at parties and see if I can re-wire my Gaydar to pick up on signals from girls, too. Flirting with girls at parties will probably have to happen too, but I’m still emotionally scarred from the last time I tried to do that…

But even with all those questions, why not try it?
I just feel like the time is now to try this out. It’s practically expected for people to experiment in college, and I’m ready to go. The last thing I want is to wake up one morning in twenty years next to my snoring, scruffy husband and wish that I had explored another option when it was more socially acceptable.

If only it were as easy as it sounds.
Is anybody else going through this or know someone who is?

Guys can benefit from acting like a lady. At least that’s what our friends over at YourTango.com are saying. They argue that men should embrace some “girly” trends and we most definitely agree (especially when it comes to manscaping….a little clean up never hurts).

But the same can be said for women. And I’m talking about more than landscaping.

There are some aspects of the manly lifestyle that we women should embrace. Mindsets and activities that will make us happier, healthier (well, mentally at least) ladies. So here are just a few ways that channeling our inner macho man can enhance our daily lives.

Boys night.
There has to be a reason why guys are always so relaxed, and why your boyfriend calls you after a guy’s night and doesn’t have aching arches and raccoon eyes. While we all love girl’s night out, and the stiletto dancing that comes with it, we could all use a more relaxing night once in a while. Get the girls together and head out to a bar, order a bucket of wings and some beers, and chat the night away. You might be surprised how much bonding (and relaxing) can be done in a big booth in the back of a dive bar.

Let em’ roll.
Things really get to us. When we hear that our friend commented on how ugly our dress was after we left, we give her the silent treatment for a week. When we get dumped, we hole up in our bed with a pint of ice cream and a box of tissues claiming we will never love again. Perhaps once in a while we should just let things roll off our backs like the male population. If they get dumped, they are out the next night on the prowl with the boys. And they could care less if Tony said their shirt was ugly; it’s just a shirt. Taking a cue from the guys: don’t sweat the small stuff.

Make him wait.
You text that guy you’re totally into from class and then spend the entire night checking your phone and justifying to your friends why he’s probably super busy and hasn’t had time to respond. Us girls are way too over eager – waiting more than ten minutes to answer him back is torture – but once in a while it might be a smart move to wait a day. Your heart skips a beat when you finally see a message in your inbox from him and, chances are, if you make him wait a couple days his heart will flutter too. Take a cue from the guys and make him sit by the phone waiting for your next call. Then – hook, line and sinker – you’ll be playing tonsil hockey by Friday.

Think with your genitals.
Women are emotional; it’s not our fault, it’s our genetic programming. But not everything has to be so complicated. Face it, you’re not going to marry the hookup from Saturday night’s party, so do as men do and enjoy it for what it is: a little physical pleasure. Even if you’re seriously dating someone, it doesn’t always have to be so serious. Drop the fight about him not calling last night and just invite him over for a quickie before class.

Just do it.
Men are impulsive. They’ll randomly go for a pizza at 4 am and they’ll drop their textbook to meet the guys for a beer. Many women, on the other hand, plan everything down to the minute. Of course we can’t meet a friend for some dinner in the caf. in 5 minutes – we’re studying from five to seven and then going to the gym. Take a heads up from the guys and drop what you’re doing once in a while. A little impulsivity makes life a lot more interesting and lot less stressful.

Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).”

Uterine Problems
If the pain feels like it’s coming from deep in the pelvis, or if you feel like he is bumping into something in there, the pain is likely caused by the uterus. Uterus pain can be caused by fibroid growths, tilting of the uterus, or a prolapsed uterus. Again, you need to see a doctor if this pain is consistent and severe.

All in all, one instance of pain during sex probably isn’t anything you need to worry about, but if sex is consistently painful and adding foreplay and lubrication into your routine don’t help, you should be seeking medical advice. After all, sex should be pleasurable, not punishment (no matter what your Sunday school teacher taught you).

Hey Dude,

I’ve done the Friends With Benefits thing, and, to say the least, I’m not cut out for it.  Now I have this amazing guy in my life who I consider my best friend, but I’m confused over how I’m supposed to know if he likes me as in a relationship sense or if he just wants to sleep with me.

He texts me quite often, even if just to say hi or to see what I’m up to, or make sure I’m feeling better when I’m sick.  We’ve gone out before with mutual friends and had a blast.  We’re both more of homebodies, so he comes over to my place now regularly and we hang out.  We’ve made out, but I end it before it goes any further because I don’t want the Friends With Benefits thing to happen.

So, how do I know?!

Thanks,
Confused

Hey Hey Confused,

Tricky situation, but let me Nancy Drew this mystery and break down the facts. First off, the guy wouldn’t text you or care if you’re sick if he just wants to sleep with you. Although texting might seem like a cop-out, in this day and age it’s a perfect vehicle for chatting someone up. Who even uses AIM anymore? Remember those days?

