The HuffingtonPost just reported that shots have been fired on campus at Virigina Tech today. The shooter, who has already killed a police officer and possibly another victim, remains at large and is a white male reportedly wearing “gray sweat pants, gray hat w/neon green brim, maroon hoodie and backpack.” Campus officials have placed the entire campus community on lockdown until further notice.

Stay tuned to @CollegeCandy for more details as we receive them.

We might be too old to go door-to-door and ask strangers for candy… but we’re not too old to dress up as slutty versions of our favorite childhood fairy tales characters, animals, or public service workers, are we? Besides, if we’re struggling to pay $49.99 for a “Sexy Bull Fighter” costume, dammit, we want to get the most bang for our buck!

Here are a few games and party options that you can host throughout Halloween week, just to get into the spirit of things!

Liquor Treat
This game can be the most fun, but is also the most difficult to pull off, especially if you live in a dorm with a strict RA or a No-Alcohol Policy. Similar to an “Around-the-World” party, you have to rally everyone on your floor/in your apartment building to participate. The members of each room or apartment choose a theme…and a type of liquor. When guests arrive, they go door to door and can stay to mingle in any room they like. When they ring the doorbell, they are also rewarded with a shot– hence, this is the grown-up’s version of Trick or Treat.

Scary Movie Drinking Games
Take advantage of the fact that F/X, Sci-Fi, and all of the basic cable channels will be playing Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween over and over for the whole month of October. If you are familiar with the movie, you can make up your own rules – e.g. take a shot every time the theme song plays in Halloween, or chug a beer every time you hear the “whispers” in Friday the 13th, or you can find several ready-made drinking games online to play. The good news? You’ll be so buzzed by the end that you won’t be too scared to sleep with the lights off!

Monster Mash
(Courtesy of Celebrations.com)
This is one of those counting drinking games that is so difficult to get the hang of, and so easy to get absolutely smashed by playing.

Sitting in a circle, you and your friends go around the room and count off–no small feat for college students! On numbers divisible by “3,” the player says the word “monster” instead of the number, and on numbers divisible by “5,” they say “mash” instead of the number. Whoever screws up, drinks. Once you get going, then, the game should sound something like, “1..2…monster…4….mash…monster….7…8….monster….mash.”

Boo! Zoo
Too smart to waste your night on a mere counting game? Throw in some crazy hand gestures! This is the Halloweenified version of the game “Zoo,” which you may or may not have heard of, but that needs to get into your Drinking Game vocabulary.

To play Zoo, everyone sits in a circle, again, and before you begin, go around the room and have everyone think of a word and a quick hand gesture to go along with it. For Halloween, then, a player might be “Ghost” and have a ghostlike motion, while another player is “Stab” and makes the universal signal for stabbing someone.

To begin the game, everyone must clap in a “We Will Rock You” rhythm. The starting player is predetermined, and the opening chant is as follows: “What are we playing?” “Boo Zoo!” “Why are we playing?” “Get f**ked up!”

The starting player continues the clapping, but inserts her word and gesture into it, and then inserts another players’ word and signal. Example: clap-clap-Ghost, clap-clap-Stab. Stab must be alert, and continue the clapping rhythm, following suit by shouting another players’ signal and performing their movement. The best part of this game is that whenever someone messes up, all players must partake in a group social! This one gets extremely tricky in large groups, which means more drinking for all involved!

Bobbing for Booze
I’m not going to lie, bobbing for apples was NOT my favorite fall game growing up; then again, who really wants to stick their face in some tepid water that the other kids have probably snotted and drooled in, only to come out with a freaking apple? For college purposes, why not mix things up a bit? Buy a bunch of nips from the liquor store (or have everyone bring a couple to throw into the pot), and toss them in a bin or vat of some sort that’s filled with water. Give everyone a turn to bob for nips, and then let everyone shoot their prizes! If you want to be bad, buy some nips of the nastiest liquor you can find, because you won’t be able to see what you’re bobbing for while you play.

And if you are really up for a challenge, toss the nips in a vat of jungle juice instead of water, and see where the night takes you from there!

[Get your Halloween on here.]

