In typical discussions of rape, there is a lot of emphasis on”prevention”, and the responsibility always seems to land on women. Rape is a unique crime in that it tends to inspire victim-blaming. If someone is mugged, for example, very rarely do people come out of the woodwork to say they were asking for it, that they could have prevented it, that because of their lack of character, they deserved it. When a woman is raped, it is because she was doing something to invite it. She shouldn’t have been [wearing a skirt/drinking/flirting].

Rape is one of the few instances in where the onus is placed on the victim instead of the perpetrator. This is such an irresponsible stance to take, for many reasons. Rape is about a lack of consent. If a woman says “no” to sex, and she is coerced into it, it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, if she’s been drinking, if she has a reputation for being promiscuous, or any other justification/excuse for force. The only way a woman can consent is with her words, at that very moment. Everything else is completely irrelevant.

And perhaps, the scariest statistic related to rape, is that most rape is actually not perpetrated by some random predator, that most rape is classified as some form of “acquaintance” rape.  It makes all the sense in the world to tell a woman to be careful when she’s in a room full of strangers, but who doesn’t let their guard down when they’re with people they or their friends know? Maybe it’s because rape is such a callous, inhumane, violent intrusion of someone else’s personal space and well-being that it is hard to wrap our minds around the idea of someone doing that to an acquaintance or lover? Is that why people would rather say that a rape victim is lying than believe her?

There needs to be an active focus on encouraging men not to rape. Encouraging men to be respectful of women, to listen when she says “no”, or expresses hesitation. To not perceive sex as purely an expression of masculinity. To not take advantage of women who are too under the influence to clearly say no. To understand that just because a woman says “yes” to one action doesn’t mean consent extends to every other action. That just because he’s dating someone doesn’t mean he’s ever entitled to sex. There also needs to be a shift away from the massive skepticism that tends to be placed upon women who speak out on their rapes. It is completely sexist that a crime that primarily affects women doesn’t seem to be taken seriously.

Sexual harassment is one of the oldest crimes in the book and it’s one that often seems to go unpunished. In today’s R-rated, “sex sells” culture, sexual harassment can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time. And it does. All too often.

Fortunately, Strauss-Kahn was taken into police custody and will begin a long sequence of trials and lawsuits. But what about the rest of us? When a government elite is involved with a scandal, the whole world knows about it, but what about people no one knows about? Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience something as painful and scary as sexual harassment, but in order to protect yourself, you should know the facts.

The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defines sexual harassment as “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.” Yes, that’s right: sexual harassment DOES NOT have to include actual intercourse or even physical acts of any kind. When a creepy co-worker won’t stop hitting on you, the stranger on the train won’t stop pressing their leg against yours (even when you move away), that’s still sexual harassment and deserves to be punished.

In order to keep yourself safe from harassment of any type, take the following precautions.

1. Have MULTIPLE emergency contacts.
Going out on a blind date? Heading to an event with some people you don’t know that well yet? Always have two emergencies contacts. Yes, two. We’ve all had the experience of calling your friend for a ride home, but she doesn’t pick up. Have someone you can call just in case your first choice is busy.

2. “No” means NO.
The second you tell somewhat that what they’re doing is bothering you, that action becomes harassment. So, if you feel uncomfortable and uneasy, let the creep know that you don’t want their attention. If they know you’re uncomfortable and continue to annoy you, you have yourself a sexual harassment case.

3. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed.
Us college students and young professionals are constantly trying to make a good impression on the people around us in order to work our way up the academic or professional ladder. That being said, it’s usually the reason why so many sexual harassment cases go unnoticed and unreported in the professional world. Victims don’t want to lose their job or make a bad impression, so they try to ignore unwanted advances. When it comes to you, your safety comes first. Don’t let a potential job opportunity stop you from telling off your creepy boss.

4. Doubt equals don’t.
Yeah, that’s a quote from Oprah, but the woman’s got a point. If you’re ever in a situation where you’re feeling some doubt, it’s your gut’s way of telling you that you something is wrong. That guy seem to be comin’ on a bit too strong? Get out of there. Not sure you want to give that stranger your number? Don’t. We all have instincts for a reason – to protect us – so listen to yours.

Sexual harassment CAN be prevented and punished, but only if victims and onlookers stay proactive. Put yourself first, keep your friends close, and stay on your toes. The world is only as dangerous as you let it be.

