In recent times, the fashion industry has been renaming things in a way that would make i-Apple proud. For years I’ve watched as designers attached a hyphen and the word ‘dress’ to the back of everything and well, called it a dress: the t-shirt-dress, the oxford button-up-dress, the polo-dress, the sweater-dress, the hoody-dress (?!-wtf, American Apparel)…

What really ticked me off was that the extra three inches or so of fabric they added to the bottom of the SHIRT always translated to three times the cost. Not cool.

Naturally, I was outraged. But when lower-end chains started picking up on the style (and as a result, dropping the prices to fit my recession friendly budget), my outrage turned into amusement, my amusement into curiosity, my curiosity into desire, and my desire into I-GOTTA-HAVE-IT-RIGHT-NOW!!

So even though I am completely sold by this perfect balance of casual and chic, I get that not everybody is swayed by the “–dress.” Note: First convo with the bf after my shirt-dress purchase…

BF: It’s a shirt

Me: NO, dummy! You obviously don’t know fashion- it’s a shirt-dress.

BF: Like I said… it’s a shirt

Sigh. Can’t win em all. But for those of you who are interested/see the gloriousness that is the “-dress,” here are some super cute options.

The T-Shirt-Dress (My favorite)

The t-shirt dress, when worn properly, has a very relaxed “Oh-I-just-threw-on-whatever-this-morning” feel to it, without making you look bummy. The first option from Forever 21 is only $10.50. At that price, you can test drive the style without breaking the bank. The second one, from American Apparel runs about $30 and the last two, from Urban Outfitters, will set you back $42 (pricey but adorable) and $48 respectively.

The Oxford-Shirt-Dress

When business meets casual. The Oxford-Shirt-Dress is basically a long dress shirt (which would make it a dress-shirt-dress, no?). The first, from American Apparel, is a little expensive at $62, but the second is on sale now for $20 at Alloy

The Plaid Shirt-Dress

A fun alternative to the oxford shirt dress: the plaid shirt-dress. The first one is from Wet Seal for $24.50 and the second is from Urban Outfitters for $58. Can you picture this model rocking this with a pair of this season’s fringe boots? I die.

The Sweater-Dress

Sweater dresses are like those wacky days when it’s like 54 degrees outside but there’s still snow on the ground. It offers all the warmth of a sweater and all the girliness of a dress. Perfect. This first dress, from Forever 21 is $28, but look at handy little pockets on the side! How can you not love side pockets? The second, from Urban Outfitters, cost $90 (gasp!!!) but uh.. it comes in such a gorgeous color? Yeah, scratch that. I can’t even justify that one.

When rocking any of the (hyphen) dress options, please remember one very important lesson:

There is a very thin line between a shirt and a shirt-dress­ (Haha! Get it? ‘Thin line’= hyphen?? Wow I have too much time on my hands). If the “dress” is obviously only a few inches shy from exposing your goodies, maybe you should opt for some tights. And for heaven’s sake, please don’t pull a Britney and put on some damn panties.

With all the crazy sh*t happening in the world today, we here at CC can’t help but think back to the days when the biggest issue in our lives was whether our Mom had put our favorite over-sized T-shirt (with the Coke Bears on it!) in the laundry yet.

Yeah, we’re talking about Elementary School.

And maybe we’re not even talking about the Elementary School of today, because apparently kids are alergic to everything and on mood-altering drugs and having sex at 11. We’re talking about the Elementary School of our youth. Troll Dolls. New Kids On The Block (the first time). Side pony-tails. Dunkaroos. Life was so much fun back then — or at least our nostalgia tells us it was.

In honor of our childhoods, and because we are so. drained. from a week full of political and economic strife, we’ve decided to put together the 10 Best Things About Elementary School. Feel free to add your own happy memories in the comments…

10) Lunchables

Yeah. These things were really bad for us. They were full of chemicals and sugar. Refined and processed. But hot damn, were they good.