It’s the start of a new school year and to honor that, we at CollegeCandy are bringing back a fan-favorite series, “We’ve All Been There.”  (We tried to get another national holiday/long weekend for you guys but it’s way harder than we thought so this will have to do.) Every week, Lauren – University of Michigan will comment on the common experiences all college women share – like the first day of classes or trying to figure out if that boy is crushin’ too. Read, relate, cringe and enjoy.

The boy you love just broke your heart, so your girlfriends decide that drinking is in order. Because nothing numbs the pain quite like a few shots of SoCo. Together with your roommates, you pick out a super hot outfit (consisting of some combination of low cut top/push up bra), take a few pre-gaming shots and head out the door to either “show him what he’s missing,” or “forget about that jerk.”

The night is perfect: you dance, you drink (a lot), and you even find a cute boy to flirt with in the corner.

Then, obvi, the relentless craving for breadsticks and marinara takes over and you and the girls head home for the Late Night Special from your favorite pizza place.

You make your way to your room to change before the food arrives and are suddenly reminded of just how depressed you are. Why doesn’t he love me? you ask yourself. What is wrong with me? Maybe if I just send him an email and tell him how I feel he will change his mind and want to be with me.

You sit down at your desk.

You turn on John Hiatt’s, “Have a Little Faith in Me,” or the “love songs” channel on Pandora.

You open your email, hoping deep down inside that he has already sent you one, that he realizes he made a big mistake, that he too is sitting at home crying to the soothing sounds of The Fray. That he still loves you.

He hasn’t.
Your heart sinks.

As the mascara stained tears streak your face and form a puddle on your desk, you start writing your own:

hi. i got drinks and i lovre you. i dont know why you hate meeeee. i lobve yoiu. i want to eat breadsticlks but im too sad czu i love you.

At this point the pizza has arrived and your roommates storm into your room, pizza box in hand, to find you weeping silently over your laptop as you type away. Snot is dripping from your nose and you wipe it with your bare arm just before it hits your upper lip. You don’t care. You just keep typing and crying and really connecting with the sad lyrics blaring out of your laptop speakers.

If you are lucky, your roommates get to you before you hit the send button. If you are not quite as lucky (or a really fast typer), it is only a matter of time until the email is opened and any shred of post break-up dignity is lost. But until then, there is pizza. And breadsticks. And unyielding drunken hope that he’s thinking the same things you just wrote, he was just too distraught to put them in an email yet.

A hope which inevitably dies the minute you wake up in the morning and realize what you’ve done.

Yeah, you’re not alone; we’ve all been there before. Many times.
Just be grateful at least you didn’t wake up with a full slice of pizza smashed between your keys and your screen.

Giving up my nights out was not something I was especially prepared to do when I started scouring my college town for a job; who wants to be folding clothes amidst an asthma-inducing Abercrombie cologne cloud late into the evening when your girls are out at $1 pitcher night? Nobody.

That’s why I became a cocktail waitress.

Well, that and I heard Tiger Woods George Clooney was fond of them.

Naturally, I see a lot of…er… interesting, for lack of a better word, things during the late night shifts. Things that I know I’ve been guilty of doing, and that all you CC ladies are probably guilty of as well. Believe me, your signature twist+bend and snap combo dance moves do not look as sexy as you think, even if that drunk frat boy tells you they are. And as good as Journey is, “Don’t Stop Believing” is not “the best song of all effing time!!”

Because our thoughts tend to be a little muddled when we’re a few sheets to the stale bar air wind, I thought I’d help everyone see just what a typical drunken night is from a more honest (read: sober) perspective. So join me as we analyze things (hey, we’re all friends here!) from both sides of the crowded bar.

Your Point of View: It’s 11:00pm and you and your friends raced into the bar in 5 inch heels because it’s winter in the Midwest and coats are a pain in the buttcheeks to carry around. The warm air inside brings out a sigh of the relief.

My Point of View: GIRL you must be KIDDING. IT’S WINTER IN THE MIDWEST! Except I’ll tell you that I never wear coats out either and no, your nose isn’t running that bad! Oh, and that happy sigh you made when feeling came back to your fingers sounded more like a cross between the sound I make when I see spider (EEEE!) and when I see a hot Mexican with a beard (ughhh YES).

