It blows my mind how many people have sex without ever communicating to their partners about their likes and dislikes. As much as we might will it to happen, our partners aren’t mind readers. Chances are they’re going off of what worked for them in the past, what they wish you would do to them in return, or what they’ve seen in porn. While you might get lucky and it’ll do the trick, most people need a few pointers in order to really get what works for you

I know, I know, talking explicitly about sex can be a little awkward sometimes (well, I would assume it is for some people… I do it on a weekly basis so I’m kinda used to it). Not to be too blunt, but if you can’t talk about what you’re going to do, you shouldn’t be doing it. That said, I want all my readers to be getting the satisfying sex they deserve, so here’s some pointers on how to communicate effectively what you like without sounding like a dominatrix:

“It feels really good when you do that” – Oh, it’s almost painfully obvious. If your partner is doing something great, tell them! If they know how much you like it, they’re just going to want to do it more. While moaning is nice, sometimes it’s better to be a little more forward. Just say it.

“It was really great when you…” – Again, not to sound too much like Oprah, but reinforce the good things. Let him/her know that that thing they just did was awesome, and you’d like it if they did that more often. If they’re GGG, they’ll take your feedback and run with it.

“Could you please…” – This one is a little scary at first, but trust me, people would rather be nicely asked what to do in bed than find out that the whole time they were doing something wrong.

“When I’m alone, I do this thing that works really well for me.” – Ah yes, not only will your partner be more than happy to hear about your masturbatory habits and how well that’s workin’ for ya, but you can show him/her what you’re wanting and get them to join in. Sounds like a good time to me.

“A friend of mine did this thing, and he/she said it was great.” – Also interchangeable with “I saw/read/heard about this thing.” I would suggest though, not saying that you like something a past partner did. While some people are okay with that, most people like to not picture in detail your sexual past. Saying what you like is, of course, the point, but your partner doesn’t need to necessarily know how/when you learned you liked such things.

Porn – I don’t know how I feel about endorsing this per se, but back in the day when I was too shy to just spit it out, I showed an ex boyfriend a porn clip in order to get the point across. “I didn’t know that’s how it’s done but she seems like she’s enjoying herself, maybe we should try that…” was something along the lines of what I said. I’m slightly embarrassed now about my lack of metaphorical balls to just say what I wanted, but being young I figured any kind of correction would’ve been ego bruising. But for the record, it did work, albeit in a slightly manipulative way. God, I don’t miss high school.

You can use me as an excuse, it’s okay – You can always bring up that this super-awesome Canadian girl who writes the sex column for CollegeCandy (and is also really modest) wrote about communication this week. It got you thinking — is there anything your partner wants that they haven’t told you about yet? Asking what your partner likes/dislikes first will most likely lead to them asking you the same question. Oh, I’m so helpful! Hehehe (forgive me, it’s really late..).

How have you guys talked to partners in the past? Do you have your own trick on communicating what you want?

Their findings, highlighted on BettyConfidential.com, are surprising and hilarious. Here’s what you, college ladies, had to say:

Did you know that vegetarians enjoy giving oral sex 2.5 times more than carnivores do? (Dramatic pause as you snap a carrot from the crudites platter.)

Redheads are eight percent more likely to participate in a menage a trois than college students with other hair hues. Also, 24 percent of redheads have taken naked photos or posted sexy videos of themselves online. (Lucille Ball would be so proud.)

Lest you think carrotheads are the only kinky kids out there, nearly 60 percent of college students have participated in a one-night stand. And 41 percent have had sex while someone else is in the room. Sounds more risqué than it is, when you calculate the inevitable roommate factor. Ah, dormmates, the mother of exhibitionism.

Next time a friend or offspring announces her longing for a tattoo, throw some tat stats in her face. According to the study, students with tattoos are twice as likely to have STDs and take pregnancy tests than their tat-free counterparts. They may also be destined to a lifetime of boring sex, as tattooed folks prefer the missionary 2-to-1 to the cowgirl position.

Do you agree with these findings? And don’t you think it’s weird that people who don’t eat meat like to…well, you know.

a) a crazy, graphic display of plastic surgery

b) kinky sex

c) Dr. Troy being a creepy and naked

d) Dr. Troy having kinky sex, and of course

e) that one moment in the show where I’m like, “holy sh%$ that is messed up!”

But last night’s episode caught me totally off guard when it became quite obvious that Julia, MacNamara’s ex wife, was playing for “the other team.” Huh? And with the hot and beautiful girlfriend of Ellen Degeneres, Portia de Rossi, no less! I seriously never saw this one coming. I mean, think about it: Julia had been married to a hot plastic surgeon for years, she’s a mom and she’s even sexed it up kinky style with Troy a few times. Is this not hetero behavior?

Yet when Julia went to LA to introduce/explain her current lady love affair to the boys, she didn’t come out and say, yeah I’ve been into chicks all of this time. She explained to MacNamara that it was all about the “connection” and the fact that the communication and sex were easier.

Hmmm … First I thought, how in god’s name is the sex easier? But then, I began to wonder, is sexual preference really about the connection? Can the actual person, despite gender really be what seals the deal?

I believe that there’s a something I’d like to call a “sexual spectrum.” Some people take the status quo – “I’m a girl so obviously I like boys” ; some go full fledged homosexual – “I knew I was ‘different’ when I developed a crush on Sally in middle school” ; and some just sit in that gray area – “I’m into guys, but I like kissing girls.” You can’t really pigeon hole those in-betweeners because they swing both ways, and well, that just makes a lot of us uncomfortable. We all fall into one of these areas and I think where we are (or where we’ve been) really depends on how open we are to experience the taboo. Because yes, there was that one night in college …

It’s safe to say that Julia falls into the latter of the categories. We’ll just have to wait and see if she continues on with her lady friend with others following (despite her obvious future rendez-vous with Troy as blatantly displayed in the previews for the next episode) or if she eventually chalks it all up to some “phase.”