I am in the most amazing, secure and satisfying relationship I have ever been in but there is just one so-called “problem”; after nearly a year and a half, neither of us have said, “I love you.”

Now I know what this probably sounds like to some, or possibly even most, of you. (Believe me, I see it in the facial expressions of concerned friends and hear it in the tone of their strongly worded reactions.) There is obviously a clear issue here, right? Well, actually, I’m not so sure.

Now, to be honest, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me (the part that sometimes, uncontrollably slips into this cliché, fairytale, chick flick inspired way of thinking that all love stories have basically 1 of 3 plots) at times wishes one of us would just find the courage to come out and say it already. I mean, it’s been long enough! And the pressure from friends and family who act like this is the biggest thing in the world to be concerned about, only adds fuel to this flame.

However, my usual, more sane, more rational and level-headed reaction to all of this is, “Who really cares?” Is actually saying that phrase really as significant or necessary as everyone our age makes it out to be? I mean, isn’t it true that actions should speak louder than words?

We are currently in a world where nearly every word in the “relationship dictionary” is rapidly being redefined. Take the word, meaning and supposed “sacredness” of marriage, for instance. It’s being entirely altered by things like the exceptionally high divorce rate (and the never ending publicity about celebrity divorces and adultery in the press). Or what about the many different names have we come up with in the last decade to define the new, modern, complicated relationships that keep arising: open relationship, no strings attached, friends with benefits, just hooking up… the list continues. Who even knows what the proper meaning and context of monogamy and love is these days.

It seems silly that no one would take a step back from all this to take the time to redefine the word love in its modern sense. I mean, I don’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable to think that with everything that’s going on in today’s world it’s practically inevitable that the word and definition of love is taking on a very different meaning as well. But it doesn’t seem people view it that way. It is still constantly being used, seen and heard by everyone, everywhere: in the songs on the radio, on television, in movies, and in real life, of course. I find it troubling when everyone throws the “L-word” out there so quickly and carelessly in their relationships; it makes it hard to take the word seriously anymore.

I think young people need to wake up and realize we’re not in high school anymore. Love should no longer mean the same trivial thing as it did then, a time when I too used the word so frequently and freely in all my silly little relationships. I’m no longer calling my boyfriend at all hours of the night, trying to convince him to sneak out to be with me or sending him passive aggressive texts about his rude and standoffish behavior. Instead, there is respect, trust, mutual understanding. It is obvious that we care a great deal about each other. I’m not sure I’m ready, or that it is necessary, to use the word love so loosely as I have in the past. I don’t need it in order to feel closer to him or to try and make our relationship stronger or more serious. I am completely satisfied with where we are in all those areas. So, if it is as monumental of a word as everyone makes out to be, then I don’t think it’s wrong to assume that choosing to wait a long time in order to exchange these precious words with your significant other—choosing to not make that substantial of a promise and commitment so quickly and easily—may not be such a bad thing. Perhaps it could even be considered advisable to some.

So help try and clarify something for me here; I must be missing something. Does using and exchanging this phrase help to somehow legitimize the relationship to both the participating members and its observers? And if so, why? Should that really be the case?

I am in the most amazing, secure and satisfying relationship I have ever been in but there is just one so-called “problem”; after nearly a year and a half, neither of us have said, “I love you.”

Now I know what this probably sounds like to some, or possibly even most, of you. (Believe me, I see it in the facial expressions of concerned friends and hear it in the tone of their strongly worded reactions.) There is obviously a clear issue here, right? Well, actually, I’m not so sure.

Now, to be honest, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me (the part that sometimes, uncontrollably slips into this cliché, fairytale, chick flick inspired way of thinking that all love stories have basically 1 of 3 plots) at times wishes one of us would just find the courage to come out and say it already. I mean, it’s been long enough! And the pressure from friends and family who act like this is the biggest thing in the world to be concerned about, only adds fuel to this flame.

However, my usual, more sane, more rational and level-headed reaction to all of this is, “Who really cares?” Is actually saying that phrase really as significant or necessary as everyone our age makes it out to be? I mean, isn’t it true that actions should speak louder than words?

We are currently in a world where nearly every word in the “relationship dictionary” is rapidly being redefined. Take the word, meaning and supposed “sacredness” of marriage, for instance. It’s being entirely altered by things like the exceptionally high divorce rate (and the never ending publicity about celebrity divorces and adultery in the press). Or what about the many different names have we come up with in the last decade to define the new, modern, complicated relationships that keep arising: open relationship, no strings attached, friends with benefits, just hooking up… the list continues. Who even knows what the proper meaning and context of monogamy and love is these days.

