Would you like a guy less if he’s slept with 25 girls? How about 40 girls? Or 70 girls? And at which point would you straight-up refuse to be his next conquest? All that counting and keeping track is enough to make your head spin, so I propose this: Maybe just keep the numbers to your respective selves. That’s been my rule from the start, and it’s worked out pretty fabulously.

So long as you’re up front about your sexual health history (yes, beyond the drunk/sarcastic, “You don’t have AIDS, right?”), there’s no need to disclose actual numbers. Frankly, I think it’s easier if you don’t. Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, there’s stress in knowing your partner has slept with a sh*t ton more people than you have, or vice-versa. Suddenly you’re the goody-two-shoes and he’s the man-whore. You’re the raging slut and he’s kinda prude. Why should it matter that you had a wild and crazy summer after you broke up with your boyfriend of five years? Who cares if he made more than a few female friends when he spent a semester in France? Maybe one or both of you simply likes having sex…whenever and wherever you can get it. Hey girl, live and let live!

If you happen to be one of those people, though, who simply needs to know all the gritty details what will inevitably cause you to over-think your relationship, that’s okay. I’m still here for you. After all, if you’re sleeping with someone, you’re really allowed to ask whatever the heck you want…just be prepared to answer anything they want to know, too. It’s only fair.

If you’re going to go there, please note that the “How many people have you slept with?” conversation is typically best brought up sober. That’s not to say it needs to be the most serious conversation of your life, or that you even need to pencil out a specific time to have the discussion. Just make sure you haven’t mainlined 73 shots before asking the tough questions.

What do you think of my Don’t Ask/Don’t tell policy? Am I crazy? Got some better advice to share? Share your opinion in the comments below!

And don’t forget to see what He Said over at COEDMagazine.com!

Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Beyonce. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he's really thinking. So every week we'll be throwing out a topic for debate...and unlike our fave dude, these guys won't be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

There are a lot of important numbers in college girls’ life – phone numbers, street numbers, number of times you been Facebook-tagged in an outfit, number of times you’ve considered dropping out of college, the number of calories in your next late-night study sesh meal. But there’s one number in particular that’s bound to stir up a commotion, whether it’s zero or in the double digits:

The number of people you’ve had sex with.

It seems now that the question isn’t just “Should you tell him your ‘number’?” anymore. It’s “Is the guy entitled to know something as personal as the number of people you’ve bedded”? And even more, “Does it really matter?!”

First and foremost, let’s just go ahead and get the health aspect of disclosing your “number” squared away. Many would argue that the person you’re dating has a right know your “number” as it could be a concern to their sexual health in terms of contracting an STD. I wholeheartedly disagree. The person you’re sleeping with has the right to know if you’re healthy, not how many people you’ve slept with. If they want proof of your sexual health, get tested.

With that said, I believe that your number is a very personal thing and is not something that you should be guilted or cajoled into disclosing. Yes, it’s important because it’s personal, but it’s not something your significant other should take personally. It’s your number and in most cases, it has nothing to do with them.

And that road goes both way, ladies.

If there comes a time when the topic comes up (and for the love of god don’t let it happen during a fight or in the throes of passion – do you really want your guy to throw it back in your face/get so distracted from that amazing thing he’s doing with his hands that he just…stops?), there’s a fine line between simply putting it out there and giving it far too much weight. You should give it enough value to sit down and talk about it, free from the influence of other parts of your relationship, but you shouldn’t give it enough weight to try and extract a deeper meaning from whatever the number may be. Remember, in most cases, the number of partners someone has racked up (be it 1 or 100) has nothing to do with the person he or she is currently dating.

Disclosing the number of notches on your belt has picked up this stereotype of being dangerous territory but it’s only as dangerous as you and your current guy make it. Swapping “numbers”, much like swapping spit, should be somewhat lighthearted. If you’re with a guy you’re already comfortable with, sharing your “number” is not a gauntlet where the both of you will be throwing down judgment. It’s your past and you can’t change it (no matter how many times you’ve claimed someone “didn’t count”).

I’ve learned there’s no use in wasting time trying to extract some kind of deeper meaning behind someone’s “number.” The more you try to find a complex in your partner’s dating resume, the more your own insecurity complex will shine through.

