Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Two guys, in an English class.)

Guy 1: Dude, why are you dressed up?

Guy 2: We’re reading “The Crucible.” It’s about a town that gets rid of all its witches. That’s why I have the hat.

(Guy, singing at a party.)

Guy: Ooh, I get Boggle with help from my friends. Mm, gonna Boggle with help from my friends. Do you neee-eeed any Boggle? I want some Boggle to love.

(English professor, thinking out loud.)

Prof: See, I wouldn’t count myself as a human being until, oh, about 15 or 16. And even that was problematic. Read More »

My friend called me her favorite Oreo.

“You know,” she said, “black on the outside, white on the inside.”

I gaped at her, trying to figure out what I could possibly say to that. She thought she was genuinely complimenting me. I mean, I don’t even like Oreos.

We had just gotten our SAT scores back and I had done really well, surprising even myself at how much knowledge cramming I had retained. But apparently my friend thought scoring well on a standardized test is something that doesn’t fit with the black race. I just changed the subject because I didn’t want to seem touchy or like a drama queen, but instances like these have happened to me so many times. I’m fed up!

Do I get classified as an Oreo because I’m a voracious reader (apparently all those SAT flashcards paid off)? Or because I might seem reserved when you first meet me? Or is because of one of the other billion facets of my personality? Yes, I would seriously contemplate selling my soul to be front and center at a Lil Wayne concert, but I also can’t help but belt out Taylor Swift songs when they come on the radio. Toni Morrison and Zora Neale Hurston both have works on my list of favorite literature, as do Shakespeare and Jodi Picoult. Oh, and if you see me out dancing, I might be bouncing around to the latest hip hop song, but I could just as easily be showing off some complicated salsa step I learned during the two years that I took salsa classes. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Girls, watching a performance in a public park.)

Girl 1: So, you know what’s way better than all of us having sex together?

Girl 2: Playing with our fake puppies.

Girl 1: Yup.

(Three girls sitting on futons at a party)

Girl 1: You know “Groundhog Day”?

Girl 2: Wait, that’s the one with the newspaper guy, right? And the sled?

Girl 3: No. No, that’s “Citizen Kane.”

(A guy, talking to a girl in Friendly’s.)

Guy: Listen, I’m chivalrous, but I’m not a martyr. I’m not gonna give you my cherry just because you ask for it. Read More »

A trip to the campus bookstore is an exercise in self-assurance. When you spot an intriguing book that you cannot wait to read cover to cover, you may or may not have the cajones to bring it up to the counter. Why, you ask? Hmm, maybe because its entitled The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Techniques for Men and Women!

Sure, it may be full of exclusive tips that you are dying to learn and try out on your man, but can you really muster the moxie to pay for it along with a bottle of water and box of pens?

“What if the cashier thinks I have an oral-fixation that I need to feed in between classes by learning how to properly fellate a fellow?” The embarrassment would be akin to buying the economy-size box of tampons at the grocery store while still in your PMS PJs.

But, now I wonder: what other hidden treasures can I find in the bookstore that I’m too scared to plunk down the cash for in public?

Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both
What it’s about: So, do you think that by hooking up you’re being sexually empowered and going after what you want for a change? Not so, says Laura Sessions Stepp. She “follows three groups of young women over the course of an academic year to discover what hooking up is all about. She attends class with them, parties with them, and listens to them talk about their sexual encounters – coming away with some enlightening and disturbing insights into sexuality.”

What it tells the cashier: I am sorta slutty and I want to know the repercussions.

Read More »

Your 10 page paper on the complete works of Shakespeare is due in less than a week. You vowed to spend all of Sunday at the library working on it, but an impromptu beer pong tournament broke out at your house on Saturday night and you were so busy eating Oreo Cakesters and chugging Vitaminwater that the entire day passed you by. Now it’s crunch time and you have no choice but to bang it out.

You decide not to waste any time, so you skip the long walk to the library and work at home. You tell your roommates not to bother you, lock the door to your room and settle in for some serious paper writing.

Only your desk is really messy. You can’t focus when you don’t even have space to spread out your books. So you clean it. Twenty minutes and a garbage can full of papers later, you decide to take out the trash. But before you do that, you might as well make sure there isn’t anything else that needs to be thrown away. You begin to clean your room. Once it is clean, you tell yourself, you will be able to focus. Read More »

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share.

No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

There are many moments in a college student’s existence that are shared by other students around the globe, but none more common than the All Nighter.

