As a heterosexual woman, I’ve internalized the idea that penis is the end-all and be-all of the sexual experience. Whether it’s taking it down your throat or into your vagina, being penetrated is generally seen as the standard barometer for adult heterosexual sexytimes. This is something I’ve never thought to question or challenge this, but as I continue to write this column, I find myself examining everything I’ve ever thought about sex.

We all know traditional, P-in-V sex is intrinsically riddled with risks, and women bear the brunt of them. We take precautions to reduce it, but unless you’re abstinent, there is always a chance of anything from HPV (which is the leading cause of cervical cancer) to pregnancy. Men are afflicted with STDs just as often as we are, but they’re more likely to be asymptomatic. Obviously, anything in life has risks associated with it, but the more I think about it, the more the idea of P-in-V being the default is actually really weird. Read More »

Dianna Agron is on Septembers cover of Cosmo, looking fierce and…hungry. Why does Cosmo feel the burning urge to make woman’s boobs extremely bodacious and their waists unbelievably teeny? Honestly, Agron looks likes she was wrung out like a washcloth near the waistline one too many times. Then, Agron’s unnatural waistline led me to a few very enticing headlines.

My sex life has taken a nose dive into success before even opening the magazine! Because this month, I’m going to go naked and feel pleasure (awaiting the article fully clothed and by myself), learn about what my va-jay-jay is telling me (aside from calling it something sexier than a va-jay-jay), and about my bad-boy index. Can’t wait to see what a naughty fox I am. And take a shower.

In this month’s blatantly obvious sexy vs. skanky, Cosmo informed us that camel-colored heels are indeed more classy than camel toes. This as you can imagine, completely blew me away. Camel toes are artistic and different. Camel-colored heels are all the same (bor-ing). Read More »

Happy Thanksgiving!

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve put together a list of 10 reasons I’m thankful for sex. I’m sure we can all agree there are many more than 10 reasons to be thankful for sexy time, but there is football to be watched, online sales to be shopped and pumpkin pie to be eaten. There just isn’t enough time in this day to say all my Thank You’s.

So, here goes.
My big, fat thank you to fornication!

1. Orgasms. ‘Nuff said.

2. Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. They also make your hair shiny and skin smooth.

3. Sex makes babies. Babies are cute (as long as they’re not mine).

4. Sex is free (usually) and fun (usually).

5. Sex helps me connect with people. And not just the people I have sex with. Sex gives me dirty details to dish to my friends, the Internet, or even strangers on the subway.

6. Sex gives me something to write about every week. Which looks good on my resume. Which will help get me a job. Sex will get me a job!

7. Sex gives me something to daydream about during my long, boring biology lectures. (My professor may drone on, but he’s banging and I can only imagine what’s going on under those pleated khakis.) Read More »

I’m gonna make a bold statement here:

Role playing is ESSENTIAL in any long-term, monogamous relationship.

And it’s just plain fun in any other situation.

Role playing allows us to live out our fantasies in a comfortable, safe situation, and adds some much needed variety to our sex lives. But as fun as it is to be someone else for a bit, it can also be really nerve-racking. We’re not all professional actors, and pretending to be someone else, especially when you’re naked and vulnerable, can be hard.

If you’ve never done it before, do it. And if you’re not sure how, here are my answers to a few questions you probably have:

Q. How do I tell my partner I want to role-play with seeming like I’m bored with him/her?

A. “I’ve always thought it would be really hot to sleep with a professor. Can I call you Dr. ______ tonight?” Most partners will be happy to help you fulfill your fantasies.

Q. What are some good role play scenarios to try?

A. Anything that turns you on. My favorites are situations where one person has to talk the other into sex because it’s “forbidden.” Something like teacher/student or boss/employee can be really hot, and you can alternate who does the convincing (i.e. naughty student or pervy professor). Read More »

I’m graduating in January and I’m more than  a little freaked out. With the end my my carefree existence approaching so rapidly, I’ve been thinking a lot about the college experiences I wouldn’t want to miss out on before I flip that tassel.

Obviously, a lot of these involve sex. (What can I say? It’s always on my mind.)

So this week, I’ve decided to put together a comprehensive list of every last place we all should have sex (not together, of course) before walking the plank into real life. Unfortunately, I go to an all-women’s college so most of these are just wishful thinking for me, but they are more than feasible and exciting for the rest of you.