Your POV: Shots! Shots! Shots! Shotshotshots! I LOVE shots and I LOVE this song!

My POV: I would literally be a millionaire if I got a dollar every time someone ordered shots from me in that manner. A billionaire if I got an additional dollar every time people sang that just to get my attention and then order something completely different.

Your POV: Cutie alert at  ‘clock! Take a quick selfie to see if you’re still looking as hot as you were when you left.

My POV: Much like how a car loses value when you drive it off the lot, all of the effort you put into looking good starts to depreciate when you walk in the bar. There’s no way around it. It’s going to be hot, you’re going to sweat, your perfect hair poof is going to fall flat (unless you’re Snooki, of course), and drinks are going to fall on you. Let’s just all take a second and give thanks to the very forgiving bar lighting.

Your POV: Yes, 4 0′clock cutie noticed you. He walks over, says he remembers you from class, and buys you a drink. Things are going great, so great that you invite him on the dance floor. And if his moves are good (and he buys you a few more rum and diets), maybe you’ll invite him back to your apartment.

My POV: First off, he does not remember you from class. He just chose a random gen ed, like Elementary Psych, because it has 500+ people in the lecture and there was a good chance you took it too. Second, his moves are def not good, but in the back of your head you knew it didn’t matter anyway. Third, men aren’t always good to you, but burritos always are. If he won’t offer to pay for your drunchies after all those drinks he handed out, don’t take him anywhere near your abode.

Your POV: Bartender yells “Last call!” and you get a huge group hug going to tell your girls how much you love them and how you all need to get together again next weekend. You talk afties and Pokey Stix when suddenly all of the lights go on. And suddenly 4 0′clock cutie isn’t looking too good.

My POV: This is by far the best part of my night. Since drink orders are done, it’s my chance to sit back, relax, take a shot with the bartender, and admire all that is going on around me. The look of horror that come over faces as soon as the lights turn on is priceless; just when you thought you were surrounded by hotties in a hip night club, you realize that theses “hotties” are covered in pit stains and your fake tan is running down your face. And that “hip night club” is just a dirty, windowless basement. With dirty bathroom water on the floor.

What a great way to end the night. Now it’s time for me to head home and enjoy my Jimmy Johns #12 with Say Yes to the Dress on DVR.

[This post was originally written by Kelly - University of Iowa.]

Once Thursday rolls around, college students are ready and raring to hit the juice and let loose. After spending countless hours primping and priming for a night out, you mix your first drinkie and your second, your third. You dance the night away to Rihanna and take advantage of the bar deals until you’ve lost count of the drinks you’ve had and you’re visiting your cupboards for some Easy Mac.

That is the great thing about a night out on the town: your worries wither away and nothing else matters but the party. But the worries will come back and sometimes, so will your dinner.

As April is Alcohol Awareness Month, we at College Candy thought it would be a vital time to point out some of the things you may not be thinking about between tossing back that Scooby Snack and hopping in the next game of flip cup.  When mission: have fun is the prominent factor on your mind, it is hard sometimes to remember the cost of tipping a few back.

We Drink a Lot of Cheeseburgers:
Did you know you have to walk the entire length of a football field to burn off the calories for one M&M? One! Now, consider this even further: what if you could compare how many cheeseburgers you drank last night?  Well you can, on an e-chug survey online. Through this survey you can document your drinking habits and find out how many cheeseburgers you “drink” in a given month.  After putting in my information (8 standard drinks a month) in one month, I drank 4 cheeseburgers. (And I was being conservative with  my estimates!) To burn that off? I would have to run 10-minute miles for 2 hours and 27 minutes.

We Drink a Lot of Money:
I spend about $20 dollars a week on drinks in college. How much is that in an entire year? That is $1,040.00. Um, whoa sister. You could have nearly 1,000 iTunes downloads, or a brand new Chanel purse, or you could travel! Don’t even get me started on how many phone bills I could have paid with that cash money.

