Earlier this week, I went on a date. Yes, a real live college date. They’re rare, but apparently they didn’t go the way of the Tyrannosaurus Rex and do still exist.

I agreed to grab dinner with a guy who had been in my honors seminar this past semester and I didn’t think anything of it. When he came to get me before dinner, I just figured it was on his way or something. But then he paid for dinner and insisted that we go to a movie… and it was around there that I started to catch on.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dates. Nothing at all! Hell, in the hook-up culture that is college, I like the idea of them. It’s a lot easier to get to know someone when you’re sober (and not already making out…). But I had forgotten how SO not enjoyable first dates are. Seriously, it was like an interview, but a really, really, REALLY weird interview. With awkward silences. And flirting. Read More »

Is he your Someday Guy?

Today I got a phone call that made my day. You know those amazing friends you have, the ones where no matter what happens or how long you go without talking, it is still amazing to hear from them and it seems like no time has passed? Well, while entertaining a friend who is in town for the weekend, I was navigating the streets of Chicago in a borrowed car, swerving through construction, SOO thrilled to see my friend that I could barely focus on the roads, and also trying to find the quickest route to Molly’s Cupcakes (you know that was a necessary first stop!).

In the middle of all this chaos, my phone blared some Lady Gaga (really need to change that ring tone, it keeps scaring me…) and I hit to ignore it, but when I saw the name on the screen, I just couldn’t. It was one of my best guy friends from high school, we’ll call him Charlie. We usually stay in really good touch, but I hadn’t talked to him in more than a month. I was so thrilled to hear from him that I ignored the Illinois laws against driving while talking on the phone to take his call.

I only talked to Charlie for a minute, just long enough for him to talk me into going home to visit him, but when I hung up with him, apologizing to Liz, she just smiled at me with this knowing smirk that only old friends can have.

“So… Who was that?” Read More »

Yesterday night, I was coming home from work and grocery shopping and I had to stop in to deposit some checks at the bank. (While I know this is a great start to a story, it gets better, I promise….) So I’m in the bank trying to figure out how to deposit checks in these new ATMs while also not crushing any eggs in the grocery bag when quite possibly the most adorable boy on the face of the planet turns around from the third ATM and asks if I’m having trouble depositing checks too.

We end up standing in the bank talking for quite a while (with occasional bouts of yelling at the ATMs). He was like my dream man: he was hot, had just graduated from Notre Dame and was in Chicago doing a teaching program in inner-city schools. He was so nice and so friendly and we discovered that we live in apartment buildings that are literally right across the street from each other. It was like the beginning of some stupid romantic comedy, but it was my real life.

And in real life, sadly, things don’t happen like they do in movies. We were walking back towards our apartments, still talking, when we saw that the light on our street was about to change to the Do Not Walk sign. I needed to get home and the light takes about 5 minutes to change (I wish I was kidding – it’s the most inconvenient thing ever) so, without thinking, I was running across the street shouting, “It was nice to meet you, bye!”

It wasn’t until I got across the street that I realized I didn’t get this wonderful boy’s name, let alone phone number, and I began to mentally kick myself. Granted, I am a big believer that if it is meant to happen, it will happen, but still – how often do you run into Mr. Perfect by an ATM? I’m gonna go with never and now I fear I’ll never see him again.

But all is not lost. Or at least I’m trying to look on the bright side of this bleak situation. Read More »

Needy. Ugh. That one word can make any guy run for miles, and being labeled as such is every girl’s worst nightmare. It’s funny in the movies; we can all ROTFL when a character leaves a guy seventeen voicemails in a row (“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”) or assumes that an invite to a party is a declaration of love (“He’s Just Not That Into You”), but the reason it is so funny is because it’s based in some very real, very painful truth.

But being that needy in real life, is not funny.

The problem is that so many girls in our generation are so terrified that some boy might call them needy that the line between being needy and having respect for oneself has blurred. A friend, let’s call her Laura, currently has those two confused, and she is driving me insane. Laura has been kind of in a thing (i.e. the college version of dating) with this guy, we’ll call him Brad, since some time in April. Brad is, to put it nicely, not the world’s most considerate guy. He’ll make plans with her and bail at the last minute, say he’ll talk to her tomorrow and disappear for a week with no communication, hell, he almost forgot to even say “Happy Birthday!” to her. Read More »

OK, so clearly it’s impossible to be both single and in a relationship (unless you’re Tiger Woods or Jesse James, I guess…), but it’s true. And it’s the best and longest relationship I’ve ever had in my life.

Two years ago, the night before I was to head back to school after a long summer at home, I hooked up with a boy. I had met him through a few of my home friends and after a few too many shots, we ended up at his place. We had a great time. Yes, I probably should have felt a little shady about sleeping with a random on the first night, but I felt safe and comfortable. We had mutual friends, he was a good guy and, well, he was sexy.

The next morning I drove back to my parents’ house, explained to them that I didn’t come home the night before because I didn’t want to drive after I had some drinks (they commended me), then headed back to school. I figured I’d never see or hear from the kid again and that was fine by me.

But that’s not how it turned out. Since that fateful night back in 2008, we’ve spent many a night together. Whenever I’m back in town to see the family, we’ll meet up. And whenever he comes to visit his friends at my school (or uses that as an excuse to see me), he spends a night at my place. We have fun when we’re together (and really awesome cuddle sessions – he’s a great big spoon) and then we go our separate ways and do our own thing.