An empty classroom. Make sure you can’t be seen from the window on the door.

On the top bunk. You haven’t experienced college if you’ve never banged your head in cowgirl position.

A frat house. Use protection.

The shower. Don’t forget your flip-flops Read More »

Jenna Jameson taught me how to give a blow job.

I never got a private lesson (no matter how many emails my boyfriend sent begging her), but I found her fool proof tips tucked away on page 108 of her autobiography, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. It’s actually a really interesting read (especially compared to the 18th Century Lit I’ve been reading) and I recommend you go out and buy it. But for now, I’ll just share with you a few of her 10 Commandments for giving “killer head he’ll never forget.”

Come on – who doesn’t want to know that?

Eye Contact.
Jenna says: “When you’re going down on him, keep your hair out of your face and look up at him with big doe eyes.”

I say: Great, but we’re not all porn stars, and it strains your neck to make eye contact the whole time. Just make sure you look up occasionally and try to make some sexy “I really love what I’m doing” eyes while you do.

Use Your Hands Wisely.
Jenna says: “In addition to stroking him, try tickling his balls a little.”

I say: “Mind the stepchildren” is something all guys want us to do. Fine. But even if that area isn’t really your thing, using your hands is also a great way to make things easier on you (read: give that jaw a break) and make things better for him (read: a little added pressure).  Just make sure to use plenty of saliva to keep things smooth. Read More »

Can we handle an open relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been talking about an open relationship. The distance between us (Boston to LA) is starting to get really hard and our relationship is suffering because of it. But we love each other and neither of us is ready to give up. We’ve tried everything to make this work and now we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with any suitable alternative to our current situation.

Since I decided against dropping out of school to become a porn star in LA (sorry to all my male readers), it looks like our best option at this point is an open relationship. We’d get what we needed when we were apart (attention, orgasms…) but still have each other when we were finally back together. Theoretically, I’ve never really believed that monogamy is human nature, or that being with multiple people means caring less about each one of them. So in an ideal world, an open relationship would eliminate our loneliness without affecting our love for each other.

Sounds pretty perfect. If only I were totally convinced that’s how things would actually play out in the real world…

Let’s break this down. Read More »

Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).” Read More »

My roommate has recently become obsessed with the new Weezer song and she’s constantly shouting, “Girl, If you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to,
 so make a move, (Make a move) ‘cos I ain’t got all night.”

This has led me to some contemplation on how hard it actually is to make a move on someone, and how annoying and awkward it can be while you’re waiting for them to make a move on you.

We’ve all been in way too many situations where we’ve been talking to a cute boy all night, but the party’s dying down and we can’t tell if he’s gonna pack up his things and head home (alone), or pucker up his lips and go in for the kiss (or, you know, put his hand on our butt…something!). And you know he’s feeling just as anxious, because he can’t tell if he should risk making the move too soon and scaring you off.

So you just sorta stand there…talking about cheese.

Of course, as Weezer exemplifies, this situation can easily be reversed. And I’m all for that. It’s time to stomp out the awkwardness of making/waiting for a move. It’s time to take matters into our own hands, and to take those matters with confidence and ease.

How can you let him/her know you’re ready? Read More »

I'm ready for ya, boys.

If you want be having sex, or be having more sex (and, come on, who doesn’t!?) the best thing you can do is make sure you’re prepared. Getting yourself ready for sex will put you in a mental mindset compatible with getting some. And feeling sexy will send out the come hither vibes that will make it happen.

Even if you’re having a dry spell, you never know when the opportunity to break it will arise, and you don’t want to be held back by granny panties or hairy legs.

Keep Up Your Grooming. Keep your down-there area groomed enough so that you’d comfortable with someone seeing it, should the situation arise. Nothing will kill the mood (or your self esteem) faster than an unkempt forest.

Keep Up Your Birth Control Routine. Don’t slack on taking your pill just because you haven’t been getting any or you’ll be sorry when you actually do! Not only will it mess with your cycle (spontaneous bleeding = bad), but it won’t be as affective and the last thing you want from a night of nooky is a night-of-nooky-bun-in-the-oven.

Be Tested Regularly. If you’re not having sex, you don’t need to be tested every three months, but make sure you’ve been tested since your last period of sexual activity. Health comes first! Read More »