Dear Guy-I’ve-Decided-I-Like-Enough-To-Introduce-to-My-Parents,

Congratulations, you’re the first boyfriend to officially make it this far. Sure, there was that one guy who met my mom by accident at a funeral and that other one who kinda ran into my dad at a tailgate, but those weren’t pre-planned situations. I was able to fake some extreme emotion — saddness and black-out-ness, respectively, in these instances — pulling myself and the guy in question away from the parentals before any serious meet-and-greet sh*t went down.

You see, the idea of having anyone meet my mother and father is one of the scariest things I can think of. As I write this I’m literally having a small panic attack, shaky hands and all. So, high fives to me for letting you cross this very real checkpoint in our relationship and a giant pat on the back to you for putting up with my crazy ass.

Just for the record, you shouldn’t be scared. It’s not that my parents are weird, it’s all me. They’re quite the opposite, actually; on the whole Richard and Phyllis are nice, normal, friendly people who will likely welcome you with open arms and homemade chocolate chip cookies. I’m the one who will be holding my breath the entire time while worst case scenarios run vividly through my mind.

To help me get through this, I’m going to need you to be calm. Like calmest you’ve ever been. Because I’m going to be a complete nervous wreck, and it’s up to you to keep me from running away. You see, I don’t just want my parents to like you. They like the mailman. They like the kid who bags our groceries at Shop Rite. “Like” is not good enough for me. I want them to be absolutely crazy about you, if simply for the fact that I’m absolutely crazy about you. Reach that lofty level of approval and any doubts I ever had about our relationship will magically vanish. Gaining their enthusiastic endorsement is your ultimate Get Out of Jail Free card.

So how do you win them over in a big way? If you can be confident and funny and charming, but also kinda humble and down-to-earth, too, that would be great. I have a really big extended family, and they’re a wild and loud bunch. Should you meet them as well, being able to engage their attention and hold your own is major. Don’t be intimidated. No one’s going to pull you into their bookshelf-lined study to grill you on your intentions, but chances are they will force-feed you more food than you’ve ever seen in your life. If you love me, you’ll be good and ask for seconds. Also, be sure to have a couple entertaining life stories up your sleeve. I’ve got an uncle who goes hunting in Alaska and Africa and far-off islands, another who is one of the country’s top surgeons, a little brother who once ran into Petey Pablo at Rite Aid. Needless to say, the men in my family are pretty cool. Be dazzling in your own right, and you’ll fit in just fine.

Above all else, relax and know it’s going to be okay. Remember, I’m freaking out more than you are, right? So let’s just get drunk and go find a spare bedroom to make out in.

Get ‘em, tiger. You’ve totally got this.

Click here to see what He Says about meeting his parents for the first time!

Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Beyonce. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.

You know what? For once I don’t have anything negative to say. Halle-freaking-lujah! Cuddles are are fantastic. Hugs are amazing. Salacious cuddles? Yes, please. Friendly hugs? Hell yes! Comforting cuddles? Great! Free hugs because I’m a ginger? Always welcome. I am a huge fan of cuddling, and I’ve been fortunate enough to not yet meet a man who ain’t one, too. In my experience, boys love cuddling and aren’t afraid to admit it.

I’ve also found that hugs are a pretty non-contentious issue. Thank heavens! Although most matters of intimacy are fraught with politics, I find hugging to be a refreshingly simple act that rarely leaves any party dissatisfied. See someone who needs a hug? Offer one up. Need a hug yourself? Go hug someone – anyone! It’s as simple as that.

Oh alright, there are a couple of rules to hugging – let’s explore:

The awkward greeting hug.

Do you go for the hug or the handshake? Are there air kisses involved? What if you only saw them yesterday? Do they get another hug? Screw it – just hug them anyway.

The tearful hug.

Let’s face it, at several points during your life you will find yourself weeping uncontrollably on some poor victim’s shoulder. Maybe it’s your boyfriend’s shoulder, maybe it’s your mum’s. Maybe it’s your long-suffering flatmate’s (um, thanks flatmate, I owe you one). Take full advantage of said shoulder – clutch for dear life, weep until you’re blotchy and hideous and your fitful gasps aren’t making any sense. Just try not to get too much snot on their shirt.

The tantalizing hug.

You’re in bed with someone very attractive. The two of you are tangled together like earphones at the bottom of a handbag. Maybe you’re kissing. Maybe you’re having a Deep and Meaningful. Maybe you’re drunk. Perhaps it’s dawn and you’ve been like that all night. Both of you want more but neither want to toe over the line. Next time cross the line. But for now, leave it at spooning.

 The airport hug.

Whether welcome hugs or farewell hugs, airport hugs are always the fiercest. Knock the wind out of the other person and squeeze ’em tight.

The friend with benefits hug. 

The general rule is don’t do it, right? Friends with benefits don’t cuddle, friends with benefits f*ck and then leave. Honestly, I’ve never understood that rule and I’ve never adhered to it. What’s wrong with cuddling up to your friend with benefits? A hug does not equate to dangerous love.

