I’ve never been a big fan of theme parties. Just like perfectly matched outfits, to me they seem contrived, cliché, outdated. But college freshmen (and many of my CollegeCandy peers) seem to love the experience of a costume party. I too have to give props to the really creative ideas that people have come up with (although I can’t seem to recall any at the time; that’s how rare they are), but for the most part, the only theme parties that exist and thrive in college are characterized by sexism. I mean, CEOs and corporate hoes? Is there anyone that sees that and thinks, “hey, girls can dress up as CEOs too!”

Even when it’s not implicitly stated (and it usually is, on the Facebook invite: “girls who don’t dress sexy aren’t allowed in”), why do guys get to slap on a button-down and be the cool, prestigious things – CEOs, rock stars, golf pros – while girls just have to dress like “hoes”?

With Halloween looming, this is an incredibly relevant issue. In the immortal words of Cady Heron: “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” It’s true. Halloween seems to be the one night when the cattiness and judgments that surround one girl’s wardrobe choice seem to fall away, and girls take full advantage of this. For most girls, finding a sexy costume takes priority over creating a clever one; to say that most girls don’t aspire to be praised for their minds on Halloween night is to put it mildly.

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Halloween is just a few weeks away and it’s that wonderful time of year where you put all your school work aside and brainstorm the best possible costumes. Will you go funny? Sexy? Scary? A crazy combination of all three that will either have you winning a costume contest or not allowed in any group photos all night?

Whatever you choose, make sure to avoid these five at all costs:

1. The Slutty Bumblebee
Firstly, horizontal stripes are a no-no, no matter how much of a stick you are. Secondly, a slutty bug? Really? Of all things? Thirdly, have you ever seen a butterfly flapping around a frat party. No? That’s because it’s real hard to get to the keg in a crowded
room when you have wings.

2. Naughty School Girl
Unless you’re Britney Spears and it’s 1998 and you’re shooting a music video, you’re absolutely forbidden from slipping on this cliche costume. You spent 4 years hating high school, why would you want to relive that on such a sacred night?

3. I’m Drunk?
You ask, “What are you supposed to be??” Usually a bro answers with this. Holding a red solo cup. Real creative. Hold up a mug instead of a red cup and you can easily be “I’m boring.” Read More »

Once you reach the age of 16 Halloween has permanently been transformed from a day where you dress up as something disgusting and stuff your face with candy to the one day a year it is socially acceptable to have your lady parts hanging out all over the place (although I’m still a sucker for those gummy eyeballs).

I would venture a (pretty accurate) guess that Halloween may be guys’ favorite day of the year, perhaps after Valentine’s Day when girlfriends everywhere trade their sweats for lacy, red baby dolls. For an entire night college guys get to sit back, beer in hand and ogle the boobs and asses that shimmy past. Not to mention that their fantasies come to life for that one night. Sexy nurse? Slutty cheerleader? Hot maid? Now that I think of it, this day isn’t a day of ghouls and pumpkins at all – it’s a day to celebrate and indulge the horny-ness of men.

Obviously, us girls aren’t completely opposed to this idea. We take a disgusting amount of pleasure in shimmying into a spandex costume that leaves nothing to the imagination, sucking down some jungle juice and taking five million pictures as our slutty character of choice. But that doesn’t mean that this setup is fair. If we are transforming ourselves into a man’s wet dream, shouldn’t they do the same in return?

Sorry guys but the “funny” costumes just aren’t doing the trick. Yes, there will always be that goofball who comes dressed as a girl or a penis, and we appreciate their humor. We will even take 85 pictures with this person and possibly even dance with him. But leave these costumes to the scrawny clowns with nothing to flaunt. If you have muscles of any kind, we would like to see them.

Us, girls need a little eye candy too, you know. Read More »