Another reason to celebrate shark week

Mila Kunis sasses a reporter in Russian

Katy Perry’s trying to catch the rainbow in her hair

How to find peace during your busy day

Would you wear a statement necklace, like a bold choker?

Do men lie about porn usage?

Is it still cheating when it’s on Facebook or Twitter?

Helen Mirren gives me hope about the future

The art of gawking

Did your school make the list of top party schools?

What does it even mean to be a 3-D model??

How to work an awesome chiffon skirt from Forever 21

Sex euphemisms that will NOT get you laid

Are your bad habits holding you back?

Finally! Celebs against planking

Famous TV girlfriends

Happy Shark Week y’all

The end the Lisa Frank era

When Tracy Morgan Jordan spoke those wise words on 30 Rock, was there a single human being who did not take him seriously? The guts, the glory, the pure aquatic rage that jumps out of our television screens and into our souls need not be limited to just one week.

I mean, come on. Just look at these people (and highly-evolved pets). Clearly, for them, the spirit of Shark Week lives on 24/7/365.

initiating the gallery...

Okay, so it’s confession time. I really love the History Channel, and most channels like it. Think Discovery, or National Geographic. During the summer, rather than doing something “normal” like going to the beach, or grilling, you could find me nestled under a blanket sitting on the sofa watching a documentary on who really discovered America. For hours, I’d be there, mouth agape and cup of lemonade in hand.

But come on, you can’t tell me that those channels aren’t cool. Think Shark Week, a week I know people mark on their calendars. These channels have something for everyone. You can watch a documentary on the history of marijuana, or the Salem Witch Trials, and then follow it up with a WWII special.

The only problem with the History channel and its counterparts is when it finally hits you: you learn more from one hour long documentary than you ever do going to class. One story alone is assembled better than any lecture you will ever attend, without the annoying graduate student who says “um” every other word or the keeper of the crypt who keeps nodding off mid-sentence.

I spend time in some of my classes contemplating over important issues like what a piece of toast would say if it could talk, but I can’t wait for a commercial to finally end when I’m watching a special on Discovery.

Bottom line: Professors could learn a lot from these channels. Read More »

This week flew by. I mean flew. Between watching Shark Week, voting for my favorite trends of the ’90s and topping it off with the second episode of Jersey Shore of the  season, I made quite the dent on my couch and my parents’ pantry food supply (I’m serious, I probably gained 10 pounds in White Cheddar Cheese-Its).  And I just have to get it out there (because it’s been troubling me the past week); is this a late realization or is anybody else starting to get the hots for Ronnie? Ok, as quickly as it came, it’s gone. I put it out there.

Moving forward. As August rounds the final corner of it’s first week (I can’t believe it’s almost time to start thinking about getting ready for class again), here is the week that was.

* I went to New York this week and Williamsburg was infested with them.  Hipsters. And New York isn’t the only place feeding the crop of PBR drinking people who don’t smile. Time to hate on the hipsters.

* It’s that time of month again. . .the time of month where you don’t feel like doing it. Wait. . .what?

* Since college is creeping around the corner, time to pimp out your dorm room so you can show it off to all of those drunkie boys you will be showing it to. At 2 am. Don’t worry, they will appreciate your David Beckam poster. And they will like it.

* Now, focusing on school.  CollegeCandy points you in the right direction better than a Target employee. Time to get school supply shopping. Read More »

This week should have been transformed into a national holiday.  Unless you’re under a bunch of rocks, Jersey Shore and Project Runway premiered yesterday – on the same day as National Lasagna Day. Coincidence? I think not.  And if you’re anything of a nerd nugget like myself, Shark Week is also premiering August 1st.  Get some. Actually, it should be National Week Of Not Getting Some, because I’m going to be too busy sitting on my couch to give a rat’s you know what about anything or anybody else.

However, when the best week in television comes to an abrupt end, I’m going to take it upon myself and mix myself up a couple batches of margarita mix and enjoy the last month of summer with style.  Are you with me? First though, let’s back track on a wonderful week that sucked-my-social-life-to-oblivion (thanks Jersey Shore, Project Runway & Shark Week).

