Sheyla Hershey, a Brazilian singer, dancer, actress, and model who lives in Texas, was recently awarded the title of having the largest breast implants ever (Size 38 KKK!) by the Brazilian equivalent of the Guinness Book of World Records.

Beyond the obvious, “Are those things bigger than her head?” I was left with so many questions.

WHY????

Why would she even need boobs that big? How does she find clothes that fit? How does she find bras that fit? Can she even close her arms? Can she give someone a hug? How does she sleep? Can she go running, or would that be too dangerous? How does she even stand up without falling over face-first? How did her skin stretch that far? Could someone suffocate in there? Do her boobs get swollen during PMS? Is there an animal/small man trapped inside there? Does she even need to use a table anymore to eat her dinner?

It seems that Sheyla is yet another publicity whore looking for an unconventional way to get famous without actually doing anything worthwhile. She’s appeared on Fox News, The Insider, and, as her website states, “Her career is just taking off and about to soar to heights of majestic proportions.”

Pun intended? We think so.

Breasts. Boobs. Tits. Ta Tas. Chi Chis. Fun-bags. Melons. Along with a few hundred different epithets, they come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. And thanks to the wonders of plastic surgery, there’s even more variety to be had in the size department. Just ask Sheyla Hershey, the woman who was recently denied her 9th boob job. Hershey’s dreams to move up from a FFF-cup to a GG were dashed because apparently, America, the country that has no concept of “moderation” has established a legal limit for silicone.

When I was in 8th grade, I went from flat-as-a-board to a large C in a matter of months; when I discovered binge drinking in college, my Freshman Fifteen accumulated in my breasts, and I was busting out of 36 DD bras, but refused to buy anything bigger because I felt like a freak. Over the past year, a strict cardio regimen has reduced my girls to a 34 DD, but I still long for the old days: a perky pair no bigger than a handful. That being said, why Miss Hershey would intentionally strive for the “World’s Biggest Breasts” is beyond me. Read More »