Secondly, it’s really great that you’re not putting out right away. Props. Not only are you protecting yourself and your feelings, but that also proves that he wants something more if he’s sticking around. This has clearly been running it’s course for a while; if he just wanted to get laid he’d have gotten frustrated and given up a long time ago. Guys are simple that way. Sure, we’ll pursue something that we can’t have, but if we’re just looking for a quick lay, there’s not a chance that we’ll text incessantly and baby you if you’re sick.

That sounds like he wants girlfriend material, not a few humps in a twin extra long. And throw a few bonus points to the relationship column if he’s hanging out with you and your friends.

No need to be confused, Confused. It sounds like homeboy is just a bit shy. Maybe you should help him step it up a notch and move the hang-out sessions to your favorite sushi spot instead of your dorm room futon. Or, if he’s not into the whole raw fish thing, you could just have “the talk.” I’m pretty confident he’s feeling the same way you are.

Hope that helps!

– El Dude

[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn't include asking him out; homeboy is taken!) Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won't sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He'll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]

"Ok, so I'm on top. What do I do now!?"

Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you a different description of what it’s actually going to be like.

Grandma preaches about how she waited for marriage and how the only man she ever slept with was your grandfather, which kept her from getting those dirty diseases the youngsters are getting these days. Your parents just beg you to wait for college when you’re out of their house, and protect yourself so you aren’t bringing home their grandchildren on your winter break. Then there’s your slutty friend who boasted about how great it was and had all the boys following her through the halls of high school.

But when we sit down and look back on how it actually was when we decided to lose our virginity, it isn’t easily summed up into one simple tip or anecdote. It was more like a 30-minute (if you were one of the lucky ones) progression into womanhood.

After reading The Frisky’s perspective on the stages men go through when losing their virginity, I was not only enlightened (seriously, who knew guys thought so much?!), but it got me thinking of my own first time and the stages I went through as it was all goin’ down.

Perhaps you can relate…

Apprehension
I’ve been planning this moment forever and the day is finally here. My hands are clammy and I’m going back and forth between clenching my vagina as if trying to ward off the impending penetration and dreaming about how romantic it will all be (based solely on my weekly viewing of The Notebook). When the time comes, I’m wearing my sexiest pair of undies but, ugh, why do my boobs flop out to the side like that when I’m laying on my back? And am I doing this right? Should I be making more noises? Does this position make me look fat? Suck it in. SUCK. IT. IN.

The Decline
About 15 minutes into it, I am blindsided by a flood of emotion that comes out of nowhere. Am I…no wait…that is NOT a tear! Omg, it is a tear. I’m crying. This can’t be happening. It’s okay, he doesn’t notice. Just pretend it’s sweat. But why should I be ashamed? It’s not my fault I have a surge of estrogen that suddenly reminds me of the magnitude of the situation. It’s momentous and life changing. Do I love you? Should we get married? Omg, did I just say I love you out loud!? I don’t think he heard me. Say something dirty to cover it up! Wait! Do I love him? No! Maybe? No. Okay, maybe I do. Damn you, emotions. Okay, sanity regained. Let’s just do this.

Mass Chaos
Is this how it’s supposed to go? This feels…weird. Wait, what am I doing? OW! Did something just pop? That did NOT feel good! What are my parents going to think? They’re totally gonna know. My mom’s going to tell grandma; I’ll never be able to show my face at Christmas dinner. Why the hell am I thinking about grandma right now? EW! Is the condom still on? I don’t feel it. Omg, I’m going to get pregnant. I really have to pee. I think I am going to pee. I cannot hold it in. This is a nightmare. Oh wait, that doesn’t feel half bad… Hey, I kinda like this. Keep doing that. Make noises so he knows you like it. Mmmm.

Triumph
I finally did it. I’m no longer “the virgin” of the group, which automatically disabled me from every girl chat about sex, men and late night rendezvous’. I’m not going to deny it, I feel great. I’m a real woman now! Perhaps there is a little physical damage, I’m almost positive I am going to be walking like I spent the night horseback riding come tomorrow morning, but mentally I couldn’t feel better. Oh wait. Go pee. But cover up; he doesn’t need to see your cellulite. Wait. Stop being crazy. You guys just had sex. OMG. I just had sex! My friends are totally gonna freak when I tell them. They need to know immediately. Ok, he’s facing the other way. Is he sleeping? WTF? Whatever, just grab the Blackberry and bring it to bathroom. Mass texting is in order!

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.).