It seems silly that no one would take a step back from all this to take the time to redefine the word love in its modern sense. I mean, I don’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable to think that with everything that’s going on in today’s world it’s practically inevitable that the word and definition of love is taking on a very different meaning as well. But it doesn’t seem people view it that way. It is still constantly being used, seen and heard by everyone, everywhere: in the songs on the radio, on television, in movies, and in real life, of course. I find it troubling when everyone throws the “L-word” out there so quickly and carelessly in their relationships; it makes it hard to take the word seriously anymore.

I think young people need to wake up and realize we’re not in high school anymore. Love should no longer mean the same trivial thing as it did then, a time when I too used the word so frequently and freely in all my silly little relationships. I’m no longer calling my boyfriend at all hours of the night, trying to convince him to sneak out to be with me or sending him passive aggressive texts about his rude and standoffish behavior. Instead, there is respect, trust, mutual understanding. It is obvious that we care a great deal about each other. I’m not sure I’m ready, or that it is necessary, to use the word love so loosely as I have in the past. I don’t need it in order to feel closer to him or to try and make our relationship stronger or more serious. I am completely satisfied with where we are in all those areas. So, if it is as monumental of a word as everyone makes out to be, then I don’t think it’s wrong to assume that choosing to wait a long time in order to exchange these precious words with your significant other—choosing to not make that substantial of a promise and commitment so quickly and easily—may not be such a bad thing. Perhaps it could even be considered advisable to some.

So help try and clarify something for me here; I must be missing something. Does using and exchanging this phrase help to somehow legitimize the relationship to both the participating members and its observers? And if so, why? Should that really be the case?

I decorated the kitchen and dining room with these adorable flag banners cut out of different patterned scrapbooking paper. I wrote some of my favorite things about him on another sheet of scrapbooking paper to turn into his place mat. Then I turned on Sports Center, got a Bud Light ready for when he walked through the door, threw on some lingerie and started grillin’ up some surf-n-turf.

I was so nervous for him to get home, I don’t know why, but my hands were literally shaking when I heard the door open. He was so surprised and happy, it was the cutest thing. All I wanted to do was make him happy, but seeing how much he genuinely appreciated everything just melted my heart. And it reminded me how lucky I am.

When people ask me what it’s like having been in a long-term relationship throughout my entire college career, my answers usually vary. Sometimes I’m defending my choice to those who think I’m insane for not – ahem – taking advantage of all the hot, young guys surrounding a college gal. Sometimes I’m playing down David’s sheer awesomeness to jealous friends. Most of the time I talk about how amazing it is to have someone who constantly offers me love and support (who’s not, ya know, my Mom and Dad). But too often I forget about the flip side of the equation.

I forget how incredible it feels to be young and in love with such an amazing man. And isn’t that the best part about having a boyfriend? Getting giddy butterflies and having flashes of realization that he’s all yours? Monday night reminded me of the many many reasons I fell in love with David, and how freaking lucky I am to have spent three marvelous birthdays with that handsome devil.

If I have my way (and his, from what he tells me), we’ll be spending the rest of his birthdays together. I can only hope that I remember every single year how incredibly fortunate I am to be his girlfriend. For all my ladies out there who aren’t gagging with cynicism by now (kudos for reading through this mush fest!), take a minute to share some of your favorite things about your s.o.- you might be surprised how much more you love them just thinking about how great they are.

I don’t know about every other college out there, but here at UT it’s time for people to start planning their living arrangements for the fall. Some people greet this time with the panic of trying to find a decent place to live that isn’t a ga-billion dollars, while others are excited for their first apartment with their best friends (no matter how much it costs). However, for those who’ve been in a relationship for quite a while, this time might be a time to take a big step forward and ask “what if I just lived with my boyfriend?”

As most of you know, this is the route I took. I went from dorm rooms my freshman and sophomore years to living with Matt now in my junior year. It’s been quite a trip and I definitely have some things to share about living with your significant other. Before you take the plunge, it’s good to know what you’re getting yourself into. Allow me to help.