There’s also no use in altering your number to make it more “user-friendly” for your current guy. You can’t take back the number of people you got down and dirty with and no guy should make you feel like you want to. Our sexual histories are a part of us but they are not a defining part of who we are unless we make them. Embrace your number because it is a part of you, just remember it’s only one part of you. There’s way more to a someone than their “number.”

Still, let’s all get tested, K?

Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com

In a way, it kind of makes sense. There aren’t many people that we trust more than our friends, and when you spend a lot of time with a person of the opposite sex, it’s easy to let the hormones kick in and go with the sexy flow. It’s easy to have sex with a friend – someone who may have even picked up on your likes and dislikes from your previous trysts.

With a friend, sex kind of feels natural — something that was “a long time coming.”  And this is the part where I make the blatant statement that everyone with a FWB doesn’t want to admit – believe it or not, having sex with someone on a regular basis, even when you don’t put a “label” on it, is still a relationship.

Maybe not the kind of relationship in which you call each other late and night just to say “I love you,” or the kind where you bring them home to your parents  — but it’s something. You’re still single when you have a FWB, of course, but if sex is happening on a regular basis, your partner deserves the exact same courtesies that a boyfriend or girlfriend would.

I have a rule, and not to push my beliefs onto others, but it’s something that I feel pretty strongly that all people should follow: if you’re having sex with someone, they deserve to know if you start f**king someone else.

Sex, no matter if it’s protected or not, carries risk. While condoms are the only thing that protect against STIs, they are still not effective 100% of the time. Infections happen, and (potentially even worse) pregnancy can happen.

Since FWBs are typically of the non-monogamous variety (or else it’s just a normal relationship… sorry) there’s no “rule” claiming you both can’t have other partners. So if you’re going to sleep around, let your FWB know – out of sexual safety and just common courtesy.  If your FWB has a problem with you being with other people – it’s not as NSA as you were planning.

Bottom line – be honest. The hurt feelings from honesty wear off much faster than the hurt feelings from months of lying. As great as sex can be, and as much as sex tends to change the dynamics of a friendship, remember that it’s friends, not enemies, with benefits.

After reading about one CollegeCandy writer’s scary STD experience, I realized that I had not been tested in over 4 years. Before I was having actual sex. It’s not like I never thought about it; it’s just that I never considered myself someone who needed to be tested. Doesn’t make much sense when I say it out loud, but in my head I kept thinking of my former, not sexually active, self, and never thought that I was at risk.

But last week I called my doctor and made an appointment. And every day for the past 7, I have picked up the phone to call my doctor back and cancel. What if I have something? What if I have something serious? What do I do? Do I call all of my previous partners? I mean, it’s been 4 years! Who knows where I got something from and who I passed it onto. And, as embarassing as this is to say, there is one partner in particular in there whose name I do not even know…

But I did not cancel. I acted like the adult that I am and I went to my gyno to get tested.

When I went into the office a nurse took me to my room and asked me why I was there. As I walked past older women, moms and very pregnant women, I was embarassed. “I’m here to get an STD test.” She took my blood pressure (which was higher than normal), made me pee in a cup, told me to undress from the waist down, and left the room. Because getting tested for STDs wasn’t enough – I also had to show my very unkempt bikini line to the doc and her assistant.

My doctor came in. “Is there a specific reason you think you need to get tested?” I explained how I read a very scary article (on a very fabulous website!). She looked impressed. And then she got down to business.

“How many sexual partners have you had?”

“Um. 7.” I waited for her to pass judgement.

“Great! Insurance companies do not cover STD testing for anyone who has had less than 5 partners, so good work on those last two.”

Yes, that was an actual conversation. Apparently insurance companies reward the promiscuous; financially, it does not make sense for them to cover all STD testing because they think women with less than 5 partners have a lower chance of being infected. I know I’m just a college student, but doesn’t it take just one partner to get something? Perhaps this is why STDs are spreading so much? Just a thought…

Anyways, the doctor had to go downtown to take some swabs for HPV and gonorrhea, then she took blood for the rest: HIV, syphillis, chlamydia, etc. She asked me if I wanted to get tested for Herpes, explaining that 1 in 4 people have it and the test would not differentiate between genital (and more serious) Herpes, or just a canker sore in my mouth.

“Yes!” I thought to myself. “She’s giving me an out from finding out if I have Herpes!” But I did not let my wussy side take over. I need to know everything. How would I feel if someone passed something onto me that they very well could have prevented?