We Drink a Lot of Sleep:
I know when I take part in a night of drinking, I wake up at the crack of dawn and can’t fall back asleep.  It is pretty safe to say alcohol and sleeping do not go as well together as Sunny and Cher. Or Jager and pizza. While alcohol decreases the time it takes to take to fall asleep (well, duh) it disrupts the second half of the sleep period. This totally makes sense, since a night after drinking I feel like I’m a terrible driver,  really unproductive, crabby, and exhausted.

We Drink a Lot…Alone:
It seems that I am a lone ranger in terms of drinking in America (I know this sounds bananas at first since in college-ville drinking is a favored activity). But, according to my e-chug survey, 77% of American women drink less than me in a typical week. Wait, what?   I consider myself to be a smart, and part-time alcohol consumer, I was vastly unaware that more than half the American population drinks less than me.  That is a huge reality check, considering I am budding into the job world.

We Drink a Lot of Time:
Quite literally, think of all the time spent drunk. Think of all the sober time you can spend with your friends, shopping (always productive), or trying out new restaurants.  Let’s say the average college student is drunk (and awake) at least 5 hours a week.  That is about 180 hours a year. Drunk. That is a lot of valuable time you could have been (I know it sounds nerdy) visiting museums, reading books for pleasure, or applying for awesome jobs. It’s pretty simple, getting wasted wastes a lot time.

This week, the last bar in State College (that’s the town where the main campus of Penn State is – the name confused me for a while too) to hold out on the 21^st birthday tradition of doing way too many shots decided to amend it’s stance and stop serving shots to new 21 year-olds. All of the bars in State College now abide by this policy – you can still get beer or mixed drinks, just no shots – where 21^st-ers will have to wait an extra 36 hours after their birthday before they can purchase tiny little glasses of liquor. The question is, is this fair?

Ok, now the whole impetus behind the ban is that Penn State (known as the biggest party school in the country) has had some trouble with it’s students binge drinking, and since 21^st birthdays are usually a big drinking night (yeah, baby!) they hope that preventing these (supposedly) new drinkers from getting shots, they might cut down on some of the dangers of overdrinking on the big night.

Now, it’s hard for me to argue against that. I’m all for safety when drinking and for acting (at least kinda, sorta, vaguely) responsible with alcohol – plus, you’re birthday will totally be more fun if you can remember it, trust me! And the bars aren’t denying students the right to buy alcohol either, they’re just forcing them to get it in less concentrated doses, which I think is totally smart. It’s completely within the bars rights to serve or deny service to whomever they choose (as long as they’re legal, of course).

And yet, there’s still something about this that sticks in my craw (you like that sweet, old-school phrasing, don’t you? Yeah, you do). Once you’re legal, shouldn’t you have the right to by the alcoholic beverage of your choice? As long as you can pay for it, should they be allowed to deny you whatever kind of 21^st birthday you want to have? You’ve worked 21 years to get there, and if you want to do shots until you’re making out with the floorboards that’s legally your right. And what if an older friend bought the shots? Does your whole group have to be shotless because you’re newly legal? What if you bought the bottle?

There’s also that whole 36-hour thing which just seems silly to me; for one thing, if your b-day is in the middle of the week, you might wait until Friday night to go party anyway and then, apparently, you can do as many shots as you want. WTF? Not to mention that little fact that there are probably some Penn State students (or students visiting a pal for their b-day) who could manage to do one or two shots without being completely overcome by the urge to suck down a whole bottle of tequila – but you can’t have one shot, even if that’s all you want… at least not until the day after tomorrow.

So, am I getting too up in arms about all of this? Is it really that big of a deal to give up one kind of alcohol on your 21^st? Is this a good way of protecting people from themselves? Or is this just a way for the bars to avoid a little liability and flack from the school? Duke. It. Out.

Who ever thought the phrase “It’s time to breast feed” could become the world’s greatest pick-up line and make you the most popular girl around? Possibly the best invention since the World Wide Web, a new drinking device may just make this true.  We introduce you to your new best friend:

The Wine Rack.

Yeah, the product name is great, but the actual product is even better.

This handy bra can hold up to 3.5 bottles of wine, 64 shots of your favorite poison, or nearly 7 beers. And with the attached straw, you can sip, sip, sip to your heart’s content.