9) Cootie Catchers

How many of these could you make in thirty seconds? How many times did you actually believe with your heart and soul that Sean, who sat two desks over, was actually going to fall in love with you because the Cootie Catcher said so? P-U-R-P-L-E…

8 ) Homework That Included Coloring

Booyah. This was the sh*t, right up there with making dioramas out of shoe boxes. Color the 50 states? Sure. Color the different parts of the flower? WHY NOT? Nothing was better than lulling yourself into a zen-like state with coloring and calling it “work”.

7) Skip-It

One time, I Skipped-It around my entire block for an hour. Exercising has only gone downhill since…

6) Yoo-Hoo

Do they even sell this stuff anymore? It’s probably known to cause cancer now, but back in Elementary School, this drink was as valuable as pure crack cocaine from Colombia. You could bargain for anything with Yoo-Hoo, including your friend’s half-baked cookie from hot lunch.

5) Trapper Keepers

If people wouldn’t look at me weird, I would still be using my Lisa Frank trapper keeper from 5th grade. That bitch held everything, even pens. Plus, you could add all the cute kitten and Troll doll folders you wanted to it and it would still close

4) Snap Bracelets

These things were outlawed in my school as soon as they arrived, but the potential to actually cut someone only made them cooler. If you sat in the back of the bus, you could watch boys having whipping contests with them — first one to shed a single tear loses.

3) Anything with Unicorns on it

Unicorns were hip in Elementary School. Especially if they had wings, or were painted in really bright colors. You could have Unicorns on your pens, notebooks, pencil cases, shirt…the list goes on. I can’t own anything with a Unicorn anymore, even though my love for them is still strong.

2) Sharkbites Fruit Snacks

Remember the white ones that tasted like all the colors combined? It was like an explosion in your mouth.

1) Recess

Tackling boys and throwing to the ground without worrying about restraining orders, getting “married” by the tire swing, testing the boundaries of your courage by kicking the tree with the bees in it; recess was pretty much the best thing the public school system ever did for us. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life than when I watched my friend Bobby try to jump off a swing, only to have his jacket get caught by the chain, and fly backwards like a rag doll 6 feet in the air. Oh man. Good times.

Though I can usually throw together something appropriate for work or special events, about half of my clothing inventory consists of utterly ridiculous garments. It doesn’t help that I’m sentimental and can’t discard my prom dresses five years later, or that I’m waiting for certain trends to come back (though I’m pretty sure sparkly, sleeveless, turtleneck sweaters were never in style to begin with). And it definitely doesn’t help that I went through a goth/punk phase that a small part of the “professional” me desperately wants to revert back to.

As we all get ready for back to school, many of us will rummage through our closets and get rid of last season’s most shameful shirts, skirts, dresses, and pants in order to make room in our tiny dorm closets for upcoming styles (that we will undoubtedly regret in 2009 or 2010).

Here are some of my particularly embarrassing items.

1. Drawstring Khakis

I think that any pants that don’t have a numerical size should be left alone. So, why I bought these “Size L” drawstring pants with floral embroidery at the bottom is beyond me. They don’t go with any shoes, the trim is tacky, and they are so baggy that they make my ass look like a misshaped Volvo. I used to wear them to lounge around, because a lack of a waist obviously equals comfort; however, I made the mistake of wearing them out of the house one extremely hungover day. In public. With friends. My friend turned to me and said, “If you ever wear those pants again, I will cut them off your body.” Point taken.

Final Decision: Toss ‘em.

2. Early 2,000′s skirt from Wet Seal

In my high school yearbook, I was photographed for Amnesty International wearing a purple skirt from Wet Seal with a paisley-ish print and purple sequins along the bottom. I still own that skirt, and I still wear it. So, first of all, the skirt is practically vintage; second, I am far too old to shop at Wet Seal; third, it’s left over from freaking high school.

The strangest part? When I wear it, I get an avalanche of compliments. Everyone says I look pretty, they love my skirt, blah blah blah. Who knew?

Final Decision: It’s a keeper!

3. Girls’ Size 14 Hannah Montana Dress

Here’s a tip for all of you shopaholics out there: Don’t go shopping with a very strong buzz on. You might decide to buy a dress from the little girls’ department of Mervyn’s.

