Fantasizing is an intrinsic part of sexual development. It’s a perfectly healthy way to work out your curiosities, explore your preferences, and enhance your sex life.  It’s totally okay to think about threesomes, or public sex, role playing, or whatever turns you on… But what if you want to actually take your fantasies to the next level? Undoubtedly, opening up an intimate and private part of your thought process to someone’s assessment and possible rejection is scary, but it can be a truly liberating (and sexy) experience to share fantasies with your partner.

Generally, the best time to broach fantasies is during foreplay. You’re both getting aroused and (hopefully!) you’re starting to let go of some of your inhibitions. There are pretty much three ways this can shake out. The worst case scenario is your partner outright rejects you. If they’re worthy of your time, they won’t express disgust or make you feel self-conscious. They’ll merely convey their lack of interest and get right back into the moment. Or, if they’re a little more intrigued, they’ll start to play along. For example, if you brought up the idea of role playing, they’ll integrate that into their dirty talk while you’re in coitus. It’s amazing how much just talking about fantasies can spice up your relationship. The best case scenario is they’re just as enthusiastic as you are, and are totally down for making your fantasies a reality. Total score.

The most important thing is to be confident and don’t invalidate your own fantasies. No matter how weird or kinky you think they are, you are almost certainly not alone. At the very least, there’s very little you could say that would shock your partner, especially if they’ve spent more than 5 seconds on the internet. It is incredibly common to imagine threesomes, public play, restraints…the list goes on. Don’t ever invalidate your own sexual proclivities – as long as they’re not harmful to you or to anyone else, they are fair game. There’s nothing wrong with indulging your imagination, and *fingers crossed* you are with, or will find, someone who is open to doing the same.

Hey Dude,

I’ve got an itch that I really need your help to scratch. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and we’ve been in an amazing, serious relationship that we’ve both come to greatly enjoy. He never fails to take care of me, tell me how much I mean to him, make sure me and my family are doing well, and do everything I could’ve ever possibly want in a boyfriend. We’ve been through some road bumps here and there like every relationship, but it’s never deterred us from wanting to be together and talking about the future together. However, I was a little confused when I was on his laptop the other day and saw some porn on it. Now, I’m not sure what to think. It wasn’t a collection of it, but at the same time, I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not from a girl’s perspective. I thought we were doing well (sexually) but seeing this makes me doubt us at least in the bedroom. Am I not giving him enough? Am I just… bad? What does this mean? Do all guys do this? Should I be thinking differently considering we’re in a relationship? What should I do?!

Please help me, Dude! I’m at a lost for words and I don’t know what to do.

Much appreciation and love and keep up what you’re doing,

LostGirl Read More »

“Oh! Oh my God! I’m about to… Oh God, Gerard!”

OH. MY. GOD. Did I really just say that? Did I really just call my boyfriend of nine months Gerard Butler? What was I thinking?

Well, apparently I was thinking the same thing that 80% of taken women do.  That is, 80% of partnered women have fantasized about someone other than their mate while having sex in the past two months. Feel terrible? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Don’t be. 98% of men do the same.

According to a new study published by The Journal of Sex Research, most people in committed relationships fantasize about other people, places, and situations while having sex with their lovers. However, Ian Kerner, an expert when it comes to matters of the bedroom, claims that sexual fantasies are really not so terrible. In fact, Kerner says that they are often a good indicator of a healthy sex life. Read More »

I’m gonna make a bold statement here:

Role playing is ESSENTIAL in any long-term, monogamous relationship.

And it’s just plain fun in any other situation.

Role playing allows us to live out our fantasies in a comfortable, safe situation, and adds some much needed variety to our sex lives. But as fun as it is to be someone else for a bit, it can also be really nerve-racking. We’re not all professional actors, and pretending to be someone else, especially when you’re naked and vulnerable, can be hard.

If you’ve never done it before, do it. And if you’re not sure how, here are my answers to a few questions you probably have:

Q. How do I tell my partner I want to role-play with seeming like I’m bored with him/her?

A. “I’ve always thought it would be really hot to sleep with a professor. Can I call you Dr. ______ tonight?” Most partners will be happy to help you fulfill your fantasies.

Q. What are some good role play scenarios to try?

A. Anything that turns you on. My favorites are situations where one person has to talk the other into sex because it’s “forbidden.” Something like teacher/student or boss/employee can be really hot, and you can alternate who does the convincing (i.e. naughty student or pervy professor). Read More »

We all have our own sexual fantasies. Some of us want to try threesomes, some want to be blindfolded, some want to have sex in public. None of these fantasies are all that unusual and I doubt anyone would raise an eyebrow if they came out in a game of never-have-I-ever (well, unless you’re playing with Grandma).

But what about those fantasies that are just “weird”? The ones you’re afraid to share with your boyfriend, the one’s you hear rumors about in the caf, and the ones you read about online when you accidentally Google the wrong thing and then quickly delete your web history.

This week’s Sexy Time will take a closer look at a two of the more cringe-worthy sexual fantasies out there to see what they’re really all about.

Daddy/Daughter Fantasy

What It’s All About: The daddy/daughter fantasy isn’t necessarily about incest, it’s about domination, submission and seduction. Daddy/daughter fantasies come in all forms: an innocent little girl playing “games” with daddy, a bad little girl being punished by daddy, a naughty little girl seducing daddy… use your imagination.

The Appeal: Many women enjoy daddy/daughter fantasies because it allows them to be submissive. Despite how far feminism has come, the “slut” stigma is still very prevalent in society. Daddy/daughter fantasies allow women to enjoy sex without feeling any guilt or shame. Rather than being labeled a “slut” for enjoying sex, they are simply a little girl who is doing what their daddy wants them to. Other women enjoy playing the “Lolita” aspect, the naughty little girl who no man can resist. Daddy/daughter fantasies come in all shapes and sizes and men and women all have different reasons for finding them hot. Read More »

When I am not out slutting it up, I tend to spend my evenings alone watching TV, reading books and – to relieve a little stress – playing out some super sexy scenarios in my head. I crawl into bed, get under the covers with my favorite toy and imagine myself in the place I’d rather be; the man I’d rather be with.

I find sexual fantasies to be both extremely liberating and enlightening. By opening myself up to any possibility – mostly things I would never do in the flesh – I learn a lot about myself and what turns me on. I can act out entire scenarios in my head and prepare myself for new situations that may arise sometime down the road. And, of course, I get to do something a little naughty with people I would never have the opportunity to be with in real life.

Like the dad of the kids I babysit for. I know that fantasy is as cliché as they come, but there is something so sexy and forbidden about that bond between babysitter and dad. He is sexy, smart, funny, and adorable with his kids. I know it’s so wrong, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have him drive me home, kiss me, then take advantage of me in the back of his Mercedes. Read More »