This gossip was the result of a quick catch up sesh I had with my friend after one of those “OMG—so much to tell youuu” texts. I’m sure y’all have had friends like this girl. Actually, scratch that, I’m sure y’all have BEEN this girl before. I know I have: you hookup, you overanalyze, and you wonder if people think you’re a slut, and then you hookup again. It’s like the water cycle… only less hydrating and more damaging to the morale.

And for certain guys, this cycle, in contrast to our menstrual cycle, is their fave. This can be evidenced by a 2008 photo of a few of Yale’s finest Zeta Psi frat boys in front of our Women’s Center holding up a sign that says “We Love Yale Sluts”— classy.

The incident was one of several that were targeted in a recent complaint by 16 Yale students against the administration “for its failure to eliminate a hostile sexual environment on campus, in violation of Title IX.” (Read more on that here.) Thus, the Office of Civil Rights is opening an investigation of Yale, and should they find anything incriminating, will revoke our federal funding.

The Yale Daily News broke the story on April 1st, so I choked on my cereal and laughed because I thought it was an April Fool’s Day joke. Perhaps it’s because I always laugh at inappropriate moments, or perhaps it’s because I am afraid of confrontation, but I didn’t see how suing our administration would make a sexist situation better. It seemed like a dumb idea and I had Spanish homework to do. And so, it flew off my radar.

That is, until CNN news crews and the New York Times went crazy and my mom called and voiced her concern about my sexual well-being. Which was awkward.

Obviously, I represent a different subset of the population than the people who filed the complaint. Like I mentioned above, I go through the “Am I a Slut?” cycle quite frequently yet still believe that the Title IX complaint would accomplish very little. However, that isn’t to say that we don’t deserve the complaint.

The complaint has legitimacy. It isn’t right for frat boys to go around objectifying women, and it isn’t right for those accused of raping girls to go without any consequences. In my experience, Yale has had shady (read: gossiped-about, but not factually supported) situations involving boys getting kicked out for sexual harassment, but then coming back to school later. And it has received much criticism for not putting harsher restrictions on frats after incidences such as the one mentioned above. But while the spotlight has been put on the sweating administration, maybe attention should be turned to the individuals.

Our administration promotes open discussion, available resources and education about equality. And so, as was expected, in response to the complaint, we all got sent an email about a new Advisory Committee on Campus Climate (filled with fat biographies of committee members) formed to check in on the sexual environment here and report on their findings. Additionally, while the taskforce did its work, Yale would have discussions with students and figure out what was going on.

And this is all perfectly lovely. Open discussion is wonderful, transparency in bureaucracy is always refreshing, and taskforces are great. Except, they can’t be the only answer. Because while taskforces do appear to make changes at a macro-level, they do very little at the micro-level.

Although the media and our administration and a fraction of our student population is getting riled up at the complaint, the taskforce will never be able fully get a handle on the problem, because it cannot address the “Am I A Slut?” cycle—that’s not an administration thing, that’s a cultural thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, despite recent media attention, I know that this problem is not just a thing at my school. I’m sure you’ve seen echoes of it at your school: girls feeling pressured to hookup with guys after being their dates to a formal, guys talking about who is easy, girls telling other girls that “it’s okay because you were drunk,” etc. If we actually want to put a full stop to this college-environment-induced sexual hostility, we need to start realizing that objectification is not okay just because we’re drunk, or because all of our friends think it’s fine.

People do stupid things sometimes, and some nameless administration BS can dull it, but it isn’t going to stop it. The most effective way of stopping it is for you, your best friend, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your roommates, whoever to a.) understand that something that they do, or a friend does, is not okay for the human morale, and then b.) not being afraid to talk about it. You don’t have to go Naomi Campbell on them, but lightheartedly point out their errors, let them know (or let yourself know) that you are judging their behavior. Most likely, they’ll start to change it.

On campus, some people are serious about the Title IX complaint, they discuss it in dining halls and go to the panels and Facebook chat friends about it—but from my perspective, a considerable number of people make a joke about it while they pregame, and then later on in the night go off and hookup with a rando—thus reinforcing the “Am I A Slut?” cycle.

Taskforces can dull the spikes of an outraged media, but they can’t change the nature of “OMG—so much to tell youuu” texts.