The couch hug.

Lying on the couch, snuggled up under a blanket, covert naughtiness optional.

Overall, hugs are excellent, beautiful things and you should hug more people more often. Especially us gingers, we need the love!

Wanna know how he feels about snuggles, cuddles and hugs? See what He Said over at COEDMagazine!

I hate waiting for guys to approach me, mostly because they never do. So, instead of standing in the corner giggling with my girlfriends while simultaneously sucking in my belly, I do laps around the bar and approach the guys who pique my interest. Or libido.

It seems to work for me, but during a recent interview with the Millionaire Matchmaker (which will be coming soon!), I learned that women should never make the first move. Ever. Not in one million years. Bad idea. Never do it.

I wanted to believe Patti – after all, she knows her sh*t – but I just wasn’t sure if all guys felt the same way she did. I mean, guys are lazy and have fragile egos; surely letting the girl do all the work would be a huge turn on? I asked my go-to guy for his take on the situation.

See what he thinks about making the first move:

But what choice do we have, really? Condoms aren’t perfect, abstinence isn’t gonna happen, and I can barely take care of myself, let alone bring a child into my world.

Oh, and guys are always expecting it now! Seriously; I once told my ex that I wasn’t taking the pill and he looked at me like I had just told him I pooped in his shoe. How is that fair?

If only there were a birth control pill for guys. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Let them deal with all the crap we’ve been taking care of for years. Do you think guys would take it? Do you even think they know how good they have it?

Angry (it’s not my fault; my hormones go nuts on this damn pill!) I asked a boy those very questions. His answers surprised me (and made me cry…again, the hormones).

In college, tradition is everything and there is no tradition more important, more long-lasting and more talked about than hooking up with the college freshman.

I can’t tell you how many times I watched my friends drool over the freshman girls walking in and out of the dorms. They plotted, they schemed and they visited frat parties in an effort to woo the ladies girls back to their filthy apartments.

But, why?!

What is it about this group of girls that is so appealing? And why, with so many awesome ladies already roaming around campus, do guys feel the need to “hit that sh*t”?

Let’s find out:

He Said:

It’s the beginning of the new school year, and you know what that means—hot freshman tail to chase! At least that’s what us upperclassmen guys think of when we start the new semester.

With droves of 18-year-old hotties filling in the ranks, hooking up with as many of them as possible becomes a matter of intense interest for returning dudes. But why freshmen?

First, because they’re new to the scene, they don’t know if you’re a loser or not. They’ve just come from who knows where, fresh into the world of “adulthood” (if you count being in college as adulthood), and you can tell them pretty much anything (within reason) without them knowing any better.

Second, because chicks often prefer to date older dudes, your position as an upperclassman automatically gives you the illusion of being wiser–or at least more experienced, which translates into attractiveness. You already know where to find your classes, where the best bars are in town, which parties are must-go-to’s, etc… so taking a freshman chick under your wing is as simple as shotgunning a beer. Or at least it’s easier than trying to convince someone who already knows you that you’re worth their while.

Lastly, it’s a matter of male pride. Despite what the reality is, freshmen seem strangely young an innocent when they first arrive, untainted by the harsh realities of the “real world”–or at least the party scene. So all guys want to scoop up the newly arrived babes before all their dirty, rotten classmates get to them first and ruin all the fun. Remember, it’s only a matter of time before these nubile newbies have a reputation too.

She Said:

When I was a freshman I believed anything and everything people told me and I would do anything to get into the coolest frat party in town (which were never really that cool anyway). Knowing that, I can totally see why guys are always flocking to the freshmen. It is easy prey.

But that doesn’t negate the fact that it is totally scummy and disgusting. How guys can sit on their raunchy futons and celebrate the naivety of the freshman (and their desire to bone one) and take pride in it is beyond me. Also, how they can even touch the futon blows my mind.

Think about it: the only difference between a freshman and anyone else on campus is the fact that they are new, “pure,” and young. When a guy goes after one, then, he is not doing it because he thinks she is cute or smart or wonderful; he thinks she is young, naïve and will take off her pants without a problem.Very mature, boys.

It is not that I am opposed to hooking up with a freshman – some of them are pretty effing hot and I always thought it would be fun to head back to the dorms for a little twin-extra-long action (you know, for old times’ sake) – but I am against hooking up with a freshman simply because they are one. Well, that the fact that I prefer older men…who know what they are doing below the belt.

Freshmen are nothing more to me than the new kids on campus who are walking around in packs, puking from their inability to handle their alcohol and stealing all the older guys on campus.

He Said:

Hmmm. The three-day rule is an interesting phenomenon, and while, like most of these ‘rules,’ I don’t think one needs to hold to it exactly, it does make sense. Basically what you want to do is send a message that you aren’t a completely desperate freak or some over-obsessed ‘I made a doll with your hair’ stalker. This goes for both men and women. Calling right after a date, while direct, says more then just ‘lets get together!’ It says ‘I have nothing to do, ever!’ And that is a warning sign.