Holding liquor in your bra? WHY have I never thought of this?  The brilliance!  This bra kills about 27 birds with one stone.  A couple of dead birds:

1.  Best padded bra ever. You’ll start off the night with an enhanced rack, and by the time the liquor is drained, everyone else’s beer goggles will be so thick that they won’t even notice your deflation.

2.  You can sneak your booze of choice anywhere.  Graduation, class, your nerdy cousin’s piano recital,  AA meetings….  it’s at your service whenever you need it.  Practically the Onstar of alcoholism.

3.  You will easily be the coolest girl at any party. You spot a hot guy… so does every other girl.  They all mutter awkward forgettable “Uh hey, my name is uh something, what’s yours?” statements to him and his sidekicks.  And then you interject, “Hey!  I’ve got some Jack in my bra, wanna sip?” BAM. You win.

If anyone ever deserved a Nobel Prize, it’s whoever came up with this idea. Bravo, makers of the Wine Rack. BRAVO!!

Unfortunately my required outfit is less extravagant

Giving up my nights out was not something I was especially prepared to do when I started scouring my college town for a job; who wants to be folding clothes amidst an asthma-inducing Abercrombie cologne cloud late into the evening when your girls are out at $1 pitcher night? Nobody.

That’s why I became a cocktail waitress.

Well, that and I heard Tiger Woods George Clooney was fond of them.

Naturally, I see a lot of…er… interesting, for lack of a better word, things during the late night shifts. Things that I know I’ve been guilty of doing, and that all you CC ladies are probably guilty of, as well. Believe me, your signature twist+bend and snap combo dance moves do not look as sexy as you think, even if that drunk frat boy tells you they are. And as good as Journey is, “Don’t Stop Believing” is not “the best song of all effing time!!”

Because our thoughts tend to be a little muddled when we’re a few sheets to the stale bar air wind, I thought I’d help everyone see just what a typical drunken night is from a more honest (read: sober) perspective. So join me as we analyze things (hey, we’re all friends here!) from both sides of the crowded bar.

Your Point of View: It’s 11:00pm and you and your friends raced into the bar in 5 inch heels because it’s winter in the Midwest and coats are a pain in the buttcheeks to carry around. The warm air inside brings out a sigh of the relief.

My Point of View: GIRL you must be KIDDING. IT’S WINTER IN THE MIDWEST! Except I’ll tell you that I never wear coats out either and no, your nose isn’t running that bad! Oh, and that happy sigh you made when feeling came back to your fingers sounded more like a cross between the sound I make when I see spider (EEEE!) and when I see a hot Mexican with a beard (ughhhYES).

Your POV: Shots! Shots! Shots! Shotshotshots! I LOVE shots and I LOVE this song!

My POV: I would literally be a millionaire if I got a dollar every time someone ordered shots from me in that manner. A billionaire if I got an additional dollar every time people sang that just to get my attention and then order something completely different.

Your POV: Cutie alert at  ‘clock! Take a quick selfie to see if you’re still looking as hot as you were when you left.

My POV: Much like how a car loses value when you drive it off the lot, all of the effort you put into looking good starts to depreciate when you walk in the bar. There’s no way around it. It’s going to be hot, you’re going to sweat, your perfect hair poof is going to fall flat (unless you’re Snookie, of course), and drinks are going to fall on you. Let’s just all take a second and give thanks to the very forgiving bar lighting.

Your POV: Yes, 4 0′clock cutie noticed you. He walks over, says he remembers you from class, and buys you a drink. Things are going great, so great that you invite him on the dance floor. And if his moves are good (and he buys you a few more rum and diets), maybe you’ll invite him back to your apartment.

My POV: First off, he does not remember you from class. He just chose a random gen ed, like Elementary Psych, because it has 500+ people in the lecture and there was a good chance you took it too. Second, his moves are def not good, but in the back of your head you knew it didn’t matter anyway. Third, men aren’t always good to you, but burritos always are. If he won’t offer to pay for your drunchies after all those drinks he handed out, don’t take him anywhere near your abode.

Your POV: Bartender yells “Last call!” and you get a huge group hug going to tell your girls how much you love them and how you all need to get together again next weekend. You talk afties and Pokey Stix when suddenly all of the lights go on. And suddenly 4 0′clock cutie isn’t looking too good.