First of all, let me say that I absolutely love living with Matt. I love waking up next to him, even if he has stinky morning breath. (I’ll admit, my morning breath is actually in all likelihood worse than his). That being said, let’s walk through the ups and the downs of cohabitation:

Up: Living with your boyfriend is a great way to save money. One bedroom places are already the cheapest on the market and you can make it even cheaper by sharing that one room.
Down: Living with your boyfriend is a great way to eliminate any and all secrets. While Matt and I are very open with each other, there are things that I don’t want him seeing me do (ahem lip waxing ahem).
Tip: One bedroom apartments are the perfect amount of space for a couple. Studio apartments are not.

Up: Your boyfriend will always be there. Of the two years I spent in the dorms, the worst part was always the one mile walk to Matt’s dorm on the other side of campus. I always thought, “You know, if we just lived together we wouldn’t have to work our butts off just to see each other!”
Down: YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. Even at, oh say, 10 o ‘clock at night when you just got home from campus because your study session ran late and you haven’t had anything to eat all day and you come home to find that your boyfriend has drank all the alcohol and eaten the last two slices of bread.

Up: You’ve got your best friend by your side all the time, whether you want to watch movies, cook dinner, or…you know.
Down: But your other best friends, the ones you talk about this best friend with, are all the way across campus. And they’re always hanging out together, making memories and new inside jokes.

See? Living with the BF isn’t the super fun perma-sleepover you might think it will be. You really need to love somebody before you decide to put your relationship through that kind of stress. To be quite honest, I think I moved in with Matt a little early. He was the one who asked me to live with him, and while I wouldn’t change anything, I do kind of wish that I had lived on my own a little while before I settled in with Matt.

My biggest piece of advice is to make sure you don’t do something that you’re going to regret. If you want to be independent and live on your own, then by all means do it! Don’t be afraid of hurting your sig other’s feelings – you have to do what is right for you!

Moving in with your boyfriend is huge, so don’t enter into it lightly. Make sure you discuss everything that could come up, like who pays for what, one car or two, chore lists, etc. If you and your boyfriend decide that this is something you really want to do, then I wish you all the best of luck. Just make sure he restocks the Absolut when he finishes the bottle….

Happy Housing Hunting!

I am no devotee of SATC, but I thought that phrase was pretty genius, and started to think about the things I do when I’m totally, gloriously alone.

Now that we’re in the phase of life where living with roommates and/or significant others is par for the course, I find myself missing the weirdest things from time to time. Singing is a big one for me. Singing along to entire musical soundtracks or pop albums or whatever suits my fancy – and I mean headphones-in, top-of-my-lungs singing – while I re-organize my closet for the zillionth time and leave the rest of my room a mess.

Oooooh, or eating a plateful of random, unrelated finger/snack foods for dinner, like cheese with crackers and olives and slices of avocado and frozen spring rolls and Oreo cookies and probably an enormous bottle of coke zero (or wine, depending on the day). Eaten while sitting on the floor and watching Veronica Mars on DVD.  The list goes on.

None of these things sound super weird when I write them down, and really, they’re not. Secret single behaviors aren’t necessarily freakish – that’s not the reason they’re secret. Adding another person into the mix changes what it is you inherently love about these mini-fetishes, whatever they are. They’re not only things you do by yourself, you do them FOR yourself; comforting little rituals or indulgences, just idiosyncratic enough to raise an eyebrow, but innocuous enough that they can’t really be explained.

So come on, spill it! Ladies with lovers, anything you miss from your swinging single days? Swinging singles, anything you’re determined to never give up? What is your secret single behavior?

You’re in a relationship. Obviously, there’s something compatible between you and your partner. But once the break-up hits, BAM! Everything changes. It’s very difficult to get back to the friendship level, if possible at all.

Breaking up doesn’t just mean you’ve lost a mate, but a really good friend as well. In fact, you’ve probably lost several friends, because now it’s taboo for either of your own friends to associate with the other’s ex. It could also mean you’ve lost a confidante, a study pal, a Guitar Hero partner (or the entire game, if it was his!), a personal chef, or whatever your now-ex used to do that made the relationship special.

It also means a definite disturbance in many, most, or all of your daily routines. Whether you called each other every day to talk through your commutes to school, or you were living together, suddenly, there’s something missing. And even if the break-up was necessary or inevitable, that void is a gaping hole in your life. That keeps getting bigger. And just won’t go away.

If you think about it, breaking up is kind of like quitting a job: when you quit your job, you find yourself alone in a sea of opportunities. But which one is right for you? You might stay unemployed for a while, or you might bounce around from job to job for a little bit because you can’t find another decent job. If you’re lucky, you might fall right into a perfect new career. In either case, when you leave the first job, you change your routine, you see less of your former coworker-friends, and you have to actually quit.