One thing that isn’t often mentioned about what we look for in gals is if they have friends and a solid base of activities and hobbies. The last thing we want (assuming we are well-adjusted) is some girl who constantly calls us with updates on her location, what she had for lunch, and what flavor toothpaste she’s considering. We want someone who can go out on a date, have a good time, and then maybe the next day hang out with her friends, or spend some time with their mom, or even just read a book by herself. As someone who values solitude, a girl who likes time alone is very attractive, because it means I will also get time alone.

I think the three-day rule should occur naturally. If you adhere to the three-day rule, but you spend those three days pacing by the phone drawing sketches of you and your maybe new boyfriend/girlfriend together, it doesn’t matter how long you wait, you’re still a nut ball. Also, it doesn’t have to be exactly three days, but some time after the date, to really consider if it’s worth another one, and that definitely makes sense to me.

She Said:

Ugh. The three-day rule. How utterly annoying. Why is it that two people who have a great time on a date have to wait a few days to say so? Why do we have to play some stupid games that waste time instead of having another great date? Why do I have to run to my phone every time it rings in hopes that the guy that I’m crushing on is calling to tell me he’s crushing right back (and find myself disappointed that it’s just my mom calling to tell me she found bagels on sale)?

Yes, I realize that the chase is a very large part of dating. I have been in the situation one too many times where the guy came on far too strong, far too early and scared me off. But, that doesn’t mean that there has to be a ridiculous standard. I mean, who chose 3 days anyway?

This “rule” is unfair. It does nothing more than force people to adhere to a stupid standard so as not to come off as desperate or crazy. It has become a measure by which people decide if the person they met is way too into it/lonely, or juuuust right. I think it’s bullshit. Just because you want to talk to someone you like after the first date doesn’t mean you are crazy, friendless or have no life.

Want to know what guys think? We can show you. Last week we discussed the issue of paying on the first date. This week we tackle a more touchy (pun intended) topic: getting it on. What does it mean? What do guys think of a lady who is willin’ to romp on the first night?

He Said:

If you put out on the first date, it doesn’t necessarily mean guys think you’re a slut, easy or not worthy of respect. But it all depends on the how well we vibe beforehand.

Sometimes, you meet someone, instantly hit it off, and the sex just flows naturally. Stopping in the middle of a good thing because of some puritan idea that hitting the sheets on the first date is always wrong can be as detrimental to the evolution of a good relationship as moving too quickly.

But good things are rare, so the whole dating debacle usually plays out as a charade to prove ourselves worthy of your womanly wiles. Most of the time, if we are taking you on a date, we definitely want to have sex with you—otherwise, we’d just be at home, drinking beer and playing Grand Theft Auto, not spending inordinate amounts of cash on a stranger, laughing at your “jokes,” and complimenting you profusely on shoes and a handbag that we don’t give a flying crap about.

So if at the end of the first night, you’re ready to for a sexy rumble, most guys will take you up on it, regardless of how the date goes. But if we don’t feel like we hit it off well enough to justify your stripping down, chances are we’ll take it for what it is: Just sex. As long as we both recognize that fact, it’s all good.

But if it is just sex, make sure to not treat it as more than that. There’s nothing wrong with adults enjoying each other however they want, but if you start thinking a post-coital embrace after the first time is evidence that we want to meet your mom, you’ve got another thing coming—loneliness.

Really, if you just have respect for yourself, and don’t do more than you’re comfortable with, we’ll have respect for you, too. That means if we hit it off, and just can’t wait for things to get more intimate, go for it. And if you want to just get laid, that’s ok–so do we. But planning our life together simply because we got it on is not.

She Said:

I am not one to sleep around (a lot), but there are some nights where I meet a guy and just can’t control my desire to tear off my clothes and hop on. This, of course, comes after we talk at the bar and I really do sort of “fall” for the guy. Does that make it any better? No. But at least I kinda know (his name, his school, his hometown) who I’m crawling into bed with later.

Most of the time, these situations don’t pan out into anything more than an awkward morning after encounter. Many people tell me its because guys don’t want to be with a girl that sleeps with them on the first night (because it means she does that all the time), but I really don’t know if that’s true. It takes two to tango, you know, and it’s not like I’m sleeping alone.

And to be honest, if I wasn’t going to sleep with that dude, do you really think he would call me again? Probably not. The minute I played it coy and left him wanting more, he would find more…in another girl at the bar.

It’s a lose/lose for the girls.

I am sick of guys getting to play both sides. I am sick of being viewed as “non relationship material” because I hit it off with a guy and then did what we both clearly wanted to do. Yes, I went home with you, but that doesn’t mean I do this with everyone or that I can’t possibly be a good girlfriend.

[Photo courtesy of dumbboytoys.com]