This monstrosity is a silver A-line dress with a black netting overlay, and Miley Cyrus’ face emblazoned on the front left side. In my drunken shopping stupor, it seemed like a great dress to own! Sadly, it’s already gotten worn twice this summer: once to a bar, where it actually got a lot of compliments, and once to a “Hot Tranny Mess” theme party.

Final Decision: I definitely won’t wear this to a job interview, but you never know when an opportunity to dress as “Post-Op Hannah MonTRANa” will arise. Keep it.

4. White and Green Floral Strapless Dress from David’s Bridal

I bought this dress for a wedding last summer. What’s so shameful about it? Well, in the last year, I lost enough weight that my chi chi’s can no longer hold the top up.

Furthermore, this pattern was apparently all the rage for bridal parties last year. So while the dress itself is simple and pretty, I’ve since seen many wedding albums on Facebook in which the bridesmaids are all wearing this dress. And knowing the way people talk about bridesmaid dress nightmares, owning the same dress (and picking it out myself!) is just shameful.

So basically, the thing doesn’t fit, it totally outs my “I’m not afraid to wear last season this season” mantra, and wherever I wear it, I run the risk of someone coming up to me and gushing about how they wore the same dress as a bridesmaid in a wedding.

Final Decision: Time to toss it.

5. My collection of FCUK t-shirts

Let me begin by mentioning that all of my French Connection tees were purchased IN the United Kingdom, and it drives me crazy to see “Too Busy to FCUK” t-shirts sold in the U.S. because that would make it FCUSA, wouldn’t it??

Anyway, during my stint in England a few years ago, the FCUK puns were at their peak. I have a “Guaranteed FCUK” shirt, a “Too Busy to FCUK” shirt, and a “Do I FCUK” shirt. I also have a “FCUK Down Under” shirt that a friend bought me in Australia, but again, if it wasn’t bought in the UK, it should really say “FCOZ” down under, or whatever you would call Australia. Whatever.

Not only are the shirts mildly inappropriate to wear in public (especially around grandmothers and children), but it’s really hard to find a good size. I’ve tried on Mediums and Larges, and they just don’t quite make the grade. I also have an extra-Large tank top that says, “Massive Hits…FCUK FM” straight across my massive tits, but I don’t even wear XL sizes anyway.

Final Decision: I should toss them, but they remind me of fun times in Picadilly Circus. So I will fold them, store them, and promise to never wear them. As an even trade-off, I will get rid of my “Hooters: Off-Campus” t-shirt and matching Hooters gym shorts. Is that fair?

Growing up, I was Gap’s biggest fan; my first-day-of-school outfit was always a collection of Gap pieces and, I am embarrassed to admit this, the manager at my neighborhood location would call me when new shipments arrived. We broke up sometime in college when I realized that their jeans really weren’t so flattering, after all, and their tops made me look like a box.

I like to think, then, that it was losing me as a customer that forced them to kick things into high gear and start making some major changes. Like their designs for Bono’s philanthropic program, Product Red. Or their Design Edition white shirt collection.

This innovative line launched last year and received tremendous praise…especially from me (and that’s all that matters, isn’t it?) The purpose of the line is to reinvent an American fashion staple: the crisp white button down. This versatile piece is a must-have in everyone’s closet (even Oprah says so) and has been essential to fashion – both casual and couture – for-e-ver.

Yet, to the people at the Gap, re-doing the same old button down every year wasn’t enough. The white oxford needed to be celebrated! It needed to be brought into the 21^st century! And what better way to do that than to invite up and coming designers in to reinvent the classic?

The designs are fresh and flattering without being trendy. They can be worn dressed up or dressed down and will definitely stay chic and classic for years to come. This ¾ sleeve top from Phillip Lim is perfect with a pencil skirt or a pair of skinny jeans. And the patchwork shirt would look perfect over a bathing suit and some khaki shorts (or even leggings) this summer.

Or the dress. How beautiful is that dress? Fun, flirty, simple. Not the easiest to keep clean – which is a problem for my klutzy ass – but quite possibly the perfect dress for summer.

Bravo, Gap. You’ve really redeemed yourself. Maybe even enough for us to get back together. Not quite yet, though; we should take things slow. I’d say we are friends with benefits at the moment, and I am fine with that.

