Question?! Floop it. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I recently lost my virginity about a month ago. I’ve had sex a couple times with this guy (we’re dating) and I’m always on the bottom. What do I do while he’s…going into me? I always feel bad because I’m just lying there while he’s going at it pretty hard. I haven’t tried anything because I don’t really want make a mistake and be embarrassed or something. What should I do? This is probably a little awkward to give me tips so if you could me some helpful links that would be so helpful.

Thanks,
Ex-Virgin

Dear Ex-Virgin,
Welp, you came to the right place. Because Aunt Tuffy ain’t givin’ you no helpful links. (Well, okay, I will. But first:) Aunt Tuffy gonna give you some school.

The first rule of ex-virgin club is, you do not talk about ex-virgin club.

Wait, scratch that. It’s the opposite. The first rule of ex-virgin club is, you better be the floop able to talk about it.

Didn’t your momma ever tell you?! IF YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT, DON’T DO IT. In other words, you shouldn’t be effing some guy you don’t feel comfortable talking about sex with. I mean, you’re letting him put his hooho in your hooha. Penis, okay?! SAY PENIS. IF YOU CAN’T SAY PENIS, STOP HAVING SEX.

But, let’s assume you CAN say penis. (SAY IT. He he. Made you say penis.) If you CAN say penis, then you can ask him what he likes. And if you ask him what he likes, chances are, he will tell you. And sex will get much more awesome.

Furthermore, once you’ve gotten up the courage to ask him what HE likes, you can most certainly get up the courage to tell him what YOU like. And then sex will get awesomer yet.

The two of you need to get into a groove, to understand each other’s bodies and what each of you like and don’t like. Try different positions (missionary [him on top], you on top, etc.–here are some good ones from Cosmo) and try to notice what feels good for you. Also try to notice what turns him on more. Are there overlaps?! Chances are, there are many overlaps. Note those things. Repeat ‘em.

But maybe you don’t know what you like. I mean, after all, you are a very recent addition to the ex-virgin club.

The best way to get to know what you like is to masturbate. You can do this with your fingers or a toy. If you use a toy, definitely use lube and make sure the toy is clean and intended for sexual use. Explore your body. You’ll figure out what feels good and what doesn’t.

Porn is another good helper. I mean, most of the stuff they do is crazy. But every now and then, you might find something that looks like fun to try. Or you might just find some good fantasy material. Either way, pretty good deal.

And, um, if you’re too embarrassed to even think about either of the above, you’re not ready to be having sex.

Look, girl. Here’s the truth:

The most important thing that you need to do during sex is to be in the moment. Stop worrying about what he’s thinking. TRUST ME. BOY AIN’T THINKING A DAMN THING. (And if you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll believe a dude.)He’s feeling lucky he gets to eff you. Just relax and have a good time.

Oh, and, please. USE PROTECTION. Because you know what’s not a good time?! Unwanted pregnancies and STDs. CONDOMS EVERY SINGLE TIME. Or else. For real.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

[Want more tough love? Get it.]

Q

A: I’m sure many people would tell you that “honesty is the best policy,” and I agree…most of the time.

But hearing “I’ve been faking it” is tough to hear–and I should know, because I told an ex-boyfriend just that in a fit of post-breakup rage (I know). Sure, saying it out of anger is different than saying it because you’re ready to be honest about your needs and satisfaction–but if you’re planning on staying with him and working on your sexual relationship, I think there are better ways to work on that relationship than dealing him a low blow to the ego like that.

If you can get things on the right track without hurting him, why not do that?

Think about it, if he told you he’s been faking it for the past year (yes, guys can fake it!), would you be able to brush it off and jump in the saddle (so to speak) to start fresh? If it were me, I’d have a hell of a hard time feeling up for another roll in the hay.

But all is not lost. First thing’s first: stop faking. Not next week, not when it starts getting better, but now. Tonight. He won’t start doing the things that push your buttons if he thinks you’re into things you really could do without.

But there’s good news. If you’re truly thrilled with his performance 25% of the time, that means he’s doing something right. It’s time to be encouraging–very encouraging–when he does something you like. No need to scream like a porn star, but make sure (in your own way) that his moves don’t go unnoticed. Even if you’re on the quiet side in bed, an extra “mmm” or even a direct “I like that” will be noticed and noted by him.

While you’re consistently encouraging the good moves, you should also be subtly discouraging the not-so-good ones. Does he need to go faster, slower, a little to the left? No need for a Powerpoint presentation. Say it like an order in the heat of the moment while you’re in bed, and he’ll be happy to oblige.

What if the problem is more of the “he’s waaaay off” variety? Remember all the good stuff he was doing? Ask for more of that when he’s veering off course–a “do that thing I like” should do the trick. Feeling tongue-tied? Just grab his hand and put it where you want it.

What it comes down to is that this guy wants to please you, and you want to be pleased—so whichever way you say it, whether you use my suggestions or tell him upfront that you’ve been faking, the point is to just say it. You deserve to feel satisfied more than just once in a while–and the both of you will be happier once that happens.

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Photo courtesy of caylawonderful via Flickr.