Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).” Read More »

I’ve always been very hesitant to try anal sex. After all, that’s where poop comes out! And I always heard that it hurt like hell. So, while I knew I would try it at some point (I believe in trying everything at least once) I had no problem putting it off. I decided to wait until I was with someone I knew would love me even if I pulled a Zack-and-Miri and pooped all over them.

Well, I found him. And I tried it.

Any guide to anal sex (like this one) tells you to start small (i.e. with a finger) and be generous with the lubrication. So we did, and it didn’t hurt like I expected, but it was a really strange feeling, kind of like the feeling you get when you have to go to the bathroom but can’t find a toilet (not that girls poop, of coarse!).  Since the finger didn’t hurt, we decided to move on to the real thing. The real thing, however, did hurt (like HELL), and we barely got anywhere before I called an end to it.

The experience confirmed what I’ve always suspected: anal sex is something boys enjoy much more than girls. I can’t speak for all girls (one of my best friends claims she can orgasm from it), but I just don’t see how it would be pleasurable. Not that I’m swearing off anal forever, but I definitely think I need a lot more prep-time (both physically and mentally) before attempting to go all the way again. I’m sure some day it’s something I’ll be able to tolerate, but can’t expect to ever enjoy it, at least not the way I enjoy sex. I would enjoy the fact that I’m making the man I love happy, but I highly doubt there will ever be an orgasm in it for me. Read More »

Last week I gave some pointers about how we girls can kick ass in the bedroom. This week, it’s the boys’ turn. My boyfriend is, by far, the best sex/oral I’ve ever had, and for a while I was actually freaked out that he would spoil me for life. To solve that issue, I had him write a guide on how to please to a woman (that I could assign as homework to any future boyfriends).

Since I don’t see myself dating anyone else any time soon (this Natasha Bedingfield song is totally my life right now), I’ve decided to share it with all of you so that someone will benefit from all this hard work.. So here it is, courtesy of Mr. Amazing himself, and edited with some careful consideration by yours truly.

Lesson One: Oral Stimulation

Kelly Says: Oral stimulation is ALL about the clitoris. Know it, love it, lavish it.

The Boy’s Guide:

1. Stimulate the area with your tongue, but do not apply direct contact to the magic spot until the end. Most women are too sensitive for direct contact right away, and the longer you tease her, the better she will feel in the end.

2. IMPORTANT: feel out what she likes. Pay attention to her bodily responses to various types of strokes and methods. It’s really not that difficult if you focus on her pleasure, rather than waiting for your own. Read More »

I’m just gonna say it, I’m good in bed. I might be a little arrogant about it, but a big part of good sex is confidence, so I think it’s OK to be a bit smug. A lot of girls are insecure about their performance in the bedroom, but there’s really no reason to be. Being good in bed is much simpler then you think. Here are some tips from an expert:

Enjoy Yourself. If it’s good for you, it’ll be good for your partner. Knowing what you like and how to ask for it takes the stress of figuring it out off your partner so you’re both free to relax and enjoy. Don’t know what you like? Start masturbating.

Try New Things. It’s always good to break the routine. Trying new positions, places, toys, etc. might help you both discover a new favorite.

Be Dirty. Don’t hold back and don’t worry about your manners. Read More »

I’m gonna make a bold statement here:

Role playing is ESSENTIAL in any long-term, monogamous relationship.
And it’s just plain fun in any other situation.

Role playing allows us to live out our fantasies in a comfortable, safe situation, and adds some much needed variety to our sex lives. But as fun as it is to be someone else for a bit, it can also be really nerve-racking. We’re not all professional actors, and pretending to be someone else, especially when you’re naked and vulnerable, can be hard.

If you’ve never done it before, do it. And if you’re not sure how, here are my answers to a few questions you probably have:

Q. How do I tell my partner I want to role-play with seeming like I’m bored with him/her?

A. “I’ve always thought it would be really hot to sleep with a professor. Can I call you Dr. ______ tonight?” Most partners will be happy to help you fulfill your fantasies.