But, sometimes leaving a job isn’t so bad. If you leave on good terms, you get to put in your two weeks notice. Everyone knows it’s coming. Suddenly, the irritating bits aren’t so bad because you know it’s almost over, and you can reminisce about the good times you had over the years. On the final day, you get to hug everyone and promise to keep in touch, and maybe even go out and celebrate by drinking your face off. The best part? Leaving a job on good terms might leave the doors open; you might be able to saunter back in and say, “I made a mistake, and I’m ready to come back.” Or get a glowing reference for the future.

Is it possible for the breakup to go the same way?

If only we could give two-weeks’ notice to our mate. Get in fourteen more days of the good stuff, hell, maybe squeeze in a lusty goodbye screw, and then leave with a clear conscience. We’d have plenty of time to clean out our metaphorical office– i.e. the drawer he cleaned out for you in his dresser– and say the things you really want to say before you go back into the dating scene. Plus, if we can call our former employers for networking, references, or career advice, maybe there would be hope to dial our exes when we need the sage advice only a former bedmate can give. Or, just maybe, some cute friends we might be able to meet?

When it comes to ending a relationship gone bad, there’s a right way to make the break (and it doesn’t involve leaving an “It’s over, I’m sorry” note for your significant other to discover under her door or in her inbox). In “Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Her” you learned when the break-up is inevitable, it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do the actual breaking-up. Instead of procrastinating, we have a few ideas to guide you through this unpleasant confrontation.

1. Tell her first

Don’t let her find out you want to break up with her from her cousin who knows a girl who overheard a guy who talked your dad who thinks he heard from your best friend. You obviously care somewhat about this girl if she is your girlfriend. So, out of respect for her, it’s only right that she be the first to know about it.

2. End it face-to-face

Be a man. Don’t call her, text her or email her this kind of news. She will probably want to talk to you after you break it to her and there is no other way to have a serious conversation with her unless you do it in person.

3. Say what you mean

Communication is key. You need to keep it short, sweet and simple. Express yourself calmly and clearly, and get to the point. It’s best to rehearse in your head what you want to say before actually talking her. You want her to see and understand your rationale for coming to this decision. Give her concrete examples why it just isn’t working anymore.

4. Don’t let her waterfall of tears intimidate you

Girls cry a lot and she will probably cry at the onset of your news, but this shouldn’t derail you from your original mission: to break up with her. Remember you made up your mind, so don’t fold once she opens the waterworks.

All of my first year, I dated a boy from high school who went to college 14 hours away from me, and we somehow managed to make it through the whole year with visits, emails, and a hefty phone bill. I could not wait to get home for the summer and live in the same town again. But, upon returning, it was evident that things were different between us and he broke up with me. I was devastated and could not understand why this had happened. What did I do wrong?

The thing that I wish someone had told me originally is that, in college, people CHANGE, in some way or another, no matter what. And that’s not always a bad thing! I know I have grown into who I am over these four years and feel confident in what I want to do with my life and how I will get there.

Needless to say, If I had been at the same school as the “heartbreaker”, I may have seen some of these changes earlier on and realized he wasn’t someone I could be with long term. Pouring my energy into a long distance relationship took away from energy that could have been spent forming new friendships and taking in everything my college had to offer. For a guy’s hilarious view on long distance relationships, and how people will change, check out this column on collegehumor.com.

Now, I realize there are exceptions and if you are one of those: Congrats, I applaude your ability to make it work throughout the roller coaster that is college. But, I would bet that you missed out on at least a few crazy nights out with the girls for it. Was it worth it?

Who knows, but as someone who has been through it before, I say it’s not in the long run and you should actually enjoy your time at college, instead of sitting alone in your dorm room on the phone with your significant other each night. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out, and you don’t need to worry yourself over it during the greatest four years of your life, aka college.

Is this normal and healthy or is it adding unnecessary strain to a relationship?

Is there such thing as knowing (or asking) too much?

We here at College Candy think that making what you feel or want known is one of the most important things in a relationship but we want to know what you think!

Should you ever ask the following questions to your significant other?

Is it OK to ask your guy…

• …to buy tampons for you?

• …to help you pay for birth control?

• …out on a date?

• …to skip a night with the guys?

• …to change his hair, clothes or style?