At the end of my appointment my doctor told me that she thinks I am all clean before she handed me a lollipop (yes, for real). My results will be in on Friday and I am freaking out. But at the same time I feel really good about going. This is something that I needed to do and something that we all need to do. There is a reason STDs affect so many people and it’s because people are spreading them unknowingly.

Knowing is scary, but as sexually active adults, it is our responsibility to know.

Deep inside of my computer, within file upon file, lies a mysteriously lonely Excel spreadsheet titled “Hit List.” This, my friends, is where I keep a list of every single person I’ve hooked up with. I keep it tucked away as far in there as possible so that nobody, especially parents or siblings, can ever find it.

Some may think it ridiculous, other may think it slutty, but I like to think of it as a responsible way to keep track of one’s sexual partners. There are many reasons and methods to keeping a hit list, and, via extensive research in the field, I have gathered the best evidence out there in support of the sExcel spreadsheet (pun intended).

A wholesome feeling of accomplishment: My friend Meegan periodically sneaks a peek at her list as a means to see how far she’s come over the years. Think of it as the trophy case of hook-ups. If you’re like Meegan and can hook-up without getting attached, it can turn into a way to record “achievements.” It almost acts like an addendum to your “Things to Do Before I Graduate” checklist. Live your lifelong dream of banging your GSI? Add that baby to the list, sit back, let out a big sigh, and bask in your accomplishments.

In remembrance – literally: Honestly, my hit list started as a means for me to record my hookups before I forget them. As time goes on and you find yourself thrown into the college hook-up scene, it becomes a little difficult to remember what’s-his-face you made out with after homecoming. In fact, I am so bad with remembering these things over time that I’ve even broken my list down into tiers – MO (pronounced like it looks and stands for Make Out), “In Between”, and Home Run. Imagine if my Mom found that puppy…

Safety first: Not only does a sExcel spreadsheet function as a method of recollection, it also doubles as a handy phone tree in case you catch something. Call the most recent fellow on the bottom and work your way down until you find the source. I’m not saying that contracting STDs is a good thing, but at least you’ll have a sense of security in case you do. Plus, you’ll even know which tool to blame for your most unfortunate circumstance.

Statistical analysis: Having all of your hook-ups on paper in chronological order is like a financial statement for your sex life. Just like the economy fluctuates in levels of prosperity, your sex life has ups and downs of its own. Going down the list you can see periods of recession (the dry spell) or personal growth (“getting dat fo sho”). Occasionally, there may even be periods of depression, AKA the desperate hook-up. We’ve all been there – the recession becomes so unbearable that something possesses you to call THAT guy. Y’know, the guy that asked to see your boobs before you even ordered dessert on your first date. Hey, don’t worry, it’s happened to the best of us. And if nothing else, you have an excuse to take a peak at that Hit List just one more time…

Anyone else keep a hit list or have another method (Photo album, perhaps?) Let me know!

Lots more!

Women have more partners, more one night stands and are more willing to talk about it than their male counterparts. That last fact may contribute to some skewed statistics (men may be having lots of sex but just don’t want to talk about it), but the trend highlighted in this poll is definitely right on target.

The modern woman is no longer waiting for her prince to swoop down and give her a happy ending; she is out there getting it (again and again) on her own. We don’t need to be in love to express our sexuality. We don’t need to be married to enjoy the natural, carnal instincts men have been enjoying since the beginning of time.

This poll proves that women are just as sexual of creatures as men, and that we view sex in similar ways. Women are not always out there to “find love” or “get serious”; many of us are out there looking for a little fun.

And it looks like we are finding it. The world of sex and love is changing, and women are coming out on top (pun intended).

Once upon a time, I cared a whole lot about my number of sexual partners. I remember hearing a girl in high school tell me she had slept with 5 people, 5 whole people, and I remember thinking, ‘WHOA!!! What a slut! I’m never going to have sex with that many people! Ever!” But, you see, that was when I was religious and very into the idea of marriage…and the idea of waiting for the ‘right one’.

So, I waited for the right one. Two years later, after we’d finally had sex, I knew he wasn’t really the one for me. It was like pushing the Go button on our sexual relationship facilitated him finally showing me who he really was. I maintained some faith and made another guy who was ‘the one’ wait. He broke up with me the day after I finally slept with him; four months into our relationship.