I made it my fashion mission to buy a few of those essentials every time I went shopping, and now I’m proud to say I have a pair of jeans I love (two pairs if it’s not a fat day), some adorable flats, and a few casual tops. I still prefer to dress up rather than down, but when I’m running on 73 minutes of sleep and am getting dressed with a cup of coffee in one hand, having a wardrobe of basic pieces that I can mix and match is a lifesaver.

Between my casual clothes and my dressy clothes, I feel like I have almost all the essentials (though I can use a few more pairs of jeans!). But chances are, especially if you’re loyal to a particular style of dressing like I am, you’re missing a few things. Take a look at my must-have list and see if you need to do some shopping ASAP:

A little black dress: I finally found the perfect one, and I love it so much that I bought a little gray dress in the same style. Pair it with high heels and a clutch for a night out, or flats and a casual bag to dress it down. If your little black dress is made from something like cotton, it’s a lot more versatile.

Cute flats: I don’t know how I lived without my Mia black flats all these years. Well actually, I do know—-with black heels that my feet will never forgive me for. Let a little toe cleavage peek out and be cute and comfy.

Plain t-shirts: Not the big baggy kind and not the belly-baring kind that was last popular circa Britney’s underwear-wearing days. Grab a few that hit at the hip to guarantee that they’ll look good with almost anything, and that your spare tire is covered up. Go as basic as possible—if you get one great v-neck black t-shirt, you can pair it with jeans for the dive bar, a pencil skirt for work, or a mini skirt for going out.

The perfect jeans: Notice I didn’t say “bootcut jeans” or “skinny jeans.” Shop according to your body type, not the 5’10 model that designers have in mind when they create their latest denim look. I have muscular legs; skinny jeans look like leggings on me and have no place in my closet. If you need help finding jeans that’ll fit your specific measurements, try truejeans.com—you’ll put in your measurements and body type, and they’ll give you a list of specific brands and styles to shop for.

Black heels: “But they’re not comfortable…!” Blah blah, I don’t care. I am so over perfectly attractive girls fugging it up with Crocs and running sneakers unless they’re at the gym or gardening. Flats certainly have their place, but to never wear heels is just fashion blasphemy. Heels can transform the way a woman looks in her clothes—ass and chest go out, stomach goes in, and legs automatically look toned and lean. So suck it up and practice your Top Model walk.

A fabulous hat: Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but at some point soon, you will have a bad hair day to end all bad hair days. You will brush your hair in various directions to try and salvage it before giving up and screaming at your hair in the mirror, wishing you had a fantastic hat to cover up the mess on your head. There is no one hat style that you must have; just have one that complements your personal style. Go for a fedora if you dress kind of funky and offbeat, and a newsboy cap if you live in jeans and t-shirts. If you keep in mind what you actually wear on a daily basis when buying a hat, you guarantee you won’t have the problem I had the other day—trying to pair a slouchy knit newsboy cap with a dress.

A great jacket or coat: The style is up to you, as long as you’re not wearing the neon yellow bubble jacket you wore in 8th grade. When cold weather sneaks up you, your jacket or coat is often the first, and sometimes only, thing that people see on you. So if it’s the tattered jacket with holes that makes you look borderline-homeless, the impression you’re giving off won’t be a good one, even if you’re fantastically dressed underneath it.

A colorful shoe: A cute shoe in a non-neutral color can spice up an otherwise basic outfit, especially if black dominates your wardrobe. You don’t need flats and heels if you can’t afford it—just pick the heel height you wear most often. I have a pair of dark red stilettos that I’ve paired with jeans and a black t-shirt as well as my little black dress, and it’s a great way stand out and be a little creative.

A pencil skirt: Heels or flats, a pencil skirt looks fantastic with everything. Pair it with a t-shirt or a blouse, add a nice leather bag, and you automatically look put-together, even if you threw this outfit on 5 minutes before running out the door.

Your “I am monumentally hot” outfit: This can be anything, from jeans and blouse to a dress and heels. Every girl needs that one outfit that she feels absolutely amazing in, even when she’s PMSing, just broke up with her boyfriend, and failed her stats midterm. This is the outfit you break out when you’d rather set your closet on fire than wear anything in it.