Last weekend in Toronto, where I live, a reported 1,000 people marched together in the first-ever SlutWalk. The campaign was a response to a comment made at a local university by a police officer, who said women should avoid “dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” The police have since apologized for the officer’s comment, but it still hit hard with the organizers of SlutWalk.

The idea of SlutWalk spread to two other Canadian cities over this past weekend. I unfortunately worked during the walk in Toronto, but many of my friends were out walking. While they said the walk was mainly positive, there were some groups of men holding signs reading things as “slut after-party.” Because unfortunately the idea that women who dress in a certain way bring negative attention onto themselves and are setting themselves up to be a target is still considered a valid idea by some people.

Why are we still blaming the victim? While women are taught to do all things possible to avoid being raped, our culture is still lacking a don’t rape message. While the White Ribbon campaign and Walk a Mile in Her Shoes are a step in the right direction, it’s clearly not enough. Just look at the frat boys from Yale who were made to chant ‘no means yes.’

Or how about when an 11-year-old gang-rape victim is blamed for dressing older than her age by a politician. If a victim, who is truly only a child, is being shamed, why on earth would anyone want to report a sexual assault. Though this might not be the entire reason, the U.S. Justice Department released a study in 2005 showing that 60 percent of sexual assaults go unreported.

Preventing sexual assault needs to move past the victim. When you hear that Take Back the Night has been happening for thirty-three years, you realize that many issues revolving around sexual assault are seen as responsibilities of the victim. Women should avoid walking alone at night, women should be careful about their drinks at the bar, and women should watch how they dress. When according to RAINN, 38 percent of rape victims know their attacker, is this really enough?

How do we change the attitudes around sexual assault? When will we stop blaming the victim and start blaming the rapist?

As college women, sexual assault is a frighteningly real issue on many of our campuses. So when I saw this story, I was pretty outraged. To catch you up to speed, an Australian jury just acquitted a young man of rape because the victim was wearing skinny jeans. Yes, skinny jeans. According to the jury, it wouldn’t be possible for the young man to remove the victim’s jeans without “collaboration,” so he must not be guilty.

I think it’s safe to say that if this young woman said she was raped, if she felt the sex was not consensual, it doesn’t matter who removed her jeans. Let’s say the alleged rapist and his victim “collaborated” to take her pants off. That fact alone does not prove that rape did not occur. Any situation in which one party feels that sexual contact was not consensual is, by definition, sexual assault. Even if she helped take her pants off. Even if she took them off all by herself.

I know there are women (and men, too) who have cried wolf about rape and sexual assault in the past. But people who lead us to believe that sexual assault isn’t a big deal are ignoring the statistics, which show that as many as one in four college women are victims of sexual assault at least once during their college years.

This young woman clearly felt that the sex was not consensual, and for that reason, she is not at fault. Even if she had been drinking. Even if she chose to go home with someone. Even if she was wearing skinny jeans.

What do you guys think? Is there any situation where this young woman could be at fault? At what point is sex consensual?

So we all know about roofies and not to accept drinks from guys cuz they’re probably creeps who want to take advantage of us. But how many times do we really apply our knowledge when we’re out at the bars? Have you ever turned down a free drink? (Editor’s Note: Hell no!)

Or how about this:

You set your drink down for a nano second to grab a cigarette (cuz your an impulsive chain smoke under the influence), pick up your drink and you’re back on your merry way. Little did you know, weirdo standing next to you sprinkled a little fairy dust in your drink and the next thing you know you’re falling over yourself as he carries you back into his shady lair.

It’s sad but true, ladies. The study showed that while most girls were aware that taking a drink from a stranger was a big no-no, they didn’t really think about the risk of leaving their drink unattended, even for a split second.

Here’s another scary fact: the U.S. Department of Justice reports that 1 in 5 women will be the victim of a sexual assault during their college years. That’s like saying one of your best friends, or even you, can be sexually assaulted during your 4 years (or longer, we don’t judge) at college. I don’t know about you, but that kinda freaks me out.

The thing is, most of us are probably really aware about the risks associated with a night on the town with the girls. But after a couple vodka shots and a tequila sunrise, that awareness is inclined to drop.

So, let’s try to be smart ladies. I’m not saying don’t drink or have a good time, but the truth is (and we all know this) all guys are creeps so don’t take any drinks from any guys (unless you came with them), watch your drink, and definitely do NOT go home with a guy you just met. That’s just wrong on so many counts.