There are no expectations. No guilt trips. No games. It’s the most honest and straightforward relationship I’ve ever been in, including my last boyfriend who I dated for over a year. We both know what we want and need, and we’re open about it. And since our lives are so separate (we live in different places, we only have 2 mutual friends), it works perfectly. Unlike a Friends With Benefits situation where the two people have a history and whose lives are intertwined, we are merely two people who enjoy one another’s company and there is no potential for a messy ending. Read More »

Since my high school boyfriend and I broke up halfway through my senior year, my love life has taken a slide down the tubes. Freshman year of college, every guy I liked turned out to be gay. Sophomore year, they all had girlfriends – with whom I’d inevitably become friends. And junior year, well, I guess it can count as an improvement… if being led on with dining hall dates one semester and having my first (sort of) one night stand (followed by long-term drama) the next semester can be considered an improvement.

Over the past three years, I’ve simply gone from one disappointment to another – and it’s not for lack of trying. Thanks to my double major and my minor, jobs in three different departments, nine student activities, conferences, meetings, competitions, community service projects, and campus events, I’ve met more people than I can fully express. Not to mention going out dancing, the dorms, friends, and other random ways of meeting people. I’ve met undergrads from nearly every department and school on campus, grad students, medical students, MBAs, law students, students from neighboring schools, and people who are already out of school.

And yet, for all the things I do, for all the people I meet, all I have to show from the past three years is a string of stalkers and a guy who let his frat brother hit on me while we were on a date.

One of my friends speculated that the reason I haven’t found anyone yet is because I’m too involved, but I really don’t think that’s the case. I love being active and social, and I’d never change that about myself. Plus, I commit myself to everything I do, so when I’m working on one activity or class or job, that’s what I’m working on. But, even more to the point, I haven’t even met anyone that I really feel connected to either. I flirt, I develop attractions, sure, but no one has really made an impression. And, let’s face it, since I’m going into my senior year, there aren’t many new opportunities about to arise at this point.

For a single, outgoing twenty-one year old, I feel like I’m severely lacking in options. Read More »

Summer in the city has officially arrived. If the massive crowds of people vying for towel space at the beach isn’t enough to lead you to that conclusion, the impressively well organized apartment crawls occurring on the north side of Chicago are a surefire sign. (For all you warm climate readers, apartment crawls aren’t as popular in the winter because no one wants to go meandering from apartment to apartment while their limbs slowly freeze off).

With the renewed party scene, all kinds of new friendships are being made among the few students left on campus for the summer. And by “friendships” I mean “that weird gray area that falls somewhere between more than a hook-up and not quite a relationship.”

Sure, these relationships pop up all year round, but there’s something about summer (the whole idea of being free? Of summer flings? The hot weather putting us all in heat?) that makes the not-so-serious relationship more prevalent than ever. On the one hand, it’s nice; why can’t we all indulge in a fun, no drama, low key “relationship” now and then? On the other, though, these sorta-relationships can make a girl (or guy!) go crazy. We all know this – we’ve all been there.

I’m there right now, dealing with an “in-betweener.” Read More »

I came home from work today to find two different couples canoodling in my apartment. Not one, but TWO. TWO. Upon discovering the spectacle, I literally walked in the door and then turned around and walked out. I strolled the block for a little while, grabbed a cupcake to calm my nerves and after 30 minutes, returned home in hopes that the couples PDA sesh was over.

It was not.

Look, as glad as I am that I didn’t end up having to endure the awkwardness of living with my guy friend, I think I might actually have it worse. At the moment, both of my roommates have boyfriends who practically live with us and the more I think about it, it would have been way easier to just live with one boy rather than the two boys and two girls I’m currently bunking with. Thankfully this is only a temporary situation (all of our leases change around on June 1st), because I don’t think I could stand it otherwise.

Being single and living with people who are in serious relationships should be one of the levels of hell. Seriously, I am perfectly fine being single, like, 97% of the time. But walking into my own apartment these days just makes me feel left out, and that is starting to get a little old. When I get back from a run and I am all gross and sweaty, I do not want to see boys! When I am in the shower, I REALLY do not want to be yelling directions to help one of the boyfriends find a spatula in our kitchen. I don’t want to worry about walking into or out of a room, fearing that I’ll be interrupting something that, quite frankly, I don’t want to witness. And if I come across one more wet towel that a boy has left on the floor, I might just commit murder. Read More »

Finals are over for me (deepest apologies to those of you are still living the hell that is finals week), and the relief is soooo wonderful! Now there’s just the stress of getting moved into my new apartment for the summer, but I have managed to do that mostly successfully so far. (There was one incident involving me, the cart full of boxes I was pushing, and a dumb little Toyota that got in the way, but nothing too important was damaged). So as I now transition to summer mode, it just dawned on me that I am single in the city for the summer. And I can NOT wait!

There are times when every girl gets nostalgic for the benefits that come with being in a real relationship, but now is definitely NOT one of those times. As I listen to my newly-found roommate (thankfully, I was able to work it out so I didn’t have to live with my guy friend) try to figure out how to do long distance with her boyfriend who is in RUSSIA for the summer, I could never be happier to be single. Read More »

Yeah, that's not going anywhere.

In a last ditch attempt to further procrastinate studying for finals, I was stumbling through some websites when I found this random statistic that literally blew my mind:

Only 12% of hookups eventually lead to relationships. TWELVE PERCENT.

Being a girl who has had her fair share of hookups and is still single, I don’t know why that statistic was so shocking to me. But it was. I stared at that one line for 10 minutes. Only 12%. 12 percent. That means 88% of hook ups lead to nothing but a walk of shame and that awkward post-hook up interaction when you have to return his sweatpants.

It’s just pretty shocking when you see it laid out like that. Especially when you consider the fact that the whole hook up culture has become the dominant way of interacting and “dating” in college. It makes me think twice about all those weekend convos with my girlfriends when we gush about whatever boy we made out with the night before. We all talk and plan and are convinced it’s going to turn into something bigger; after all, So and So met started going out with her long-term boyfriend after a hook up. It is possible. Read More »