One of the easiest ways to send me into a rage blackout is to start slut shaming anyone.

Our society has incredibly dysfunctional, scary, and repressive ways of approaching sexuality, especially female sexuality. If we dare to step outside those narrowly defined boundaries, society finds it completely acceptable to hurl words like “slut” and “whore” at us. We’re called sluts for endless reasons: our hair is too big, our nails are too red, we wear too much glitter, our skirts are too short, we look like we may enjoy giving blow jobs, we dance too suggestively, our sense is humor is too raunchy, we like casual sex, we talk about sex, we’re not ashamed of our breasts and vaginas…the list could go on for ever. We all know a lot of men who hate women, and will find any excuse to brand women as sluts.

But there are far too many women who openly buy into those standards and hyper-judge other women.

The other day, I read a CC article giving advice on how to be sexy and not whorey. This attitude merely perpetuates the idea that women can’t openly enjoy sex. Indicating you enjoy sex doesn’t mean you want to have sex with everyone, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re reckless and riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. (Sidebar: 80 percent of sexually active adults will contract at least one STD in their lifetime, so maybe we should stop stigmatizing them). And maybe women wear high heels because they make our legs look long and give us an extra boost of fierce confidence, not because we’re walking street corners hoping to lure some sucker into paying $50 for a BJ. And perhaps we wear cropped shirts because our stomachs may never be this flat and toned again, so why not relish it and show it off? Read More »

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When I walked into my apartment yesterday and saw the television, at first glace I was positive that my roommate was watching porn. There were scantily clad bodies everywhere, dry humping, (barely) clothed crotch-shots and some close-ups of faces that were taken by pleasure. I stood in my doorway shocked and confused – porn on the living room TV in mid-daylight when I’m expected home? — but after a moment of clarity, I realized that what was on TV wasn’t porn – it was MTV.

We’re adults, and if we want to watch other people have sex – or be filmed while having sex; that’s our decision to make.  The real problems come from naughty videos on TV that are borderline pornographic and available to children. I don’t want my niece and nephew to see Miley Cyrus gyrating up against random dudes in booty shorts after getting out of a cage, and I don’t want them seeing close-ups of Lady GaGa’s crotch. The FCC is overly concerned with swearing, or Janet Jackson’s boob – but seem to have no problem overlooking dry humping on mainstream TV. There is a very distinctive difference between nudity and pornography.

Pornography is sexual, nudity is natural. Read More »

You can imagine why I had to hide this cover from my dad...

If I were to understand what guys need advice on via Maxim magazine, there would be three things; grilling, telling jokes, and this month, ‘what to do if you’re approached by a hot woman or a bear.”  Golf-clap to you Maxim – job well done.

I purchased my monthly edition of the saucy mag this month and was bombarded by articles about steaks and coal-fire grills. And all of the men out there listening? When approached by a bear, offer it food. But when approached by a woman? Offering it food ain’t such a good idea.

While reading it inside of a Glamour magazine to block the Maxim cover from my father, I came upon many other intriguing articles. One in particular went on a hateful rant about ‘Why Summer Sucks.’ I couldn’t believe someone could possibly be shunning summertime. Needless to say, I was intrigued and read on.  The number one summer complaint? Scantily clad females. Why? Because “they never talk to you and you have to stare at their minimum clothed bodies anyway.”  Does this man realize he is complaining about partially nude woman that never complain/whine/talk?!  That’s news to me, bud.

Other articles featured were ‘How to Cook in a Bachelor Pad Fridge,’ and ‘Oregon Trail 2.0′ (a Maxim atlas full of places to conduct the gnarliest of gnarly road trips).  One article even gave men advice about how to have a proper summer fling.  The article was pretty right on, not that summer flings are rocket science. Maxim was having a modest trip so far – I was even debating letting this mag sit on my family coffee table after its use.

And then a lovely little article birthed itself from the Maxim pages.  That’s right, we were lucky enough to be given an article titled, ‘The Maxim Porn Dictionary.’  This article defined many pornarific items anyone should be scared to admit they utilize. Beyond defining ‘pedal pumping,’ this article had a lot more to offer.  Like how to navigate and use the terms. This is going to be good weird. Read More »

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

After so many of you wrote in to ask Dr. Lissa Rankin questions during CollegeCandy’s STD Awareness Day, we thought we’d bring her back more regularly. So, every Thursday she will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: How Much Sex Is Enough Sex?

A: So many people worry that they’re not having enough sex- or that they’re having too much.  Take two people getting it on with the same frequency – twice per week.  One may be completely frustrated because she wishes she was doin’ the bump daily. The other may be resenting the pressure from her partner and wish she could scale it back to once a month.  Truth is, we’re all SO different. Read More »

[The following post is courtesy of our homegirls over at YourTango. They’ve been through it all and know just about everything about love, so we thought we’d bring their expertise to you. Enjoy!]

The night’s going great, you can’t believe you’re hitting it off so well on a first date, he’s a great kisser, you take him home…

Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him.

You’ve heard it before, but I’m not going to browbeat you about the immorality of going all the way on the first night. I’m also not going to say, as the London Telegraph does, that you’re likely to drive away relationship material if, as the adage goes, the man “gets the milk for free.” (If that drives him away, then be glad you’re seeing the taillights.) No, take it from a man who knows: there’s a hidden reason that—if you play it right—you should never have sex on a first date.

Holding out on the magic act for at least one night—and even for a number of candlelit evenings after that—will actually improve your sex life with the beau in question, both in the moment and down the line. When you know in advance that you’re not doing the deed, you have no choice but to compensate by exploring the full range of the available possibilities—whatever you dictate them to be. Read More »

I know that we’re totally Olympic-ed out over here at CC, but I wanted to draw your attention to a story that would surely win the gold in the Embarrassment and I-Am-F*cked-For-Life events: ‘Craiglist Encounter Lands Couple in Jail‘

What happened with this little encounter that caused it to score such high points? Well, apparently, a homeless lady in Oregon City, OR was trying to innocently “pitch a tent” (who uses that saying with a straight face anymore?) when she came across what she thought was a rape in progress (a man looked to be “sexually assaulting a bound and naked woman”). The homeless lady got the cops involved, they came to save the victim, but ended up doing nothing more than breaking up a consensual fantasy that was being acted out by two people who had met over Craigslist.

Upon seeing the law approaching, the man and the woman fled (I always thought it would be hard to flee when one is bound and gagged, but whatev), and once they were caught, explained to the cops that the reason they ran is because the dude involved in the awkward public rape fantasy…was married.

I give his wife a 9.9 for picking such a fine specimen of the male race.

A few years ago, while working as a ski instructor up north at some unnamed resort, I made friends with an awesome guy.

A youth instructor like myself, we spent our days holding up languid 3-year-olds on the bunny slope and chasing screaming kindergarteners down larger hills, hoping against hope no one slammed into a tree in the process.

Being in a high stress (and FREEZING) situation supplied us with an instant bond, and we soon found ourselves skiing together during our free time and discussing our lives on chairlifts.

During out time together, it began to dawn on me that he was everything I had ever looked for in a guy: smart, funny, good with kids, active, gentle, and giving. He liked his parents, wrote music on his off time, and always waited for me whenever I fell into a giant snowdrift.

Basically, he was awesome. The only issue? I wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest.

He wasn’t ugly. It didn’t hurt to look him in the face or anything; he just wasn’t my type. Nothing about him made me jittery or full of butterflies, my heart never jumped when he walked into a room, and those long chairlift rides were never awkward with anticipation.

I didn’t fantasize once about kissing him. Read More »