I’ve heard this story way too many times: Two people meet online somehow. They exchange contact info, and they fall into a loop of talking to each other all day and night via texts, IMs, and/or phone calls. Maybe they end up meeting in real life, but the vast majority of their communication is virtual. They feel like they’ve really scratched the surface and gotten to know each other on a profound level. Naturally, there’s probably some sexting, maybe even declarations of love. There’s definitely some semblance of a bond there. Then, one person reveals they weren’t nearly as invested as they appeared to be. They have a significant other or they suddenly start becoming a vulgar Twitter flirt, or they just decide to fall off the face of the earth. And then the other person is left hurt, confused and disappointed. Read More »

What do Blake Lively, Tiger Woods, Anthony Weiner and Ashton Kutcher all have in common? They’ve been caught in a sexting scandal. Fort those of you who have been living under a rock, sexting is the act of sending risque text messages in order to sexually arouse the receiver. This could be via sexy dialogue or nakey pictures. As my last relationship was long distance, we came to enjoy a dirty text every once in a while since we couldn’t always bone when we wanted to. Whatever you chose to sext there are some simple rules one should follow so their name doesn’t end up on the front of some lame tabloid.

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There are a lot of things about sex that invoke a lot of judgment and pearl-clutching – sex before marriage, promiscuity, STDs, porn, fetishes…and sexting. Maybe this is only my perception, but it seems like sexting is something that people get extremely riled up about. Particularly when sexting goes public. Whether it’s on a monumental scale (see: Kim Kardashian’s entire public career) or a relatively minor one, when sexts get leaked, inevitably there’s a backlash that generally includes some slut shaming and victim-blaming.

Sexting, to me, is part of a natural progression of 21st century flirting and f*cking. Shooting off a text or a photo is an easy way to flirt, add some spice, maintain the sexual aspect of a long distance relationship, and strengthen the sexual bond between two people. There’s nothing intrinsically immoral or offensive about it – it’s just a digital copy of things that people normally do in person. Which basically describes the entire Internet in a nutshell. And yet, for some reason, the act of sexting seems to induce a lot of moral judgment. Read More »

Kristen Stewart almost looks like she has an expression on this month’s cover of Glamour. I don’t know how to feel about this. Sullen works for her, but I can’t begrudge her any attempts to look happy or engaged.

This month’s issue is pretty inoffensive. There was a strong emphasis on health, which I appreciate. And I was reminded that Mercury retrograde falls over Thanksgiving this year, so I’m already mentally preparing for a hot mess holiday of ridiculous proportions. Even the relationship section was less horrific than usual. There was an articled on “How to be a Man-Magnet” that had some good pieces of advice (don’t insult other women, be proud of your ambitions, don’t expect every guy to be marriage material…), though some gems were a little less constructive. Read More »

One of my friends is in an LDR with her boyfriend while he’s studying abroad. Naturally, they’ve had to turn to technology to keep their connection strong. Last week, he asked her why she hadn’t sent him any scandalous photos yet. When she told me about this, I asked if he had sent her any yet, and she said no. I couldn’t have been less surprised.

Our society places the burden of “performing” sexiness on women.  There are endless products designed to enhance our aesthetic and make us more alluring – from cosmetics to fashion to the most popular ladies magazines, we are constantly bombarded with messages and images that emphasize the significance of being sexy. This, of course, influences our intimate relationships (in a heterosexual context), because men are also exposed to the idea that women should make being attractive to men a top priority.  I think, either consciously or subconsciously, they expect us to always put in effort to be sexy, that we should be the ones to be super flirty, dress in ways that are pleasing to the male gaze and be the ones who spice up the relationship. I know that men are also under pressure to conform to society’s ideas of masculinity, that they are under pressure to achieve certain body types, exhibit certain personality traits and generally be considered sexually attractive. But, the pressure seems to be a lot less  and men definitely have more freedom to be unconventional. Read More »

Last week, I wrote about my poor relationship with masturbating. Someone called my story disturbing. I was far more taken aback than offended because I feel like it was a pretty tame, innocuous tale especially compared to other dalliances on my sex résumé. Since I am pretty open (read: shameless) in this column, I’ve decided to highlight four of my experiences that I was actually disturbed (or just plain embarrassed) by.

My first kiss
I was 19. I was at a party with a whole bunch of lesbians and one straight guy. After a few drinks, he found me appealing enough to kiss, and well, it was late enough in the evening that he had started looking like Justin Timberlake to me, so we started kissing. By this point, the party had wound down and we were the only ones still in the living room. In the process of making out, my dress and bra came off, and my first kiss went from G to PG-13/R with a quickness. After it was over, I was emotionally perturbed and anxious about the not-so-romantic way in which everything had occurred, and things were compounded the next morning, when I found out that we were in fact not alone in the living room…and that the witness to my shenanigans? Was a 15 year old boy (someone’s little brother had tagged along…so appropriate). While I’m certainly somewhat of an exhibitionist now, I certainly wasn’t back then, and I still get queasy about the fact that a strange child was 10 feet away at the very beginning of my deflowering process.

My first FWB.
He was a decade older than me. He was an ex-coworker’s ex boyfriend, which was kind of sticky in and of itself. And, I found out later, he was dating other people the entire time we were hooking up. Um, I’d like to at least actively consent to being the side ho, thank you very much. Read More »

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Attention all men: I don’t want to see a picture of your cock.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I am not a fan.  I appreciate its ability, stamina, even its appearance in small doses, but you are not going to turn me on by getting out your iPhone and sending me a picture of it. I don’t care how big it is or that it was just shaven. It’s just not going to work for me…or make that for most women. Read More »

Without a doubt, one of the best ways to improve the quality of your sex life is engaging in foreplay. A lot of sex advice articles focus on the fact that many women need foreplay in order to orgasm, which I think is kind of a restrictive and pressure-fueled way to approach it.

Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be a means to an end – what it aims to do is get you and your partner in a sexually charged mood, which in and of itself is incredibly enjoyable. There are so many ways to integrate foreplay into your sexy times. Some of my favorites include:

Sexting.
I know there are tons of horror stories of sexting gone terribly awry – private texts/photos being spread around without your consent, accidentally sexting your parents/exes/bosses, the fact that 12-year-olds engage in it…sexting has cultivated a grotesque reputation, to say the least. But as long as you have a trustworthy partner (and you double-check the recipient box on your phone), sexting is an awesome way to create intimacy and arousal, especially if you plan on getting it on later in the day. Talk about things you can’t wait to do with/to your partner, describe fantasies, even send nudies if you are so inclined (without your face, always).

Making out.
Sometimes it seems like once you’re sexually active, the only thing on the menu is sex. But there is something to be said about some old-school kissing/groping, including putting up the same boundaries you used to (like no crotch contact…at least temporarily). It mentally takes you back to those days when hooking up filled you with butterflies and anticipation of where it lead, which is undeniably hot. Read More »