Q. What are some good role play scenarios to try?

A. Anything that turns you on. My favorites are situations where one person has to talk the other into sex because it’s “forbidden.” Something like teacher/student or boss/employee can be really hot, and you can alternate who does the convincing (i.e. naughty student or pervy professor). Read More »

My boyfriend and I have wanted to try a threesome for a little while. We both find the idea really hot, but haven’t been able to find any way to make it a reality. We have the same problem I know a lot of couples face; WHO do you ask to have sex with you?

Our first attempt was my good friend Mary. She didn’t want to participate but agreed to watch us go at it, which seemed like a fine compromise. But when we actually started having sex, she was more interested in texting on her cell phone, and we both felt too awkward to really get into it. Attempt number 1: fail.

We tried again last weekend, thinking it would be easier with someone we didn’t know. We left our cell and hotel room numbers for a cute waitress we had, and sat by the phone all night hoping she’d call. She didn’t call, and to make it even worse, we ran into her getting coffee the next morning. Awkward!

So, to help you guys out, I’ve decided to compile a few ideas on where to find someone if, you know, this is your sorta fantasy. Read More »

I like traveling.  It’s pretty sweet.  Not only do you get the experience of having been in another country and surrounded by customs and traditions completely different (sometimes) from your own, but you also get bragging rights (ex: Oh last summer? I was in Malaysia. No big deal.).  Traveling also means you get to “cut loose” as it were.

When else can you justify a massive shopping trip (I can’t find those clothes at home!) followed by a 14-hour bender at the local watering hole?  I mean, I’ve tried it at home before (“staycation” my foot), but my mom ends up getting pretty peeved.

Possibly the most exciting part of traveling is the foreign men…or, at least, men who aren’t from your home state and didn’t live across campus from you sophomore year.  Flirting, tippling some drinks, getting introduced to a new bar scene (oh, the wonders of a bar that I haven’t vommed in yet) are all reasons to gas up and head out.

But sex while traveling? Now that’s a whole other adventure. Read More »

I am having the best sex of my life. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing. He loves to make me orgasm and is always finding new ways to do it. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

I’m also the most neurotic girl in the world, so I can’t help thinking: could this be a bad thing? What if I never find a man who can please me like he does? What if I am now completely spoiled and never enjoy sex as much with anyone else?

I honestly wouldn’t mind not having sex with anyone else for the rest of my life, but I know that’s not very practical. It’s unlikely I’ve met the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with at 20 years old. The fact that he’s moving across the country in a week only makes our eventual break up even more imminent. Read More »

I’ve never quite understood the idea of having a “type” when it comes to dating. Favorite ice cream flavor? Sure. Favorite type of guy? Not so much. Perhaps this is because I’ve gone out and hooked up with a lot of different kinds of men, and I’ve found myself equally attracted to guys of varying ages, races, heights, and builds.

It’s puzzling to me, then, why I’ve encountered so many people who stick to a preferred physical type. I’m not talking about broad categories as much as I am about specific traits, such as hair and eye color or, more to the point, race. On the dating site OkCupid, for example, users can search for potential matches by filtering the database with specific criteria, including ethnicity.

I’m not even going to get into whether dating someone based solely on looks is a good or bad thing (because that would constitute a whole column of its own), but I have friends who exclusively date a particular type, be it black men, Asian women, or the ever-popular Abercrombie model. Some say, “But I’m just not attracted to Asian/Black/White guys.” Others claim they’ve never met a person they wanted to date outside their race. Unfortunately, if variety is the spice of life, then there are a lot of people out there dating the same bland types over and over again. Read More »

"This'll teach my boyfriend to call me naggy!"

People have all kinds of reasons for engaging in casual sex. To our generation, casual sex is a college staple, much like after-caf diarrhea and late-night Adderall binges. To youth of the 60s and 70s, casual sex was an act of rebellion and a representation of a new way of life. To the generations before them, casual sex was the devil’s playground and giving away free milk.

I’m not going to debate the morality of casual sex. Everybody has different reasons for “hooking up” and everyone experiences different consequences. There are some reasons for having casual sex, however, that really are just bad news. I know this because I’ve tried most of them… So I decided to put a list together so you guys don’t have to make the same mistakes I have, or some I haven’t. Read More »