While her story gained worldwide attention, the world wondered: who could have wanted to kill such a kind-hearted, hard-working young woman?

Over a month passed since Pressly’s death, and the police had not named any suspects nor possible motives for the murder, only stating that they believed it was a robbery gone bad. But on November 26th, police in Little Rock arrested 28-year-old Curtis Lavelle Vance for the beating death of Anne Pressly. They did not disclose what led them to arresting Vance, only stating police would have to remain “very tightlipped” before trial.

Then Pressly’s parents, Patti and Guy Cannady emerged on television with riveting new details about the case. Yesterday they appeared on The Today Show stating that there was evidence of their daughter being sexually assaulted during the beating, and furthermore that she broke her hand trying to fight off her attacker. They shared gruesome details about Pressly’s physical condition, including that “every bone in her face was broken,” and immediately condemned Vance as her killer. Mrs. Cannady said that Vance is a “monster [who] stole my daughter’s innocence. He took her life,” while Mr. Cannady added, “I think he could have been a stalker.”

With such a sudden surge in developments in Pressly’s case, many questions arise not only regarding the events themselves, but the media surrounding them. What led the Little Rock police to the arrest of Curtis Vance? Could Pressly’s murder really have been a robbery-gone-awry, or was Vance a crazed stalker? And, perhaps most alarmingly, why are the police keeping so mum about the case while Anne’s family is revealing so much? Doesn’t this present a conflict of interest?

Some specifc details about the case are cause for suspicion. Little Rock police confirm that Vance is also being charged in the rape of an Arkansas schoolteacher last April. If it is true that Pressly was also raped, it seems unlikely that her death was merely the result of a random robbery, particularly if Vance has a history of sexual assault. And Pressly’s mother revealed on The Today Show that she drove to her daughter’s home at 4:30 am October 20th immediately after Anne did not respond to her morning wake-up call. While it may seem circumstantial, why would Mrs. Cannady immediately suspect something had gone wrong and drive over to her daughter’s home so early in the morning if she didn’t respond to a phone call? Maybe she was still sleeping?

Was there any reason for her to believe Anne would be incapacitated?

We may never get the answers we want regarding this case, but one thing is for sure: when there’s a murder in the media, it becomes much more difficult for the media to address the murder.

But what we absolutely do not want to do is send the message that sexual freedom and inhibition is a risk free lifestyle.

Recently, two writers from Jezebel – a website for women aged 25-35 – were invited onto Lizz Winstead’s show, Thinking and Drinking, to discuss their decisions to blog quite openly about their sexcapades and the message they send by writing about them (graphically) on the internet. Winstead, a former writer for The Daily Show, is a strong advocate of sexual empowerment and freedom, but argues it “can only be called a freedom if you protect yourself from rape, disease and pregnancy.”

Tracie Egan and Moe Tkacik, the Jezebel bloggers – who we have quoted and referenced many times before – showed up to the interview drunk and what they said caused quite a stir in the CollegeCandy office.

You can see the clip here:

We have no problem with the choices these women make in their personal lives, but we do have a problem with the fact that they take an issue like rape and make light of it. Pass it off like it’s funny, impossible, fictional and that they are too smart to let it happen to them.

No one is too “smart” to be raped. My friends are very smart people; some of the most intelligent, worldly and street smart people I know (Yes, I am bragging). But that didn’t mean anything when one of them went home with someone – a funny, attractive boy we knew through some friends – and found herself in an unsafe situation that she could not stop.

He was not some shady dude in the bar; she was “smart” enough to avoid that one.

It wasn’t the muscley guy buying rounds for every girl he saw; she knew not to go near that one.

It was a safe guy that she trusted and that did not make a difference.

Just as Winstead mentioned in the clip, the ladies of Jezebel have remained safe, not because they have made good choices, but because they are lucky. The same goes for me, and for a lot of the bloggers on this site. We are not doing anything different than the women who find themselves in danger; we are just really f-ing lucky.

Though we may not want to be role models, blogging comes with that responsibility. We would be jobless if it weren’t for the people who read and emulate us, so it is disgusting for these two ladies of Jezebel to ignore their responsibilities and make light of such a serious situation.

It may have been the wine talking, but what they said is embarrassing and just plain wrong. Women today are very lucky to live in a society that allows us the freedom to choose our lifestyle; we cannot take it for granted.

[Photo courtesy of Jezebel]

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