My patient Adrianna had so much pain just from foreplay that she avoided sex until she was twenty-nine. (Every Christmas she would send me a card with the Virgin Mary on it and sign it “Love, the Virgin.”)  Always in serious relationships, she would put it off until that inevitable moment when she knew she would either have to lose her virginity or break up with the guy. Every year, when she reached that fork in the road, she broke some poor guy’s heart, rather than ‘fessing up to her fears.

Then she met Ed, and he swept her off her feet.  After he proposed, she approached me, begging me to help her give it all up to Ed.  Here’s what I told her to do:

How To Lose Your Virginity As Painlessly as Possible

1. Purchase a good sexual lubricant like Astroglide or K-Y Jelly.

2. Begin to prepare weeks, even months in advance. (Note: preparation also includes getting comfortable and intimate with your own body!)  The vagina is an elastic organ designed to fit a baby through it.  Your virginal vagina may not like being stretched by an erect penis, but it’s willing to negotiate. Begin by starting to dilate the vagina with the smallest thing you can insert into your vagina comfortably – a pinkie finger, a junior sized tampon, or a thumb. Lube it up and gently insert it inside the vagina.

3.  Notice the muscles that surround your vagina. Are they tense or relaxed? Does the object or finger slide easily into the vagina, or does it hurt? Make a conscious effort to release the tension from those muscles. Hold the object in for 10 minutes.

4. If that doesn’t hurt at all, try gradually increasing the size of what you insert into your vagina- a super-plus sized tampon, two fingers, or a small dildo. Repeat the exercise with the larger object until you find something that begins to stretch you and feel uncomfortable. When you reach that point, hold the object still for 10 minutes, and repeat this every day until it no longer hurts. (Don’t forget the lube, which is key). You may bleed during some of these exercises, which is nothing to worry about, as long as the bleeding is slight.

5. When you notice that it no longer hurts to insert that object inside, go bigger. Keep increasing the size of what you place into the vagina until you can accommodate a dildo that mimics the size of your partner’s penis.

6. Once you can keep the dildo in place for 10 minutes without pain, try moving it in and out of you, mimicking what your partner would do during intercourse. Go slowly, and make sure you have control of how the dildo moves. Feel free to play around with other types of sexual stimulation or other sex toys during this process. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun! Feel free to invite your partner in for the party, if you feel comfortable. If not, make it a private affair until you’re ready for the big night.

7. When you can do this without pain, you’re ready for the main event. Encourage your partner to have fun with foreplay. The more aroused you feel, the less likely it is to hurt.

8. Spend a moment taking deep, relaxing breaths. Concentrate on relaxing the muscles around the vagina to make way for your lover to enter you. Visualize your vagina as a flower gently opening to receive the love you share with your partner.

9. When you’re ready, lube up and try a woman-on-top position, which gives you more control over the depth of penetration and the speed of the thrusting. Take it slow. Listen to your body. Warn your partner that you may not be able to finish the job. If need be, you can ask him to stop and take care of him in other ways, if you know what I mean.

Remember: practice makes perfect. It gets better with time – I swear. If your first time isn’t glorious, don’t be discouraged. My first time was God-awful, but in time, our bodies learn what to do and you’ll be making beautiful music in the sack before you know it.

Hope it helps!

Wishing you a gentle, safe, loving, nurturing cherry-pop,

Dr. Lissa

"Hm. That doesn't smell right..."

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: After unprotected sex I noticed my urine becoming really smelly on a consistent basis, which is a new thing for me. There are no other symptoms-no burning or itching or anything, just the smelliness when I pee. Could this be an STD??

A: Usually, healthy urine has almost no odor (unless you’ve been feasting on asparagus or other foods or vitamins that are known offenders).  If you are dehydrated, your urine will be more concentrated and may have a stronger smell. Also, if bacteria have contaminated the normally sterile urinary system, which happens when you have a urinary tract infection, you may notice an odor.

Most of the time, when women approach me complaining of foul-smelling urine, they’re actually smelling their vagina. If you have a vaginal infection, such as bacterial vaginosis or trichomonas vaginalis, you may notice that your vaginal discharge, when it mixes with your urine, smells icky.

While it could be a sexually transmitted disease, such as trichomonas infection, which causes a vaginal infection characterized by a foul-smelling odor, most STD’s do not cause your urine to smell. Sex however, can trigger urinary tract infections, and infected urine may smell icky.

I would suggest a visit to the gynecologist. Make sure they check out your vagina, as well as your urine, to make sure there are no infections either place. And if you’ve had unprotected sex, go ahead and get tested for everything while you’re there. You can set a good example for your partner and feel more secure about next time.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

My Roots of Feminism class recently read The Myth of Vaginal Orgasm by Anne Koedt, an essay from 1970 that talks about the idealization of vaginal orgasms when the main source of sexual pleasure for women has been proven to be the clitoris. (She goes much more into depth in her essay about how the “myth of vaginal orgasm” came about, if you want to read it.)

