"Uh. Er. Ummm. Uh. Er..."

I find Jude Law to be mind-numbingly attractive. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were ever to happen across him, I would be reduced to simple sentences and one-syllable words.  But according to a new study, it’s Jude who has to worry about the mind-numbing affect when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Namely, me.

Psychologists in the Netherlands carried out a study that found that after only a few minutes of chatting with an attractive woman, a man’s brain function is significantly decreased. Women, however, maintained their calm, cool and intellectually superior attitude when talking with handsome men. Once again, it has been proven that women are smarter than men. Or at least that we can handle ourselves in public.

Not the boys, though; put Heidi Klum in a room with the smartest man alive and he will be reduced to a bumbling idiot within minutes.

So the next time you’re talking to a hottie, pull confidence from the fact that he is probably straining to remember his middle name while you bat your eyelashes.  Or if you’re feeling particularly vindictive against an ex, wear a short skirt to class on exam day and give him a wink. Chances are high his mind will blank out on the very first question.

Just another weapon in the female gender’s arsenal, right alongside withholding sex and tampon-talk.

Just last week I was praising the genius who invented online dating. But, like most things (and people) I interact with in this world, I have a few issues with the online quest for love. What can I say? One of my favorite hobbies is finding fault in everything around me.

Don’t get me wrong; I love online dating. I love searching for love in my underwear. I love using emoticons to convey my feelings. And I love avoiding the smoky bars and the usually-shady characters that flock to them. But, there are a few glaring errors present in the world of online dating that I can do without.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: Maybe it’s just me, but nothing pisses me off more than someone who doesn’t know the difference between your/you’re and their/there/they’re. Except, maybe, someone who misspells common words (probibly? Freinds?)

All my years of writing and editing have made me some sort of grammar snob; simply seeing the errors on the screen makes my skin crawl. You can imagine what it does to my feelings about potential suitors, then, when I “meet” a guy and he repeatedly uses “there” instead of “their.” I know it seems totally ridiculous, but this really is a huge deal breaker for me.

Like the end of a potentially wonderful relationship.

Personality Self Assessments: Most dating sites I have been to ask you to set up a profile. In addition to a few open-ended questions, personal profiles include sections where you pick stuff from a list. You know, what kinds of food you eat, what you do for fun, personality traits.

While I find it easy to choose my favorite cuisine from a list (Um, EVERYTHING), picking out my personality traits in a list is hard. But that isn’t even my biggest issue with the choices; my real issue is that “humorous” or “witty” is an option. And that every guy thinks he is both humorous and witty. Being the hilariously (and don’t forget sexy) woman that I am, I find it imperative that I date someone who can make me laugh.

So, it gets a little disheartening when a guy considers himself funny because he happens to quote funny things other people said. In movies. Or when he reuses the same joke. Every day. And is painfully unfunny.

The First Date: First dates are always awkward, but there is an added level of uncomfortable-ness when you feel like you really know someone and just so happen to be meeting them for the first time. It is sad yet true that the first few minutes of an internet first date are spent sizing up the other person and comparing them to the few picture thumbnails they posted in their profile.

Once you decide that they are balder/fatter/pimplier than they were online, you are then forced to spend the rest of the date pretending to have fun. And figuring out a way to avoid them on AIM the next day. If they still look good there is still the pressure of finding things to talk about.

Sometimes, this can be easy. But sometimes you sit down with the person only to realize that your 2 weeks of online chatting have covered just about every topic you could come up with. And then, again, you must figure out a way to avoid them on AIM the next day.

At the end of the day there is no perfect way to find love. Despite its flaws, though, I still think internet dating comes pretty damn close. Sure meeting someone in a bar keeps me from really knowing if they understand the difference between to/too/two, but I can’t go to the bar in my underwear. Or meet that guy while catching up on yet another America’s Next Top Model marathon.