- Bros like Nattys and beasting at the gym better than you.  One of the many reasons you shouldn’t date a bro.

- When you have that sudden crave to escape to Maui for the weekend, forget about it.  Because we’ve got some places that you can afford, and cue the happy vibes.

- We discovered there really is, a class for Sexting. Is the teacher a hottie? I’m getting ahead of myself.

- Do you remember any washed out celebs off hand? Probs not. Bet you would if they did this. Read More »

My parent’s, friends, family and cat understand:come August 1st, I will loyally sit on my couch with snacks galore, cell phone/GChat/Facebook turned off, eyes glued to the TV. Why, you ask?

Two words:
Shark Week.

Maybe you’ve never heard of it before.  Maybe you’re scratching your head because it sounds like a cheap ’60s horror flick.  Maybe you really just don’t care and will resort to watching numerous Jersey Shore reruns on MTV. If that’s the case, I hope you accept my deepest of apologies, because you are missing out on the greatest thing to happen to TV since, well, TV.

What makes Shark Week so damn wonderful? Why should a bunch of college girls give up going to the beach to watch the beach on TV? Simple:

It’s Like Watching a Car Crash
Who would ever think sitting on your couch and watching a bunch of 1,000 pound fish swim around the ocean with their bloody mouths half open would be entertaining? This guy. You can’t look away. You sit down to watch a quick Shark Episode (there are six new ones this year) and you literally cannot leave.  I’m serious. Your life slows down, and suddenly you’ve been sitting on your couch for 5 hours watching sharks give you the stank eye through the high-def screen.

The Serial Killer Syndrome
I read in a book once that people are fascinated with serial killers because they’ve never met one themselves.  Not in a way where they want to meet one, but in a weird way we feel like they don’t exist. I think the same things goes with sharks.  We know they exist, but we’ve never come face to face with a living, breathing, blood thirsty shark. (And those who have most likely didn’t live to tell the tale…) That means, watching a week fulfilled with stories about them is like a creepy and addicting fairytale. And it’s great. Read More »

I do not swim in the ocean. This is not because I hate the beach. I mean, I do hate the beach but that hatred has nothing to do with why I don’t swim in the Atlantic or Pacific. I don’t swim in those bodies of water because sharks live in the ocean and sharks eat people.

My fear of being eaten alive by sharks has become so irrational that I cannot swim in a pool alone without thinking of being thrashed about. Of course, the obvious starting point for this fear is Jaws. But lots of people have seen Jaws and can swim in the ocean just fine. For me, the real cause of of my phobia is Discovery’s Shark Week.

I’ve been watching this week long event since I was 14. My parents originally thought that watching the “edutainment” would lead me to realize that my chances are getting attacked and killed by a shark are less then dying in a car accident. To that, I submit two responses…

1)Hah! Propaganda spread by the shark-controlled media.

2) Regardless of chance, I would rather not swim in the ocean then EVER be that .5%.

You think Shark Week is trying to educate you on how misunderstood Sharks are, but if you read between the lines, you will see the truth. Here is a breakdown of one day’s (literally, Monday the 28^th) worth of Shark Week shows.

Sharkbite: Surviving Great Whites

People share stories on how they got pieces of themselves eaten by sharks. Title suggests you can survive an attack. The truth? Sharks let these people go to lure you into the water. Read More »

This week, you showed me how well you fulfill your role as Momager by springing upon Ali a last minute audition. I'm not sure how I feel about any movie that uses the name "Harry Potter JR" (for realz) for a character. But you allowed your youngest girl to exercise her independence this week! A MAJOR step for a recovering (ish) stage mom. I know you voiced your concern over whether she'll be judged for her natural abilities or her lineage. Nonetheless, you allowed Ali to go all by herself, to go meet the director of the film she's auditioning for. You successfully balance a life of partying with you eldest, raising your youngest, publicizing your private life for profit, and maintaining intricate (to say the least) hair, nails, and bronzer. I raise my (large) glass (of Sutter Home) to you Dina! Read More »