My POV: This is by far the best part of my night. Since drink orders are done, it’s my chance to sit back, relax, take a shot with the bartender, and admire all that is going on around me. The look of horror that come over faces as soon as the lights turn on is priceless; just when you thought you were surrounded by hotties in a hip night club, you realize that theses “hotties” are covered in pit stains and your fake tan is running down your face. And that “hip night club” is just a dirty, windowless basement. With dirty bathroom water on the floor.

What a great way to end the night. Now it’s time for me to head home and enjoy my Jimmy Johns #12 with Say Yes to the Dress on DVR.

Here come the bad decisions!

As 2009 was coming to a close I vowed that I’d make some big changes for the year to come, namely to act like the adult that I am and not like the rockstar college girl I once was. I told myself I’d drink more responsibly, that I didn’t need to get drunk to have fun, and that I might finally be at the age when dancing on stages is no longer socially acceptable.

And then I found myself making out with my really close guy friend a mere 45 minutes into the new year.

(Well, there’s always next year I guess!)

After we both came to our senses and realized what was going on (aided by another friend walking in, laughing, and taking pictures) we went our separate ways. And by “separate ways,” I mean “to get more booze.”  Word spread that we had gotten a little gropey on his bed and my girlfriends started accosting me. “I’m drunk!” I explained. “It’s not a big deal.”

And they totally understood.

The truth is, we all do dumb things when we’re drinking. It’s part of what makes drinking so much fun! No? Just me? Well, at least the dumb things we do are more understandable. Just ask Jamie Fox. So instead of hiding that ish and pretending you can’t remember it (we’re onto you) why not share it with your friends here at CollegeCandy? Below, the CC writers share their fondest (if not haziest) dumb-drunk moments. Share your own (you know you’ve got plenty!) in the comments section below.

Rosie – Duke: I was at a Passover Seder at the student Jewish center on campus, which I had, of course, pregamed. Throughout the meal I consumed much more Manischewitz, as any good Jew would do. When the rabbi commenced the closing prayers, I kept up my conversation with my giant 6’4″ baseball friend. I said to him “your nose is so big and Jewish” then reached out and grabbed it. I guess I squeezed a bit too hard because it began to bleed everywhere. I started laughing hysterically and was asked to leave the service since I couldn’t control myself. I was receiving weekly emails from the Jewish center prior to that but have not received one since.

Ness – Sheridan: Two words: topless Twister.

Kiki – University of Missouri: Three days after Party in the USA became a sorority girl anthem, I managed to break a ceiling fan while rocking out mid-chorus. Rather than pausing to recognize the electrical carnage, I continued to keep my hands up, since they were playing my song. Nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah, avoiding light bulb shards like yeah.

Alex – Lakehead University: Last Halloween me and my friend got hammered and ended up puking behind a gas station at 11pm. Here’s the kicker: my very new boyfriend (as in two weeks new!) had to get me home and give me Gravol to stop the hurling. But, he’s still with me!

Arielle – Quinnipiac University: I stuck my entire body out of my friend’s car window while waiting in line at the drive-through and sang (read: screamed) the 7th Heaven theme song for all of the cars waiting in line. I’m still waiting to be signed by a record label …

Kelly – University of Iowa: I told all of my friends that my boyfriend proposed to me (he did, jokingly with an onion ring at the dining hall), and we planned my whole wedding. Not creepy at all.

Thu – USC: I insisted that I wasn’t drunk, but failed miserably at convincing people to believe so. At least that’s how they saw it.

Lauren – University of Michigan: I tried to squat and pee behind a bush and didn’t realize how big of a hill I was on. Needless to say, I lost my balance (heels+skinny jeans+beer pong = disaster) and rolled down the hill…with my pants around my ankles….towards the busy sidewalk where people were en route to parties.

Brithny- Duke: Keggerskating. Sooo fun, but let’s just say it’s not as easy as it seems. Eight wheels and a keg of beer do not mesh well.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: I missed my last home football game because I was dancing with some guy wearing a giant watermelon suit.

