Rejection is hard no matter where it comes from. Whether it’s somebody at the bar, a school, or a job, it just really sucks. Now imagine if that rejection comes from somebody you love, hell, imagine if it’s coming from the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Ouch, right? The sad thing is that this happens all the time – not out of spite or not being in love, but because couples don’t take into consideration one very important thing to talk about: sexual compatibility.

There are some things that should be discussed at the outset of every relationship – ground rules, expectations, fast-growing tumors, but for some reason sexual compatibility seems to often be bypassed during these discussions. Partially because some people think it’s not important, and partially because they remain hopeful that either they or their partner are going to “warm up” to sex and eventually, once the relationship gets going, the sex will be frequent and awesome.

Some luck out and the “wait it out” strategy works, but that’s not always the case.

Ups-and-downs in sexual frequency are totally normal in any relationship. We hit that honeymoon newly-in-love phase, and find ourselves constantly naked, but eventually things die down – and that’s to be expected. But if you expect your partner to be monogamous, then your sex drive affects them too. Failing to discuss your ideal sex life is a huge mistake — if you’ve got a very low or very high sex drive, your partner deserves to know. Realizing in the middle of an LTR that you’re severely sexually incompatible can be a really big issue to deal with. It might even be the make-or-break point in your relationship.

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[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like college drinking!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Assuming you haven’t been living in a cave (or being Amish, but then you probably wouldn’t be online) you’ve probably at least heard of the premise of When Harry Met Sally and the big question it poses – can men and women just be friends? Looks like the debate’s on again – did it ever really stop? – and it’s time we had our say!

On the “Yes!” side – Sure men and women can be just friends (and yes, for the purposes of this argument, let’s assume that said man and woman are both either straight or bi, no cop outs!). I know lots of guys I’d call friends that I never have and never would sleep with and I imagine most women do, too. Which is when you get into the “maybe you don’t but he wishes you would” part of the argument which is a pretty cruel generalization. To say “guys will have sex with any girl who will let them” basically says that guys have no filters or systems of judgment beyond woman=sex, and while that may be true for some men, most of the guys I’ve known, ever, just aren’t like that. If we’re not all frigid bitches, then they can’t all be horny bastards. And saying that two people of opposite genders can’t simply enjoy one another’s company without there being a sexual issue is essentially arguing that the only reason I’m not having sex with all my gal pals is that I’m not attracted to women – which is patently ridiculous.

But, there’s a reason this argument has gone on for so long and that reason is: Read More »

Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?

We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to AskTheDude@CollegeCandy.com and he’ll give it to you straight. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask away!

Dear Dude,

The other day, I randomly met a guy at a bus stop who just got back from Europe. We clicked immediately, and hung out for about 2 hours (instead of studying for genetics…). He has my number and email, but is it a bad idea just to ask him to hang out? I have no interest in a romantic aspect, and my female friends say I’m nuts. This is legit, right? I can just ask a guy to hang out just to solely hang out…
Or am I just being an idiot?

Thanks!
Just Wanna Be Friends Read More »

"Uh. Er. Ummm. Uh. Er..."

I find Jude Law to be mind-numbingly attractive. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were ever to happen across him, I would be reduced to simple sentences and one-syllable words.  But according to a new study, it’s Jude who has to worry about the mind-numbing affect when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Namely, me.

Psychologists in the Netherlands carried out a study that found that after only a few minutes of chatting with an attractive woman, a man’s brain function is significantly decreased. Women, however, maintained their calm, cool and intellectually superior attitude when talking with handsome men. Once again, it has been proven that women are smarter than men. Or at least that we can handle ourselves in public.

Not the boys, though; put Heidi Klum in a room with the smartest man alive and he will be reduced to a bumbling idiot within minutes. Read More »

I’m going to make a bold statement here: pretty people have it pretty easy in life.

Well, at least when it comes to dealings with the opposite sex. I watch guys trip over themselves to get near a hot girl with big boobs, yet I find myself breaking a sweat trying to prove to the same guys that I’m worth a moment of their time.

I don’t mind this – I love showing people how awesomely funny I am – but it does irk me when I see the “perfect” girls coasting through life without lifting a finger. WTF, pretty people? How is that fair? I’m just as worthy, if not more, of the same things you get in life, yet you get them handed to you on a silver platter and I have to pass some sort of test just to get a taste?

I wanted to see what my male counterparts had to say about this subject. Do they know they’re doing this? Do they deal with it too? Let’s see…. Read More »

[I am writing this post anonymously for two reasons:

1. Because I don't want my friends to know how often I watch Oprah (daily) and how much I love her and
2. Because I'm not sure I need the whole world (read: future employers) knowing a lot about my life between the sheets.]

Last week Oprah had an episode discussing sex, sexual attraction and the things women want when it comes to doin’ the dirty. The episode as a whole was fascinating – did you know there is an equation for figuring out how hot someone is?? – but one point that really stuck out to me was the discussion of sexual desire.

A group of women sat down to talk about all things sex and one of them mentioned her love of being dominated by a man. She told the story of her hottest hookup, which involved a man at the bar pushing her into the bathroom and kissing her passionately against the wall. Now, to most people that sounds like a “grab the pepper spray” kind of moment, but to me it sounded hot. I mean, come on, that’s passion. That’s heat.

That’s really effing sexy.

She went on to say that the reason it was so memorable was not because of what he did, but the fact that he wanted to do it at all. It was the fact that she was wanted that badly that made the whole thing such a turn on. Read More »

[This post is courtesy of our gal pal, Marie Claire.]

Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It’s all part of the process to make a great dish.

And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:

Safe, but threatening

Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel “comfortably threatened” it can lead to a steamy experience.

Spontaneity

Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?

Attraction

I’m not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren’t attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they’ve had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn’t that great. Read More »