In 2009, we seem to have finally recognized the clitoris as the important sexual organ it is. Any Cosmo article will tell you that many women don’t have vaginal orgasms and clitoral stimulation is an important part of sex.  But despite recognizing the important of the clitoris, our basic, standard sex position remains missionary, one of the worst positions for clitoral stimulation!

Perhaps this is why 75% of women have never had an orgasm from sex; they’re going about it all wrong!

Well, people, it’s time to move past missionary and into the land of pleasure. Out with the boring and in with the orgasmic! Below are some new positions to try out that are sure to bring both you and your partner some serious pleasure.

You can thank me later.

69
Oral sex is by far the best source of clitoral stimulation for women, and with 69, both partners (of any gender) are enjoying themselves.

CAT
A modified version of missionary position, the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) is a position specifically designed to give women clitoral stimulation during sex. From Wikipedia: “The penetrating partner lies above the receiving partner as in the missionary position, but moves upward along the woman’s body, so that the base of the male’s penis provides stimulation to her clitoris. The receiving partner may also wrap her legs around his. Sexual movement is focused in the pelvises, without leverage from the arms or legs. The rocking upward stroke (receiving partner leads) and downward stroke (penetrating partner leads) of sexual movement builds arousal that partners let develop and peak naturally.” Yeah it all sounds sorta technical, but in the end you’ll be happy you put the effort in.

Girl on Top
When you climb aboard you can control the depth and speed of penetration, thus doing what makes you feel best. Plus, his hands are free to offer extra stimulation. Win-win!

Doggy Style With Paws
Doggy style is a great angle for G-spot stimulation. To make it even better for you, ask your man to use his hand (or just grab it and show him) to stimulate your clitoris at the same time.

You, Me, and the Machine
Find a small, easy to grib vibrator and take it to bed with you. I promise you, your partner will enjoy it just as much as you. You won’t be sorry!

What’s your favorite position?

It’s been a long night. The only thing on your mind is throwing the 12 decorative pillows (that your mom insisted you buy) off your big comfy bed and burying yourself under that warm, fluffy blanket.

You fight to keep your eyes open as you take the elevator up to your room. As you round the corner and get closer to your room you grow more excited to kick off your shoes, peel those skinny jeans off your legs (you swear they weren’t this tight when you bought them…) and take a one way ticket to Snoozetown.

And then you see it. Scribbled on the dry erase board tacked to your door: come back later.

The writing is messy, but the message is loud and clear. Your roommate’s got a boy in there and you are not welcome.

Angry, you stand there for a few moments taking it all in. It’s late on a weeknight. Everyone else is already asleep. And how long have they been in there?  Where the hell are you supposed to go? When can you come back?

You scan the hallway. Yup, everyone’s doors are closed and the hall is quiet. You are going to have to find somewhere else to pass the time. You take the elevator back down to the study room on your dorm’s main floor. You’re exhausted, but you decide you’ll do a bit more reading and try the room again in a half hour.

When you walk in you find another student in there reading on a couch.

“You too?” You ask. She nods.

You head towards one of the over-stuffed chairs but reconsider and move towards a table. The last thing you want is to get too comfortable and fall asleep down here. You unpack your textbook, grab a highlighter and start reading. But after getting through 3 pages and realizing you have no idea what you just read, you close the book and start chatting it up with your fellow Sexilee. You vent, you complain, you commiserate. Then you see a boy walk past in the hallway and, thinking that must be the man of the evening, take that as your cue to head back upstairs.

When you approach the door you notice the note is still on the dry erase board but you reason that your roommate must have forgotten to wipe it off. To be safe, you knock. You hear some giggling.

“Come back in five minutes!” Your roommate calls from inside.

“Come on! It’s late!” You call. You know you sound ridiculous, but you just want to go to sleep, damnit.

“Five minutes!” You’re tempted to throw open the door and break up the little party, but the fear of seeing some guy’s bare butt stops you. So you put your bag on the floor, pop a squat and wait it out.

Not five, but fifteen minutes later, the music stops and the door opens. Startled (it seems you have dozed off) you jump up. Your roommate laughs and shoos her boy towards the elevator. You gather your things and drag yourself towards your bed. Finally, you can get some sleep.

Well, after your roommate gives you the 20 minute rundown of her evening romp, that is.

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
It’s annoying, it’s infuriating…and it feels good when you can get sweet Sexile revenge.

The Jonas Brothers are NOT breaking up, OK?

Fight the flu naturally!

What exactly is going on here?

Is Josh Duhamel a cheater??

Miley’s got some freaky-ass fans.

What makes a man bad in bed?