Noa – CU Boulder: I once came home from a lingerie party and attempted to seduce my R.A. Only when I busted in his room at 1 a.m. he was already in there….with his boyfriend.

Nina – Michigan State University: Apparently I pulled a hotel’s fire alarm while in another country. But when my friends asked me about it right after, I legitimately did not remember pulling the fire alarm, seeing the fire truck outside, nor the firefighters swarming into the hotel as we walked to the nightclubs….

Elise – Stanford: I told one of my best friend’s sisters about her tattoo, which she didn’t know about!

Cristina – Michigan State: I just consider this dumb, not particularly badass, but I was drunk and forced my friend take me to Meijer to return a book. I seriously would not leave her alone until she drove me there. They gave me a few looks but I GOT MY MONEY BACK. EPIC WIN.

Jill – University of Wisconsin: Dropped my phone in a sewer during the biggest block party of the year. Everyone was around me cheering me on trying to get it, the fire department refused to help, and when I FINALLY got it out, the school news paper took my photo. At the moment, I was proud. Now, not so much.

Yeah, not so cute when you're the sober one.

Between that giant presentation, your student group obligations and the hundred other things on your plate right now, you’ve been pushed to your limit and your body has begun to shut down. Your nose won’t stop running, your throat is sore; you want to party it up for your BFF’s birthday, but you know drinking will only make things worse. You decide to go out anyway – you’ll just make it a sober night.

The night starts off fine. You have a little pre-party at your place. While everyone is sipping on Rum and Diets, you opt for a straight up Diet. You sing a little Gaga, take a couple photos, eat a little cake. When everyone is finally ready (and the birthday girl is appropriately outfitted with her princess crown) you head out.

When you walk into the bar it’s packed. You offer to buy your friend a birthday shot and squeeze your way to the bar. A drunk girl steps on your foot. A drunk guy shoves you over as he pushes his way past you. You breathe. Heavily. You stand at the bar flagging down a bartender when some skank in a slutty dress (seriously, are those her nipples?) spills her beer on your purse.

“Jesus Christ,” you scream. She ignores you, stumbles, then leans against the d-bag with the popped collar standing next to her to regain her balance.

“That girl knocked my beer over!” He buys her another one. They start making out. You breathe.

Finally, the bartender comes your way.

“Can I get a kamikaze and a water, please?” You scream. He doesn’t hear you. You scream it louder. He grabs a martini shaker and starts mixing your drink. A group of guys next to you overhears your order. One leans over, screaming in your ear.

“Water?! You’re drinking water? This isn’t the gym.” His friend gives him a high five. You try to explain that you’re not feeling well but his Jager bomb arrives and he stops listening. The guys raise their glasses toasting to “booze and bitches,” take their shots, talk a little about their bartender’s boobs (“I’d totally hit that”) then move on.

Your drinks finally arrive. You throw money down on the bar, elbow your way through the crowd, careful not to spill the shot, and look for your friends.

When you finally find the group they’re wasted. And the birthday girl is dancing on a table… with the guys you were just talking to at the bar. You try to get her attention to give her the shot, but as you’re handing it to her one of the guys knocks it out of your hand and it drops to the floor.

You breathe.

You’re about ready to throw in the towel and head home (they wouldn’t remember anyway) when Britney comes on. Your friends all look at each other and scream.

“OMG. We have to go dance!” The girls jump up and run to the dance floor. You follow; you love this song, too. You guys carve out some space on the dance floor and start singing at the top of your lungs. You’re beginning to have a little fun when drunk people start bumping into you from all sides. They step on your foot. They knock you over. Your friend, doing her signature sexy move against some random dude, falls to the floor. Everyone starts yelling at you for not drinking, for not being any fun. The birthday girl, totally wasted, hugs you and tells you how much she loves you. How you’re her BFFAEAEAE. How this is the best birthday ever, even though her butt really hurts from the fall.

Then “Your Love” starts to play, she lets go and starts singing to the rest of the group at the top of her lungs. When she starts spanking her own butt, you decide you’ve had enough and sneak out before anyone can notice. But not before one more drunk girl can spill a drink down your back.

Awesome.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. There is nothing worse than being the only sober one.