You know on the first day of class that there will be a 12-page paper due this Friday. You highlighted it, and put it in your planner. But as the weeks went by – and you sorta stopped showing up for class – you kept pushing the paper off. “I’ll start it this weekend,” you tell yourself a week before it’s due.

But the weekend comes, and with it comes an impromptu house party at your place Friday night, a long recap/hangover session on Saturday, a birthday party Saturday night and work on Sunday. No time for a paper.

You assure yourself that you will do it a little each night this week, but it takes you until Wednesday to realize that heading to the library with the girls and a bag of Baked Lays is not the best way to be productive. Read More »

You can always tell who in your class is a Drama major. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as much of a fan of the theatre as the next guy, but there is something very distinct about those who major in the department.

Unlike the business kids or the engineers, the Drama Major is bound to be in one or many of your classes. And he or she will be there with at least 3 of their fellow thesbians. Practicing their lines. You may not be able to recognize them by what they wear, but their overly dramatic speeches (and stage makeup) will surely tip you off.

When called on to answer a question, the Drama Major will turn the moment into a well-practiced soliloquy. They will use hand gestures, complete sentences and enunciate every last syllable. And when called on to read a passage aloud, they will take the opportunity to turn the classroom into a theater. The Drama Major will read with pauses, motions, and may even add different character voices, if the passage calls for it. Read More »

By my senior year of college, I could fly through my assignments and earn A’s on half-assed work. I could effectively balance bar-hopping and writing essays, and working part-time jobs and cramming for midterms. I knew that grad school would kick it up a notch, and I was ready for the challenge. However, I had forgotten what it felt like to try and not succeed, and I wasn’t quite as prepared for my self-esteem to take a beating.

I admit to not putting 100% into my academic efforts in college, but that was because I didn’t need to. I was writing papers with a buzz on and taking finals hungover, and still made Dean’s List. I knew that grad school would be different though, and I fully intended on being a legitimate scholar.

If you are considering grad school, you are probably doing very well in school. By senior year, you’re probably breaking the curves and tutoring your friends. You probably stand out in class for having thoughtful ideas and a firm grasp of the subject matter. Newsflash: Everyone in Grad School has gotten used to being a star scholar.

Often, PhD students and MA students will be mixed into classes together. I went from taking Shakespeare classes with business majors who didn’t know the definition of “iambic pentameter” to listening to a PhD debate over which folio edition was most likely the Bard’s original manuscript. WTF? My thoughts exactly. Read More »

I’m going to say what everyone is thinking. Ludacris is a modern day Shakespeare. Yeah, I said it, someone had to. If you don’t know every word to “Roll Out (My Business)” then I’m not sure you can be considered an American.

What could be better than a modern day Shakespeare? Pair him with today’s JFK or some other awesome leader of yesteryear. That of course, is Barack “Yeah I did coke, so what?!” Obama. Luda plus Obama? It’s like Batman and Robin, peanut butter and jelly, Paris and Nicole, boxed wine and passing out on a sidewalk! They just make sense together.

Naturally I was psyched when Barack and Luda first met up to talk about AIDS, empowering the youth or bling. My hopes were built up by a conversation that I could only assume they had.

Ludacris: YOU’S A HOOOO, OHHHHH!

Barack: Together… we can change America, Ludacris.

Ludacris: Yeah man, you’s going for that number one spot.

Barack: I want you, to be… my running mate.

Ludacris: YEAHHH Baby. Hells YES we CAN OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LUDA! YEPPP! Read More »

Ladies, gentlemen: I am a slut.

No two ways around it: I like sex. I like sex with lots of different people. I like sex in lots of different ways. I like talking about sex. I like writing about sex. So I go out, and I hook up, and I do not always stick around to cuddle. This doesn’t mean that I’m all messed up inside, or that I need men’s approval (if you look at my “to do” list, you’ll see that “caring about men’s approval” is on the bottom, directly beneath “personally oversee the freezing-over of Hell”), or that I can’t be faithful or intimate when I fall in looooove.

It’s tough to define my motives for sleeping around, but, if I had to make a guess, I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have a huge freaking pleasure center in my crotch, and it feels good when people touch it. So yeah: I’m a slut. I call myself a slut. I let my friends call me a slut. I even let my dude call me a slut, although that happens exclusively in bed.

When a stranger calls me a slut, though, well…that hurts. Especially if that stranger is a girl. Read More »