I started to really doubt there was a ‘ONE’ for me. But I still really wanted sex. I longed for it. I didn’t want to be tangled up in emotions anymore. I didn’t want to be a part of the pursuit of my perfect match anymore. I didn’t want to be in love. I didn’t want any of THAT anymore. I just wanted to still have sex. You know why? Cause I thought sex felt really good.

But I felt a certain dissonance about the whole thing, too. I was already at 2 (my number) and I was scared that one day, if I met someone who knocked me off my feet, that they’d think less of me if my number was 10 or 20 or, god forbid, 50. But then I realized something…

All of the people I would sleep with would be people who I wanted to sleep with. Simple as that. If I ever found the ‘right’ person for me one day, he would have no problem accepting my past, my choices, and the events that helped me develop in time. I realized that as long as I did exactly what I wanted to do and always respected myself, that no ‘right’ man for me down the road would ever hold that against me.

I don’t understand why more girls can’t adopt this mentality. Why does a NUMBER mean so much to so many people?

(Photo from: teamsugar.com)

You know… a guy who sleeps around is a super cool badass, whereas a girl that opens her legs up to all passersby is a dirty slut.

So it should never come as a surprise when surveys get released, such as a recent one released by our own federal government, which claim that men, on average, have at least three more sexual partners over the course of their lifetime than do women.

But according to a recent New York Times article, there’s just one not so minor problem with such surveys. Their results suggest logical impossibilities! According to Cal-Berkley professor David Gale (no, not the same David Gale who was portrayed by Kevin Spacey in 2003, although that’d be pretty ironic), mathematical logic dictates that men and women have to have around the same number of partners, and oddly enough, most sex survey researchers agree with him.

So what gives?

The article gives two possible explanations. One theory has an extraordinary amount of men soliciting prostitutes and regularly schtupping girls in foreign countries, but based solely on conversations that I’ve had on the subject, I’m not sure I buy into this one.

For one, as much as most guys want to give off the impression that they have a nice sized number, I don’t know too many guys that want to own up to the fact that they have to solicit prostitutes in order to procure said number.

Furthermore, at least among people I know, girls are FAR more likely to come home from European vacation with a steamy story about some beautiful Spanish stallion giving her a night to remember than are guys able to seduce some hot Italian 20-something.

The other, far more believable explanation is that both men and women regularly lie about their number of partners, with men embellishing their number while women act like some of their sexcapades simply never occurred. Now this one makes sense.

Because of the double standard, many women carry this undying belief that they need to maintain the perception that they’ve only been with a few guys, lest they be branded with a big Scarlet “S(lut).” Guys, on the other hand, worry that they’ll be branded with a big Scarlet “D(ork)” if they aren’t banging girls left and right.

So is that it?

Have we reached the point in our society that when it comes to sex, everyone’s simply a liar?

It certainly seems like this is the case. What’s that say about us? For my part, as I’ve said before, perhaps this is a sign that we really need to release ourselves from worrying so much about our own past and the pasts of people we come into contact with. If having any sort of sex at all causes us to lie about it, it seems the choices we’re left with are either to stop having sex, which obviously isn’t going to happen, or to just get over it this stupid obsession we have with the Number.

The question is, are we really up to the task?

The nationwide survey found “29 percent of American men report having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime, while only 9 percent of women report having sex with 15 or more men”. A rough translation? The average amount of lifetime sexual partners for guys is 7, while the average for women is 4.

Researchers claim this new study of 6,237 adults, aged 20 to 59, is more effective than previous ones have been, since most of the research was done with a computer program. Instead of answering questions face-to-face (which may have caused some people to diminish, or heighten, their sexuality), subjects where left in a room and allowed to answer computerized questions in any amount of time they desired.

What the test doesn’t answer is why the ratio is still uneven. Is there something naturally ingrained in the male biological system that makes them more eager to have sex with different people? Do women still fear the dreaded double standard? Should we all just give into the fact that on average, men have a harder time committing themselves to a single partner?

And most importantly, do these numbers seem accurate to you? According to some of the figures I’ve heard tossed around in bars, they seem a little low, but give a skeezy guy a shot of tequila and he’ll say anything to make himself look good…and slutty.