1) His mother used to be a clown. Legitimately.

2) He may or may not have a short temper (which may be due to the fact that he plays tortured dudes all the time)

3) His sis allegedly asked him for a loan of 100,000 pounds (roughly $200,200), and he said no

4) His mom allegedly insulted his wife, and Bale went all “Oh no you DIDN’T!” on her ass

5) Bale’s family “never wanted to ruin his night” but felt they needed to “teach him a lesson”

Aside from saying what he had for breakfast the day of the blow up, reporters are doing their best to dig through Bale’s past and find some deep, dark poison in his soul or something. Our hypothesis? The guy has a bad temper, has been stressed out for a while, had a giant fight with the fam, and because he’s a celebrity that “row” turned into some kind of Battlestar Galactica implosion in the media.

So yeah, Beautiful Bale isn’t out of our fantasies yet…we just may reconsider challenging him to a rousing game of Battleship…because that sh*t gets heated.